The phone ringing has me blinking my eyes open. It takes me a minute to realize where I am. The fog from my sleep makes me close my eyes again. But the ringing makes me open them again. I reach out from under the warm cocoon of my blankets to grab it. “Hello,” I mumble, putting it to my ear and pressing it into the pillow.
“Are you still sleeping?” I hear Levi whisper, and I moan as I snuggle deeper into the bed.
“Couldn’t sleep last night,” I mumble to him, my eyelids feeling like they weigh a hundred pounds. “I think I fell asleep at four in the morning.”
“I hate to say this but,” he talks, and my eyes open, suddenly afraid at what he has to say, “it’s, like, nine o’clock.”
I go from lying down to sitting in the matter of a second. “What?” I shriek, taking the phone from my ear. Checking the clock on the phone at the same time, I turn my wrist around to see if perhaps it’s a different time. “I set an alarm,” I snarl.
“Did you do it for a.m. or p.m.?” He chuckles and I glare at the phone, but I don’t say anything when I go and check and see that I did, in fact, set it for p.m.
“You’re my husband one day and already you are getting on my nerves,” I warn him, without telling him he was right.
“Actually, it’s been two days.” I look down at the phone. “And because I’m such a good husband, I’m going to let you go get dressed and I’ll pick up coffee on my way there.”
“Now this is what I’m talking about,” I say, throwing the covers off me, “music to my ears.” I toss the phone to the side before rushing to the bathroom. I quickly wash my face and brush my teeth. I comb through my hair, deciding to leave it loose today. Reaching for my makeup bag, I quickly add a layer of mascara before going into my walk-in closet. “What does one wear to a reading of her sister’s will?” I ask the hangers, trying not to think about the fact that I’ll never be able to call her again. I will never, ever be able to ask her advice. We met each other later in life, when our teenage years were behind us, but she was still my older sister. There were times when she would give me advice. Times where she would just listen to me talk. And there were times when she was my biggest cheerleader. I ignore the tightness of my chest. I also ignore the way my chest is heaving when I pull a pair of black pants off the hanger. I put one foot in and then the other, and the tear falls on my hand. I sniff back the tears, ignoring that the tears are not coming one at a time, no, not this time. The tears are raining down my face, and every single time I blink my eyes shut, I see Lisa’s smile. She didn’t have the best life, but she made the best of what she had of it. Her biggest wish was to be a mother, and it took three IVF tries before she called me screaming at the top of her lungs, right before she sobbed, “I’m going to be a mama.” Moving toward another hanger, I slip the black short-sleeved silk top off and now the memory of painting the nursery with her snowballs its way out. Out of the box I locked away to get through the past couple of days. The box I refused to open because no one had time to break down. There were things to be done. I had to make sure I did what I needed to do to ensure I would make Lisa proud; things to do to make sure Cici ended up with me. The little girl with the same blue eyes as Lisa and me. The same blue eyes our mother had. Whatever I was going to do was going to be better than what we had. Anything was better than what we had.
I button up the silk top and that is when it happens. That is when the walls come crashing down and the sob escapes me. I put my hand to my mouth to stop the sob, but it roars out of me at the same time my knees go weak and I crumble there in my walk-in closet. My eyes close, I was with Lisa in the delivery room when Cici was born. The minute they laid Cici on her chest, there was this overwhelming sense of love that came to her. She sobbed the whole time and all I could do was hold her and cry with her. “Hi, baby,” she kept saying the whole time. The whole time she repeated how much she loved her over and over again. It was a memory I was now never going to forget. It was a memory I would spend the rest of my life repeating to Cici every day if she wanted me to.
My head hangs down in front of me, my hair falling in front of my face. I don’t hear the front door open. I don’t hear him come in the room. I don’t hear his voice speak to me. All I know is he’s squatting down in front of me. “Hey,” he says softly, putting his finger under my chin and raising it. I look into his eyes and all I can do is sob. He sits on the floor in my closet and pulls me into his lap. Pressing my head to his chest, the warmth of his arms chases off the coldness that was filling my bones. “It’s okay,” he soothes me as I let out the tears that I’ve been holding back since I got the phone call. “It’s going to be okay,” is all he says over and over again as I let it all out. I don’t know how long I stay like that, once the tears leave me, all I can do is stare at the blank white wall.
“The only thing she ever wanted was to be a mom.” My words come out low, my voice still trembling. “Over and over again, every birthday when she blew out the candles, that was her wish.” I smile. “I mean, you aren’t supposed to tell people your wish but she didn’t believe in that, so she told anyone who was within listening range.” Levi kisses my head at the same time his arms tighten around me. “I promised her that I would take care of Cici,” I say softly before pushing off Levi’s chest. “It’s silly she even had to ask me. I even thought it was silly when she sat me down, nervous to ask me, so nervous her hands were shaking. I laughed at her because she was the strongest woman I know.”
“Second strongest,” Levi corrects, pushing my hair away from my face and behind my shoulder. “She’s the second-strongest woman I know.”
I smile at him. “You’re only saying that because I’m your wife and you have to.”
He chuckles. “I’m saying that because it’s the truth.” I put my hands on his chest, feeling his heart beating. “Now, as much fun as this is”—he looks around—“being on the floor of your closet.” He raises his hand to look at his watch. “We should be going.”
I nod my head and I’m about to get up when I stop. “Thank you.” He smirks at me. “You know, in case I haven’t told you before.”
“I’m keeping track,” he teases, pushing the other side of my hair behind my shoulder. “Your payback list is very, very long.” I can’t help but laugh because I’m sure it’s going to be longer by the time we can get divorced.
I get up and he quickly follows me. “Go clean your face,” he urges. “The last thing I want them to think is that I did that to you.” I gasp as he points a finger at my face.
“Rude.” I turn, walking to the bathroom and he follows me in there but stops at the door. I look at my face in the mirror. “My eyes are red and so is my nose. My sister just died.” I throw my hands up, turning to look at him. “Where is my coffee?”
“In the car,” he states and I take him in. His black suit with the white button-down shirt fits him like a glove. He always wears clothes like he’s on a runway, but his suits, his suits always push him above and beyond. Especially when he crosses his arms over his chest, pulling his sleeves up, letting you see the silver Rolex he wears. There is something about a man and a good-looking watch to make him that much better. “Now, are you ready?”
I take a deep breath in as I turn and look at the mirror one more time, the redness in my eyes is down a bit, but they are still puffy. My nose is still a touch red. “I’m ready.” I nod, walking to him. “Let’s go,” I say, walking past him and toward the stairs. We walk down the front steps and he opens the car door for me.
“Now you want extra brownie points,” I joke with him, getting in the car and picking up the white cup of coffee. “Good thing I can scratch coffee off that list.” I take a sip. “This is cold.”
“I think what you mean to say is thank you,” he nudges, right before he slams the car door.
He gets in and I don’t drink the coffee because the closer he gets to the lawyer’s office, the more my stomach gets tighter and tighter. When he parks the car and I press the button for my seat belt, I mumble to myself as I grab the door handle, pushing it open, “I think I’m going to throw up.”
Levi pulls open the door to the office, letting me walk in before him. I wait for him before I walk into the office. Josephine is there talking to Alice, who just smiles at me. “Sorry we are late, we had a little bit of a meltdown,” I admit, looking at Levi, who puts his hand at the base of my back. “I don’t know if you’ve met.” I look at Josephine. “This is my husband, Levi.” I turn to him. “This is Josephine.”
“I think we met already,” Josephine says to him and he just nods. “You are married?” She looks at us.
“We are,” Levi confirms, slipping his hand in mine.
I don’t have time to say anything before a tall man comes out. “Hello.” He nods at me. “You must be Evangeline,” he says my full name. “I’m Larry.” He holds out his hand. “I’m sorry about your loss.”
“Thank you,” I reply, shaking his hand.
“If you will follow me,” he says. And I look at Alice.
“I’ll wait here if you need me,” she states and I nod at her, not letting go of Levi’s hand. We follow him into his office with Josephine following us.
“Please sit.” He motions to the chairs that are around the conference table. I pull out one of the chairs and sit down, looking over to see Levi pull out the chair next to me. He pulls my chair as close as it can get to his.
“You okay?” He leans over asking me and I just nod my head.
Josephine sits next to Larry as he opens the folder in front of him. He looks down, starting to read. I look down at my hands and the tears come again. Levi reaches over and puts his arm around me. “It’s okay,” he whispers in my ear and I just nod.
“To my sister, Evangeline,” I hear Larry say, “I leave you my most prized possession. Cici James Crinkle. There is no one who would make a better mother than you,” he reads and I put my hand in front of my mouth.
I look over at Josephine, not sure if Larry has anything more to say. “When can I have my niece?”
She smiles at me and gets up from her seat, walking out of the room. “What’s going on?” I get up, my legs shaking, my whole body starting to tremble. “Should I get Alice?”
“I don’t think that is necessary,” Larry states and not even a minute later I see Josephine coming back into the room.
The sob rips through me when I see Cici looking around. My feet move before I can even think. “There she is.” I put a smile on my face. “Hello, baby girl.”
Cici looks at me and gives me a smile before she reaches for me. I hold out my hands and take her in my arms. “I’ve got you, baby girl.” I put my hand on her head, laying it on my chest. “I’ve got you.”
