“What?”
Sebastian gives me a slow, sexy smile, and he leans a little closer. “I want you to kiss me, April.”
I stare at him, lost for words. He cannot be serious.
His eyes drop to my lips, and I feel myself being pulled towards him. Somehow, I regain my composure.
“Well,” I whisper. “This lying whore has better taste.”
“Shut up.” His lips drop to my neck, and he kisses me softly there. My eyes close as I feel the flutter of arousal running through me.
Oh, that’s nice.
Stop it.
“Sebastian.” I step back from him, creating some much-needed distance. “Your dick isn’t that good.” I raise my brows. “Now, if you don’t mind…” I gesture to the door. “Get out of my way so I can leave.”
Sebastian puts his hands in his pockets, and he tilts his jaw, clearly agitated.
I open the door in a rush, brush past him, and I march down the hall.
Why is that feeling still there between us when it’s been years?
We are finished.
Done.
I walk into the bathroom, slam the door shut behind me, and then I stare at my reflection in the mirror. My heart is racing, and my face is flushed.
Fuck!
I need to get a handle on these hormones. I shouldn’t want him. I don’t want him.
I stare at my lying face, I hate that I do.
I lie in bed and pretend to watch a rerun of some crap detective show.
I went to bed early to try and catch up on some sleep, and yet here I am, still tuned in to the television.
My mind is on all things Sebastian Garcia.
I know that I’m wrong—I’m under no disillusions—but I have this ridiculous feeling that, underneath all the bullshit, he’s a good man. But I know it’s not true, how could it be true when he’s treated me so appallingly?
My mind keeps going over my meeting with Helena, his ex-wife, and I wonder what he saw in her. She just doesn’t seem like the kind of woman that he would like at all. I can’t imagine him and her together. It’s just… I don’t know.
That’s the thing: I don’t know anything anymore. I guess, once upon a time, I couldn’t imagine myself being without my ex-husband either. Yet, here I am.
My phone beeps with a text. It’s Sebastian.
I’m thinking about you.
Shit.
My heart drops. Why is he thinking about me?
Worse still, why am I thinking about him?
This man is an asshole. He’s treated me so badly. It makes me sick. I turn my phone off and throw it onto the bedside table.
He doesn’t want me. He wants the last say, that’s all.
I feel anxious, and worse than that, I feel an attachment for a man that I shouldn’t have. I keep defending him to myself in my mind, and I know I shouldn’t be.
Get out of my head, Mr. Garcia.
I sit in the backseat of the car as the driver drives us toward the city. We’ve been out visiting clients all day, and I’m exhausted.
Bart’s phone rings. “Hi, Sebastian.”
My eyes flick over to him.
“Yes, sure,” he replies casually. “We’ll be right over. We can swing by now.” He hangs up. “Just call into Downing Street, please,” he says to the driver,
The driver turns left. “Sure.”
“We’ll only be there for fifteen minutes. We’ve got to pick up some programs we need to run through the security settings. I want to work on them over the weekend.” Bart looks at me. “We can drop them back on Monday. Don’t forget, April, that we leave on Monday afternoon for three nights.”
”I’m looking forward to it,” I smile. “Where did you say we were going again?”
“We’re going on the campaign trail.”
“The campaign trail?” I frown.
“Yes, you know, as the acting crisis management team.”
I stare at him, deadpan. “We’re going away with Sebastian Garcia?”
“That’s right. There will be about twenty-five of us in total. Sebastian has press releases that we need to check. Especially now with the Theodore issue. We will be traveling with them over the next six weeks.”
I fake a smile.
Great. Just great.
This is a nightmare waiting to happen.
As the car drives into the parking lot, I feel a little bit more of my confidence subside. Sebastian Garcia brings out the weakling in me.
I hate that about him.
Twenty minutes later, we are walking down the corridor, and we make it to Sebastian’s floor.
I don’t want to see him today; I just don’t.
“I’ve got some emails that I need to get to,” I say. “I might just stay out of today’s visit, if that’s okay?”
“Of course.” Bart walks down towards the office. “I won’t be long.”
I take a seat at a desk in one of the waiting rooms. I open my computer and get to work on my emails. Not five minutes later, I notice someone standing at the door. I look up to see Sebastian.
“What are you doing?” he asks in his deep, sexy voice.
“I’m working.” I look back at my computer.
“Why aren’t you coming into our meeting?”
“I have other more important things to get to today.”
“Like what?”
I try and think of something without sounding pathetic.
“I’m having trouble with my software. It’s not working for me.” That’s not a total lie. I am having trouble with a few things.
He pushes his hands into the pockets of his suit jacket and walks into the office.
He gives me a slow, sexy smile. “I find that hard to believe,” he says.
I look up and frown at him. “What do you mean?”
“I happen to know that your software is the best there is.”
Our eyes lock, and we stare at each other. The double meaning of his sentence is not lost.
By software, he means my vagina.
Vivid memories of us rolling around in the sheets fill my mind. Dangerous things that shouldn’t be in my head.
“Well, your time with my software is well and truly over, Mr. Garcia.” I straighten my spine to try and appear in control.
He gives me a smile. “We’ll see.” He turns towards the door and then turns back. “Oh, and April?”
“Yes.”
“Why didn’t you reply to my text the other night when I told you I was thinking about you?”
“I was busy.”
“Doing what?”
“Ignoring you, Sebastian. Go back to work. You’re annoying.”
“This conversation isn’t over.” With one last sexy look, he disappears up the hall.
For some stupid reason, I bite my lip to stop myself from smiling.
He is one hot asshole, I’ll give him that.
I happen to know that your software is the best that there is.
Idiot.
“Just this way, please.” The waiter leads us through the restaurant, up to a mezzanine level at the back. The waiter pulls out my chair, and I take a seat.
I’m here tonight to tell Duke that we can’t see each other anymore.
This restaurant has high security and is one of the few places in town that Duke isn’t photographed in.
As fun as it’s been, and as wonderful as he’s been in my life, lately, I just don’t want to see him at all, which is weird because all I do seem to want to do is lie around and think about that bastard Garcia.
Either way, it’s unfair to Duke, and I want him to be happy. I want him to find the woman of his dreams, get married, have children, and be happy.
Tonight is the first step in him doing that. I’m going to end it once and for all, and I’m not going to let him talk me out of it. We’re good friends, and he’s someone that’s been a constant in my life for a couple of years now, but we don’t want the same things anymore. I don’t know if we ever did.
When he was into partying, it was all great, but now he wants to settle down, and I’m not there with him. For the life of me, I don’t understand why.
But it is what it is, and I figure if I have to try and analyze this so hard to understand it, something is wrong.
“Can I get you a drink?” the waitress asks.
“I’ll have a margarita, please,” I smile as I hand the drinks menu back to her.
“And I’ll have a whiskey sour,” Duke says with a smile.
“Okay, we have some specials on the cocktail list tonight at the bar. I can get the first one for you, but you will have to go to the bar to purchase any you want after that.”
“Okay, fantastic.”
She disappears through the crowd, and my attention falls back to Duke.
“So,” he says. “I haven’t seen you much.”
I give him a sad smile. “I’ve just got so much on with work lately,” I pause as I try to articulate my feelings. Let’s get through dinner before I lay it all out on the table. “What’s going on with you?” I ask to change the subject.
“We go into a training camp next week.”
“Is that here or are you going away?”
“France for three weeks.”
“Fun,” I smile.
The waitress arrives with our drinks. We smile and thank her when she puts them in front of us.
I take a sip. “Oh, this is good.” I smile, and just as I glance over, I see three security guards walking into the restaurant, behind them I see Sebastian walking as he follows the waiter. He has a woman with him. She has long dark hair and is wearing a red dress.
Who the fuck is she?
I watch them sit down at the table. Sebastian says something, and the lady in red laughs in response. He gives her that sexy smile I’ve seen so many times.
I think about you all day, and I dream about you all night.
What a load of fucking shit.
I snap my eyes back to Duke as my blood begins to boil.
“Didn’t you say you were away next week?” Duke asks.
“Umm.” I sip my drink, completely distracted by the douche on the other side of the restaurant. “Yes, with work for a few days.”
“Where are you going?”
“Kent.”
My eyes go back to Sebastian. He’s wearing blue jeans, a cream linen suit jacket, and a white shirt. It sets off his dark hair and olive skin perfectly. I tear my eyes away angrily. Damn him.
So much for wanting me. Another lie.
Why did I think that anything that comes out of that man’s mouth is credible?
Asshole.
“What’s in Kent?” Duke asks as my eyes travel back to Sebastian across the room.
The woman in red says something, and he laughs before he says something back.
“April?” says Duke, interrupting my thoughts.
I snap my eyes back to Duke. “I’m sorry.” I’m totally distracted. “Yes, I’ll be with Bart.”
Duke frowns. “Are you okay?”
“Um.’ I frown and tuck my hair behind my ear. Oh my God, April, stop it.
Who cares about Sebastian?
Duke takes my hand over the table. “I’ve missed you these last few weeks,” he says.
I wanted to wait until after dinner, but I need to tell him now.
I give him a sad smile. “Duke,” I whisper. “I think we both know where this is going.”
I glance up to see Sebastian has now spotted me, he’s glaring over here.
Duke is holding my hand.
Oh, fuck me…
This night can’t get any worse.
“No, we need to make this better,” Duke insists. “How can we see each other more? I know you’re so busy with work.”
“Sweetie,” I whisper. “Remember, we talked about wanting different things?”
Duke’s eyes hold mine, and I give his hand a gentle squeeze. “I want you, April.”
I smile sadly. “I don’t want marriage and babies, Duke, and I know you do. I’m not holding you back anymore.”
“Stop it.”
“I can’t say it more than I already have. It is what it is. You need to believe me this time. We can’t keep having this conversation. It’s not fair on either of us.”
“Ready to order?” the waitress asks, interrupting us.
“Oh.” Duke opens his menu as my phone beeps with a text. I put the phone onto my lap so I can read it discreetly. It’s Sebastian.
Get to the bar, now!
My eyes flick up to see him glaring across the restaurant at me. He has got to be fucking joking.
Go to hell!
A reply bounces back.
Okay, fine.
I’ll come over to your table to see you.
Fuck!
This man is infuriating. I don’t want poor Duke to think that Sebastian is the reason I don’t want to see him anymore. I see Sebastian making his way to the bar. He picks up a menu, and then his furious eyes find mine once more.
Christ on a cracker.
“What will it be?” the waitress smiles.
I fake a smile and open the menu. I couldn’t care less about this fucking food. First thing on the list, I choose. “Risotto, please.” I snap the menu shut. “Thank you.” She takes Duke’s order and scribbles her notes, then wanders off.
I just want this night over with and get the hell out of here.
Ugh, men…who dates these idiots for fun?
My phone vibrates on my lap, and I look over to Sebastian typing.
Oh my God, he cannot be serious?
My phone keeps vibrating on my lap.
Fuck.
“I’m going to look at the cocktail special board,” I fake a smile and stand.
“Already?” Duke frowns.
“Yep. What do you want?”
“Surprise me.”
I casually walk over to the bar. Sebastian’s eyes drop to my toes and back up to my face, and he raises his chin.
Well, bring it, asshole. I’m angrier than you.
I stand beside him at the bar and pick up a menu to pretend to read.
“What?” I whisper.
Sebastian’s eyes stay fixed on the menu in front of him. “You’re on a fucking date?”
My eyes shoot up to him. “Are you serious?”
“Deadly,” he says through gritted teeth.
My eyes go back to my menu. “Listen here, you fucking asshole,” I smile sweetly. “I don’t know what crack you’re snorting, or who the fuck you think that you are—”
“What will it be?” the barman asks.
“Um.” Sebastian and I quickly look at the specials choices. “Two dirty martinis, please,” I smile.
“Make that four,” Sebastian grimaces.
The bartender turns his back to us and gets to work.
“I’m so glad you think about me all day and dream about me all night,” I whisper. ”So, in your dreams, are we having a threesome with your fucking date?”
“You’re one to talk,” he fumes. “You’re actually dating him?”
“That’s none of your business.”
“It’s all of my fucking business.”
I can feel the adrenaline pumping through my body. Nobody pisses me off more than Sebastian Garcia.
I flick my hair over my shoulder. “Go back to your date, Sebastian.”
“I’m here because my sister made me come.”
“Ha! Don’t insult my intelligence. You’re here because she’s beautiful, and you’re going to have sex with her tonight.”
“I’m not.”
“Oh, yes, you fucking are.”
“It was a blind date.”
“Sure, it was.” I grip the edge of the bar tightly.
“So, he’s your boyfriend?” His eyes hold mine.
I look over to see Duke innocently scrolling through his phone. Damn it. Why can’t Duke make me feel alive like this asshole does?
“I’m actually here to tell him I can’t see him anymore. So, thank you for stressing me out before I even get the chance to do it.”
“Why can’t you see him anymore?”
I stare straight ahead, unwilling to answer.
“Is it because of me?”
“What?” I screw my face up. “You’re delusional.”
“Why then?”
“Sebastian,” I grit my teeth, so I don’t have a full temper tantrum. “I am not interested in talking to a man while he is on a date with another woman. Go back to her.”
He looks around the restaurant. “Let’s go.”
“What?”
“Fuck this. Let’s just leave. Neither of us want to be here with them. We have things we need to discuss.”
I drag my hand down my face. “You would actually do that to her?”
“I would take her home first, of course. Let’s do that.” He glances at his watch. “Can we meet at, say, eleven?”
“What?”
“I have security with me.”
I pretend to look at the menu.
“Near the door.”
I look over and see two men in suits standing to the side of the entrance. “I saw them before.”
“Once I’m home for the night, they leave me alone,” he says. “You could come over to my place if you wanted to.”
I stare at him, deadpan.
This man is a fucking idiot. “I have nothing to say to you other than you’re a douche, and I feel sorry for your date.”
He smiles softly as his eyes hold mine. “It’s good to see you.”
My heart somersaults in my chest.
Don’t look at me like that.
“Don’t, Seb,” I whisper.
“April, we have things to talk about. You know we do. We need a clean slate before we go away next week.”
“You’re going to ruin everything. This job is really important to me, and I don’t want to fuck it up. If Bart finds out about any of this—”
“He won’t.”
“Please, Sebastian, stop this. We have a past. That’s it.”
He stares at me.
“Just leave the past where it belongs, back there. I don’t want anything to do with you now. I’m not the same girl you knew back then.”
He clenches his jaw as his eyes hold mine.
“Here you go.” The bartender puts the four drinks onto the counter.
“Thank you,” Sebastian says. “Put them on my bill.” He picks up his drinks, and with one last lingering look, he says, “Goodbye, Bennet.” He turns and walks back to his table, and my heart drops in disappointment.
So, that’s it? He’s just giving up? Of course, he is.
I mean, I don’t want him, but it would have been nice if he fought a little harder.
Maybe he is into his date?
What the hell is wrong with me? He makes me act and feel like an errant, indecisive teenager.
With a heavy exhale, I make my way back to the table. “What’s this?” Duke asks as I put the two cocktails down.
“Dirty Martini,” I smile.
Duke takes a sip, and I watch him for a moment as guilt rolls around in my heart. “You’re a really great guy, Duke.”
He smiles sadly. “But…”
“But we both know that this is our last date.”
His gaze drops to his glass. “If it’s our last date, can we at least make it worth it?”
My eyes hold his. “No, baby.” I take his hand over the table. “No more lovemaking. No more dates. No more booty calls. Just fond memories from here on in.”
“I’m going to miss you.”
“I’m going to miss you, too.” I squeeze his hand in mine. “Hey, but it was fun, right?”
He smiles sadly and nods. “I don’t know what you’re looking for, babe, but I hope you find him.”
My eyes fill with tears, and it’s unexpected.
I don’t know what I’m looking for, either, but I don’t think I’ll ever find him.
Because someone who can make me feel whole again doesn’t exist.
Duke begins to chatter on and talk about his day, but my mind is far away.
How did I get like this? So cold and detached?
My ex-husband has a lot to answer for.
It’s not that he slept with someone else. It’s not about the infidelity.
Far from it.
Something in my DNA changed that day, it altered who I was as a person.
And I miss her.
I’m feeling over-emotional and teary-eyed. I need to pull myself together. I just need to get through dinner, and then I can fall apart when I get home.
“I’m just going to the bathroom.”
I walk down the corridor at the side of the restaurant and into the bathroom. It’s a single cubicle with its own sink and mirror. I wash my hands and stare at my reflection in the mirror. I feel fragile.
My eyes well with tears. God, April, pull yourself together.
What’s wrong with me? I’m never teary.
The door handle turns, telling me that someone else is waiting to use the restroom. “Just a minute!” I call.
I wipe the makeup from under my eyes, and I pinch my cheeks and shake my hands before I exhale heavily and open the door.
Sebastian’s big brown eyes meet mine.
He steps into the bathroom, forcing me back, and he closes the door behind him.
Without a word, he takes my face in his hands and kisses me. His lips are soft, his intent is strong, and I screw up my face against his.
His tongue dances against mine.
“I couldn’t go home without kissing you,” he whispers against my lips.
And I feel it for the first time in forever.
I feel it to my toes.
Please, God, don’t let it be him.
