Istretch back against the arm of the couch and put my feet in Angelo’s lap. I sigh and close my eyes and hug myself tightly as he slowly kneads my heel. I’m wearing only an old white t-shirt and a pair of his running shorts, and I feel like I spent the last week sitting in a hot tub and getting deep-tissue massages.
Instead, I’ve been doing nothing but moving from the bedroom, to the bathroom, to the sitting area in this hotel room and letting Angelo explore every inch of my body.
“I’ve been thinking a lot lately,” Angelo says quietly, still looking at my foot as he rubs it.
“Think all you want so long as you keep doing that,” I say.
He laughs and glances at me. “I’ve been thinking about what happens once this is all over.”
“Have you? I was thinking I’d order room service and take a hot bath.”
“I’m serious.” He squeezes my toes and I wriggle away from him, sitting up. “What are your plans?”
“Do I need plans? I’ve had plans my whole life and right now I’m pretty happy without them.”
He shrugs and looks at my stomach and back to my eyes. “The baby?”
“Right. The baby.” I sigh and lean my head against the couch. “The baby will come. That’ll be that.”
“I’ll help. I want to be here.”
“Isn’t your whole life in Philadelphia?”
He shakes his head slowly. “My family’s there. My grandmother’s still alive and walking around South Philly like she owns it. My crew’s waiting for me to get back. My turf’s still mine to do with as I please. Yeah, everything’s waiting for me back there.”
“You’re going home.” A pit opens in my chest. I don’t know why I hadn’t thought of this already, but of course he’s going home. Angelo was only ever in Texas until Nicolas got released, and now that Nicolas is getting out—
Angelo’s going home.
He’s got a life there. He’s got the Famiglia, and friends, and everything like that.
What’s there for him in Texas, except for me? And the baby?
“I don’t know what I’m going to do.” He leans closer. “Could you come with me? Back to Philly?”
I blink and chew my lip. Could I do that? I try to picture myself living there but it’s hard—I’ve only ever known Dallas and Blackwoods College, and that’s it. My entire life has happened in this tiny, insular little world, and he’s talking about yanking me away from it.
Robyn’s here. My family’s here, even if I’m not talking to them right now. Dallas is my home. “I don’t know,” I say quietly.
“I’m not going to ask you to give up everything and come with me. That wouldn’t be right and it wouldn’t be fair. But, Sara, I want to be in this baby’s life… I want to be in your life. That’s going to be hard from halfway across the country.”
“Flights aren’t that expensive.”
“Sara. I don’t want to miss my baby growing up.”
“I don’t want you to either.” I stare down at my hands. We should’ve figured this out before letting things go this far, but now it’s too late. I’m attached—I’m wound up—I feel like I’m hanging on by a string. And it’s all because of him.
He moves closer and reaches out. I nuzzle against his hand, hating myself for being so vulnerable and stupid, but we’ve come so far. I’ve done so much. I stood up to Corvine, my father, my mother. I ran away and chose Angelo over all of them, and now reality’s shoving its stupid face into our perfect little storybook ending, and I don’t know what I’m going to do.
I can’t move to Philly. He can’t move here. We’re stuck, torn between worlds.
“There’s got to be a way.” He pulls me onto his lap. I shimmy my hips down against him and enjoy the feeling of him already starting to stiffen as he kisses my lower lip. His hands move up my body and palm my breasts, his thumbs rolling over my nipples. “How about we buy a place halfway and stay there two weeks out of the month?”
“That seems impractical.” I release a little whimper as he bites and kisses me. “Also, you’re distracting me.”
“Yes, well, it’s hard to keep my hands to myself.”
“Seriously, Angelo. How did we think this would work? I’ve been so busy running for my life and now that we’re finally slowing down, it’s like—we should’ve thought of this already.”
“Here’s the thing.” He kisses me again and his lips move to my neck as he pulls off my top. I let out a little groan as his mouth finds my breasts, sucking my nipples, teasing me. “It’s hard to think with you around. All I want to do is kiss you and make you melt, my little frigid princess. My ice queen.”
“How nice for both of us.”
He laughs and teases me with his teeth. “But I’m not going to just give up. Just because I live in one place and you live in another. We can figure out a way to make it work.”
“I want to,” I whisper.
“I do too.” He pulls back and stares into my eyes. “I love you, Sara. I fell in love with you a while ago, and I don’t plan on losing you, not over something as simple as… moving.”
“I love you too,” I say, and tears spring into my eyes. God, when did I become a girl that cries all the time? I wipe them away, shaking my head, and he kisses me, holding me against him in his lap. I feel his warmth, bask in his taste, and I wonder how I ever got to a place where I felt like I deserved this, and yet right now I couldn’t peel myself away from this man even if someone tried to force me.
Because it’s my decision. He’s my choice. Like friendship, like family. He’s what I want, and he’s how I want it, and I can walk around through my life and drift from moment to moment but it will never be as sweet and as good as when I’m doing it all with Angelo. He makes me better, stronger. He makes me want to take good risks, live a little bit, open up. And yes, I’m still me, I still have my walls, my frozen palace, but he melted it a little bit. He cracked those walls, scaled the parapets, climbed into my heart.
And I can’t let him go.
“I love you,” he says as he slips a hand between my legs and feels my wetness. “I love you, Sara, I love you and everything you are.” He teases me, slides his fingers inside, rolls them around my clit until I’m holding on tight to him and moving my hips and moaning, over and over, I love you too, I love you too, my mind a blurry blank, and I keep going, going, until I come like that in his lap, my mouth open and gasping.
I collapse in a puddle in his lap. He holds me tight, arms wrapped around my body. I love him—he loves me—and we haven’t fixed a damn thing. Nothing is resolved, and I don’t know how it ever will be.
Until my phone starts to ring.
“Go away,” I grumble, still buzzing on my orgasm. “Angelo, go turn it off. Throw it out the window, I don’t care.”
He laughs and puts me down on the couch as he walks over to where the phone’s buzzing on a table. But instead of turning it off, he holds it up, eyes hard. “Carmine.”
I manage to drag myself up from the couch. “Carmine?”
“Answer.” He tosses the phone over, and I snatch it from the air.
“Hello?”
Carmine’s voice on the other end. “Sara. They let him go.”
I blink a few times, trying to process. I look at the clock—it’s ten at night. “Seriously? Just now?”
“Just now. I thought it would be tomorrow, but—he’s out.”
“He’s out.” I stare at Angelo, and Angelo’s blinking rapidly in surprise. “Okay, we’ll go get him right now.”
“Thank you, Sara. For everything. Seriously.”
“Yeah, sure, Carmine, sure. You’re welcome.”
I hang up.
“You’re fucking kidding me,” Angelo says, sweeping into the bedroom. He starts getting changed as fast as he can and I hurry after him. I grab pants, new underwear, basically all new clothes that don’t smell like sex. “They let him out now? Right now?”
“One last spiteful fuck you, I guess,” I say and grab his arm. “But who cares? He’s out, Angelo. We’re going to go pick up your guy.”
He laughs and kisses me and grab his keys. “Come on. Let’s go bring him home.”
