As I rolled over in bed, I slid my hand over the sheet feeling for her. My eyebrows pulled together and I peeled my eyelids open as I noticed that the bed was empty. It was still warm where she was laying and I moved over, burying my face in the pillow. It still smelled like her and I inhaled deeply, savoring her scent.
The bathroom door opened and she stepped into my room, fully clothed. She didn’t notice me at first and her footsteps were quiet as she moved about the room, collecting the rest of her things. I watched her in silence with one eye as the other was pressed against the pillow.
She glanced over at me once more and I kept my breathing steady with my eye barely open. Her gaze lingered but she didn’t take a step closer. Instead, she turned on her heel and was as quiet as a mouse as she made her way to my bedroom door.
“Leaving without saying goodbye?” I quipped as I lifted my head to look at her.
Harper gasped and turned around to face me. “I didn’t know you were awake.”
“So, you were still going to leave anyways?” I threw back. “You surprise me, Harper Jensen. You didn’t strike me as a hit-it-and-quit-it type of girl.”
She stared at me as she defensively crossed her arms over her chest. “That’s not how I am at all. You were peaceful and I didn’t want to disrupt you.”
“I call bullshit,” I argued as I sat up in bed. “You thought I was still asleep and saw it as your chance to escape. Are you trying to run away from me, love?”
She laughed softly and the sound was like a melody. “You’re ridiculous. I’m going home, Nico. I need to get a shower and have shit I need to do.”
“Shower here.”
Harper shook her head and waved her hand. “Bye, Nico.”
“Text me so I know you got home all right.”
She was already walking through my apartment. “I’ll think about it,” she called out as I heard the elevator ding. She was in it and the doors were sliding closed before she gave me a chance to respond.
Rolling over in bed, I grabbed my phone and opened up our message thread and began typing.
NICO
If I don’t hear from you, I will come and make sure you’re okay myself.
It didn’t take long for her to respond. She wasn’t even out of my building yet.
HARPER
You don’t even know where I live.
A smile pulled on my lips.
NICO
Don’t underestimate me, love. I can easily find that out if I need to.
I didn’t need to see a response back from her. I only needed one from when she got home. Locking the screen of my phone, I set it down on my bed and headed into my bathroom to brush my teeth and relieve myself. I had to get to practice in a few hours, so I quickly hopped in the shower, even though I would be getting back in later on.
It didn’t take me long to wash my body and hair. As I stepped out of the shower and toweled off, I heard my phone ringing from my bedroom. My stomach did a somersault and I wanted to punch myself in the nuts for a reality check.
There was no reason for me to be acting like a little boy who had his first crush. Harper wasn’t the first girl that I was ever with and given the circumstances, I’m sure she wouldn’t be the last. Although, I wouldn’t complain if she were the only girl I would ever be with again. She does something to me—something I need to shut off.
We agreed that this was as far as this would ever go. Especially when so much was at stake for Harper. My feelings would only complicate things more and I needed to bury them down, deep.
It was in moments like this I wish I had my mom.
When I walked back into my room, I saw three unread messages. Two were from Wes and one was from Harper. I opened hers first.
HARPER
I’m home safe and taking a much-needed nap before I run my errands. Thanks again for last night 😉
I smiled to myself.
NICO
Anytime, love. Text me later.
I closed out of our messages and ignored Wes’s as I went through my contacts. I found my sister’s name and tapped on it to FaceTime her. When our mom died, there were moments that it felt like it was just the two of us. Our father was still present, but he wasn’t really there. A part of him died that day too. And Giana and I realized we really had to stick together.
“Hey, Nic,” she signed to me as she answered the call. Her bright blue eyes that matched mine shined back at me and she flashed her white teeth with her grin. We both favored our mother.
“What are you doing?” I signed back to her as I dropped down onto my bed.
G gave me a look of suspicion. “What are you doing? You never call me this early. What’s wrong?”
“I just wanted to talk to you. Feeling a little alone and shit.”
Giana frowned, but gave me a knowing look. “Missing Mom?”
I nodded. “And you, obviously.”
“Well, duh,” she signed as she let out the softest laugh. “I would miss me too.”
Giana lost her hearing when she was a child. She got really sick and ended up spending a chunk of time in the hospital with heart issues. The medications they had her on caused permanent hearing loss and even though she could still physically talk, she mainly only signed now.
“What’s up, though, Nico?” Her expression was filled with concern. “Did you get into some kind of trouble?”
I shook my head. “No, I’m not in trouble. I don’t know. My head is all over the place and I’m not thinking straight.”
Giana’s eyebrows pulled together. “Stop being cryptic and spit it out.”
“I met this girl,” I signed to her. I had talked to my sister about girls before but that was back in high school. It wasn’t a normal thing for me to bring someone up like this to her.
Her face lit up. “Tell me more.”
“She works for the team as a photographer. She’s off-limits, but I can’t get her out of my fucking head, G.”
My sister’s eyes widened. “Don’t tell me… you’ve already gotten involved with her, haven’t you?”
“It’s complicated,” I signed back to her as a sigh escaped me. “It’s honestly nothing. We’re both just having fun.”
“At what expense?” She gave me with a look of disapproval. “You’ve worked too hard to get this far to just simply throw it away in such a careless manner.”
I narrowed my eyes at my sister. “My career is safe. Sure, it wouldn’t look good, but it would be fine.”
Giana rolled her eyes and shook her head. “Of course. The star athlete always comes out of a scandal unscathed.”
“Whoa,” I signed back at her as her words felt like a knife twisting in my gut. “You’re supposed to be on my side, remember?”
“I am on your side, but I don’t want you to get into any trouble and I don’t want you to ruin some girl’s life because you can’t seem to keep your dick in your pants.”
“That’s the thing,” I told her as my eyes bounced back and forth between hers. “I don’t want to ruin her life, but I can’t leave her alone, G. She’s different.”
Giana pursed her lips. “Is there any way that you can continue to see her and not ruin her life?”
I shrugged. “I’m trying to figure that out.” I paused for a moment and frowned. “I didn’t call you to be lectured. I called you because I was missing Mom and you’re the closest thing I have to her. All she ever wanted was the two of us to be happy in life.”
My sister’s face fell and sadness washed through her expression. “I want you to be happy too, Nic. I just want you to be rational and careful.”
“I always am.”
Giana didn’t look convinced but she didn’t push any further. “This girl—she must be special if she has your attention. I can’t remember the last time you talked to me about being interested in someone.”
“That’s what freaks me out the most,” I explained to her as my heart picked up the pace in my chest. “I should be able to just let it go, but I can’t. I don’t want to stop seeing her. I want to be around her any chance I get.”
G’s chest rose and fell as she let out a sigh. “If you like her that much, try not to fuck it up. Mom wouldn’t want you fucking up someone else’s life because of your stupidity.”
My sister had a point, yet I couldn’t seem to see past Harper and wanting her. It was as if I had blinders on. I knew that there were risks to seeing her, yet I didn’t care. Harper had her reservations and I was respectful of that. She was beginning to seem like she wasn’t too concerned with the consequences either.
Giana snapped her fingers at me, as she could tell I wasn’t paying attention. I gave her a sympathetic smile and focused back on her hands as she signed to me once again.
“I know this is a big ask, but can you just have a conversation with her? Make sure the two of you are on the same page before proceeding.”
I nodded. “I will. I promise.”
Wes’s name flashed across my screen and I let out a breath of relief that my sister missed.
“I hate to run, but Wes is calling and we have practice in two hours so I should see what he wants.”
Giana laughed and rolled her eyes. “Heaven forbid that Weston Cole should ever have to wait to talk to you.”
I laughed along with her and shrugged. “He’s one of those people who refuses to be ignored.”
My sister smiled at me. “Sounds awfully familiar.”
“Bye, G. I love you and thank you,” I signed to her with a smile. I didn’t really have any expectations for having a conversation with her, but I just wanted to talk to her. Kind of like the same way I would have talked to my mother if she were still alive.
A part of me regretted telling my sister because I knew she wasn’t going to let this go now. She would probably text me later in the week to bother me about whether or not I talked to Harper and what she said in response. G would never accept breadcrumbs. She needed the whole damn loaf of bread.
“Love you, Nic. Don’t be a fucking idiot.”
She ended the call and I tapped on Wes’s name to call him back since he got sent to voicemail. He picked up on the third ring, almost as if he were making me wait before he picked it up.
“What are you doing?” he asked me, getting straight to the point. “Are you busy?”
“Nah,” I told him as I got up from my bed. “Come on over.”
“Sweet. I’ll be there in ten minutes.”
Wes ended the call and I sighed. I didn’t feel like entertaining him, but he was also really good at entertaining himself. This was typical of him and sometimes I wondered if he just didn’t enjoy his own company. He was my best friend, though, so who was I to tell him no?
Plus, maybe he and his bullshit would distract me from my own thoughts.
I needed to get Harper out of my mind.
And I was beginning to question whether or not that was even possible.
