I don’t know if it happens in slow motion or not, but all I see is Stefano in front of me. All I can see is his green eyes, which were light all day, but now in the semi-darkness of my entryway, they are a deep green. The scruff on his face is a bit longer than usual, but all I could do all day long was wonder if it would prick my lips when he kissed me or if it would be soft. I spent the whole day trying not to fall in love with him because how could I not? The way he treats me and our daughter, my heart is no match for him. I know I have no right to him. I know I have to stop the ridiculousness of this and remember he goes home to another woman every night. I know I should put that thought front and center, especially when it’s dark and he’s close to me, and the smell of him just makes my stupid body forget it all. My hand grips on to the door handle tighter and tighter as his body gets closer and closer to mine. His head lowers to mine and my head screams out No, while my body moves in closer to him. I think my breath hitches right before his lips smash onto mine, but I’m not sure.
I’m not sure of anything at this moment. The only thing I’m sure of is this kiss is one million times better than I remembered it was. His hands reach out to grab my face, and I swear my body melts into him as his tongue slides into my mouth. I don’t know if I moan into his mouth or if my mouth swallows his moan, either way my whole body awakens for him, just like it did five years ago. He tilts his head to the side to deepen the kiss, our tongues going around and around. I’m lost in this, lost in the kiss. Lost in the fact, even after all these years, his kiss still cuts me off at my knees. Lost in the fact I think I could kiss him for the rest of my life and still get butterflies when he’s around. But he’s not yours, my head screams. My eyes flicker open, right before my hands go to his chest, and my eyes close for one more second before I push him away from me. “That was a mistake,” I say, my hand coming up to my mouth as my fingertips touch my lips that can still feel his lips on mine. “That was a big mistake.”
All he does is nod his head and leave without saying anything. I don’t bother watching him walk down the steps, instead I close the door. The sound of the click echoes throughout my apartment and I’m sure the staircase. I lock the door, another sound that seems louder than it ever was before. My head falls to the door as I close my eyes, and I can still picture his eyes right before he kissed me. It was the same look in his eyes all those years ago. “He’s with someone,” I tell myself before I push off from the door and go to the bathroom.
I turn the water on in the sink, avoiding looking at myself in the mirror. The guilt of me kissing a man who is with someone isn’t a look I want to see. I turn the shower on, stepping in and putting my head back so the water can run down my face. Even when I get out of the shower, I avoid looking at myself as I slip on my shorts and tank top.
I peek in on Avery, who is out for the count. Today has been the most she’s ever done at the fair. She must have done that teacup ride ten times in a row, happily showing the girl her bracelet each time. I bend to kiss her forehead. “I love you,” I whisper to her, and all she does is turn over on her side.
I tiptoe out of the room toward mine and slide into bed. My lips still tingle from the kiss. “Asshole,” I hiss when I lie down and think about the kiss I shouldn’t be thinking about. “He just kisses me,” I blurt out. “You let it happen also.” I’m about to argue back to myself when the beep from my phone makes me turn to look at the side table where it came from.
I just stare at it as another beep comes in, this time I reach out and grab the phone, seeing it’s a text from Stefano.
Are you up?
I don’t know why I answer him. I should just put the phone down and ignore it.
No.
I’m about to turn on the do not disturb when the phone rings in my hand. Seeing his name pop up just gets me angrier that he’s put us both in the situation. Maybe he’s used to doing things behind his girlfriend’s back, but I’m not going to enable him. I press the green button. “Hello,” I answer, waiting for him to say something.
“Hi,” he says, letting out a huge deep breath, making my stomach get all these damn flutters. Why is him breathing out such a turn-on?
“Listen.” My voice comes out a little higher than I want it to, and you can definitely hear the pissed-off tone. “I am all for you being a dad to Avery, but that is where it ends with us.”
I wait for him to say something to apologize for putting both of us in this awkward place, but instead, he shocks me with his question. “Go on a date with me?”
The shock quickly leaves and it’s replaced with rage, and I sit up in bed. “Excuse me?” I ask him because what if I think he asked me out but instead he asked me to take Avery out?
“Go on a date with me?” he repeats the same question, but this time I know I heard right.
“Are you insane?” I snap out. “I am not going to date a man who is dating someone else. This isn’t Sister Wives.” I shake my head. “The audacity.”
“Addison,” he says my name softly, “I’m not dating anyone.” His words stop me from cursing him out.
“What?” I ask, shocked by this news. “When?” I toss the covers off me and get out of bed. The nerves are running through me so fast that sitting down is going to drive me crazy, so instead I just pace my small bedroom.
“When we first met to talk about Avery.” His voice is soft and all I can do is sit on the bed.
“Why didn’t you say anything?” I close my eyes, wishing I knew this before he kissed me so I could have—I don’t know—made it last longer. Maybe jump his bones at my front door. Maybe climb him like a monkey and never let him go.
“You never asked,” he replies, and I take the phone away from my ear and put it on speakerphone.
“What was I supposed to ask you exactly?” I chuckle nervously. “Oh, hey there, did you tell the blonde who chased you around all night at the wedding that you’re a dad?” I wish I had an off switch when it came to my mouth and being nervous.
“I don’t know,” he huffs “maybe because you care,” and all I can do is gawk at the phone.
“You made me think I was the other woman,” I hiss at him. “Do you know how bad I felt?”
“I’m sorry, I never meant for you to feel that.” His voice is so soft and sounds so sincere, I have to close my eyes before I do something stupid like ask him to come over. “Go out with me on a date. I want to date you, Addison. Like a real date. Like a woman and a man go out together, even though they already have a child.”
“No.” I shake my head.
“Okay, fine,” he sighs. “I would like to have you and Avery over for lunch tomorrow.” I’m about to say no to that also, but then his voice catches me off guard. “I want to show you and Avery the house.”
“Fine,” I finally give in. “But just a visit.”
“Fine,” he relents, “for now.” I can’t help the smile that fills my face, and I’m happy he can’t see it. “I’ll text you the address. Come over as soon as you guys wake up and we can make breakfast together.” I just nod my head. “I’ll see you tomorrow, bright and early,” he says, his voice sounding like he’s smiling. “What time does she usually get up?”
“Depends. It could be six a.m., or it could be nine. It’s Russian roulette on the weekend,” I tell him. “I’ll text you when she wakes up.”
“Sounds good,” he says and I’m about to hang up. “Sweet dreams.” His voice dips right before he hangs up.
I stare down at the phone, my head once again spinning because of him. “He broke up with his girlfriend,” I tell my dark room as I put the phone down on the side table. Getting back into bed, I quickly fall asleep. When I feel little fingers on my face, my eyes flicker open, but then I jump when Avery just stares at me, scaring the shit out of me.
“Morning, Mom,” she says, as if I didn’t almost have a heart attack. “I’m hungry.”
“What time is it?” I mumble as I turn over and grab my phone, seeing it’s seven thirty. I also see Stefano has already texted me.
I’m up.
I check the time stamp and see it was at 7:00 a.m. I wonder if he set the alarm or just woke up. I see another one from six minutes ago.
I forgot to give you my address.
I stretch out and then reply to him.
Just got up, give us thirty.
I’ll be here waiting for you guys.
I look over at Avery. “Let’s get dressed and go for breakfast,” I tell her and her eyes open big. She jumps out of bed and rushes to her room to get dressed and then comes to find me in the bathroom while I brush my teeth.
I toss on a pair of beige linen shorts and a white spaghetti-strap top. I’m lucky that before my parents cut me off I was always shopping and buying clothes. Sure, the clothes are somewhat outdated, but some pieces are still good. Avery opts for a princess shirt with matching shorts that Vivienne sent to her last week. I draw the line when she walks out with her tiara on her head. “Is today a special day?”
“Not today,” I inform her, and she pouts. “But you can wear it all day once we get home.” Which seems to satisfy her. We walk out of the house and I punch in the address, and when we turn onto his street, I know all of a sudden, we are in a different tax bracket. I know because I grew up in a similar house, maybe a touch bigger. But definitely in a neighborhood where we knew everyone had money. My eyes almost pop out of my head when the GPS tells me I have reached my destination. I’m about to tap the phone, thinking there is a mistake, but the front door opens and Stefano steps out onto the porch. He’s wearing blue shorts with a matching blue shirt. He walks down the steps with no shoes on, coming to my car. “This house is a mansion.” I gasp, right before he opens the back door.
“Hi,” he says, bending to kiss her neck as he unbuckles her seat belt. “Good morning.” He kisses her again. “I just put bacon and sausage in the oven.”
“I like pancakes,” Avery says to him as she gets out, and he picks her up to carry her. I slowly get out of the car, trying not to freak out at how huge this house is. “Whose house is this?” I hear Avery ask him as he walks up the stairs. “You live in a mansion.” He just chuckles at her.
“No, I don’t,” he denies as he opens the front door and then places her down on her feet before turning to wait for me.
“That’s what Momma said.” She throws me under the bus, and I gasp.
“I did not.” I try to lie, but my daughter is shaking her head.
“She did.” She points at me, then turns around. “This is nice.”
“If you want, you can go upstairs and see if you can find the room I made for you,” he suggests as I step in. A spiral staircase sits in the middle of the house, and I about groan, of course it comes with a spiral staircase. “Be careful,” he warns her as she walks up the stairs.
He turns to look at me when she gets to the top and turns to walk toward an open door. “Hi,” he repeats to me, closing the distance between us before he wraps an arm around my waist, pulling me even closer to him. My heart starts to speed up. “Thanks for coming.” Every single word that I’ve ever learned is thrown out the window. I have no vocabulary in my body, none. “We have to talk. We do.” I don’t know if he’s asking me or telling me.
“We do?” I say and then I’m interrupted when I hear Avery squealing and then running to the railing.
“There is a princess bed!” she shouts, looking through the spindles. “It’s a big princess bed with a dresser and everything.” She looks at Stefano. “Can I play with the toys?”
“You can do what you want. It’s yours,” he replies, and she squeals right before she runs back into the room.
“Come and have some coffee. We can talk before she comes back downstairs.” He drops his arm around my waist and slips his hand into mine. “I’ll give you the tour after,” he tells me as we walk past what looks like an office, and on the other side, I think, is a dining room, but all there is are hanging lights with no table.
I stop in my tracks when we walk into the kitchen that has a little table off to the side, but there is a huge island in the middle of the room with six stools tucked under. But it’s the attached family room that makes my feet stop. It’s what I always thought my family room would look like. It’s what I’ve always dreamed my family room would look like. Definitely not like the family room I grew up in, where everything had a place, and you were afraid to touch anything. Where pictures were displayed because of who was in the pictures and not because it was a nice picture. No, this room is where you know it’s okay to curl up on the couch. Where you can sit and have a movie night with throw blankets. Where you can lie down and take a little nap.
A huge couch sits in the room that can seat a lot of people, with a big square table in the middle facing a fireplace. A big-screen television is hanging above it. “This is—” I start to say as he lets go of my hand and walks into the kitchen. “This is perfect,” I tell him softly before I smell the coffee, turning to watch him put another pod in the coffee maker.
“Where do you want to sit?” he asks me, grabbing the milk from the fridge and pouring a bit in each cup.
“The couch, if it’s okay,” I say, trying to hide how badly I want to sit down and curl my feet under myself.
He walks toward the couch with both cups of coffee and waits for me to follow him before he hands me a cup and I sit down, but not the way I want. I take a sip while Stefano faces me. “Do you know what I do for work?” he asks.
“I don’t.” I just look at him, placing the cup of coffee on the big wooden table. I look for coasters in the middle, where a big square tray holds remotes and a notepad, but nothing else.
“I’m a forensic accountant,” he says, putting his own cup on the table, so I don’t feel as bad.
“What does that mean?” I tilt my head to the side and he leans back onto the couch.
“They hire me to investigate financial inconsistencies, misappropriation of funds, and irregularities with the company, and to investigate fraud and cybercrimes,” he tries to explain it to me. “I work for private companies also and, well, the government—but I can’t discuss that.”
“How?” My curiosity is piqued.
“A computer is not the sacred place people think it is,” he says with a smirk. “People use those things without a second thought, thinking that things can be deleted.” He folds his hands together as he sits forward. “News flash, they can’t.” He grabs his cup of coffee and takes another sip. “So I go in and find out what’s wrong, and they either change it or people get fired.” He shrugs. “But then sometimes the board of directors calls me in and asks me to see if everything is up to par and, well, no one likes when I show up.”
“How did you even get a job like that?”
“It started when I was younger.” He smiles. “I started hacking into things here and there.”
“What does that mean?” I ask him, knowing there is something more to that.
“Well, one year, I think it was Stone, he was failing math, and he asked if I could change his grade. So, I hacked the system and his forty-nine got changed to a seventy-nine.” I gasp.
“Did anyone find out?” I ask him.
“Yeah, the teacher did when his parents didn’t show up to have a meeting with them.” I put my hand to my mouth. “Obviously, I didn’t only change his grade, I changed a few, so they chalked it up to a system error.”
I shake my head. “That’s interesting.” I pick up my cup of coffee.
“I guess it is, but I’m not going to lie, I shit the bed when I found out that they called in the authorities to see if anything else was compromised. My thug life was short-lived,” he confesses, his voice soft, but then laughs. “I mean, I did hack the internet when my cousin Franny had a sex tape.” My mouth hangs open. “And then Uncle Matthew needed some info on someone. What I’m saying is, I need you to be honest with me.”
I put the cup of coffee down, finally realizing what he is saying. “Or you’ll find out yourself.” I swallow down the lump in my throat. There really isn’t anything for him to find out that he doesn’t already know, except for the fact my credit score is shit and I’m in debt up to my eyeballs, but I’m slowly working my way out of it.
“In not so many words.” He makes sure he stares in my eyes when he says the next part, “Or I’ll have someone do it from my team so I don’t feel guilty.”
“Someone from your team?” I ask him and he nods his head.
“Yeah, a couple of guys from the same class as me decided to open a firm and, well, now we are the most sought out firm in the world. There are different divisions in the company. We started with just the three of us, and now we have over one hundred people working for us.” He looks down and then looks up again. “I’m sorry for leaving you to do it all by yourself.”
My hand flies out to put on his arm, the way his voice cracked rocks me to my core.
“You didn’t know.”
“But now I do, and it’s time to do my share,” he declares to me. “You don’t live the high life, and I can’t even think about the struggle you had without hating myself. So, I need you to be honest with me.” He blinks away the big tears. “And tell me about what you owe.”
“I’ve got it under control,” I reply, not really sure what else to say. “Now, I do.” I avoid looking into his eyes as I hold the cup and look down in it. “But it wasn’t always like that.”
“I want to know,” he nudges, and for the first time I finally let someone in.
“Well, after I made my stance that I was not going to give up the baby or terminate my pregnancy, all financial aid from them stopped. My allowance didn’t come one month and I was like whatever, but then I got a nice notice from the school that I owed them for the tuition, which was fourteen thousand dollars.” I shake my head. “And then, if that wasn’t bad enough, when I went to the doctor the month after, I found out my health insurance wasn’t going to cover Avery. For the first time in my life, I was literally alone.” I see his hands clench into fists. I’m back to feeling the despair like I was that day. I felt like I had nowhere to turn, feeling like the world would swallow me up. Every day I got up and wondered how I would go on, but I fought for everything we have. I worked my ass off, and it’s finally coming back to me. “And then she was born premature, so there was six weeks in the NICU.” I wipe away the tear. “But I’m on a payment plan,” I say, proud of myself. Proud that no matter how my parents told me I would fail, I didn’t.
“How much?” he asks the big question.
“It doesn’t matter.” I finally look up at him. “It’s fine now. We’re doing okay.”
“How much, Addison?” he repeats, and this time his teeth are clenched.
“It’s not much,” I try to lie, but then his words play back in my head, I can find out anything. “It’s a little over three hundred thousand.”
