Ollie vB:
I’m going to kill Zach.
Ollie vB:
@ZachSun, I got kicked out of the country club because of you.
Romeo Costa:
I thought you got kicked out because you slept with the president’s wife?
Ollie vB:
They got divorced and moved to Hawaii and New York, respectively, since the affair.
Ollie vB:
I’ve been reinstated.
Ollie vB:
Until Dickbag McExhibitionistson over here decided to show his willy to strangers.
Romeo Costa:
You’re going to have to elaborate.
Romeo Costa:
[Michael Jackson Smiling and Eating Popcorn GIF]
Ollie vB:
Apparently, our boy decided to screw someone in the sauna.
Ollie vB:
McGrew’s son walked in. Watched the whole thing. He narc’d that it was one of us three.
Ollie vB:
They naturally pointed the finger at me.
Zach Sun:
How do you know it’s not Romeo?
Ollie vB:
The woman he fucked wasn’t heavily pregnant and hugging a bucket of KFC.
Zach Sun:
Maybe Romeo decided to sample a disposable mistress.
Romeo Costa:
@ZachSun, please, don’t make me help him kill you.
Romeo Costa:
I have enough on my fucking conscience.
Zach Sun:
I’ll get you your membership back.
Ollie vB:
You better.
Ollie vB:
The women’s tennis team is about to accept twenty new members.
Ollie vB:
This was going to be my pet project for the year.
Romeo Costa:
Jesus.
Ollie vB:
…died for my sins, so I might as well make them worth his while, right?
Romeo Costa:
What happened to senior bingo night?
Zach Sun:
Don’t tell me…
Ollie vB:
Gloria and I spent a lovely weekend together before she retired to Florida.
Ollie vB:
The woman invented Kegels. King Arthur wouldn’t be able to pull me out of her.
Zach Sun left the chat.
Ollie vB added Zach Sun to the chat.
Zach Sun:
There are prisons easier to escape than this group chat.
Ollie vB:
Anyway, who is the unlucky woman?
Romeo Costa:
Probably a thrice Nobel Prized STEM nerd.
Ollie vB:
You’re off.
Ollie vB:
My chips are on the new maid.
Romeo Costa:
The one who annihilated him at Go?
Zach Sun:
For the last time, she did not annihilate me at Go.
Zach Sun:
We’re still playing.
Ollie vB:
And a very fun game at that.
Ollie vB:
Why wasn’t I invited?
Zach Sun:
You don’t play Go.
Ollie vB:
TO THE SAUNA GAME.
Zach Sun:
Because I prefer my intercourse without a side of syphilis?
Romeo Costa:
Is this an official confirmation that you hooked up with her? [Smiling Face with Tear Emoji]
Ollie vB:
That’s the first time I’ve actually gotten concrete evidence that Zach’s not a virgin.
Romeo Costa:
Shut up, Ol.
Ollie vB:
And here I thought he was about to be engaged to that doctor chick.
Zach Sun:
I will be. Soon.
Romeo Costa:
Are you for real?
Ollie vB:
From having NO love life to becoming the Bella to Cinderella and Dr. Ulick’s Edward and Jacob.
Ollie vB:
Bravo, @ZachSun. Bravo.
Zach Sun:
Dr. Ulick?
Romeo Costa:
Eileen Ulick. [Unamused Face Emoji]
Ollie vB:
[Tongue Emoji]
Ollie vB:
Love triangle is my favorite trope, btw.
Romeo Costa:
You don’t read.
Ollie vB:
What does reading have to do with anything? I’m talking about porn.
Ollie vB:
Just Google two nurses one cop. Thank me later.
Ollie vB:
But make sure you do it through your iPhone to avoid viruses.
Romeo Costa:
For the millionth time, iPhones are not immune to viruses.
Ollie vB:
Aww, shucks.
Ollie vB:
That explains that $2M charge to Anita Hanjaab.
Zach Sun:
There’s no love involved with either of them.
Ollie vB:
Keep telling yourself that while you break every single rule you’ve ever had for Cinderella.
