“Innocence does not exist, as we are born into a world of unjust.” – Notes of X
X
Thursday, May 17th, 2007. 1:00 p.m.
“Governor, how do you feel about your daughter’s involvement in the recent drug scandal?”
Of course they’re bringing it up. She’s been doing nothing but partying and getting involved with people she shouldn’t be at this age. Rebelling against oppression. Must be tough, growing up with such a douchebag of a father. I sigh and shake my head. This girl …
From a distance, I watch the governor’s face grow tighter and blank as he opens his mouth. Before anything comes out, his assistant cuts him off.
“That’ll be all. Additional questions can be sent to the PR agency. Please, no more questions.” He picks up the microphone while all the reporters scream through the crowd. They want juicy news they can fill their pathetic magazines with. My parents are at his side as the governor is escorted off the stage to the parking lot. They’re surrounded and followed by photographers and journalists who keep asking questions. Keeping his mouth shut, the governor wades through them. It makes me chuckle a little, knowing that he’s pissed off at all these people. It’s funny, because he asked for it. He’s the governor; governors don’t have mishaps. They don’t make mistakes. Certainly their daughters should be nice, well-dressed and always busy with charity and helping others. Of course, that’s not reality. The governor just wants it to be.
He’s such a hypocrite. As if he’s such a great man himself. I mean, our family is looking out for his ‘best interests’ for fuck’s sake. It can’t get any more wrong than that.
I blow out the smoke from my cigarette and throw it onto the asphalt. Suddenly, a scream rises up from the crowd and my attention is drawn to it immediately. My hand reaches for my gun while I run toward it. As I come closer, I see the governor hurrying away, heavily guarded. His face is covered in yellow sludge from an egg; on his head lies the shell.
With my hand I keep the laughter from spilling out as my family scours the area. The governor yells something at my mother, his face red from anger. She nods as the governor is brought to his car. His daughter is trailing behind him. I stay near the car and watch. My ears can’t help but catch the conversations going on inside. The car door isn’t shut yet, and his daughter’s foot is still hanging out.
“Get out,” the governor yells.
“What?” she says.
“You heard me. Get the hell out of my car.”
“But …”
“No buts. You’re a disgrace! How dare you humiliate me like that!”
“I can explain …” she says.
“You’re a useless excuse for a daughter! You’re only standing in my way. I’ve had about enough of it. Clean up your act or get out.”
She slowly crawls out of the car and slams the door shut, sniffing. I can hear the muffled commands of the governor as he instructs the driver. Then the car shoots off, leaving her alone in the parking lot. She turns her head away and watches the crowd disperse. They only came to photograph and interview her father, and now that he’s gone, nobody cares anymore. She brushes her hand along her cheek and sighs. Then she turns toward me.
A flush spreads over my cheeks as she looks at me. Really looks at me. Her eyes are still the same as I remember, and they still have a magnetizing effect on me. Before, it was all fun and games. Now, it’s dead serious. I can’t let this get to me.
Closing my eyes, I turn around and call my father. “Where are you?”
“We have him. In the alley, just around the corner.”
“I’m coming,” I say, and I put the phone back into my pocket.
Suddenly there is a hand on my arm. I stop and turn around to see her looking up at me.
“Please, don’t go.”
“I have to.”
“But why? We had fun before. Why are you ignoring me?”
It’s like a stab to the heart when she says that. I’m not ignoring her. On the contrary, I’m forced to be near her and her father against my will, all because of my family. I don’t want to watch her waste her life. I don’t want to watch her get hurt by her father’s comments. I don’t want to watch her kiss other guys.
“It’s not like that,” I growl. “Yes, we had fun before.” Fun … whatever that means. Hanging out with her was fun, for a while, until it wasn’t enough anymore. It was never enough. I should’ve known this from the start. Our time together has never been anything but a threat to us both.
“Come hang out with me then. I could use a distraction,” she says, putting up a smile. She’s doing her best to persuade me, but I’m not convinced she really wants that. She doesn’t want fun. She wants to forget. That’s what she always wants and why she does all those things. And I’m supposed to be the one to catch her when she falls.
I refuse. I can’t do it. Not anymore. This has gone too far already. I should have cut it off when I had the chance.
“No. I can’t,” I say.
She frowns, so I turn around and start walking again. Instead of accepting her defeat, she stomps in front of me and puts her foot down. “You’re not leaving. You work for us. If I say you stay and hang out with me, you do exactly that.”
I laugh and shake my head. “You don’t get it, do you?” I lean forward and grab her shoulder. “I’m. Not. Hanging. Out. With. You.” I tap her chest. “You don’t pay me. Your father does, and not at all for the reasons you think. So you can demand all you like, but it’s not going to happen.”
“Why not? What changed? Stop being such an asshole! You know I need someone to talk to right now.”
“I know, but I’m not the one to lean on. You shouldn’t, ever, lean on me. I’m not that kind of person.” I grab both her shoulders and push her forward.
“Then what kind of person are you?” She folds her arms.
“Me and my family … we are not your protectors. I am not a good guy.”
She raises one eyebrow and lowers the other as she steps closer to me. Too close. Her hands are on my hips and the way she pouts as she looks up at me makes me want to cup her face and kiss her.
But I can’t. I’d rather hurt her than be hurt myself. Life is cruel. I’m even crueler. I have my family to thank for it.
“But you are. We used to hang out all the time … I don’t remember you being anything but good and fun.”
“Stop living in the past!” I shout. “I can’t do it anymore. You don’t fucking know me, at all.”
Tears spring into her eyes. “Don’t say that …”
“You think I’m here to protect you? To be your friend? Wrong. You don’t even know what my family does for a living. You don’t even know why we are here in the first place.”
“Then why are you here?”
I lean in even closer. “Did you see the man that threw the egg?”
She nods, holding her breath as I hover next to her ear. “My parents are with him. Do you know what that means?”
She shakes her head.
“He’s probably lost all his fingers by now.”
Her swallowing tells me she finally gets the picture.
I lean back and look her straight in the eye. “Run. Go to your friends. Go to the club. Do whatever you like. Live your life. But do not ever turn to me for comfort.”
Shivering, she backs away from me, and then turns and bolts away.
If only she could stay away …
***
Friday, August 16th, 2013. 5:00 p.m.
Gasping loudly, I shoot up from the bed, eyes wide open. I must have fallen asleep after our little lunch break. I have been running on nothing but fury these last couple of days. No wonder my body decided it was time to sleep. I didn’t think a short nap would hurt, but it turned into hours.
When I drop my head to the side, my captive is no longer there.
For a second, I stop breathing.
The bed is empty. Jay is gone. Every trace of her is missing. Not even her scent is here anymore.
Fuck. Fuck!
I look at the shackles and notice they’re still there, firmly attached to the bed. She must have slipped out of the cuffs somehow. She wasn’t that skinny, was she? Did she fucking work on this while I was sleeping? I rummage in my pocket, and, no surprise, the key to unlock the door is gone. No fucking way.
Scrambling off the bed, I grab some clothes and jump into them before running out the door with my gun locked in place. My cleaning lady is in front of a different door, fiddling with her key. I approach her. “Have you seen my girl pass by? Long, dark brown hair, chocolate eyes, you know what she looks like.”
She nods. “I saw a girl running down the hall a minute ago, but I couldn’t tell who she was. Did your girl run off?”
I don’t answer and pass her in a hurry, jumping steps as I storm down the stairs. I’ll catch that little bird. She can’t have gotten far.
As I open the emergency door, I look around the hotel premises. The parking lot is empty, but there’s only one thing out of the ordinary. A girl dressed in nothing but a bathrobe, frantically opening up every car door she can find. My little bird.
“There you are,” I say.
In shock she turns around and shrieks. “Stay away from me!”
She runs from one car to the next, hiding behind them as I step closer. “Fly all you want, little bird. You can’t escape this cage.”
“Fuck off!” she yells from behind the car, and then she throws something at me. Dodging it, I look back and discover it’s a hotel slipper she probably found somewhere and put on her feet. I catch the second one she throws.
“Stay away from me, you son of a bitch!” she yells.
I’m lucky the parking lot is empty at this time, otherwise this would make quite a scene. I might have had to actually kill every witness. Even her, if she doesn’t shut up.
“Now, how did you free yourself, little bird?”
“Like I would tell you,” she sneers.
I smile. “It seems the cuffs weren’t tight enough after all.” I check out her wrists and hands. There are bruising marks all over her left wrist and fingers. I guess she managed to wriggle herself out and take my key from my pocket while I was sleeping to unlock the rest. Clever girl. Must’ve hurt a lot.
“You can’t keep me here,” she says.
I take my gun from its holster and shake my arm, wrapping my fingers tightly around the trigger. “Yes I can. You can run, but you can’t escape me,” I say with a low voice. Trying to be calm is hard, but I don’t want to unnecessarily damage my property, or my car.
“Get over here right now or I will shoot,” I say.
“You won’t!” she yells, running away from the car.
I aim for the asphalt right in front of her feet. She shrieks and jumps up and down, then bolts in another direction. There, I shoot as well. Each time she turns, I shoot in that direction, causing her to feel disoriented. From a distance I can see the panic flowing through her, the sweat dripping down her forehead, and her long legs dancing to the rhythm of my gunshots.
“That’s it, little bird, flock to me and it will stop.” Each step I take makes her more skittish, more eager to run. She’s trapped, and she knows it. No matter where she runs, I will find her.
“Come to me and you’ll be safe.”
She shakes her head, tears forming in her eyes. “Safe? With you I’ll never be safe.”
“I won’t harm you as long as you obey me,” I muse, flicking the gun to get her to come to me. However, she remains unmoving.
“You want to hurt me,” she says, her voice croaky.
“Hurt. Such a strange word. I see it as punishment. And another part of the spanking is lust.” I take another step. She backs away. I point the gun at her abdomen and watch her eyes dart to the metal. She shuffles backwards.
I’m starting to lose my patience. “You will come back to the room with me. Now.”
“No. You’re a monster.”
I don’t have time for this nonsense. Grinding my teeth, I storm toward her. She launches her fist at me, but I evade it, and then poke her in the stomach with my gun. “There is no choice.”
She shrieks. “Stop! What are you doing?” I grab her arm with my free hand. “Let go of me!”
Pulling her back toward the hotel, I check my surroundings carefully, always on alert. They could be anywhere, anytime, watching us, ready to shoot. They don’t care about her life or mine. We’d be dead in a second if they saw us. Goddammit, why did I let her escape? This is fucking dangerous!
“Take your fucking hands off me!” she yells.
I drag her to a corner in the shadows and push her up against the wall of the building. “Are you fucking insane?” I tell her. “I told you, you would die if you went out there.”
“I went out there. I didn’t die.”
“Don’t mock me,” I snarl. “Have you already forgotten what I told you? That I’m not the only one who came for your head?”
“Yeah, well maybe I’d rather be taken away by them than spend one more second with you!” She spits in my face, so I push the gun further into her stomach as I wipe my face with my sleeve.
“You’ll fucking pay for that,” I say through gritted teeth. “You have no fucking clue how much you need me.”
“You must be joking,” she scoffs.
“There are men after you. Men that are exactly like me; murderous sons of bitches. Nothing will stand in the way of their killing you. Do you hear me? Nothing. Not you, not me. They would kill us both in the blink of an eye.” I hold up my finger for her to see, press it to her forehead, and then make a gunshot sound. Her eyes blink rapidly and her lips part, but nothing comes out.
“I’m the only one who can save you from them. The only one who knows how to protect you.”
“I don’t want your protection …” she mutters.
My finger drifts down her nose to her lip, dragging it down as I linger on her chin and nudge it up so she’ll finally look at me. Really look at me. So she’ll see that I’m the only thing keeping her alive.
“Your life is in my hands. It doesn’t matter if you escape; they would still find you and kill you. It’s their job and they’ll do anything to get it done. Don’t you get it? There’s no going back. You are on the hit list. It won’t end. Not when you run. Not when I die. It will never end.”
Her eyes grow watery when she finally realizes she has lost her freedom. Not to me, but to the world.
“But I can’t …” she whispers. “I don’t want more pain.”
“Pain is what you get when you don’t listen. Pain can be avoided if you do. Whether you want it or not, you are mine now. I saved your life. I will keep it safe, so long as you do what I say,” I murmur. “Anything. Everything.”
The gun is still in her side, and when I move my hand a little, she gasps. Air leaves her mouth in short breaths. I can almost taste her panic. Her fear. Her downfall.
A sigh escapes her mouth. Her shoulders drop, and her defensive stance disappears. She loosens her muscles and opens her eyes again. She’s defeated.
“I don’t want to die. I’ll do anything.”
I take a deep breath. “I am the one who keeps you alive. No one else. You live because of me. I can take it away just as quickly.”
“I know.”
“I could kill you right now if I wanted to. Nobody would care. Nobody would even know. You’d disappear.”
She sniffs. “Please don’t.”
My hand slides up her face to her cheek, caressing her. “What will you do? Run and die or stay with me and live?”
“I don’t want to die. I’ll do anything. Please … I’ll do anything.”
A slow smile builds on my face. “Good.”
A tear rolls down her cheek as I lean in, tentatively waiting for her reaction. My approach is slow, but she doesn’t object. Her lips are ready for the taking, and so I plunder them with greed. They’re finally opening up to me, allowing me to take what’s mine. Her mouth, her tongue, everything. I probe her mouth with hunger, because I want her more than anything. I’ve always wanted her.
But I also want her to pay. This is how I’ll have my revenge.
