“This is the most hungover I’ve ever been.”
“No,” Maddison disagrees. “This is the most hungover I’ve ever been.”
Logan silently laughs to herself as she parks in the players’ lot of the United Center, and I could not be happier that the car finally stopped moving. I’ve been focusing on not throwing up all morning. The car ride didn’t help.
“You two need to get your shit together.” Logan reaches into the back seat, handing me a black coffee before she does the same to her equally struggling husband sitting on the passenger side. “Take some ibuprofen, chug some caffeine, and put on your best Captain and Alternate Captain smiles. The whole country is about to see you two on TV.”
Swallowing down a joke about her being our mom after too many nights out, I throw back the painkiller with a swig of coffee.
Last night was insane, in the best way possible.
I slapped a kiss on the Stanley Cup, held it over my head, then took a champagne shower in the locker room. The boys all went back to Rio’s, where the celebration continued until the early hours of the morning. We didn’t sleep much if any, and we left his place looking like a frat house the day after a kegger. It was one of the best nights of my life.
The only thing missing was Stevie, but I took Logan’s advice and lived it up with my teammates for one last time.
The effect of chugging endless bubbles is catching up in the form of nausea and a splitting headache, but I need to pull it together for our champion’s parade. Not only will all of downtown Chicago see us as we drive by, but media outlets will be airing it throughout North America, so I’m hoping the hype from the crowded Chicago streets is enough to cure my hangover.
Thankfully, Logan stopped by my apartment and brought me some fresh clothes this morning after picking up Rosie from her dog-sitter so she could join in on the festivities.
The parking lot is littered with double-decker buses to ride during the parade. Families and friends overtake the outdoor area, wearing their players’ jerseys, but the boys from the team stick out like sore thumbs. Each and every one of us is showcasing the effects of last night’s celebration.
But regardless of how shitty I feel, I’m going to take it in. We just won the Stanley Cup, and it’s time for the city to celebrate as a whole.
Over the next hour, we’re briefed on the parade route, who is riding with whom, and thankfully the ibuprofen and coffee have kicked in enough that I’m feeling more human and less on the verge of death.
My dad and Lindsey show up, both wearing my jersey, and Maddison’s parents and kids arrive shortly after. The two of us are assigned to the lead bus, and the whole crew piles on with Rosie and Ella leading the way, followed by a cameraman from one of our local news stations who will film the entire thing.
The double-decker bus is covered in the Raptors logo with my name and number plastered on one side and Maddison’s on the other. The top deck is an open space with no seating, allowing plenty of room for all of us to mingle while waving to the crowd below.
I’m stoked to have these people here, my family and Maddison’s family, but all of us being together makes Stevie’s absence all the more evident.
“You okay?” Lindsey checks in, running a soothing hand down my arm.
“I’m good,” I push out. It’s not a lie, but it’s not the absolute truth either. The biggest victory in my life feels a little…empty.
“I’m sorry she wasn’t there last night, Ev.”
“Me too.” I force a smile, not yet ready to dive into the meaning of Stevie’s absence.
I nudge my arm into my sister’s. “Hey, I’m going to need you to take pictures today. My phone was doused in champagne in the locker room last night and called it quits.”
“No problem.”
“Uncle Zee?” Ella taps on my leg.
“What’s up, girly?” I pick her up, slinging her on my hip.
“Where Stevie?”
My heart breaks a little more. Ella has asked me this almost every time I’ve seen her over the last couple of weeks, but this time hurts the most. Having my closest people here to celebrate, but Stevie not being present, seems so final and definitive.
I was far too hopeful that she would forgive me or see the progress I’ve made and maybe give me another chance, but more than that, I needed her to know I love her. Stevie going through life, thinking I don’t, is the most unsettling part of all.
“She’s not here, EJ.”
“She coming?” Her emerald eyes are pleading for me to say yes.
I offer my niece an apologetic smile. “I don’t think so.”
Ella’s sweet smile drops before she leans her head on my shoulder. “I miss her.”
Fuck, that one hurt.
“Me too.”
I swallow down the emptiness and regret as we pull out from the United Center and lead the parade through downtown Chicago.
The streets are packed with fans overtaking the sidewalks, all wearing the team’s gear. The cheering is nonstop, the music is bumping, and the fans are on another level with their signs and foghorns.
Last night’s win wasn’t just for the team or me. It was for the city I’ve loved over the previous seven seasons. Even if the fans can’t love me for who I am, I thoroughly enjoyed putting on a show for them throughout my career. This city has become my home, and I’m going to miss the hell out of it.
Ella climbs onto her dad’s back to wave to the crowd below. Lindsey snaps pictures of the whole thing, documenting it for us, and I pick up Rosie’s sixty-five-pound Doberman body to show my girl off to the fans.
My dad joins in, wrapping his arm around my shoulders, but he doesn’t look down at the fans below us. Out of my peripheral, I can see his stare focused on me, pride evident in his gray eyes. I can’t imagine him missing this. I just wish I wasn’t so blind and stubborn the last twelve years that we had to miss out on too much time together.
I’d like to think I don’t live with regrets because everything happens for a reason. Twelve years of a strained relationship with my dad makes me appreciate his love and support far more than I ever could’ve realized. Letting my mom control my panic and anger made the freedom from her all the more liberating. The confinement I felt with Rich as my agent made firing him all the more vindicated.
But I regret breaking up with Stevie. Sure, I probably wouldn’t have faced my mom, fired Rich, or reconciled with my dad if I hadn’t, but pushing away the first person to ever really love me has been the biggest mistake of my life.
I continue to wave, plastering on my biggest celebrity smile, as I try to focus and live in the moment, but as soon as the bus turns the corner onto the next street over, Rosie begins pawing at my leg, wanting my attention.
The parade is only moving a couple of miles an hour, but I hadn’t realized where we were. The endless sea of fans wearing black and red distracted me from our location. We’re close to my apartment, but more importantly, we’re a few buildings over from SDOC.
“Stop.”
All eyes turn to me, utterly confused.
“Stop. Stop driving!”
“Zee, you good?” Maddison asks with confusion, but I blow past him to the front of the bus.
I need to see her.
“Stop the bus!” I yell down to the driver, frantic and urgent, but he can’t hear me.
The excited crowd drowns out my plea, but Logan notices and races down the internal stairwell causing the bus to halt quickly.
Rosie charges full speed down those same steps, and I follow behind. There’s an endless squeal of bus brakes behind me, the parade coming to a complete stop, but I don’t care. Everyone else can wait.
Logan stands at the base, wearing an understanding and proud smile on her face. “Go get her,” she encourages with a squeeze to my shoulder.
The crowd stirs with excitement, noticing me off the bus, but I frantically weave through the mob of fans as I head straight for the little run-down building behind them.
They try to stop me, wanting pictures or autographs, but I keep moving.
I need to see her.
She may not have come to my game, and she may have given up on us, but she needs to know how much I love her. Even if she doesn’t feel the same anymore, she deserves to know.
Multiple camerapeople follow me, and I’m glad they do. After everything I’ve put Stevie through, the least I can do is make sure the whole world knows how much I love that girl.
