We spent the next few nights together like that.
Dario would come to me after everyone else had gone to bed –
And we would make mad, passionate love.
It would last for an hour or more…
Then we would talk…
And do it again. Sometimes twice.
Afterwards, we would fall asleep in each other’s arms until dawn – at which point I would make him leave before the rest of the house awoke.
I had begun to accept the situation. I looked forward to his visits every night – and my body hungered for his.
Gradually I stopped feeling guilty for what I was doing…
Until Filomena brought it all crashing down.
I hadn’t seen the old woman for days. It was like she was avoiding me.
At first, that bothered me… but I was so enraptured with Dario that I forgot about everything else.
Then I came back to my room after breakfast one morning and found her stripping the sheets off the bed.
The cold hand of fear clutched my heart when I saw her, but I forced myself to say good morning.
She didn’t answer, nor did she look at me.
“I haven’t seen you the last few days,” I said.
She still didn’t answer.
Rather than force her to talk to me, I turned back towards the door. “Well, I’ll just let you finish what you’re doing – ”
“Why?” the old woman asked quietly.
I glanced back at her, but she still wouldn’t look at me.
“Well, you’re busy – ”
“That’s not what I meant, and you know it,” she said. When she finally turned to look at me, there was immense disappointment in her eyes. “What would your sainted mother say, God rest her soul?”
I trembled as I asked, “About what?”
“About you becoming a mafioso’s whore.”
I was shocked into silence.
“Or your father?” the old woman continued. “How ashamed would he be if he knew?”
I couldn’t stop the memory of my father pleading with Dario:
Don Rosolini… Alessandra is a good girl… she goes to mass every Sunday… she’s a virgin, padrone…
“Do you think he wants you spreading your legs like a slut?” she asked.
“You don’t get to speak to me like that,” I snapped, my voice shaking.
“Someone has to. You’ve forsaken all common sense – given yourself to a murderer who will throw you away like a used tissue when he’s finished with you.”
“He won’t – ”
“He will. He will, child, he will,” she said, and her face suddenly looked pained. “I know you don’t want to believe it. You’re young, you’re innocent, you’re in love…”
I flinched.
I hadn’t ever said it – I hadn’t even allowed myself to think it –
But it was true.
I was in love with Dario.
Which was why Filomena’s next words cut like a knife.
“But you don’t know men like I do,” she whispered. “Especially not these men. They take what they want and they don’t care who they hurt. They certainly don’t care about a young woman’s virtue or what they might do to her heart.”
My father’s words echoed in my brain:
Sir, your reputation precedes you… you are a worldly man… and you reap where you do not sow. My daughter is an innocent…
Filomena’s voice grew ominous. “Or what they might do to her soul.”
“N-nothing’s happened,” I said.
It was the most unconvincing lie I’d ever told.
She laughed bitterly. “I change your sheets every morning. You think I can’t tell you rutted in them like animals the night before? And I know who the animal is. He guards his territory like a wolf; none of the other monsters in this house would dare cross him. That’s how vicious he is.”
She walked over to me and grabbed my hands, imploring me. “Child… he doesn’t care about you. He’ll use you for a moment’s pleasure, and when his interest fades, he’ll cast you out… or worse.”
“Get out,” I said as I jerked my hands away. My whole body was shaking. “Get out.”
She looked at me with eyes full of pain. “You can complain about me to your lover, which will probably get me killed. At the very least, banished and left to die penniless. I don’t care. I was a mother once. You are like the daughter I never had, and it is because of the love I have for you in my heart that I tell you – ”
“Shut up,” I whispered, terrified of what she would say next.
“He will never marry you,” she said softly. “I’m sorry, but it’s true. You will be nothing more to him than a whore. When he’s finished with you, he will throw you away… and he will laugh that you gave yourself so easily to him.”
Without another word, she turned and walked out of the room.
