SHE HAD NO IDEA. None at all. I watched her eat with her downcast gaze, staring at that ugly fucking birthmark on her cheek, until Nick kicked me under the table. I shot the bastard a glare as he gave a small shake of his head.
She was just a kid, right? I glanced at those perky little tits. No, not a kid. My cock grew hard as my anger grew. Hate I understood. But seeing her like this, so damn small and meek, taking tiny bites of her pizza like she was a goddamn mouse, incited something dangerous inside me. Squeak, squeak, little thing.
“Tobias.”
The sound of my name on her lips made me jerk. I lifted my gaze to the woman who sat next to dad. “Yeah?”
“I was just asking if you’re enjoying Clarence. Business major, right?” she asked like it was every day conversation.
“I’m not, actually,” I answered. “Dropped out about two months ago.”
“What?” Dad’s head shot up, a smear of cheese grease on his lips as he scowled. “Since when did you make that decision?”
“When I decided the last days I had with my mother were more important.”
Conversation halted.
Caleb and Nick froze, then slowly looked from me to dad as the bastard had the gall to blanch, then swallowed hard.
“You know…” I continued, holding his gaze. “Before she died.”
“Tobe…” Nick started.
“Suddenly, I’m not feeling fucking hungry.” I shoved up from the table and turned away, catching the little bitch’s gaze as I left.
But it wasn’t a sick smear of sympathy I saw in her eyes. No, it was something more like sadness…like she almost understood my pain. Which was a damn lie. She didn’t know a goddamn thing about me.
I strode from the dining room, leaving a void behind me. I’d sucked the joy from dad’s moment and the blossoming friendship that fucking woman wanted to have with us, then took the stairs two at a time, leaving them behind.
“I’m sorry about that…” dad murmured, his words barely reaching me.
“There’s no need,” Elle Castlemaine answered. “None at all.”
I slammed my boots against the stairs until I reached my floor, glancing at her room. Her fucking room. I glanced over my shoulder and headed toward it, throwing open the door. Christ, it even smelled different. Gone was the biting scent of hospital antiseptic and the faint smell of death I couldn’t fucking shake, no matter how deeply I exhaled.
It smelled like…vanilla.
Fucking vanilla.
I glanced at the small bottle of perfume on the dresser. Pure, the gold label stated. I swallowed hard as heat raced to my cock. Pure? Fuck, I wanted to smell it…wanted to search her bed for those panties and spray the shit on them, too. I stepped closer, pawing through the mess of her clothes, ones she’d torn the tags from, and found her underwear hidden beneath ripped black jeans.
I crossed the room, grabbed the perfume bottle, and lifted it to my nose. Anger drove me to pump the mist across her underwear before placing the bottle back. I balled the panties in my hand, then shoved them into my pocket before striding from the room.
The door closed quietly behind me, leaving the heady scent of that perfume behind. I didn’t know why I’d done it, why I hated her. Her white cotton fucking panties and the bottle of Pure burning into my mind. But I took them…I took them like she’d taken from me.
“Get the fuck out of my house,” I muttered as I stepped inside my room and closed the door.
Darkness swallowed me. The blackout blinds were drawn, the walls were painted dark steel gray. I didn’t want light in my world. I pulled the panties free. I didn’t want women, or vanilla…and I sure as hell didn’t want her.
I closed my eyes and lifted them, inhaling deep.
The scent invaded me.
In my head, I saw her naked, those tight little peaks of her breasts puckered tight. I swallowed as I grew hard. I wanted to lick them, wanted to open her legs and see just how pure she was. She couldn’t be too pure, no eighteen-year-old stayed a virgin for long.
But that ugly fucking mark on her cheek said she probably was. I bet it drove her to run and hide anytime a guy looked her way. I bet because of it, she’d never been kissed…or touched.
Fuck. Me.
I reached down, unzipped my jeans and took out my cock. An ache pulsed deep as I took myself in my hand and looked down. The head was red, flushed and hungry. I hadn’t been this hard in…
Forever.
I squeezed my fist and pressed the white cotton to my face and in my head, she squirmed under my hold.
You a fucking mouse? I roared at her.
In my fantasy, those little tits bounced and trembled as she bucked her hips under me. Her dusky pink nipples grew even tighter as she fought.
You a fucking mouse in my goddamn house, bitch?
Get off me! she screamed, those washed-out gray eyes glaring into mine. Sadness. Sadness and fucking desperation. That’s what I’d seen downstairs. That’s how she’d fucking looked at me, like she gave a shit. Like she cared!
I gave a low, harsh grunt, coming hard in my fucking hand. My cock twitched, the vein underneath pulsing as I drew in deep gasps and croaked, “What the fuck was that?”
I lowered her panties as a tremor of disgust rolled through me.
What the fuck was I doing? I shoved my cock back into my jeans and crossed the room, tossing her panties onto the bed before grabbing some Kleenex. This wasn’t right. She was just a kid. I turned to my desk, yanked my headset on, and opened up a game, trying to force my attention on anything else.
But my gaze drifted to the white cotton ball now resting against my pillow. The scent lingered, filling me, taking up space that the bitter scent of antiseptic had occupied before. I didn’t know which one was worse.
A knock came at my door before it opened. I tugged my headset down as Caleb walked in carrying a plate of pizza and garlic bread. “Figured you’d get hungry sometime.”
“Thanks.” I stared at the screen, not even remembering what game this was.
He closed the door, placed the plate on the desk in front of me, and took a seat on the end of my bed. “Why the fuck are they here?”
I just gave a shrug, acting like I didn’t care.
“Dad’s actually smiling.”
I winced at the words.
“Haven’t seen him smile in—”
I cut him a glare, my pulse pounding in my head. Say it…say the words and I’ll punch you in the fucking mouth. But Caleb flinched as though he actually realized what he was saying. “Anyway. Food, fucker, and give dad a break, yeah? He’s just being a good guy to a friend, nothing more.”
I glanced back to my game. “Since when is he ever a good guy?”
“That was the past, T. Don’t you think it’s time you moved on?”
“It wasn’t you he fed to the dogs though, was it?” I muttered.
He stepped closer, kicking the bottom of my chair. “You were the stupid fuck who went after Lazarus Rossi, so let’s just leave it at that, okay?”
Anger roared through me, searing just as hot in that minute as it had a year ago. “He fucking trashed my car, then sent his goons to pay me a visit at school, what the fuck was I supposed to do?”
Caleb just shook his head. “You made a move on his woman. I think his response was justified, don’t you?”
“It wasn’t even his woman. He didn’t love her, he barely even looked at her. She was fair game.”
“You didn’t want her either, T. You were only an asshole whose mom had just been diagnosed with cancer. Look, you were acting out, I get that. All I’m saying is, how about we let bygones be bygones? Dad’s doing a good thing here, helping these people out by giving them a place to stay and figuring out a way to get the girl’s dad out of jail.”
My lips curled, I stared at my brother as though he was a stranger. Because in that moment, he might as well be. He didn’t see dad like I did, didn’t see that this wasn’t him being a ‘good guy’, because men like my father didn’t fucking change.
He was a shark, feeding in the water, moving from one target to the next, always hungry…and fucking cold.
“Thanks for the pizza,” I muttered, and turned back to my game.
“I saw the way you looked at her,” Caleb murmured carefully, not taking the goddamn hint. His gaze went to the other end of the bed, and I knew the moment he saw them…saw her white cotton panties. He scowled for a second, until he realized whose they were. But he never said a word, just kept fucking talking. “And Nick did, as well. Don’t mess with her, Tobias. She’s…sweet.”
The corner of my lips twitched. Sweet.
“I mean it, stay away from her…and check your damn attitude.”
“Get the fuck out, Caleb,” I growled, and glared at the TV.
He stayed there for a second longer, then left. I wanted to throw that fucking plate after him…wanted to hit dad and that little bitch downstairs, too, just to prove a point. Instead, I strode toward the door, grabbed my keys off the dresser as I went, and slammed the door behind me.
Fuck him…
Fuck her…
And fuck the Rossis.
I strode down the stairs and through the front door, my face burning, as I left them all behind. No doubt dad would be making some bullshit excuse.
Remember me…
Mom’s words resounded as I pressed the remote, then climbed into the car. I was backing out of the driveway before I knew it, braking the moment I was out on the street, then shoved the Jeep into gear before punching the accelerator.
The tires squealed before they caught and I shot forward. I drove the same damn streets I’d been driving for weeks now, ever since Caleb and Nick moved back home for a while. They came under the pretense of being together as a family, but the truth was, we felt more disconnected than ever before.
They didn’t bring me food, not before today. They barely even spoke to me, content with sitting in their rooms and having everything done for them. None of them spoke to me about Mom, and they sure as hell didn’t go near that room..
Stay away from her. Caleb’s warning rang in my head as headlights burned through the night. Headlights flared behind me, making me clench my fists around the steering wheel and head toward the city.
And as always, my thoughts returned to her.
That ache filled my chest, like it was my heart. I couldn’t breathe, couldn’t catch my—
I yanked the wheel and braked, pulling over. My pulse thundered, until it was all I could hear. I leaned over the wheel and closed my eyes while I shook and shuddered. What the fuck was wrong with me?
I was coming apart.
Becoming the failure dad always knew I was.
And the one person who’d always believed in me was gone…
Remember me…she whispered as that ache in my chest balled into a fist and rammed into the back of my throat. Remember…
I wrenched my eyes open, let out a wounded fucking moan, and forced that agony back down, down in the pit inside me, where it belonged. I would not let it out, would not let them see me like this. I sucked in hard breaths until that wave passed, then glanced into the side mirror and pulled back out.
I drove through the streets, making my way to the lookout high above the city, and parked. Bright lights glittered and sparkled like jewels below me. I tried to think about something other than that churning abyss of grief inside me and slowly my thoughts turned to her…
The kid who wasn’t a kid.
Ryth Castlemaine.
I pulled up my phone and searched her name. The usual social media; Facebook, TikTok, an Instagram that hadn’t been touched in months. I searched her profiles and went through her photos. “Too trusting, aren’t you, Ryth?” Her photos were all there, for anyone to see.
In an instant, the memory of her panties came roaring back to me, and that fucking scent. “Pure, right?”
I hated the way I thought about her. I wasn’t like this, wasn’t so fucking cruel around other women. I stopped on an image of her, one where she was at the beach with her parents…a video. I hit play and listened to her laugh. “We come to the beach and here I am, left all alone. Where the hell are my parents?”
I leaned forward, watching the smile falter on her face.
The camera panned outwards, catching the two figures further along the beach. The way they faced each other, hands flailing in the air, it wasn’t hard to realize what was happening. They were arguing. She pulled the camera away.
“Looks like they’re busy,” she breathed, her words panicky and rushed. “But yeah guys, this is Castlemaine Beach, named after my father’s family, pretty cool, huh?”
“Cool,” I muttered as the video ended, freezing on her face in the frame.
That ugly fucking birthmark front and center in the camera’s view.
I bet she was bullied at school for that, bet all the kids made fun of her. Something inside me clenched with the thought. My breaths deepened and my body came alive. There was something about her that triggered something in me. Something about the splattering of freckles across her nose and those washed-out-looking gray eyes. What kind of fucking color were they supposed to be?
I licked my lips, remembering the way she’d looked at me as I strode from the dining room, as though she wanted to like me…as though she needed a friend.
I wasn’t her fucking friend.
I was the furthest thing from a friend.
Especially for her.
I scrolled through her photos, letting myself get carried away, until I glanced at the time. Fuck. I’d been here for hours, hours looking at her goddamn social media. I leaned forward, started the four-wheel drive, and pulled out, making my way back home.
By the time I pulled into the driveway, the house was dark. I glanced at the clock as I killed the engine. It was almost eleven…still early enough. Double-glazed windows smothered the sounds from outside. They wouldn’t even hear me. Movement came from above as I climbed out and closed the door.
I lifted my gaze to the shadow in the window on the third floor. In the same room that’d once housed my mother’s medical equipment, and now her…
I stilled, staring at her as she watched me. She had to see me, had to know I saw her, too. Maybe she didn’t care…maybe little Ryth Castlemaine wasn’t a mouse at all. The idea of that sent a shudder through me. My fucking pulse raced. I swallowed hard and turned away, watching from the corner of my eye as the blinds fell back into place.
My keys slid into the lock and I twisted, slipping into the house without a sound. Silence greeted me, low creaks of the house all that reached me as I closed the door behind me, locked it, activated the alarm system and slid the chain into place. My steps were soundless as I climbed the stairs all the way to the third floor, then stopped in the hallway outside her room.
I wanted to go in there, wanted to see her curled up in bed, wanted to see those eyes once more…until a sound drifted up through the darkness.
A moan.
Low…demanding…and coming from the second floor.
I glanced over my shoulder as the sound came again.
Only this time, the moan was feminine.
And coming from my dad’s bedroom.
