“The heart that truly loves never forgets.” – Thomas Moore
Jay
November 3rd, 2006
I’m in the back of the office, pretending not to be here, so I don’t get noticed. My father ordered me to be in this room, because he wants me to meet the new people who will be keeping us safe. It’s not necessarily because he thinks my life is in jeopardy; more because he wants to keep an eye on me. I couldn’t care less about all that. If it wasn’t for the fact that he took my allowance I wouldn’t even be here in the first place. I’d be off partying with my friends, drinking booze until we’re passed out drunk. It’s safe to say I don’t like wearing dresses and pretending to be a nice girl. Especially not when my father bosses me around. I’m sixteen years old; I can decide for myself who I want to be and what I want to look like.
“Jay.” The way he calls out my name makes it sound like an insult. I know he hates it. Not just my name, but me too. There’s a reason I was named Jay; my father would have preferred a boy. Boys are so much better at politics. Women are only good to keep the men company. I’m not exaggerating; this is truly him in a nutshell.
“Tuck that frizz behind your ear. And pat down your dress, you look like a mess,” he says gruffly.
“Yes, Father,” I sigh.
“And do something about that attitude. We can’t have that.”
“They’re only guards.”
“They’re not just guards.” He coughs and clears his throat. “These people have worked for me before and I demand their utmost respect. I need you to look and act your best. I will not have them see you and lose respect for me. You will behave like a lady.”
“You mean like a robot.”
He briefly throws me a look, and then continues pacing around the room. “You are to listen carefully and introduce yourself properly.” He walks to his desk and sits down on his black leather chair. “And if you do anything, I swear to God I will take everything from you for a month, and by everything I do mean everything.”
I swallow, letting the threat sink in. I don’t want to lose my internet, my access to the outside world, my friends, all my connections and fun. Everything means being locked up in a cold tower here … well, not literally, but it’s still boring as hell and not fun at all. Of course, this is coming from past experience. I’ve never been on good terms with my father. Somehow I always struggle to do as he says. Maybe it’s because he never gave me a good reason to do what he wants. There’s nothing in it for me. Not even a shred of love.
There is a knock on the door, and our butler enters the room. “Sir, their car just arrived. Shall I escort them in?”
“Yes, yes, and bring them to my office immediately.”
“Right, sir.”
The butler tiptoes off again, while my father spends his time checking out his suit and combing what’s left of his hair. He looks tired. His cheekbones seem even more hollow than before I got caught kissing a boy at a party. It’s as if each time he catches me doing something I’m not supposed to, he ages a few years.
My playing, teasing, and reckless fun bring him shame. His shame makes me want to run, tease people, and have free-spirited fun. It’s a never-ending circle of disappointment in one another. My father has always tried to mold me into one of his perfect shapes, and I never was what he wanted me to be. I’m not a leader, I’m not calm and assertive. I’m not kind and sweet. I’m everything he never wanted, and because of that I rebel.
I sigh from the jumble of thoughts, but then my father’s guests enter the room and I stiffen. A few men and one woman walk into the room. They’re all in suits, except for her. In her high heels and long red dress she looks like a superstar on the red carpet. Her hair is tucked in a bun, and she has a beautiful birthmark on her upper lip. She briefly glances at me, striking me down with just a look. It’s like a thunder strike, so bold, so swift, and deadly.
The men are equally as scary. With their shiny black shoes and clean-fitting tuxes they look like gentlemen, but they reek of evil. Power. Fear. It’s their trademark. One look is all it takes to know they mean business.
My father steps away from his desk and holds out his hand, shaking theirs.
“We meet again …” my father says.
“We are delighted to have you as our client. You’ve made a good decision to hire us again.”
“Don’t make me regret it this time,” my father says, eyeing me when he does. I feel creeped out by all of this.
“We will make sure of it.”
“So long as you keep that boy out of it and away from us.”
“We will, I promise you that.”
“Great,” my father says.
They talk some more, but I don’t pay attention, because I’m taken by dread. These people make my skin crawl and the hair on my back stand up. Especially the way they seem to move around the room, so cautiously, so painstakingly aware of everything surrounding them. They’re like hawks circling above the land, narrowing in on their prey before launching a vicious and calculated attack.
Are these the people my father hired to protect us? He must be insane. There’s no way they can protect anyone. I bet they’d kill them first.
When I notice someone else standing in the hallway, hidden in the shadow, my breathing stops, and I think my heart does too, even if it is only for one second. A guy with hair as black as night is waiting outside. Someone I remember.
***
Saturday, September 14th, 2013. 10:40 a.m.
That someone was him.
Memories come flooding back in like a never-ending wave.
The boy at the party with his raven black hair came to work for my father. The killings were his family’s doings. The boy I can’t get out of my mind.
He knew me all along.
***
Saturday, December 6th, 2008. 10:13 p.m.
I can’t take my lips off him. He’s so damn delicious. I’ve never kissed someone like this before. Sure, I’ve had plenty of boys and guys, but not someone like him. He’s a man. Someone who knows how to handle a girl. His kisses are rough and his little bites make me moan. I love how he nibbles on me, taking more and more of me, like he can’t get enough of me either.
The lights in the hallway cast a gloomy light on him. His damp skin glows, drops of sweat dripping down his beautiful body. He’s ripped and covered in tats, and I love running my hands down his chest. He groans in my mouth as I unbutton his shirt and slide my hands up his buffed chest.
“Fuck …” he whispers against my mouth. Hungry for more, he probes my mouth with his tongue, claiming me completely. I love how he just takes what he wants and owns it, no questions asked. After years of teasing and flirting back and forth, I’ve finally got him. He’s all mine.
“You’re such a fucking bad girl, Jay,” he growls, biting my lip.
I moan when he drags his lips down my neck and sucks on my skin, leaving a red mark. The sizzle that accompanies the pain makes my clit thump with desire. God, I’m such a slut. I love it.
He comes back up and plants his lips on mine again, kissing me hard and rough. My lips are red and swollen when he suddenly stops and looks at me from under his dark lashes.
“Yeah … I think you’ve had enough,” he says, a devilish smile appearing on his face.
“No, give me more,” I say, pulling him closer again. He leans back, preventing me from kissing him.
“No.”
“Oh, c’mon, stop fighting it.”
“These nightly adventures should stop here.”
“No. Why should they?”
I wrap my arms around his neck, but he grabs my wrists and takes them off again. A loud groan slips across his tongue when I steal another kiss. I grin.
“Because we’ll get caught. You’ve been seducing me in your house, for fuck’s sake. It can’t get any more dangerous than that.”
“Who cares …?”
“I’d like to keep my balls intact, thanks.”
I giggle, pecking him on the jaw, dragging my lips sideways. “But I want you,” I murmur close to his ear. “Take me.”
His grip on my wrists tightens and he pushes me up against the wall. “You’re a slut. You let yourself be fucked by any man and you don’t fucking care. So why should I?”
“They’re nothing,” I say. “I don’t want them. I just wanted their attention.”
“And why would it be any different with me?” He purses his lips. “You’re a seductress, Jay, but you look to me for all the wrong reasons.”
I push my chest forward, showing him how taut my nipples already are through my top, desperation taking over. I need love. I need his love. It’s my drug.
“I look to you because you’re the only one who can give me what I want.”
He squints. “You can get this anywhere. I’m not going to be your plaything and risk everything.” He smirks. “I stole a couple of kisses from you, but that’s as far as it goes.”
“What you do … I want it. You can give me something no one else can. I need it.” I lick my lips, thinking of all the dirty things I’ve seen. Things I shouldn’t have seen, but can’t forget. Who’d have thought that sneaking around would let me witness such a hot scene.
“You don’t, trust me,” he says.
“Do me like you do them,” I say, cocking my head.
His eyes widen.
“Yeah, I’ve seen what you did to those girls. Don’t worry, I won’t tell.”
“You’ve been watching me?”
I smile cheekily. “I might have stumbled upon a nice fucking session at the beach while I was taking a stroll … I couldn’t help myself.”
“A stroll? You? No. You followed me.” Shaking his head, he laughs. “You’re a dirty girl, you know that, Jay?”
Biting my lip, I say, “I want to be yours. I want to feel what it’s like to be claimed.”
With half-mast eyes he looks at me, his gaze drifting down my chest. “This body of yours can’t handle me. It’s not trained for pain.”
“Try me,” I retort. “I think you’ll find I’m very flexible.”
He leans in, his hands firmly planted on top of mine. His smell is intoxicating as he plants a kiss on my neck, right below my ear. “I like your courage, Jay, but when I do a girl I want to know I’m the only one.”
Shuddering from his dark voice, I get close to his ear and whisper, “You are. Every time I fuck them, I think of you. Only you. I don’t want them.” His head tilts back to look me straight in the eye. He licks his lips and sucks on them. He’s so very close to me, I could lean in and kiss him, but I know that’s not what he wants. Not yet.
“I’ve been dreaming it’s you all along. I fuck them and imagine it’s you. Every. Single. Time.” With my eyes I dare him. I dare him to take the leap and just fucking go for it. I’ve been waiting for it for so long. Now that I’m old enough to decide for myself, nothing stands in our way.
He releases my wrists, his hands drifting down my arms to my ass. My jeans stand no match against his tough hands. He grabs me so tight I squeal. “Shhh …” he whispers, his eyes playful. God, so sexy.
He plants a kiss on my neck, making me moan, but then it turns into a bite, and I’m shocked. I shut my mouth to prevent another squeal from escaping. I’m also fucking turned on. He just bit me, and I love it.
His hand leaves my ass cheek and then suddenly comes down fast and hard. His other hand quickly moves over my mouth, soaking up the sounds I make.
“You want this?” he says gruffly, rubbing my ass. His hand leaves my mouth and slides down my chest, grasping my breast firmly. I moan as he massages it and then dips into my shirt. My panties are completely soaked when he starts playing with my nipple and pulls it. But then he tugs so hard it makes me gasp.
“I’m not nice, Jay. This is just foreplay. The real deal starts when I have you in bed. Hard. Painful. Raw. Fuck.” His tongue dips out to lick the seam of my mouth. An overload of sensations hit me when a rumbling sound comes from deep within his chest. So primal. Full of lust.
I’m anxious for more.
He groans. “I’ll make you do things you don’t expect. You’ll do things to please me, and only me, and I don’t take no for an answer. Do you know what this means?”
I nod, shaking as he spreads my legs with just his feet.
“You don’t,” he murmurs. “But I’ll tell you. The girls I tie up don’t have a safeword. They can’t escape. I’m not fucking good to them. On the contrary, I use them for my own pleasure. I take and take until I’m satisfied. I fuck them so hard they can’t stand for days. I take their breath, literally. I fill them up with my cum until they can taste it in their throats. After I’m done, they thank me for everything. And do you know what else?”
Shocked, I shake my head as he grabs my chin and forces me to look at him.
“I’ve got a confession to make. When I fuck them … I think of how I’m going to do the same things to you.”
His words arouse me to my core. I’m swept away by his insane confession. It only makes me want him even more.
With a devious smile on his face, he slides his hand out of my shirt and down my belly, undoing the button of my jeans. He slips his hand into my panties. I hold my breath as his fingers dive in and cup my pussy. “Hmm … so wet already? My, my, you are a dirty slut.”
“Yes …” I whimper, closing my eyes.
“Hmm? What’s that? You sure you want more? There’s no going back, little bird.”
“More …” I open my eyes again. “Wait, what? What did you call me?”
He smirks and retracts his hand from my pants, leaving me breathless. “Too late, little bird. You’re mine.”
Swooping me up in his arms, he puts me over his shoulder. I yelp as he carries me all the way to my bedroom and opens the door.
“You teased me long enough,” he says. “Time for you to pay for all that flaunting.”
***
Saturday, December 6th, 2008. 11:43 p.m.
Fuck. I learned what he really meant by hard sex that day. He pushes my limits like no other. Jerking on my nipples while I’m tied to the bed. He used his belt and his tie for that. Such a turn-on, the way he’s been rousing my body with slaps and tickling. His fingers are delicate and rough at the same time, a delicious combination.
He’s been roughly fucking me and making me beg for mercy the last couple of minutes. I keep wanting to come, but he won’t allow it. Each time, he pulls out and smacks my tits with his bare hand. I’m red all over. It’s so intense, but I’m loving it. I’ve been yearning for this day to come.
He twists me around, my ass facing up, and then steps onto the bed and spreads my cheeks. Pushing his cock in, he starts fucking me from behind. I moan when he yanks my hair and makes me face the mirror in front of me. He placed it there. He told me he wanted me to look at the little slut I’ve become. Fuck, I love his dirty talk. I’m delirious with need. His fucking takes me to planes beyond my imagination. This one time will never be enough for me.
But then the door bursts open and my heart plunges to my feet.
He scrambles off me and pulls up his pants in a desperate attempt to hide his pre-cum-dripping cock. Then he quickly unties my hands. Unfortunately, it’s not in time. In shock I scream as I turn my head and see my father walking into the room.
“What the fuck …” my father murmurs, his jaw dropping. Surprise makes place for fury. Oh, shit. I fumble to grab a blanket and cover myself with it.
“You …” my father says when he directs his gaze toward him. “I should’ve known.”
“How the fuck did you know we were in here?” I yell.
My father frowns. “Jay, please, I know you’ve been taking boys back to your room. You refuse to behave like a proper lady, despite my warnings. I told you what would happen. I installed a camera.” He points at my bookcase across the bed. “I’ve been watching you this entire time. Disgusting. Filthy whore. You are not my daughter.”
My father snaps his fingers and in come two men, probably belonging to the same family. They grab him by the arms.
“No!” he yells. “Take your fucking hands off me!”
“You defiled my daughter!” my father yells. “Look what you’ve done to her!”
“She wanted this! She begged me for it.”
The men drag him away from the bed. He struggles, but it’s no use. They punch him in the stomach, making him heave. Two against one … it’s not fair.
“Stop, please,” I beg, crying. “He’s done nothing wrong.”
Wrapping the blanket around my body, I get up from the bed and grab my father’s jacket. “Don’t take this away from me, please. I need him.”
And then my father does the unthinkable. He shoves me away from him. His push is so hard, I stumble over the blanket and slip. My head hits the bedpost. Searing pain shoots through my body, and then everything fades to black.
