Zach never arrived home.
I produced my phone, checked the time (ten-thirty—the fuck?), and stopped myself from texting him for the sole reason that he didn’t owe me anything.
In fact, I’d chanted this to myself on the regular since Constance and Eileen left three hours ago.
He is not your boyfriend.
Not your husband.
Not yours. Period.
Soon, he’ll promise his forevers to someone else in a fluffy dress on a field of pollen.
You are temporary and insignificant. A feather in the wind.
I paced my room, a lioness in a rusty cage.
The irony wasn’t lost on me. While Dallas’ now-husband had imprisoned her in a golden cage as she fought tooth and nail to break free, I’d slipped into my own gilded prison voluntarily and didn’t want to leave.
It would be easier if the glitz and glamor attracted me. I could find that elsewhere.
No, I craved the soft smiles we shared across the room, the fleeting touches, and his addictive words of comfort, each of them carved onto my skin like a tattoo.
I curled my fingers over my windowsill, staring at the gleaming pool. The clear water twinkled back at me under the moon.
What you need is a dip.
Cool off those raging hormones and red-hot jealousy.
I slipped into a tiny yellow two-piece from Dallas (“since I now look like bologna stuffed into a rubber band in it”), grabbed a towel, and made my way downstairs despite the freezing weather.
Steam rolled from the pool’s surface in thick white clouds. I dove in headfirst, slicing through the surface to the bottom and doing an entire lap before I resurfaced on the other end.
I sucked in a greedy breath and tilted my head skyward. Stars danced across my vision, melting into one another, whirling in a puddle of tears.
Stop with the weird pity party. Those are reserved for your birthday. Just swim.
I did. Until my muscles strained and burned. Until I thought my limbs would fall off and float away. Lap after painful lap. Until finally, my mind cleared.
When I finished, I hopped onto an in-pool lounger, closing my eyes, not bothering to dry off. The unforgiving wind licked my body. My nipples hardened to the point of numb.
A pool of water dripped from my hair to the deck. I shaped my lips around a line of a song I listened to every night in my bunk bed in Seoul.
The ribs aren’t a cage. They’re the walls to your home.
I drew a shaky breath, pushing aside the melancholy.
You’re living on borrowed time, Fae.
I refused to give Constance the pleasure of ruining this for me.
But what if she’s right? a tiny voice in my conscience asked. What if you’re hurting him?
The seed sprouted in my mind, planting roots in my chest.
And what of yourself? This man will inflict carnage on your heart. A victory against your evil stepmother isn’t worth that.
Just the idea of Eileen in one of those poofy wedding dresses churned acid in my stomach.
How would I cope when the time came to part ways with my personal demon?
“Octi.” His soothing voice draped over me like a cashmere blanket.
Every muscle in my body tightened, but I kept my eyes closed. His steady footsteps neared, clapping against the heavy granite deck.
Beneath my bikini top, my nipples strained and my heart missed a dozen beats. The mere sound of him made heat swirl inside my stomach.
Still, I refused to show him how happy I was that he’d returned.
“What are you doing out here? It’s freezing.”
Is it? I can’t feel much of anything other than my desire for you.
“Do you want to catch pneumonia?” he growled.
“You’re not my parent.”
“No, but I’m the closest thing to a family you have right now.” His voice softened. “Look at me.”
I opened my eyes.
He was painful to look at. Too beautiful, with his raven hair and tar eyes and devastating bone structure.
“Where have you been?” I couldn’t keep the bite out of my voice.
Zach treaded toward me, dripping power and wealth in dark gray slacks and a navy cashmere sweater tucked under a black peacoat.
“I had some meetings in D.C.” He shoved his hands deep inside his pockets, his eyes roaming my body.
“At eleven at night?”
Not your business, I reminded myself.
I had to stop.
I needed to stop.
Since when was I a clingy girlfriend?
“Spent the rest of my time driving around,” Zach admitted, stopping when he got to the edge of the pool, only a few feet away.
I’d expected hunger in his eyes. Instead, I saw concern. A dangerous emotion that had no place in our arrangement.
I arched a brow, trying to remain unaffected. “In your secured car?”
His lips quirked a little. “In a normal BMW.”
“Living on the edge.”
“Yes, whenever I’m certain you aren’t there to push me off the cliff.” He paused. “I had to think.”
“Oh?” Foolish, idiotic hope flowered in my chest. I wanted him to say, about you, about us. “That’s a new concept. You know you can do it anywhere, right? Even from the comfort of your home.”
“Octi,” he warned.
“Tell me what you thought about.”
“Mainly about the timeline of my impending marriage. How it fits with my business schedule. I’m currently acquiring a few tech companies that will demand my attention as I reconstruct their boards.”
I nodded, pretending his answer didn’t cut through flesh and bone. “Time management is important. You’re lucky to have Natalie.”
“I don’t wish to talk about Natalie or any other woman in my life.”
He looked so miserable, and for a single moment, I actually welcomed his pain.
Why should I be the only one to suffer?
“What do you wish for, then?”
“For you to come upstairs, take a hot bath, and get into at least three layers of clothes before I lose my fucking mind.”
“I think I’m good here.” I knew I was punishing no one but myself, and still, I wanted to act out. To flip him the bird.
His fingers twitched by his side, his patience melting away. “Your lips are blue.”
“Your heart is black.”
“Farrow,” he growled, baring his teeth at me. “Come here right this minute. It’s winter. You’re going to end up in the hospital at this rate.”
“What a terrible inconvenience.”
“Farrow.”
“If you care so much, come pick me up.”
To my surprise, Zach’s face didn’t even twitch. He stepped onto the first pool stair, ankle-deep in water, and began treading toward the lounger.
When he reached me, he shouldered off his coat and picked me up bridal style, wrapping the heavy fabric around me. Woodsy citrus swarmed me, warming up my body in an instant.
On instinct, I wanted to wind my arms around his neck. Instead, I pretended to stare at something behind him, feigning a yawn.
To my chagrin, his lips twitched.
“What’s so funny?”
He strode out of the pool, pushing through the weight of the water as he carried me toward the house.
“You.” His eyes didn’t waver from mine for one second.
“I entertain you?”
“You please me.”
“Well, you happen to displease me.”
Telltale heat swept up my cheeks. I looked away, toward the house lights, to stop myself from kissing him.
“Did you know that the octopus perishes after it mates? The species exercises external fertilization.” He tightened his grip on me. “Several males either insert their spermatophores into the female or hand her the sperm. Then, the males leave to die. The female lays the eggs. Once those hatch, her body suffers ‘cellular suicide,’ starting from the optic glands.”
I almost snorted. “Zachary Sun.”
“Yes, Farrow Ballantine?”
“Your dirty talk is one of the worst I’ve encountered.”
He laughed, his chest vibrating and rumbling against me.
I rested my cheek against him. “So, what you’re saying is that consummating our attraction will end in death?”
He pushed the balcony doors open and took the stairway to the second floor. “What I’m saying is—desire is a messy business, especially for intelligent creatures.”
“But?”
“But it’s worth it.”
He carried me to his bedroom, where he laid me on the bed before proceeding to his bathroom.
The sound of water hitting his massive claw tub traveled toward me. Lavender filled the air.
A bath bomb.
He hated scented products.
Zach turned off the faucet and approached me, his slacks still drenched with pool water.
I licked my lips as he picked me up again. “You should join me in the bath.”
What a screwed-up relationship we had, always ping-ponging from enemies to lovers.
Zach didn’t answer, placing me on the edge of the tub and loosening the string holding my bikini top together. The top fell to the floor with a wet smack.
He drank in an eyeful before hooking his thumbs on either side of my bikini bottom, sliding it down my legs.
He sank my naked body into the bathtub, spilling my hair over the edge. I could barely feel the water. My body had gone numb from the cold.
Slowly, my nerve-endings defrosted, regaining sensation. I tipped my head back against the edge and stared at him, drunk with desire.
My frustration dissolved into pleasure, uncurling as my body blossomed with yearning. He still stood to the side, watching me like a hawk, his cock erect and plastered to his thigh.
I arched a brow. “See something you like?”
“Like is an understatement.” He ran a hand down his slacks, pretending to smooth an invisible wrinkle, squeezing his cock in the process. “And therein lies the problem.”
“What problem?” I batted my lashes. “I thought this was just a temporary agreement.”
“It is. I’ve always had issues parting ways with my favorite toys.”
I arched my back, reaching between my thighs and finding my clit. My stomach dipped as his jaw tightened, his brows drawing together.
The peaks of my nipples cut through the water’s surface, pink and erect and begging to be touched.
He swore, turning his head for a moment. “Farrow.”
“Come on, Zach. After all, I’m just a toy.” I picked up the pace between my legs, letting out a moan. “And you, too, are my favorite game.”
He watched without blinking as I flung one leg over the tub, spreading my pussy, feeling the heated water penetrate me. “Fuck, fuck, fuck.”
He ripped his sweater from his shoulders, dumping it on the floor. His socks came off next, followed by his pants and briefs in one move.
His cock sprung out, thick and long, the crown glazed with a pearl of pre-cum. For a moment, I feared it wouldn’t fit inside me.
He slipped into the bath with a splash, circling my ankles and tugging me toward him. I gripped the tub’s edges to regain my balance.
My tight hole collided with his cock, eliciting a groan from him. He splayed one hand on the small of my back, using his free one to grab my jaw and kiss me long and hard and messily.
I whimpered into our kiss, his tongue meeting mine. He fisted his cock, guiding it into my pussy.
“Condom.” I swallowed his moans, gasping. “We need a condom.”
“Please, Farrow.” His mouth glided down the side of my neck, teeth scraping my sensitive flesh. “I’ll give you anything and everything in this world to let me fuck you bare. I need to feel you. All of you. No barriers. I beg you.”
I rubbed my pussy up and down his length, our eyes locked in a battle of wills. “Anything?”
“Anything.”
He plastered his forehead to mine, closing his eyes, raw agony painting his face. For a cruel moment, I thought about asking for the pendant.
But it wouldn’t be fair.
Psychological warfare aside, I wanted him to give it to me because he knew I deserved it, not as part of a blackmail scheme.
“I want you to tell me why you kept your distance from me for the past few days.”
He reared his head back, staring into my eyes. “You really want to know why?”
I nodded.
“Because you terrify me, Farrow.” He looked aside, paused, and turned back to me, throat bobbing with a swallow. “You remind me that I’m human. That I can, in fact, be destroyed by a simple touch. I should banish you, Fae.”
“Why?”
“You make me want to enjoy my life, not just survive it.”
His words ran down my spine like a shiver. I raised my pelvis, knotting my arms over his neck and sinking onto his cock.
He dug his fingers in my back, guiding himself deeper. “Fuck.”
A groan tore from my throat when he reached about halfway in. My eyes flared. Even wet and ready, there was too much of him.
“It’s okay.” He caught me by the waist, kissing my cheeks, my nose, my eyes. “We’ll make it fit. Trust me.”
I didn’t know why I was putting my trust in a literal virgin with a dick the size of an AR-15, but I nodded, swallowing down a cry of pain as he reached between us.
His thumb played with my clit as his fingers dug into my hips. He wedged another half an inch inside me.
I tipped my head back, hissing as he kissed every corner of my face and neck. My fingers squeezed the bathtub walls.
“My beautiful, brave girl.” He filled my pussy, mouth traveling to my breasts, licking at my nipples. “Look how good you take my cock. Such a good girl. Do you think you can come on my dick for me?” He nibbled the side of my jaw. “Think you can make my first time special?”
I nodded, holding my breath as he slid in another inch. He was almost all the way in, so big it felt like his cock was squishing my organs, ripping me to shreds.
And still, I couldn’t deny the intense pleasure.
Bit by bit, I uncoiled, accepting the foreign object inside of me.
“That’s it. Now ride my cock.”
The walls of my pussy clutched his cock in a death grip. His eyes rolled back, the pleasure so intense he stopped playing with my clit and simply shuddered inside me.
Each time I rose and sank back onto his cock, riding him like a cowgirl, his hard abs crashed into my midriff.
My tits bounced between us, heavy and full. He tried to catch them between his lips, sucking on them and releasing them with a pop.
“Slower.” He cupped one of my breasts, slid his gaze from mine, and hissed out, “I’m about to come, and I don’t want to. Fuck, I want to live inside your pussy. I’ll pay rent with interest.”
I teased him, picking up speed, enjoying the way a vein bulged at his neck with the effort to stop himself. “Ask nicely.”
“Please…” His forehead fell to mine. “I need more.”
He tugged my hair, kissing the living hell out of me. Ravenous, and earth-shattering, and full of desperation I’d never felt before.
He refused to unglue his lips from mine as he cupped my tits, his tongue swirling inside my mouth.
We kissed and we kissed until we ran out of saliva.
He grabbed the back of my neck, claiming my mouth once again, growling into it. “Mine. You will always be mine, you hear me?”
Passionate words that would mean nothing when we managed to tear apart. I turned my head away, refusing to answer.
He gripped my chin, forcing me to look down between our bodies as his cock slid in and out of me, thick and glistening with my juices.
“Look at us,” he instructed. “At this. Right here. The height of my existence. Nothing feels as good as your pussy clenching around me.”
I slowed my movements to watch his thick cock enter me, giving him time to wind down, but neither of us could stop this freight train of pleasure.
In no time, we both panted hard again, sweat glistening over our shoulders. I rode him harder, faster, angling my hips so he slid in deeper.
He clutched my waist, guiding me with frantic movements.
The entire world fizzled out, leaving only the two of us.
Zach—with undiluted, raw pleasure stamped on his face.
And me—climbing higher up the orgasm ladder.
My thighs shook from the strain as an avalanche tumbled down my limbs. My climax washed over me like a storm, tearing a cry from my lips.
“I’m coming. Fuck, I’m coming.” He cursed, gripping my chin and meeting my eyes. “I need to come inside you.”
“Zach…”
“I beg you.” His voice cracked. “Please.”
I clenched around him at his words, turned on all over again, knowing how reckless we were being.
What the hell is wrong with you, Fae? What the hell is wrong with you both?
But we’d become prisoners to our desire.
Unable to think clearly.
Unwilling to.
I barely managed to calculate my cycle, confirming I’d hit a safe day, just moments before my period.
“Please.” Zach’s eyes glazed over, barely coherent, reminding me I’d taken his virginity.
I owned a piece of him that would forever be mine.
I swallowed, almost coming again at the idea of him filling me. “Come in me.”
At my words, his cock throbbed and swelled.
Then, I felt it.
The rush of heat spreading in my pussy as his seed spilled into me.
Our orgasms clashed together. We clutched onto one another, my nails sinking into his flesh, his mouth fusing into mine like we were one entity trying to brace a hurricane.
We flew high in the sky, reaching our peaks together.
After, we stayed curled against one another, shuddering into each other’s skin until the water turned lukewarm.
Zach kissed my shoulder. His nose nuzzled into my neck every once in a while.
I didn’t want to leave. Didn’t want this moment to end.
His dick began softening inside me, and I wanted to cry, because there was something so pathetic about us.
Me, desperate to fight for my survival and refusing to admit I was falling for this man.
Him, finally finding happiness and rejecting it to appease his guilt.
Zach clasped my face, turning it to look at him. “Octi…”
I set my expression to neutral, even though my heart rioted in my chest.
I let him fuck me without a condom.
I let him come inside me.
I let him into my body, into my mind, into my soul.
Now the only space he hadn’t conquered was my heart—and he was fast-approaching it.
“I’m sorry I asked to fuck you without a condom. It was a scumbag move.” His eyes crinkled with regret. He was still inside me. “A terrible error in judgment. If something happens…” He swallowed. “I promise I—”
I rushed to cut him off, not wanting to hear a promise he couldn’t keep. “Nothing will happen, because I’m going to get the morning-after pill right now.”
I stood.
We both watched as his cock slid out of me, inch by inch. I towered over him, wet and vulnerable. Shivering.
His semen trickled down my inner thigh.
“You don’t have to.” He clasped the back of my knees, closed his eyes, and kissed my pussy, breathing me in. “I would never do you wrong. Never turn my back on a child of mine.”
A lash of panic whipped my back.
I snorted to hide the ball of tears in my throat and stepped over him. “Trust me, no part of me wants to be an elaborate oopsie that snowballed into a scandal.”
He stood, following me. “You’re not a mistake, and you’re not a scandal.”
“Are you going to tuck me and the baby somewhere far away?” I wrapped myself in one of his lush towels. “Send us a check every month?”
He scowled, drying off. “That’s not what I meant.”
But I didn’t stick around to find out.
“Farrow.” His footsteps came from behind me, gaining speed. “Don’t run away from me.”
Then, convince me to stay. End your engagement. Tell me I matter.
He did no such thing.
I stumbled into the hallway, rushing to my room.
If he saw my face, he’d see the tears. The pain. The confusion.
Because what happened in his bathtub didn’t feel like sex.
It felt like making love.
“Farrow, wait.”
I slammed the door in his face.
Hoping my heart could lock, too.
