Whoever first decided alarm clocks needed to be decked out with mini foghorns was the devil. The sound was sharp and loud in my ear. I stirred, grumbling and squeezing my eyes shut.
Wait.
My alarm was set to the radio, not ear-splitting beeps. I shot up, eyes punching open to dart about a room that wasn’t mine. I was at Garrett’s. I’d fallen asleep at Garrett’s. Oh fuck. Oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck.
Fingers brushed down the length of my spine, “Calm down, baby, it’s fine. I set the alarm for five, you’re not late.”
Getting to work on time was vitally important, but not at all what was on my mind. I needed to get home before Jamie woke up and noticed I was gone. I needed to shower, and chug an entire pot of coffee, and get my shit together, and oh my fucking God.
The groan I emitted was loud and positively indecent. Garrett’s hands had come to rest on my shoulders, and he was kneading them in a way that might have been more pleasurable than his touches from the night before. Okay, that wasn’t true, but holy magic fingers.
“You’re so tense, Maddie. It’ll be all right, it’s not like you live far. We can go over there as soon as you’re ready.”
He was right, I knew he was right, but the thought of Jamie finding out I’d stayed here prevented me from relaxing. Garrett’s thumbs slid down to massage my lower back, and that had me straightening to a rod. I was naked. I was butt ass naked.
Un-pretzel-ing myself from him, I leapt off the bed, crossing my arms over my chest as my head whipped left to right, searching for my clothes.
“Maddie.”
I ignored him. Ignored his cute nickname and sexy morning hair. If I looked at him, I’d melt like I always did, and I’d never get out the door. In the span of one night, I’d had unprotected sex and slept at a man’s house—regardless of how close it was—and didn’t think twice about setting an alarm, myself. Not only could I have been late to work, but I would’ve left Layla to handle getting Jamie to school.
Finding my shirt, I snatched it up, roughly shoving my head through. This was why I didn’t date. I needed structure, I needed boundaries and rules. I wasn’t sixteen anymore, I couldn’t be this irresponsible.
“Maddie, look at me.”
“I can’t, I need to go. I need to shower and get ready and get Jamie to school.”
“I’ll help you, just slow down.”
He lowered his long legs to the floor, and I twisted farther away, refusing to allow myself to indulge in his deliciously naked form. “I don’t need help; I just need to find my damn pants.”
A heavy sigh sounded behind me. “Maybe I’m wrong, but that sounds like you could use a little help then.”
“No, I don’t,” I snapped. I cringed, hating myself for taking out my anxiety on him. It wasn’t his fault I was here. I’d walked over on two very willing legs. But I had a tendency to get angry as a defense mechanism when I was emotional.
“You’re overreacting a little bit, don’t you think?”
I didn’t reply, finally spotting my underwear and pants near the door and charging for them. How did I explain that this scenario was exactly what I’d feared? That this was one of the reasons I’d tried to hold him at a distance?
I’d spent my entire life giving up things for other people, and the thought of depending on someone, of falling in so deep that I forgot about my responsibilities, scared me.
I yanked my pants up, already aiming for the door when a hand wrapped around my bicep.
“Goddammit, Maddie, wait a minute. Let me get dressed, and I’ll help you.”
I turned to him, blinking back my shame and the burning in my eyes. “I don’t need your help; I just need to go home.”
He’d only had a chance to slip on boxers, and he was standing there staring at me with a look of determination. But underneath, I sensed a sliver of disappointment, and my heart twisted.
“I know you don’t. You could take over the world without a lick of help, and I’d watch from the sidelines, rooting you on, but that doesn’t mean you don’t deserve it. You’re making excuses so you can tuck yourself back into your shell. Don’t do that, don’t act like last night didn’t happen.”
A tear slipped free, and I dashed it away angrily. I hated that I cried when I was overwhelmed. “Last night did happen, and it was amazing, Garrett. But I can’t be the type of person to have an unplanned sleepover without even thinking about the child I have to get to school in the morning.”
I swiped another tear away as they fell faster, forcing myself to maintain eye contact even though it was killing me. “I can’t do this; I can’t be the person who puts a man and a relationship before myself or my kid again. Especially when you have so many reasons to walk away.”
He pulled on my arm, drawing me in closer, and placed his hands on my cheeks. “I’m not going anywhere, Maddie. I want you; I want everything about you, the good parts, the bad parts, and the annoying as fuck parts, I want it all.”
I shook my head, disbelieving. “What if the bad parts out-shadow the good ones?”
“I’ll still want you.”
“You say that, but you’re not thinking it through. My shit isn’t going to disappear the moment we’re official. What if Aaron comes around again? That’s drama you don’t need in your life.”
He snorted. “Trust me, he won’t. But I’d still want you.”
For my own best interest, I decided to file that foreboding comment away to question later. “And then there’s Jamie’s sperm donor. Eventually I’ll have to go to court and try to terminate his rights again, and that’s even more drama, and money, and time, and—”
“I’ll hold your hand every step of the way and still want you.”
I sputtered; the man couldn’t be serious. Even I didn’t want to date someone like me. I pushed harder, determined to prove I was right.
“I can’t do sporadic sleepovers with you because I have schoolwork, I can’t go out to dinner on the weekends because I work, I can’t go on trips because I have a kid to take care of. Hell, we haven’t even been on a real date. I’m not girlfriend material, Garrett. I’m a walking disaster.”
He chuckled, his eyes drifting to watch his thumb wipe a stray tear from my cheek. “Yeah, you are.”
I hiccupped. “Then why are you pushing this? Why do you want it? Have you met you? You could have literally anyone.”
His eyes clashed back with mine, heat and intensity staring into me. “Because I love you.”
I reared back, my wide eyes blinking up at him like he’d told me the sky was made of cheese. “What do you mean?”
“I mean, I’m in love with you, and I’m done pretending I’m not.”
“But you said you wouldn’t catch feelings.”
“I lied.” He shrugged like we were talking about the weather, like he hadn’t just decimated my world and every fabricated truth I’d been clinging to.
“And I know you feel it, too, even if you’re not ready to voice it out loud yet. I know you love me, and I’m not going anywhere.”
I squeezed my eyes shut, scoffing. Of course, I wasn’t ready. I hadn’t even been able to voice it out loud in the privacy of my bedroom yet.
“So, what? You’ll just wait for me to be ready? To get my shit and my life together? No matter how long it may take?”
“No, baby, I won’t wait for you.”
Even though it’s exactly what I’d expected, what I’d pushed for, my heart still faltered, and my lungs seized up as I tried to step away.
He gripped me harder, digging his fingers into the side of my neck. “Waiting indicates I’d willingly watch you walk away with the blind hope you’d come back. I won’t do that.”
He tilted my head back, forcing me to stand flush against him. “But I will follow you anywhere, baby. I’ll run a never-ending race for you. Name the distance. I’ll go at whatever speed you let me. I’ll sprint, walk, or crawl to get to you. I will never give you up.”
My heart was gone, my ribcage empty. I wasn’t sure if it was currently a melted puddle at my feet or if it was now in Garrett Rowe’s chest. All I knew was it was no longer mine. I placed my hands over his, holding them to my face. “You’re insane.”
“Probably.”
I laughed, the sound broken and wet. Leaning forward with our hands still cradling my face, I rested my head on his chest. I soaked up the feel of his skin, and the way his body seemed to both tense and relax under my touch.
“Baby, I’m not asking you to forget your responsibilities or put me first. I wouldn’t let you even if you tried. Which is why as soon as you get your head out of your ass, I’m going to go over with you and help.”
I shuddered, breathing in his smell and analyzing my mental wall, or in his words, my shell. “Tell me again that you want this, Garrett.”
“I want this.”
I smiled against him, tearing that barrier down piece by piece with both hands. “Tell me you want me.”
He leaned my head back so I was looking at him, and he smirked, fire licking around his irises. “I want you. I’ll tell you every fucking day if you want.”
Rising up onto my toes, I brushed a featherlight kiss to his lips. “Tell me you’re mine.”
“I’m yours.”
His voice was low and thick, and it vibrated across my lips in a way I never wanted to forget. I wasn’t ready to say those three words back yet, that final piece of wall loosened but still in place. But I wanted to work toward it. Together.
“I don’t want you to run a never-ending race for me. I don’t want to be the kind of woman who expects that. I refuse to do that to you.”
His breath hitched, his hands clutching at me like after everything he’d just laid at my feet, he still worried I’d walk away from him. “What are you thinking then?”
“That maybe we can meet halfway.”
