I expected her home just after one o’clock and she did come home right on time.
I was on the couch trying to decide if I should call my brother Rocky and arrange a place to stay, and also trying to get the image out of my mind of Sawyer’s cock spitting seed on Alissa’s face. I asked, ‘Not going out with Sawyer?’
‘Actually… I am.’
The spike of anger twisted deep.
She recognized it right away and sat next to me. Her hands were trembling when she gripped my knee. ‘What’s wrong, Enrique? I thought we were back on the right track this morning when we—’
‘Nope, you’re still stuck on Sawyer’s track. My train’s going the other way.’
‘But, this morning…’ She sighed. ‘What is it you want? What are you looking for?’
‘The woman I married.’
‘I’m right here.’
‘Without Sawyer involved.’
‘He’s a part of me.’
‘He wasn’t around two weeks ago.’
She leaned in close, eye to eye. ‘But he was still a part of me. You married me.’
‘And got him.’
‘Yes.’
Another flash of his sperm splashing into her hair made my breath catch. His cum being licked off the wedding ring I had put on her finger made my dick begin hardening.
I wanted to be angry, but…
Alissa made sense.
What did doctors call certain things? Congenital illnesses? Pre-existing conditions? Predisposition?
I had married her, in love, deliberately blind to the fact that she could no more cut off all attachment to Sawyer than hack off her own foot. She had simply despaired of him divorcing his wife.
She left him to have a future. With me.
I still didn’t like it. Why couldn’t she be Superwoman? Why couldn’t she flip off the emotion switch and hate him? But she didn’t; she was human.
Through my anger, I saw the logic in what she was saying. She wasn’t trying to make excuses. She had told me the very first day he had texted her.
She had begged me to understand that she was going to see him – date him. She wasn’t asking for my blessing or approval, she had been asking me to understand. She was going to date him no matter what I thought because she didn’t really have a choice herself. If she didn’t have a choice, neither did I.
Of course she has a choice. But she would have to be inhuman to make it. Superwoman.
If I left, and she came to me, I would feel the need to explore the feelings between us and we had only been together for a few months – married for almost six weeks.
How much more was her former relationship to Sawyer pulling at her?
While she did make sense, my bitterness did not go away. If anything, it strengthened.
I said, ‘You know what I want?’
She looked at me, waiting.
‘I want to see him turn you into a slut. I want to see him cum on you. I want to see you choke on his cock.’
Maybe it wasn’t fair. Maybe it was cruel. But it was what I felt.
She squeezed my knee. ‘I don’t know what kind of dark place you’re in, but I hope you come out of it. I hope you go back to being my husband again.’
No chance of going back to anything, is there? ‘My marriage has turned into a nightmare.’
‘I’m sorry. But I do love you just as much as the day we married, if not more. You must understand that.’
Maybe I did. Maybe I didn’t. ‘I’m serious. You bring him here. Use the bedroom. Leave the doors open. This is my house, too. I come and go as I please – and I want to see him turn you into a slut.’ I could not keep the deep bitterness out of my voice. ‘Nothing would… please me more.’
She sighed and got up without any more conversation. She went into the bathroom.
I followed her after a few minutes. I was mad. At the same time, I was pensive. I was sure someone looking in and spying on us would say I was taking it bad.
Well, I was.
No question about that.
I rested my shoulder against the doorframe as she washed her face and dried it. ‘Do you really believe you love me?’
She paused in patting her face, eyes searching me out in the mirror. Despite seeing me in the reflection, she turned her head to me and leaned on the sink. ‘Why are you pushing me? This is hard enough—’
‘It was just a question.’
She went back to looking at me in the mirror.
A layer of protection? Or just efficiency?
She said, ‘As much as ever.’ She grabbed at her lipstick as if feeling some of that agitation that was raging through every cell of my body.
I didn’t say anything right away. Another tormenting image of his cum on her cheek went through my mind. Could she really still love me while desperate to make her connection with Sawyer?
I had no basis on which to compare. I had no women in the wings waiting to rush forward when we were at our happiest to wave and make claims. ‘If… I had a woman, like you have Sawyer…’
Her composure slipped and she slapped her hand down on the sink. ‘I don’t know.’
I nodded. At least she was being honest. Had she been dishonest with anything since this started? ‘Is there anything you’re not telling me?’
She lowered her eyes and shook her head. ‘Only that I would’ve made love to him on the very first date if he had wanted it.’
I clenched my teeth together. ‘Have you since then?’
‘No. He doesn’t want to wreck things here with you.’
But he was willing to ejaculate all over your face. I began to harden. ‘He let you give him a blowjob.’
‘A few now, yes. He doesn’t consider that cheating.’
Her lips had looked so beautiful drenched in his cum and moving across his cock – sucking the head of his erection. I had kissed her shortly after that. I said hoarsely, ‘The blowjob was hot.’
She studied me in the mirror before applying her lipstick. ‘Would you be willing to talk to him? He’s mentioned it. But the last time you two talked, you punched him.’
‘Talk about what?’
‘He wants to determine his place here – between us.’
My bitterness was still as hot as my excitement. ‘Between us is right where he is…’
‘Will you talk to him?’
I sighed. ‘I suppose.’
‘Will you tell him it’s okay to… be intimate with me?’
‘Why is it so important to you and not to him?’
She was done with her makeup. She stood in front of me and pinched my shirt. ‘It is important to him. He’s so concerned about you that he refuses…’
I stayed quiet.
She looked down at my feet. ‘I have to know. I have to know if what I feel inside is real or imagined. I spent a year with him and it drives me with a need like no other. Is it the same for him? Or am I imagining this in my mind? If I have him, does this all go away? Have I made something bigger of it than it really is? I have to know these things, Enrique. I have to know where this all goes.’
I flipped my finger in the air as if I were rotating ideas. ‘So you’re saying if you two fuck you might realize you don’t want him?’
She looked to the side and pursed her lips. ‘If we’re going to be crude about it, yes.’ She looked into my eyes. ‘I need to know if what’s in my heart is real or this is all some fake thing in my head.’
I blinked. It’s still not getting better. But an image of his cock out and my bride on her knees in her wedding dress made my dick fully harden. ‘Yeah. I’ll talk to him.’
She gripped me in a hug so alarming that I froze. It was alarming because she was trembling so badly I was surprised her teeth weren’t chattering. ‘Thank you. I don’t want to suffer this anymore. I want to know where I am with all this. And I want us to love each other. I wear my ring because I can’t bear to take it off.’
That damned image of her licking his cum off her wedding ring made my dick throb with need. I gasped hoarsely, ‘I’ll talk to him.’
‘No punching?’
There was no reason to punch him if he was taking the high road with fucking my Alissa. ‘No.’
Her lips met mine – the same lips that had sucked his cock last night. She kissed me with passion and I… kissed her back. ‘Thank you…’
My erection in my jeans hurt and I wanted to lick her lips. I breathed, ‘Alissa…’
She broke off and stepped back. ‘I need to go.’
I realized I was in a tug of war for her soul.
That was going to have to change.
