Ihad been crying and nearly lost my shit while Jim drove me away from Addy at her grandparents’ house. I had to just close my eyes, stay quiet, and breathe through everything that kicked me in the ass up until now. Today had been hell to say the very least. My life was a goddamn tornado, and Jim had just gotten to experience the worst part of it. My emotions were everywhere, and after sitting in jury selection all day, my car overheating, and my daughter being stranded, I had reached my limit.
I couldn’t believe my dirt bag of an ex decided to confront Jim, though I should have. Couldn’t Derek see that, when Jim stepped out of his car, the man towered over him? I’d seen the biceps Jim sported, and I wasn’t surprised when Jim blocked Derek’s punch. Jim was a better man than I was a woman in that respect. I saw him exercise self-control that I couldn’t imagine any man having after someone tried to throw a punch at them. With Jim’s scorched-earth look I’d seen so many times? I would have sworn Jim would follow through and send Derek to the ground. Instead, being the man he is, he opted for the better route—the route that kept me from screaming and cussing out Derek while Jim beat his ass. He walked away and got me safely out of there after I knew the house was locked, Derek was gone, and the cops were on their way to make sure the asshole didn’t show back up at the house. What a fucking life I had.
Jim remained quiet while I continued to pull myself together, eyes still closed. I was doing great until I felt the car moving, then slowing, then moving again.
Must be in traffic. It’s okay. Just stay calm, Avery. Please, God, just breathe. It’s okay. I’m okay. I inwardly reached for meditative and supportive words, feeling a panic attack bubbling up. I couldn’t let my mind get the best of me. Not right now. I kept whispering thoughts of reassurance to myself to prevent my heart from racing wildly out of control.
I lost my battle against these emotions of doom I was experiencing in a panicked state of mind. My heart was beating faster than a rabbit’s and when I felt the car slowing again, I felt trapped in the vehicle. I opened my eyes to gain my bearings. Bad idea. We were stuck in traffic on the freeway. Fuck. I needed out of this concrete jungle. I felt stuck with no way out, and my anxiety spiked instantly. I fucking hated panic attacks and now I was my own mind’s victim.
“Fuck. Fuck. Fuck,” I said, leaning over and burying my face in my hands. “Fuck.”
“Hey.” Jim’s hand was on my back. “Avery.”
“You have to get me out of here. Please get out of this. The freeway, get off,” I said through my hands. I made no sense, but I felt like I was suffocating and couldn’t say the right words if I wanted to. “Please, please. Jim, I need off. I need to get out of the car.”
“Hang on, sweetheart,” he said calmly. “I have to get to the exit. We’re jammed up for a second.”
I threw my head back, gasping for air, sweating, and trembling. “Please.” I was bawling now. “Just let me out here.”
Jim hit the accelerator, and my body was pinned to the seat by the G-forces of the car. My eyes reopened to see Jim, speeding past stopped traffic on the shoulder of the road. I held on for dear life.
“This is illegal,” I managed.
“So is walking on the side of the freeway,” Jim said, then veered off the freeway and maneuvered the vehicle through city streets.
He stopped the car, and I didn’t give a shit where we were. I had to run this shit out of my system, or I was going to have a stroke. I was out of the car, taking off like a bat out of hell in my ballet flats, feeling like I couldn’t run fast enough.
I wanted to scream it all away. I wanted to take my daughter and disappear, never to be found again—my God, I wanted Derek gone no matter what it took. I’d never felt hatred burning so hot in my veins until now. I pushed myself harder with every stride I took. I saw what looked like a park entrance to my right and then stopped to see if my endorphins had curbed my anxiety.
I bent over, gripping my knees and just focused on good, healthy deep breaths. My heart was still racing, but my breathing was helping me to keep it all leveled out. I felt myself calming down—enough, anyway, to wonder if Jim had just dropped me and took off when he experienced enough of the crazy in my coping mechanisms…and my life in general.
“Forrest Lawn Cemetery?” he questioned in a way that had me look up at him to see if he was teasing about where I’d ended up. “Good as anything, I guess.” He looked down at me and half-smiled.
I noticed the man had managed to at least get his suit jacket off and still catch me. I looked over at his brown leather shoes. “I’m sorry I just put you through that,” I said. “I had to get it out. I swear I felt like I was going to have a heart attack or stroke in that traffic.”
Jim placed his hands on his hips. “How are you feeling now?”
“Like I still have to run this out of my system.”
“Well, Griffith Observatory is that way.” He pointed down the street where the freeway overpass crossed over. “Beautiful night to observe stars.” He shrugged.
“Right.”
The sensation of being scared out of my life for no reason came bubbling back up. “Can we keep running?”
“We can run all the way to Bakersfield if that helps you, but are you sure your feet can handle it?” He grinned.
“I’m more worried about the impending stroke than my feet falling off,” I tried to tease.
I took off, jogging next to Jim, not needing the crazy-ass full speed run I’d needed from earlier. My crazy, panic run ended with me and Jim at Griffith Park, overlooking the lights of downtown LA.
“Here.” Jim took my hand. “Sit with me. Unless you want to keep running?”
“Feeling like we’re out of that city and on top of the world is sort of working for me,” I said, sitting down, Jim following.
“I won’t ask you to talk about it,” he said softly.
“My crazy panic attack or the shit that caused it?” I exhaled and rubbed my forehead. “You’re a good guy, Jim. A great guy,” I said, covering the hand that he’d planted behind him to lean against. “You don’t deserve to be around this crap.”
“Neither do you,” he said.
“Yeah, I did this to myself,” I admitted.
“Are you trying to scare me off or something?”
“What?” I looked over at him.
“I am a grown-ass man last time I checked. I don’t need you trying to frighten or warn me off from what I know I want.”
“Your feet are going to hate you in the morning for this,” I changed the subject.
“What makes you think I don’t take runs daily in my work shoes?” he countered, and I saw the smile on his face.
“Really?” I said with a soft laugh.
“Yep.” He glanced up at the stars. “These things are pretty much my running shoes.”
“No shit? Some designer created a pair of men’s business shoes that work like running shoes?” I said, finding my smile again.
“For what they cost, I should be able to water ski in the mother fuckers, too. Unfortunately, I can’t.” He laughed. “Great innovative idea, though. Honestly, my feet are fucked tomorrow. They’re not only dress shoes, but they’re also brand new and not broken in yet.”
“Oh, damn.” I cringed. “Jesus, how far back is your car?”
“And the Avery I’ve fallen for is back.” He brought his arm around me, and my adrenaline started crashing with the comfort of letting myself collapse into his side.
“Your car? That thing isn’t cheap.”
“It’s back by the cemetery, most likely on blocks by now. Stripped to nothing, I’m sure.” I felt him laugh and rub along on my arm. “What about that poor car of yours?”
“Who the hell knows,” I said. “Probably getting diagnosed as dead on arrival at the towing yard.”
“Well, shit.” Jim sighed, and I could tell he was in a light-hearted mood. “You almost totaled the Ferrari in England, most likely killed your car, and my other car sits back at Forrest Lawn, awaiting its internment.”
I nudged him. “Let’s get back to your car. I still have no idea why we’re over here and not in Laguna. What made you change your mind about going there?” I asked, my mind functioning normally again.
“After we left the house, and while you seemed to be calming yourself down, I had to deal with the anomaly that there were accidents all around us. The 5 freeway was the only one opened up. So, I just figured we take that route, and bring you down through Hollywood Hills instead. Then your eyes reopened, and I believe I had taken the one open route that wasn’t agreeing with you.”
“Nothing personal. Nothing agrees with me when Derek pulls this shit. I hate him, Jim.”
“Is Addison safe with his parents?” he asked.
“Yes,” I answered. “I would’ve put her on my lap and asked you to floor it out of there if I wasn’t sure of that. She loves them, and she’s also the light of their lives. When Derek is high, he never sees her anyway. They protect her from him when he’s like that.”
“Then why bring her to him if he doesn’t plan on being with his own daughter? It seems as though you both are working things out outside of the courts. I don’t understand.”
I stiffened and pulled away from him, “You may never understand why, and I might never be able to explain to you why. All I can say is that I can’t have the courts fuck me over because of him and put my daughter in the system.”
“I assure you that the court would see his records, and see that you are a fit mom to care for her,” he said. “I can’t in any way see the courts putting Addison in the system like you fear.”
“I grew up in the system,” I said, knowing he should know about this part of my life too. “With my past as a runaway and a problem child—I feel like I’m getting paid back for all of it. All of the memories of that scare me to death that the courts could possibly rule to take Addy from me and Derek. My past, his current fucked up life—all of it.”
“Don’t tell me that you’re afraid to fight for your daughter.”
“It’s not like that. I love Derek’s family. Her grandparents. They’re really good people, and they took me in as their own. They stood by my side and still do when Derek pulls this shit. Sometimes I wonder if it’s fucked up to keep this going, though, but Addy loves her papa like she should love her dad, and I can’t just remove him from her life.” I ran my hands through my hair. “I know it sounds so enabling and fucked up, but I’m doing my best. I really am.” I felt my voice crack.
“Drug addicts seem to destroy everyone and everything around them while they’re intent on killing themselves. It’s the most selfish thing in the entire world. My mother did this same shit to my family. My dad, I’m sure, was as torn and distraught as you are currently. No grandparents, as you mentioned, to help my dad or for us to attach to, though.”
“It may not make sense to hear it, but we keep Derek’s bullshit away from Addy. She just knows her dad sleeps a lot, but fuck, what if the courts ruled that she couldn’t see her grandparents anymore because Derek lives with them?”
“I understand you not wanting to upset Addison. Maybe it’s not for me to say, but I sensed that she wasn’t happy to see Derek. I also did witness her mood instantly shift from wanting to stay with you and me when she saw her grandfather. She was as thrilled to see him as she’s acted when she’s seen me come out of nowhere.” He laughed.
“She’s definitely taken to you,” I said. “Can you see why, if we try this out—you and me—and it doesn’t work, it can mess her up too? You have to be certain I’m worth it. It’s not just me, it’s Addison too—and the bullshit of my ex acting like he did tonight.”
“I understand all of it. What I don’t understand, I’m willing to learn and be here to help you in any way I can. Trust me, my brother—who is very interested in meeting you—has already threatened to kick my ass if I fuck this up with you and Addy.”
“He thinks you’ll fuck it up?” I chuckled. “Nah, I’m sure it will happen from my side of the fence.”
“Remember that conversation you heard part of in England before you left me that morning?”
“The conversation I eavesdropped on and walked out on you for—even though you’d done nothing wrong at the time?”
“I disagree. While trying to figure out my feelings about relationships, I lead you on, and I saw the hurt in your eyes. Avery, if I were still confused about being able to commit to a relationship, I wouldn’t do it. If you truly allow me in, I’m not just in this with you alone, but with Addison as well.”
“So, the magnificent CEO, James Mitchell, is going to try his hand at dating a single mom?”
“He’s going to commit himself to ensure he doesn’t lose the one good thing that came into his life,” he answered. “He’s going to do his hardest to make sure Avery and Addison are the happiest two ladies on the planet too.”
“Addy will demand the moon, and you better give it to her,” I teased with a nudge to his side.
Jim laughed. “I will have to be on my game with her. I will tell you that she’s already stealing my heart. I’ve never met such an outgoing, fun, and confident child. She could probably do my job better than I can.”
“She’d run all of your employees and clients right out the door.”
“Doubt that. She’d have them eating out of her hands. She’s a smart one, like her mother.”
“Whatever I did to grab your attention, I’m thankful I did it. I can’t believe I have a caring man like you in my life. Sucks that you have to be a damn businessman, or rather a fucking CEO, though. You couldn’t just be the man who ran the small business I thought you did. It had to be some global, billion-dollar company, huh?”
“My career sucks?” he asked with a laugh. “I believe I did exceptionally well today in coming to the rescue if I do say so myself.”
“About that,” I said. “I hope I didn’t screw up your meeting or anything else.”
“I was finishing up with a client when I got your call, and then I got the hell out of there.”
“Sorry that you got the third-degree from the churchy lady.”
“You saw the car you rode in, correct?”
I started laughing, trying to imagine what the expressions must have been when Jim rolled up in his badass, wealthy-guy car. “God only knows what those women thought.”
“They thought I was a jackass, for starters. Had me practically chanting children’s safety first while Addy was mocking them from her car seat.”
“You have to watch her. She can be a little spitfire.”
“She reminded me of you,” he said. “Even if I didn’t have the car seat, I don’t think they would have won the battle of keeping Addison out of that car.”
“They wouldn’t have won the battle of keeping her away from you.” I leaned against him again, “Tell me I’m doing the right thing with this, Jim. Aside from how Addy’s treating you, she’s not like that with anyone but her Papa. I believe you’ve charmed my daughter and me.”
“Charmed?” He laughed. “I believe that’s the other way around, and if all three of us are willing to admit that, I think we are doing the right thing. I want you to know that if anything ever comes up, my phone will always be on to help you and Addy. Don’t worry about if you’re interrupting work, that’s what I have a vice president for. Call me, and I’ll help in any way I can.”
“That’s if you still have a car.”
“True.” He held me tighter, and I felt his lips on my hair. “Don’t worry about the car. It links up to my phone. If someone got near it, it would send me an alert. I have an entire app for the damn thing, and even if I didn’t, the car is the least of my concerns. Your sanity and health are my top priority.”
“Even now, while your car sits abandoned, staring at the cemetery?”
“Maybe it’ll see the ghost you never found in England.”
I laughed. “We never did see a ghost, did we?”
“That was my fault. I got carried away in the library where Henry the Eighth’s uncle is supposedly lurking. I had other things on my mind.”
“Selfish bastard,” I teased.
“As I said, I was. I was only thinking of my own needs when I let you walk out of my life that morning. I was selfish and thoughtless.” He laughed. “I have no intention of making that mistake again. My only concern now is you and what you want.”
“All I want is to feel this,” I said, snuggling against him more and looking up at the stars. “Just me, safe in your arms, and losing myself in the stars above us.”
“You owe me a foot rub for this, at least.” He chuckled, and then gently guided us both to lay back. “Do you know the constellations?”
“No. I don’t even know what they look like. Do you?”
“Somewhat. When my dad worked late and my mom forgot she’d locked Jake and me outside, Jake and I would make up images in the stars. It’s quite a fun game.”
“Okay, then.” I nestled into his side and draped my leg over his. “Show me an image up there. I just see the glitter and a bluish-black sky.”
That’s when I fully relaxed and let Jim’s soothing voice calm my nerves completely. I would check on Addy tonight and again in the morning after I woke up. If everything was still good, then she could stay until Sunday. If not, she was coming back with Jim and me.
I didn’t know where this night would lead—if I went to Jim’s house or he came to mine—but something told me we weren’t leaving each other’s sides until the executive’s elevator doors opened and he disappeared to his office on the top floor on Monday morning.
