I whip my head around in the direction the scream came from. There’s a commotion coming from a group of people who have turned away from the main stage.
“He can’t breathe!” the same voice shouts.
I crane my neck to look through a small gap in the crowd. There’s a man with dark hair clutching at his throat. Oh my God… It’s Doug!
Doug is choking!
“Let me through!” I shout as I push my way through the crowd toward him.
It’s like swimming through tar, trying to reach him. So many people are in the way and just not moving. I finally break through to where he is. He’s still clutching at his throat silently, his eyes wide and panicked. He looks me in the eye and my insides turn to ice at the fear in his eyes.
I know what I must do. They teach us what to do if someone chokes during flight training every year. My body moves on autopilot.
“Doug, can you cough for me?” I ask, looking straight into his eyes. He shakes his head, his face growing redder.
“Oh my God, he’s going to die,” someone cries.
I take a deep breath.
“Okay, Doug, I need you to bend over for me. Right over so your head is by your knees, okay?” I instruct him in the calmest voice I can manage, while my heart hammers so hard in my chest I worry I might pass out.
He listens to me and bends forward. I raise my hand high above my head and bring my palm down hard between his shoulder blades. The loud thump echoes in my ears and my hand burns as the blood rushes to it.
Nothing happens, so I raise my hand again and strike him harder. The sickening thump is met with silence again. His lips are turning blue. I must keep going. Three, four, five, I count in my head. After five back blows, Doug is still choking.
Cold sweat beads in my hairline. It isn’t working. I’ve got to try something else. I don’t have long before he will lose consciousness, and I know that means his odds are even worse. I have to get out whatever is blocking his windpipe.
I push my hip into his back and wrap my arms around his waist, pulling him up against me, making a fist with one hand and wrapping it inside the other. With all my strength, I pull inwards and upwards as fast as I can. Doug is getting heavier against me, his arms now hanging by his sides. No, no, no. I screw my eyes up and use all my force to do the same movement again. Nothing is working. I’m going to lose him.
“Oh my God, he’s dead! Where’s the ambulance?” someone wails.
Come on, Doug! Please! I force my fist up and into his torso again.
There’s a loud gasp from the crowd. Doug’s stomach contracts underneath my arms as his body is overcome with violent, racking coughs and gasps for air.
“It’s out! It’s come out!” a voice shouts.
My ears are ringing as I stand with my arms still around his body, my heart throwing itself around inside my chest. Doug’s gasps are slowing down to deep breaths as he grows steadier on his feet. I keep one arm around the front of his body and move to his side so I can see his face.
“Doug?”
His face is returning to its normal pink color. His wild eyes lock on mine as he squeezes my hand in his, deep shaky breaths still preventing him from talking.
“It’s okay, Doug. Just take some nice deep breaths, okay?” My voice sounds so calm, but inside I’m freaking out.
Al I could see before was Doug, but now as I glance around us, there’s a sea of relieved faces staring back. Then someone claps and the sound of my heartbeat in my ears is drowned out by clapping and cheers. It’s surreal. I turn my face away, back to Doug, who has straightened himself up. No one else can see it, but his hand is shaking in mine as the magnitude of what just happened to him sets in.
“Doug!” Anya breaks through the crowd and crashes into him, her face streaming with tears as she grips on to him.
His eyes look into mine one last time before he lets go of my hand and wraps it around Anya, who is stroking his face between her fingers and showering his cheeks with kisses.
“Holly!”
I turn blindly toward Jay’s voice as he wraps me in his arms and draws me against his chest. I bury my face into him as my body shakes, the adrenaline it created declining. Jay’s warm arms feel like the safest place on earth right now.
“It’s okay, baby; I’ve got you,” he whispers into my hair. “I’ve got you. I’ve got you.”
He keeps whispering to me until I force myself to take a deep breath and open my eyes, searching out Doug. He’s still standing in the same spot, looking shell-shocked. Anya is clinging to his arm as the paramedics who have arrived check him over.
“Let’s take you to the hospital,” the female paramedic says. “Always best to get checked out after something like this. You’ll feel sore for a few days, but I would say it’s just some bruising from the abdominal thrusts you had performed on you. It doesn’t look like anything is broken.”
Anya is nodding and focusing on the paramedic. “Yes, of course. Come on, Doug. Let’s go get you seen at the hospital.”
Doug opens his mouth, his voice coming out hoarse. “Anya, this is your event. You stay here. I’ll go. It’s fine.”
“Douglas Thornhill, you’re infuriating!” Anya scowls. “I will not let you go alone. You idiot.” She glares at him. “I love you! You could have died. Now let’s go,” she cries as she steers him behind the paramedics and out of the ballroom. I swear his face almost looks more shocked now than it did when he was choking. Anya loves Doug?
“Holly?”
I take my eyes off Anya and Doug and lift them up to Jay’s face. He’s looking down at me, his eyes full of concern, his beautiful heart shining down in them. His caring arms are still wrapped around me, supporting me. Anya’s declaration of love to Doug has just cemented in me what I already knew. I am in love with Jay and I have been for a long time. My eyes search his and I swear it must be so obvious in the way I look at him.
“Come on, Berry.” His lips dust over my forehead. “Let me take you home.”
The limo comes back to pick us up and we ride back to Jay’s house with me curled up on his lap, his arms around me and his lips pressed against my hair. I don’t say anything and neither does he.
He carries me in through the front door and straight up to his bedroom, before sitting down on the edge of the bed with me on his lap, still wrapped in his arms.
“Talk to me, Holly.” His voice is soft as his fingertips touch my chin, turning my face toward him. His blue eyes burn into mine and I can’t hold it in any longer. I shake uncontrollably, sobs escaping my mouth as tears run down my cheeks.
“Hey, hey.” He kisses my tear-soaked cheeks. “It’s okay, baby; I’ve got you.”
My throat is thick as I try to swallow the lump that’s stuck there. “I thought he was going to die. Nothing was working.” I bring my shaking hands up to my face. Jay takes them inside his and steadies them.
“But he didn’t. You saved his life, Holly. You did that,” Jay says, bringing my hands up to his lips and kissing them.
“Why can’t I stop shaking?” I search Jay’s eyes for an answer.
“It’s the shock, Holly. Your body reacted at the time and now your mind is catching up.”
I look at him. He’s so in control, his voice so calm, that my tears slow down.
“I feel so silly,” I say, looking down at my hands.
“Holly, you are not being silly. You’re reacting to something traumatic that just happened.” He kisses my forehead and I take a deep breath.
“I bet you wouldn’t cry and shake like me if it had been you.”
“I’m not as strong as you think I am, Holly.” His voice sounds strained, and I look into his eyes, which have clouded over as though he’s lost in a memory somewhere.
“What do you mean?” I study his face.
“I could barely hold myself together when I saw Rob.” His voice cracks before he composes himself.
“You were the one who…”
“Yes, I was there.” His haunted eyes meet mine. “And I will never forget that moment for as long as I live.”
“Oh, Jay.” I bring my forehead to his and rest them together, hoping he will continue and finally let me in so we can face the ghosts of his past together.
“I’m just saying, Holly, what you’re feeling is normal.” He clears his throat, the moment gone once again. “Let’s get you ready for bed. You must be exhausted.”
Jay carries me into the bathroom and turns the shower on. Steam fills the room as I take off the green dress and peel the stick-on bra off while his back is turned. This isn’t how I imagined ending the night. I slide my panties down my legs and step out of them. Jay’s taken his suit off and is standing in front of me. He doesn’t look at my body, instead keeping his eyes fixed on my face.
“Come on, Berry.” He takes my hand and leads me under the hot spray. It’s hotter than I would ever have it, but I finally feel warmer as my shivers subside. Jay picks up the puff and puts shower gel on it, washing me tenderly, only taking his eyes off mine if he has to.
There are black drip marks on my stomach. I must look like a clown with all the tears, making my makeup run down my face. Jay follows my gaze and reaches for a washcloth, rinsing it under the hot water and squeezing it out.
“You’re so beautiful,” he says as he wipes the washcloth across my cheeks in long, slow strokes.
I stand there and let him wash my face free of all my makeup. It feels like one of the most intimate moments we’ve ever shared. I’m unable to take my eyes off him as he locks his with mine.
“I’m in love with you, Holly,” he says as his eyes search mine.
Time stops as I stand frozen to the spot with my mouth open, the water running down over both of us.
“Jay…”
He puts a finger to my lips. “You don’t have to say it back. I just needed to tell you.”
He leans toward me, his body hot against mine as he replaces his finger with his lips and kisses me. I love this man. How could I not? He’s incredible. I never stood a chance. I love this man so much and he just told me he loves me too.
All the emotion of the evening combined with Jay’s words peak inside me as I wrap my arms around his neck and kiss him back, my tongue exploring his mouth, desperate to stroke and taste his. Desperate to feel connected.
“Holly,” he murmurs against my lips, shaking his head. “Let’s get you to bed. It’s been a crazy night.”
I press myself further into his body; I need to feel him surround me. I need his touch on my skin. I need to feel alive.
“I need this, Jay, please,” I plead against his mouth.
His eyes meet mine and understanding flashes in them as his resolve falls away. His fingers trace across my face as he kisses me again, slow and deep. I raise my hands up and stroke up and down the back of his head.
“Holly,” he moans, deepening his kisses, still cradling my face between his hands.
I feel safe here, in his arms. The drama of the evening fades away more with each kiss he gives me. He’s like magic, kissing all my pain away. My pulse is beating between my legs. I’m wet and aching for him, the desire to feel close and connected overwhelming.
I lift one leg and slide it up around his waist; Jay’s hand goes to it and holds it there. His other snakes around the back of my neck as he looks at me, his eyes questioning. I stroke my hands up into his hair again and hold his gaze. His eyes stay on mine as he slides inside me slowly. My breath leaves my body and I sigh.
“Jay.”
“Yes, Berry?” he says as he slides back out and pauses.
“I love you too.” My voice cracks with emotion, tears streaming down my cheeks again.
His eyes widen, his gaze sparkling into mine as he slides back inside me, and his lips find mine again. The salt from my tears washes away with our kisses. I moan as our bodies meet again and again, each thrust more delicious than the last.
“You’re incredible, Holly,” Jay whispers as he sinks into me.
“You’re the incredible one!” I cry back as the electricity builds between us.
“You make me so happy,” Jay moans into our kiss as he pulls me down to meet him again.
We move together, him sliding into me and me sinking down onto him, our lips pressed together as each thrust grows harder and faster, more urgent than the last. It’s not long before a familiar tightening spreads throughout my entire body.
“I’m going to come, Jay!” I pant as the intense pressure takes over my body, past the point of no return.
He quickens his pace in response and my body dives over the edge as I come hard against him, crying out his name against his lips.
“You’re amazing, Holly,” Jay pants, kissing me as I ride my orgasm out over him. I shudder with each wave as I contract around him. He grows harder inside me as more heat ignites between us. “So incredible,” he groans as his body convulses and he comes inside me, the air knocked from his lungs. His chest expands against me as he sucks in a deep breath. “Oh God, Holly,” he moans, kissing me harder as he empties inside me.
I clench hard to draw it all out to me, wanting every part of him he’s willing to share. He sighs as his breathing slows down and we stay connected, just kissing each other and looking into each other’s eyes.
“My Holly, my beautiful Holly,” he murmurs against my lips.
I can’t help being transported back to that first night we spent together. It was here in the shower that he gave me such a precious gift, adoring my body and rebuilding my trampled self-worth. Now he’s here for me again when I need him most. His words are soothing different pains tonight, but loving and healing me nonetheless. I have never met anyone who has demonstrated just how incredible love is. How it can transport you from yourself and help you find connection in all the beauty and energy around you. Not until I met him. I sink into his kisses under the water again and just hope that soon he’ll let me be there for him too.
