“Passion brings us just as close to insanity as killing does.” – Notes of X
Jay
Friday, August 16th, 2013. 10:12 p.m.
For the first time in days I slept like a log. My body and mind were so tired they didn’t need more than a few seconds to shut off. I must say that this bed is quite comfortable. This room must be expensive to have all these luxuries. X probably gets all that money from killing people. I wonder if he stays here often or if he moves constantly; if he has a home.
Whatever the case, I won’t find out by dawdling. If I want to discover more about him, worm my way into his heart, I need to please him. As much as it still disgusts me, I know I rely on him to keep me from harm. I saw those guys that tried to kill us … me … they’d kill me in a heartbeat. X hesitated, which means he has double motives. He wants me, and I have to use it against him. Making him desire me is the first step; betraying him is the final step.
Besides, X is going to kill the ones who are after me. I might seem like a cold-hearted bitch, but I’m actually rooting for him. Their deaths mean that X no longer has an excuse to keep me prisoner. My cage is my safety. When the enemy outside has been vanquished, the cage is no longer needed and I will seek my freedom. I think X knows this, so he wants me broken and submissive before he’s finished the job, just to make me stay.
Oh, I will be what he desires … but only until it’s no longer needed, and then I’ll escape.
I get out of bed and open the closet. The cleaning lady placed a stack of fresh clothes there this evening when I was still asleep. I pick up a velvety see-through babydoll and stockings. There’s a matching pair of high heels on the bottom. Rolling my eyes, I put it on and look at myself through the broken mirror in the bathroom. Without makeup I look horrible, but there’s nothing here I can put on except some red lipstick that’s on the shelf. So I pick it up and smear it on my lips. It’s an ugly color, but it’ll have to do. I’ll just have to work my magic to seduce him. Oh, I’ll wind him around my finger. Just wait … he wants a twisted girl? He’ll get a twisted girl.
I take a few sips of water to make sure I’m hydrated enough to be able to go without for a while. I have a hunch I won’t be able to drink for a while when he comes home. Home. Such a funny word. This is not home. I shouldn’t even allow the word to come into my head.
I step back into the hotel room and take a deep breath. In the middle of the floor I sit down on the back of my heels, my hands in my lap. This is a posture I am familiar with, but don’t use often. It’s a sign of submission; something not a lot of men crave, but X is an exception. Waiting for him like this will make him weak for me. At least, I hope.
Patiently I wait until the lock turns and the door is opened. Holding my breath, I look up at him. For a moment he stands in the doorframe, observing me. A hint of surprise flashes in his eye, but it’s quickly replaced by wariness. With soft steps he treads inside and closes the door behind him, his eye still locked on mine. His hands drop beside him. Only then do I spot the red stains on his shirt and hands. His nails are black and crimson and his knuckles are bruised. Oh God. I wonder who he tortured now and why.
I swallow away the fear as he takes a few steps forward. Anticipating his approach, I close my eyes. But his hand never lands on my skin. My breath falters as I open my eyes again only to watch him walk into the bathroom. I turn my head and watch him wash his hands, the cold water rinsing away the dirtiness. He grabs a scrubbing brush and scrubs his nails and hands with soap. His teeth are clenched, groans of annoyance escaping his mouth as he throws the brush into the sink. I can hear him taking long, deep breaths through his nose. His nostrils flare as he rolls up his sleeves and looks at himself in the mirror. And then he just stands there, watching himself as his hand drifts to his eye and touches his burned skin. For a split second I feel remorse. Pity. But when he shifts his eye to me, it’s gone as quickly as it came.
His heavy steps make my heart thump out of my chest. He looks at me, his eye running over my curves. As he stands in front of me, looking down upon me like some king of the universe, I calm down by reminding myself why I’m doing this. It’s the only way to ever escape his grasp. Make him need me, fall for me, and even love me. And then he won’t be able to deny me my freedom anymore.
Tapping the floor, his feet are right beside me, making me nervous. “What’s this?” he says with a low voice that rumbles through my ears.
“You said I would be safe if I was obedient.”
He cocks his head, a half-smile appearing on his face. “I did say that.”
“And that you wouldn’t hurt me,” I add softly, pinching my own fingers, hoping it’ll be okay.
He starts taking off his tie, each meticulous slip of his fingers making me more uneasy. “Do you want to be punished?” he asks.
“No.”
Suddenly, his hand wraps around my hair, jerking my head up. The roots are pulled so hard it hurts.
“Say that again.”
“No, sir,” I say.
He releases me. “I think you do.”
“No, sir, why would I?” I ask, biting my lip from anxiety.
“You love the pain,” he says, flicking the tie in his hand. “Your pussy loves my hand coming down on your flesh. Don’t you deny it, you whore.”
I shudder at that word.
He leans in, cups my face and purses his lips. “Don’t like that word, huh?”
“I’m not a whore,” I mutter.
“Yes, you are. You don’t fuck for love. You fuck for money. For drugs. For freedom. You’re a dirty little whore.” His finger traces the seam of my lip, pushing further with each stroke until he’s inside. “Suck.”
One look at the gun glinting in its holster is all it takes for me to do as he says. I suck on his finger so hard his eye rolls into the back of his head. I can see his cock growing in his pants. When he takes his finger from my mouth, he grabs my face with both his hands and smashes his lips onto mine. He’s hard and rough as he laps me up like there’s no tomorrow. His licks are furious and fast and uncontrollable. Like a wild beast he takes my mouth. I can barely breathe.
He plunders my mouth with his violent kisses, and I let him. His lips are eager and taste like strong alcohol. They entice me. Even if I don’t want to feel anything, I still do. These lips—I remember them.
He stops as I gasp for air. A wicked smile rests on his face as he wipes his lips with his hand and smears the lipstick across my face. “You’re my little whore.”
After he’s done he stands up again, his pants tented. He walks around me in circles, wrapping his tie around his hand like a boxing glove. It hurts just looking at it. “Face down on the floor,” he commands.
I lower my head and hands, but can’t seem to reach it.
“On. The. Floor.”
I put my hands beside my body and place my head sideways on the floor. I hate this position, because it gives him a full view of me. That, and being face-down on the floor sucks. Somehow the wood smells like cum. I shiver.
“So here you are, waiting to be tamed. Offering yourself freely to me. Begging for my cock.” He pauses. “You’re such a naughty girl, thinking you can seduce me like that. You just want to taunt me into spanking you again. You like having your skin red, don’t you? Did you see the marks on your flesh when you dressed up for me? Did you?” X’s hand comes down on my ass in a swift, hot flash. I squeal in both pain and desire. His hand sets not only my ass on fire, but my pussy too. After the first hit, he gently caresses the cheek before slapping again, this time a little closer to my pussy. When his finger grazes my folds, a short moan releases from deep inside me.
“Answer me.”
“No, sir.” I must admit, I haven’t looked at it in the mirror. I avoided it on purpose. Looking at it makes it real, and when it’s real it hurts, so I refuse.
He makes clacking sounds with his tongue. “We’ll definitely do something about that.”
Whack! I jolt up from the sudden hot flash on my ass. He hit me, but it wasn’t with his hand. As I look up, the tie dangles between his fingers. He used it as a whip.
“Ass up, little bird.”
I push my knees toward my chest, perching my ass up as high as I can. I tell myself I can do this. I can let him take my body without handing over my soul. When the tie hits my pussy, I suspect I won’t be able to. I hiss from the stinging and the tie being slid up and down my sensitive parts. He’s toying with me, and he knows I dislike the thought of surrendering. I’m fighting with him, his mind against mine. This is not a struggle of power; this is a struggle of will. He won’t break me. I won’t allow it.
“Such a wet pussy,” he muses. I can hear him sink to his knees. “It begs to be filled. Would you like that, Jay? Do you want me to fill that pussy?”
I don’t answer, because he wouldn’t like my response.
The smack that follows has my ass shaking. “Say you are a filthy slut, Jay. Say it.”
“I’m a filthy slut,” I mutter.
“Louder.” He jerks the tie from my slit and whacks it on my ass cheek. “I won’t ask again.”
“I’m a filthy slut!”
“I know you are. Your slick hole is waiting to be pumped. Tell me how much you want it. Tell me how badly you want my cock.”
“I want your cock, sir.”
“Hmmm …” He groans. I feel his legs push up against mine, and then his tented pants. His cock pushes against my pussy while he slides the tie through my slit and takes it out. It’s an odd, but gratifying sensation.
“Is this body mine?” he says.
“This body is yours, sir,” I murmur, trying to keep my sarcastic voice at bay.
Splaying his fingers on top off my ass, he spreads my cheeks. “Who does this ass belong to?”
“You.”
The slap that follows stings so badly I squeal and bite my tongue.
“Say that again.”
“You, sir. It’s yours.”
“That’s right, and this pussy is mine too, and do you know what I do with things that are mine?” he says. His fingers hook around my G-string, tugging it down my ass, exposing my flesh. He moans with approval. “I take them and use them for my pleasure.”
Without warning, his finger dips inside my pussy, taking me by surprise. Drawing circles inside, he pushes in and out, heating me up to my core.
“So wet for me …” he murmurs, pushing another finger inside. I feel him inside me, feel him claiming me with his fingers. His other hand grabs a firm hold of my ass as he drives his fingers inside me over and over again. His strokes become increasingly fast, making me delirious with need. I’ve told myself to accept the fact that this is happening; I already made peace with that. I just need to make peace with the fact that I’m actually starting to like it. When I don’t struggle, X is much more lenient, and it becomes much less painful for me to endure. I shouldn’t fight it. I’m in this now … might as well enjoy it.
He retracts his fingers in a flash. For a moment I’m actually disappointed, even though I hate feeling that way. But then he slides his fingers down my folds and finds my clit. I gasp. I think I just died.
“This little clit of yours has been throbbing so badly, hasn’t it?” he says. “It’s swollen and wet for my touch. You want this so badly. Your treacherous body wants me more than you can handle.”
He flicks my nub with fervor. His finger is rough and big as he puts pressure on it, just the kind I like. He knows exactly how to make me squirm. Especially when he lifts his other hand and slaps my ass again. With each whack, I falter, trying to keep my legs upright, but his hand is still on my privates, supporting me, lifting me up again. With his dexterous finger X keeps stroking me, keeps smacking my ass until it’s numb and tears sting my eyes. He groans at my squeals.
“Don’t come, little bird. If you come, I will punish you. That is not a threat, it’s a promise.”
I’m having trouble staying in the moment. It’s such a mixture of sensations; my clit is being teased until the brink of ecstasy, while my ass is enduring a relentless assault.
Then, all of a sudden, he’s gone. I’m left with wantonness and growing need.
I hear his footsteps as he comes to my face and goes to his knees. Grabbing my hair, he jerks my head and says, “Open your mouth.”
When I do, he stuffs the tie inside.
“Taste yourself, Jay,” he says, licking his lips. “Keep that in there or you’ll be in trouble.” I grumble through the cloth, but it sounds more like gargling. Tasting myself is strange, yet arousing. He steps away again, back to my behind, and I’m left nervous, wondering what he’s going to do now.
When I feel his finger stroke my folds again, I moan. He groans with me as he dips in and out of me, smearing my wetness on my skin. Then he disappears again.
A zipper is pulled. A packet is ripped and thrown aside. Something is rolled out. A condom. “Are you hungry for more, little bird?”
“Yes … oh, God, yes,” I moan feverishly into the tie. I’m lost. Gone from this world. My body has been taken and still I experience pleasure like never before. When the tip of his cock teases my entrance I’m done for.
“Beg for my cock …” he says with a dark, low voice. “Beg for it like your life depends on it.”
It does. My life depends on his satisfaction. I spit out the tie. The words roll over my tongue like sugar. “Please … give me your cock.”
“How much do you want it?”
The warmth of his tip pushing against my pussy sends me over the edge. “I want it badly,” I whimper. I’ve betrayed my own morals. I’m not okay with it, but it’s inescapable. He has me, my body, my freedom, but he will never have my heart. This is only lust.
He lets out a short laugh. “Good girl, finally admitting to your desires. I’ll reward you for it. I’m going to fuck your brains out.” He smacks my ass again. “You’ve been so fucking naughty, fucking all these clients of yours during your time at the club. I’m not going to take any chances with you. Protection will have to do for now, but you will visit a doctor soon and you will be tested. And then the real fucking will begin.” A groan-like laugh escapes his mouth. “But first I’ll fill up this greedy pussy of mine.”
When he pushes his cock inside I moan loudly. His cock is thick and throbbing as he enters me, pushing further, painfully slow. I can feel the ridges of his piercings rub my inner walls, a sensation so delicious I moan. He’s inside me completely, and I love the feeling it gives me. So full. So satiated. Just what I needed right now, but totally did not want. At least, not like this. That’s what I’m telling myself.
He is slow and steady, just like he promised. Each time he thrusts the piercings add an extra layer of sensitivity, which sends me into delirium. I want to beg him to ride me faster, to pump me with all he’s got, and to shoot his load quickly, but I know it’ll only pleasure him if I start begging. He told me from the beginning he’d take it slow. He said he’d make me beg; he was right. This is so agonizingly slow, like he’s savoring the moment. Like he wants me to be on the verge of exploding. My orgasm is under his control, and he’s loving it.
Suddenly, he grabs my hands and pulls them back. His thrusting becomes harder as he uses my arms as reins. I’m already on the edge when he drives in deep and hard. A loud moan escapes my mouth as his cock pulsates against my walls. And then he retracts again, slowly, all the way to the tip before slamming into me once more. He repeats this over and over again, pushing me toward bliss.
“Don’t you fucking come until I say you can,” he growls, slamming his cock back inside. “This pussy is mine and it’ll come when I say so.”
“Please …” I say, moaning as he drives into me.
He lets go of my hands again, dropping them to the floor. Instead, he grabs my ass, using it as a handle while he fucks me senseless. A quick but harsh whack and I’m off. I can’t stop. The wave comes and comes and shatters me completely. I can’t hold it back; it’s that powerful. My legs shake as I fall apart from his thrusting.
All of a sudden, he pulls out of me and slaps my ass so hard my legs collapse underneath me.
“I told you not to come.”
“I’m sorry, sir,” I say.
He grabs my hair and jerks back my head. “You’ll pay for that. You need to be disciplined.”
“Please, no,” I whimper.
Suddenly, a slap to my pussy rips me from my still lingering orgasm.
“Whose pussy is this?” he growls.
“Yours, sir.”
“Then it’d better do what I say or this will be a hard lesson to learn.”
My eyes widen. Shit. This is bad. Why couldn’t I stop it? Goddammit, I’ve never had this before.
I hear him take off the condom. He steps in front of my face, grabs my hair again, and says, “Open your mouth wide.”
The more my lips part, the closer he comes. His cock is right in my face, pushing against my lips, greedy to get in. I’m hesitant, but I know that if I refuse, I’ll only be worse off. So I let him enter my mouth.
However, he’s not slow this time. He shoves his cock inside, making me gag instantly.
“Take it,” he says gruffly. “Suck my cock like the little whore you are.”
He pulls it back again, giving me only one second to breathe before plunging back in. He forces himself inside, over and over again. His piercings feel like cold, hard steel as they bump against the back of my throat. Sometimes X holds his position deep inside my throat, causing me to choke. Just before I sputter, he pulls back out. He slaps his cock against my face and jams it back into my mouth.
“Bad girls don’t get cock in their pussy. Bad girls get face-fucked,” he growls.
My eyes fill with tears as he grabs a hold of my head and thrusts his cock into my mouth again. Red lipstick smudges create rings around his cock. His pre-cum seeps into my mouth, the saltiness arousing me against my will.
“Lick it,” he demands.
I swirl my tongue as much as I can, even though his cock prevents me from moving. I’ve had them deep before, but not by someone like him. This feels like he’s enjoying the fact that he’s using me for his own pleasure. That’s why I don’t understand why my pussy is still throbbing.
“I’m going to fill up that filthy mouth of yours with my cum.”
His dirty words cause a strange mixture of emotions in me. This heavy fucking is so intense, so surreal, it pulls me away from reality. The smell of pants as my face is jammed against it while he pumps his cock into my mouth, his dark eye looking down at my face, the zinging skin on my red ass, the salty pre-cum dripping down my throat as he fucks my mouth; it’s all-consuming.
He holds my head in place as he fucks my mouth, pushing me to the limit. My breaking point is near, but he doesn’t stop. He pushes and shoves and takes me like no other. He takes from me what he desires with no holds barred. I am at his complete mercy. His cock pulsates on my tongue as he forces me all the way down to the base.
“Fuck!” he growls, and then the throbbing begins. He groans as he thrusts into my mouth once more, shooting his load. I can feel the cum spurt out of his cock and land in the back of my throat. With his hands on the back of my head, I can’t move back, but I can’t breathe either.
“Hold it. Hold it,” he says, filling me up with his cum. “Swallow.”
I do my best, but with his cock in my mouth it’s hard. Eventually, I manage to take it all down. After letting out a big breath, he pulls his cock from my mouth. I gasp for air. X slaps me with his cock and wipes the excess cum on my cheeks.
“Eat it all, little bird.” He only lets me catch my breath for a second or two before shoving his cock back inside my mouth.
“Clean it.”
I lick his cock until he is satisfied. I feel used, and at the same time a flame ignited inside my core the moment I felt his orgasm. It’s as if I did my job, like it’s exactly what was supposed to happen. When he says, “Good girl,” I know for sure.
X steps back and looks down upon me. His hand reaches for my face. I fight the instinct to lean away, because I know that’s not in my best interest. His finger nudges me underneath my chin, directing me to stand up. “Come with me.”
And then he does something that astonishes me. His fingers trail down my arm and reach for my hand. With his smoldering eyes focused on me he latches onto me, entwining his fingers through mine. This moment is intimate in a way I haven’t experienced in a long while. It takes my breath away as he leans in and presses a kiss on my neck. His lips drag up to my ear, and then he whispers, “You are my possession, my fixation, my enslavement. You’re bound to me forever.”
