I stared in the mirror.
I’d grabbed my clothes in a tizzy but even if I didn’t, I was unprepared.
In normal circumstances, any meeting with the parents necessitated a carefully strategized trip to the mall, a manicure, pedicure, facial, hair trim and at least a week of psyching yourself up.
At least.
I didn’t have that.
Instead I’d grabbed a pair of mocha, roll top yoga pants, a cream, ultra slim fit camisole and my lightweight, close-fit, zip up hoodie with the super awesome stitching and it was, what I thought at the time, the mega-awesome color of a pastel, neon orangy-peach.
Now I was thinking it looked ridiculous.
Seeing as it was Sunday morning and normal folk didn’t dress to the nines with full on makeup for a surprise, family breakfast visit, I didn’t do makeup. But I did spritz with perfume.
I sucked in breath. I couldn’t be up there ages and I couldn’t escape this.
Welp! What will be, will be.
I exited the bathroom and headed to the stairs, hearing children screaming over a low murmuring of adult voices.
I looked right as I walked down the stairs and I saw a gorgeous, older woman at the stove, bacon in the skillet, its scent filling the air and her head was turned to me. Two Hawk-looking, also gorgeous, tall, lean men sitting identically at stools, long upper thighs splayed manly wide, feet to the rung and their heads turned to me. Another, older, Hawk-looking, handsome, tall, lean man standing at the opposite end of the counter, his eyes on me. Hawk, with his back to me, leaning his hip against the end of the horseshoe, his neck twisted so he could look at me. And lastly, two black-haired kids, both boys, ages indeterminate but I was guessing somewhere in the area of two and six, racing through the vast space and not knowing I existed.
“Hey,” I called five steps from the bottom (yes, I was counting, I had five steps to go without falling on my face).
“Hey,” one of the men at the stool replied, grinning, no dimples but his brother at the other stool was also grinning and he had dimples. So did the older man.
I walked across the space which was a long way normally, an epic journey with Hawk’s family’s eyes following me.
I didn’t know where to head so my feet took over and led me to Hawk. I stopped at his side and no one had looked away. Not one of them.
Yikes.
Then Hawk’s arm slid along my shoulders, he curled me as he turned me so my front was pressed into his side, close, too close and I looked up as I prepared to gain distance, only to see his eyes warm on me.
“You good?” he asked softly.
No. One could not say I was good. One could say I was freaking out.
I nodded my lie.
“You want coffee?”
“Coffee would be good,” I whispered and started to pull away but Hawk’s arm tensed and his head lifted and turned toward his mother.
“Ma, could you get Gwen a coffee?”
My body jolted and my head whipped toward her. “I can get it.”
Then I stilled.
Something was wrong. Not just wrong, very wrong. And it was the look on Hawk’s mother’s face that was wrong. There was sadness there and I didn’t know her, I’d been in her presence less than a minute but that sadness touched my soul.
“Maria, honey, Cabe’s girl needs coffee,” the older man prompted quietly, Hawk’s mother’s body jerked and then she swept that sadness clean away.
Um. What the fuck was that?
“Right, of course, Gwen?” she said, hurrying to me. “I’m Maria. Cabe’s mother.”
She extended her hand and I took it even though Hawk didn’t let me go so I could do this. Her fingers curled around mine and she looked up at me from her petite height as I smiled down at her thinking, no wonder Hawk was hot, she wasn’t a spring chicken but she was still a complete knockout.
Her hand squeezed, mine squeezed back, she smiled a small smile, let me go and moved away.
Hmm. Not sure how that went.
“I’m Von,” one of the men at the stools put in and my head turned to him. He was the dimpled one.
“Hi,” I replied. “I’m Gwen.”
He was already grinning and the grin got bigger when he muttered, “I know.”
Okey dokey.
“Von’s wife, Lucia, is a nurse, babe, she has a shift at Swedish this morning. The hellions who will eventually graduate to tearing up my place are his,” Hawk put in and I nodded up at him.
“Jury,” the other man at a stool added and my eyes went to him.
“Hey,” I replied.
“Your laptop work okay?” he asked and I suspected Jury was the firefighter and I also suspected he was on the cover of the Denver Firefighters calendar, picture used for the month of July, he was that hot. If the firefighters merged with the police officers and they did a group shot that included Lawson and Jury, the paper might spontaneously combust.
“Yes, thanks for getting that for me,” I said to him.
“No problems,” he muttered, staring at me. In fact, they were all still staring at me except Maria who was pouring coffee.
“Agustín,” Hawk’s Dad boomed, moving in my direction, a huge smile on his face, his looks so similar to Hawk’s it was uncanny and boded well for Hawk’s future. Hawk’s Mom was a knockout, his Dad, like my Dad, had managed to age without losing but a modicum of hotness. He lifted his hand and I took it when he went on. “Gus.”
“Gus,” I shook his hand, “Gwen.”
He let my hand go but kept smiling at me huge then his eyes swung to Hawk.
“Cabe, good taste. Nice eyes. Great hair. Fantastic ass,” he remarked and I froze in shock.
“Gus!” Maria shouted, swinging around as the male Delgado brood chuckled.
Gus turned to his wife. “It’s true.”
“Madre de dios,” she snapped. “That may be so but you don’t say it in front of her!”
Gus rocked back on his heels and crossed his arms on his chest. “Why not?”
Her eyes sliced to me then back to her husband and she swung an arm out to me. “Because look at her, you’ve offended her.”
“Um…” I put in hurriedly, “I’m not offended.” And I wasn’t, just surprised. I looked at Gus. “Cookie dough,” I explained. “My booty is carefully crafted from copious intake of cookie dough.”
“Whatever you’re doin’, sweetheart, it’s workin’.” He grinned then advised, “So don’t stop.”
“Divorce. D-i-v-o-r-c-e. Tomorrow. I’m callin’ my lawyers tomorrow,” Maria threatened and this seemed like a practiced speech.
“Woman, you don’t have lawyers,” Gus returned in a way that seemed practiced too.
Hmm. Maria and Gus bickered. This was somehow familiar.
“Well, I’m finding some!” Maria snapped then looked at me. “How do you take your coffee?”
“Milk and half a sugar,” I replied quickly.
“Half a sugar won’t help that ass,” Gus observed helpfully and Hawk’s body started shaking and I knew he was silently laughing
But that was when Maria turned swiftly, reached up, grabbed a mug and threw it at Gus.
Yes, she threw a mug at Gus.
Gus, clearly experienced with evasive maneuvering, ducked and the mug hit the counter and bounced off to fall to the floor, luckily unharmed because, seriously, Hawk’s mugs were kickass.
I stood stock-still and stared.
“Woman!” Gus yelled when he straightened and planted his hands on his hips. “Are you crazy? Now you’ve freaked Gwen out!”
Frighteningly, Maria’s eyes came to me. “Learn,” she warned, pointing a finger at me and leaning in. “All of them, they’re like this. Do not let them get away with it. Put your foot down right off the bat, Gwen, do you hear me?”
“I hear you,” I whispered.
“I didn’t put my foot down right off the bat,” she told me. “Dazzled by his good looks, that was me. Don’t get dazzled by Cabe’s good looks, Gwen, learn from me. He’s just a man. He might do things to make you think differently but, believe me, he’s just a man.”
“I’m not sure that’s true,” I shared. “I haven’t seen it with my own eyes but I think he can walk through walls.”
More male chuckles and more shaking of Hawk’s body against mine but Maria didn’t think anything was funny. “He can’t. I see now, you’re dazzled. Shake that off, querida. The sooner, the better.”
“Uh… okay,” I agreed because she sounded serious.
Her finger jerked to Gus. “Behave!” she ordered then turned back to my coffee.
Hawk’s head dipped so his mouth was at my ear. “You dazzled, Sweet Pea?”
I twisted my neck to catch his eye. Then I whispered, “Behave.”
He grinned at me and my body jolted not from surprise but because a young human ran into it.
I looked down into the black eyes and beautiful face of a Hawk-like little boy as he shifted to the front of me then slapped my thigh.
“Well hello, little person,” I said to him.
He slapped my thigh again as Von warned, “Javier.”
“Orange!” the boy shouted then slapped my thigh again and pointed at my hoodie.
“Yep, orange,” I replied then pointed at my yoga pants. “What color is this?”
“Brown!” he yelled and clapped his hands.
I smiled down at him. “Excellent. Now what color is this?” I lifted my hand and tugged at my ponytail.
“Pretty!” he hollered and I couldn’t help it, I laughed and then crouched down so I was almost eye to eye with him.
“I’m Gwen, who are you?”
“Javier!” he yelled and clapped again.
“Santo,” I heard from my side and I looked to see the older boy standing there, removed, watchful, eyes on me.
“Santo?” I asked and he nodded. “Hey, Santo.”
He didn’t reply, his body started swaying but his eyes didn’t leave me.
“You’re handsome,” I informed him.
He kept swaying and studying me.
“Do you like your Uncle’s big lair?” I asked.
His head tipped to the side. “Lair?” he repeated.
I swept an arm out to indicate the space. “His house.”
“We can’t run at home,” was his response.
I smiled at him. “You like it.”
He took a step toward me and stopped.
“Sunny,” he replied.
I looked at the windows then back at Santo. “Yeah, baby, it’s very sunny.”
“We can run and climb,” he continued.
“But you do it careful, right? So your Grandma won’t get worried?” I asked.
“Careful,” he nodded.
I kept smiling. “How old are you?” I asked.
“Five,” Santo answered, taking another step toward me and holding five fingers up in front of my face.
“Three!” Javier yelled, I looked at him to see he was having difficulty controlling his little hand to show me three so I reached out and gently tucked two fingers into his palm.
“Three,” I said softly.
“Three!” Javier agreed, joyfully looking at his hand.
“Can you hold it?” I asked and his gaze turned intent on his hand, his mouth twisted and he nodded.
Slowly, I removed my hand and he held up his three fingers.
Then I touched my fingertips to his soft, still chubby cheek before dropping my hand. “Perfect,” I told him.
His eyes came to me and he clapped again, then he hurtled himself at me. I braced at the last minute so I didn’t go down on my ass, the kid was freaking strong. His arms went around me and he gave me a slobbery, three year old kiss on my neck then yanked my ponytail.
Then as fast as he did it, he let me go and raced away.
Totally Delgado.
Santo raced after him.
I stood and found eyes on me again, all around, no grins this time; Delgado intensity was coming at me from all sides.
Weird.
Hawk’s arm came back to my shoulders and he curled me into his side again. I looked up and only had a second to prepare before his mouth hit mine for a very brief, very hard, very sweet kiss.
When his head lifted, I found my arms had wound themselves around his middle.
I stared into his eyes and couldn’t read them and lost the ability to try when his hand came up, knuckles skimming my cheek and down, it curled around my neck.
I forgot we had an audience when I re-focused and the look he was giving me set something wrong inside me.
“Are you okay?” I whispered.
“No,” he replied.
“Hawk –” I started but I didn’t know what I was going to say.
His hand squeezed my neck. “Totally missed out.”
Something was happening here, something important. I just didn’t get what.
“Hawk,” I breathed.
“Fuck me, totally missed out.”
“Baby,” I replied softly.
“Coffee, querida,” I heard, my neck twisted and I was surprised to see Maria standing there, offering me coffee.
I took it with a, “Thanks.”
“No problem,” she muttered, her eyes shifting quickly to Hawk then she turned back to the bacon on the stove.
“So Gwen, what do you do?” Gus asked and I looked at him, relieved at a normal question and how it shifted an atmosphere that had bizarrely grown heavy.
“I’m a book editor,” I answered then took a sip of coffee.
“Like it?” Gus asked.
“Yes,” I answered.
“What’s your Dad do?” Gus went on.
“Construction, ex-Army and part-time handyman because his daughter bought a money pit,” I told him.
Gus smiled. “Keeps us young, lookin’ out for our kids, no matter how old they are.”
“Well, I endeavor to give my father every opportunity to stay young.”
Gus’s smile widened. “Bet he loves every minute of it,” Gus guessed wrongly.
“He lectured me for five hours not to buy that house and I bought it anyway so when the bathtub crashed through the floor into the living room, he had to take an hour long timeout so he wouldn’t strangle me and be known on on-line encyclopedias as a daughter-killer so I’m not sure he loves every minute of it.”
“Trust me,” Gus stated, still smiling, “he loves every minute of it.”
“Okay,” I decided to agree.
“And your Mom?” Gus kept interrogating me.
“Meredith is a secretary for a divorce lawyer,” I answered.
“Meredith?” he asked.
“My stepmom.”
“What’s your Mom do?” Gus kept at me.
“Pop,” Hawk said low and Gus’s eyes went to his son.
“She disappeared when I was little,” I answered readily and the Delgado intensity hit me again coming from all sides.
“Sorry, Gwen, I didn’t know,” Gus said.
“It’s okay, Gus, it was a long time ago,” I replied just as Hawk’s neck twisted so he could look toward the door.
I looked up at him to see his brows knit and heard him mutter, “Who now?”
He let me go and moved to the door as I took another sip of coffee, smelled bacon and my stomach informed me I was hungry.
Javier came running into the kitchen. He smacked his Grandma on the leg and shouted, “Bacon!” and I grinned.
There was a commotion at the door, I twisted to look and saw Meredith leading, moving swiftly, her face panicked. Dad was coming behind her, his strides long, his face set in granite. And a woman was following them wearing jeans, boots, a blousy top shot with silver and a cool, beat up leather jacket. She looked half-hippie, half-biker babe, a look she pulled off and one I liked so much I felt a new phase coming on. She also looked familiar but I didn’t know how.
I tensed and turned, putting my coffee cup to the counter.
What now?
“Gwennie, sweetie, she wouldn’t –” Meredith started, her eyes glued to me, she didn’t even glance at the Delgados.
“Gwendolyn!” the woman I didn’t know shouted then broke into a run toward me. “My God, my God. A drive-by!” Then she passed Meredith and threw her arms around me as I froze, my eyes on Meredith. “My baby, nearly shot to death!” the woman wailed, swaying me side to side.
“Uh,” I started. “Do I know you?”
She jerked away, her fingers curving around my upper arms so hard I could feel her nails through the material of my hoodie.
“Do you know me?” she whispered.
“Gwen –” Dad began but the woman let me go and she whirled on Dad.
“Does she know me?” she shrieked and even Santo and Javier stopped scampering and stared.
“Libby,” Dad clipped but I felt the color slide from my face as I took a step back.
“Libby?” I whispered and she swung back to me.
“Yes!” she snapped. “Libby! Your mother!”
Oh my God! Gus was a voodoo master. One mention and then, poof! there she was!
My eyes flew to Hawk to see he was closing in on me as I swayed. Luckily, he made it to me, his arm hooking around my chest as he positioned his tall frame behind me and he anchored me to him before I could teeter and fall.
“You don’t have to protect her from me,” my mother hissed at Hawk, her eyes slits.
“I’ll take the boys outside,” Von muttered, moving off his stool toward his sons.
But I didn’t look to see this happen, I only sensed him move because I kept staring at my Mom.
My Mom.
“Well, this answers that,” Mom was still hissing and she turned to Meredith. “I take it you didn’t share the letters and photos I sent,” she accused, Hawk’s arm tightened and my eyes shot to Meredith.
“I –” Meredith started.
“No, I didn’t,” Dad put in, moving in behind Meredith and sliding an arm around her waist.
Letters? Photos?
“I should have known when I didn’t get anything back,” Mom retorted then her eyes focused on Meredith. “My baby wouldn’t leave me hanging. My baby would reply to me!”
“It was my decision to keep you out of Gwen’s life, not Mer’s, so eyes to me, Libby,” Dad ordered.
“Oh my God,” I whispered.
Mom’s eyes didn’t swing to Dad, they swung to me. “You can say that again!” she shouted.
“You think you could take a second, calm down and see Gwen and Hawk have company and maybe we can discuss this in private?” Dad suggested.
“No! No I do not!” Mom shouted.
“Right, in other words, things haven’t changed,” Dad clipped.
“Fuck you!” Mom clipped back and my body jolted.
Hawk entered the fray. “Bax asked you to calm down. Now this is my place and I’m tellin’ you to do it.”
Mom swung to Hawk. “Do I care?”
Oh my God. My long lost Mom had a foul mouth and a death wish.
“Are you gettin’ why I did what I could to keep this woman outta my daughter’s life?” Dad asked Hawk angrily.
“I’m not getting it,” I whispered.
“Of course you wouldn’t, baby,” Mom stated.
“Then, Gwen honey, I kept ‘em and I’ll give ‘em to you,” Dad told me. “First letter she sent, with photos, was when your Aunt Mildred died and left you ten thousand dollars. In it she says she was working in Africa with starving children and needed money for food and medicine when she was really in Boulder workin’ as a bartender in a Harley bar and needed money to keep herself in dope.”
Boulder? Boulder? I thought my mother lived in Rapid City.
I stared at Dad.
Great. Just great. My Mom was foul mouthed, had a death wish, lived thirty miles away from me and was just like Ginger.
Fantastic.
All this I thought in my head.
“Please tell me this isn’t happening,” was what I whispered out loud and Hawk’s other arm wrapped around my ribs.
“Second letter, and honey, there were only two, was when you graduated from high school and I turned your school fund over to you. It was flood victims that time,” Dad went on and my eyes went to my Mom as Dad continued. “What’s it now, Lib? You hear about the drive-by and think to get in on the insurance payout or you hear she hooked up with Hawk and think to get something from him?”
“It’s me,” Hawk stated and I twisted my neck to look up at him and see his gaze was steady and unhappy on my mother.
“I don’t know who you are,” Mom snapped at Hawk.
“Bullshit,” Hawk replied and my body jolted again.
“I’ve never seen you in my life,” she returned.
“You were Pope Rountree’s old lady, until he threw your ass out, and you were at his place three times when I took meetings with him there,” Hawk replied.
Mom ducked her chin and turned her body slightly to the side.
What Hawk said was true.
Oh my God. My long lost mother had a foul mouth, a death wish and she was a gold digger!
“That explains it, why you wouldn’t get out of Rick’s fuckin’ livin’ room until we took you to Gwen, the whole time, red-faced and shoutin’. Because you knew, we took you to Gwen, we took you to Hawk,” Dad surmised.
My mother stared at my father and then shifted attention and blame.
“My daughter was the victim of a drive-by because your daughter,” she jabbed an angry finger at Meredith, “is a piece of shit.”
Meredith’s face paled, Dad’s got red and I lost my mind.
“Don’t you dare,” I whispered and Mom swung to me and I watched, holy crap, I watched her carefully rearrange her face.
“Baby –” she whispered.
“Don’t you ‘baby’ me, you lived in Boulder?” My voice went high on the last two words and Hawk’s arms got tighter but I leaned forward. “You lived in Boulder and you never came to see me?”
“Your father wouldn’t let me!” she replied on a shout.
“Who cares!” I shouted back. “If you want to see your kid, you’ll move heaven and earth to see your kid! You want to stay in contact, you don’t send two letters! You send two thousand!”
“Gwendolyn –” she started.
“I can’t believe you,” I cut her off. “I can’t believe I don’t see you for nearly thirty years and when I do, it’s because you know Hawk and you know he can afford Jimmy Choos!”
Direct hit, she winced then she rallied.
“Yesterday, you nearly died,” she told me.
“Uh… yeah, I know, I was there,” I replied sarcastically.
“I’m your mother! I’m worried!”
“You weren’t worried when Brian Takata broke my heart in tenth grade and I slid into the depths of despair. Meredith was! And it was then Meredith taught me the healing properties of cookie dough and, let me tell you, it was a good lesson to learn because cookie dough goes a long way to mend a broken heart. And, by the way,” my tone was acid, “Meredith taught me a lot of good lessons you weren’t around to teach.”
“Gwen –” Mom tried to cut in but I kept on going.
“And you weren’t worried when Scott Leighton crushed me to the point I knew I’d never fall in love again. Meredith was. And I didn’t have enough money to hire a good lawyer when Scott was jacking me around so Meredith got her boss to represent me and Scott quit jacking me around! You were in Boulder, or wherever but wherever was close enough for you to be there and you never were. Meredith was!”
“Yeah, I’m around and I know people, I hear things, and I know you’re in trouble because Meredith’s bitch from hell of a daughter is causing you trouble.” Mom returned.
I tore from Hawk’s arms, taking two swift strides forward so fast, Mom reared back.
“That’s my sister you’re talking about,” I snapped in her face. “And those are family problems and you… are not… family.”
“Gwe –” she started.
“Get out!” I yelled.
“I don’t believe –”
“You should. You initiated a play for my man’s money,” I bit out, thumping my chest with the flat of my palm. “You insulted my sister. You made my Dad get red in the face. And you upset,” I leaned in but pointed at Meredith, “my Mom!”
She reared back again and I watched her face get pale but she didn’t move.
“I told you, get out, you don’t, I’m siccing Hawk on you!” I threatened.
Her eyes slid to Hawk and I felt his badassness close at my back but I kept my eyes locked to my mother.
Then her gaze came to me. “You know,” she whispered, “I don’t see even a little of me in you.”
She said this like was an insult.
“Thank God,” I replied.
Her mouth got tight then she tossed her hair, which, unfortunately, was my hair (except dyed to look that way now) then she turned and, without looking at anyone, she marched to the door.
I marched to the fridge, pissed and sliding straight into full rant. “You know, I’d rather be firebombed again. No!” I corrected myself as I yanked open the fridge and reached for the cookie dough. “The drive-by. I’d rather endure another drive-by than go through that again.” I slammed the fridge door and walked to a butcher block of knives, yanking one out at random. I slid out a cutting board from the shelves then I went to the horseshoe counter by where Meredith was standing and slapped the cutting board down. “And you should know, Meredith, that I do not blame you. Ginger is Ginger, we’re all family, we all get that.” I twirled my knife in the air. “It isn’t like we didn’t know this would eventually come to pass.” I slammed the cookie dough down on the cutting board and started to slice into it when strong fingers curled around my wrist and I felt a hard body pressed against my side.
I looked up at Hawk.
“Give it up with the cookie dough, baby,” he whispered.
“No way, Hawk, it’s cookie dough all around,” I replied, tearing my wrist from his hand and again circling my knife in the air.
He pressed his lips together. Then he suggested, “All right, then maybe in your present state you shouldn’t be wielding a cleaver.”
“I’m not wielding a…” I trailed off when I brought the knife I was carrying up between us and saw it was a huge-ass cleaver. “Shit,” I muttered.
His hand came back to my wrist and he took control of the cleaver. Then he stretched out an arm and handed the cleaver off to his hovering mother.
It was then I remembered we had an audience and it was then I remembered that life pretty much sucked for me and so it was then I burst out crying.
Hawk folded me in his arms, I grabbed onto his thermal, my fingers fisting tight at the back, and I shoved my face in his chest.
His hand slid up and curled warm around the back of my neck.
There was silence which led into murmurings of conversation, my parents introducing themselves to Hawk’s family but I ignored this because the presence of other beings during a breakdown, well, it was pretty much mandatory to ignore them but when they’re the family of the hot guy you’re sleeping with, you just met them and they just witnessed a unpleasant family reunion that ended in you ranting and brandishing a cleaver, it was a moral imperative.
When my tears subsided, my eyes automatically searched for the face which would make everything better.
I turned my head and focused on Meredith.
“I know Maria’s making breakfast but can you make me homemade donuts?” I whispered.
“I’ll go get the biscuit dough and vegetable oil,” Dad announced instantly and I felt rather than saw him move because my eyes stuck to Meredith.
She had tears hovering in her eyes too but, still, she smiled at me.
Yep, everything felt better.
I smiled back as I pressed my cheek to Hawk’s chest and his arms got tight.
Then I shouted to my Dad, “Don’t forget the chocolate fudge frosting!”
“Gotcha,” Dad shouted back.
I felt something on my other side and I traded one cheek for the other in Hawk’s chest as I turned my head and looked up to see Gus there.
His eyes were on Hawk. “Good to know, even after a family drama, Gwen’s still hard at work on that great ass,” he noted.
“Gus!” Maria shouted.
I laughed.
So did Hawk, I didn’t hear it but I felt it up against me.
It felt really nice.
Hawk’s laughter faded and I missed it when it was gone until Maria muttered, “She might be dazzled but she’s not afraid of using a cleaver. I see good things,” and I got it back again.
* * * * *
Hawk was gone on an errand unexplained and night had fallen.
Earlier his family and my family ate eggs, toast, bacon and homemade donuts made from taking biscuit dough from a tube, punching a whole in the middle of it, deep frying it and then slathering it with frosting.
Homemade donuts were nearly as good as cookie dough for soothing trauma, not quite but they worked that morning mainly because Meredith made them.
Dad and Gus got on. Meredith and Maria got on. Von and Jury were both cool but attentive, very like their brother. But I spent most of my time after donut consumption playing hide and seek with Javier and Santo. There weren’t a lot of places to hide but there was a lot of room to seek. I made one mistake and that was tickling them when I first found them which they liked so they made me do all the seeking and then they made it easy to find them. In the end Javier tried to hide in plain sight. And he did this while giggling and calling “Nennie!” because he couldn’t quite say Gwen.
Finally, after Maria and Meredith did the dishes, everyone said their farewells and went away, Hawk came to me and explained he had “shit to do”. He didn’t go into detail and I didn’t demand it but he did kiss me before he left.
I unpacked my stuff and arranged it on my desk, booted up my computer and worked, making myself a sandwich when I got hungry, breaking the seal on the condiments to do so and trying not to think of Hawk, out with his commandos, causing mayhem and maybe getting hurt.
Now I’d swiveled my chair to face the dark windows, the haze of lights of Denver not far away. The fact was we were in Denver, just a lost, abandoned part of it that. Once the developers cottoned on, it would probably be made into lofts and trendy restaurants.
I had both my heels up on the seat of my chair, both my arms wrapped around my calves and I’d dropped my chin to my knees.
I stared out the windows realizing I had a foul-mouthed, gold digger Mom who didn’t care one bit about me. I had a shot up living room and a sister in serious trouble. I had a reputation as a sexual plaything. I was living with the man whose sexual plaything I had the reputation of being. I had a biker out there somewhere who had the way wrong idea about me. And, even with all that going down, it seemed I was living a daydream.
How the fuck did all that happen?
I heard a noise and turned my head to the door to see Hawk striding in, all masculine grace, body at his command.
Mm. Yum.
He walked, I watched and did a full body scan.
Well, today’s good news, Hawk was home and he wasn’t riddled with bullets, bleeding from stab wounds, scored by shrapnel or missing a limb due to an explosion.
“Hey,” he said when he made it to the kitchen and kept coming at me.
“Hey,” I replied, watching him coming at me, my chin to my knees, my brain processing that I was enjoying the show.
He rounded the desk and approached me from behind and he did this so he could bend in and touch his lips, then tongue, to the skin behind my ear.
Mm. Yum.
His mouth stayed there to say, “Baby, there a reason you’re in a protective ball again?”
“I sit like this a lot,” I told him.
“Yeah?” His lips went away and he swiveled my chair to face him as he crouched in front of me. “Why?”
“It’s comfortable.”
He studied me a second, his eyes scanning my face.
Then he asked, “So this doesn’t have to do with your Mom showin’ up outta the blue and causin’ a scene?”
Hmm. Maybe it partly had to do with that.
I decided not to reply.
Then suddenly he stood, plucked me straight out of the chair and turned on his boot to walk through the warehouse while carrying me.
“What are you doing?” I asked, sliding my arms around his shoulders.
“Showing you comfortable,” he answered.
Oh boy, I had a feeling I knew where this was going.
“I need to save my work,” I told him.
“You can save it later,” he told me and kept walking.
“Hawk, seriously, what if there’s a power outage?”
“Then you should have saved it before you curled up, Sweet Pea,” he replied.
He made it to the seating area, sat in a recliner, reached down to the lever and then we were jerked back flat with me on top of him.
Okay, maybe I didn’t know where this was going.
His arms came around me as my head lifted up.
When my eyes hit his, he stated, “Now, babe, this is comfortable.”
He was not wrong.
I stretched out full, my hip in the seat, one of my legs hitched over his thighs and I rolled my torso onto his, all the while looking down at him.
Then it was my turn to study him.
Face relaxed and, as ever, handsome. Eyes warm but alert. No dimples. Pure male beauty from hair to chin and parts beyond.
When his hand came up and pulled my hair away from my face, holding it scrunched at my neck, I spoke.
“I’m glad to see you’re home and not riddled with bullets.”
He grinned then muttered, “Smartass.”
“And also not scored by burning shrapnel.”
More grin, more dimples, more handsome.
Total daydream.
“Do I want to know where you’ve been?” I asked a question that threatened to blow my daydream to smithereens.
“I’ve been paying visits,” he answered readily which I suspected indicated that this discussion would not freak me out, set off a new bout of tears or send me straight to the fridge.
“To?” I prompted.
“To people who have big mouths and who’ll share that I’m not real thrilled about my woman being the target of a drive-by, or present during one, and if that shit happens again, those responsible will feel pretty fuckin’ uncomfortable and they’ll be feelin’ that sooner not later at the same time my boys and me are lookin’ for the ones who did it in the first place.”
“Oh,” I whispered for I had no other response.
“We still don’t know who was behind it.” Hawk shared. “Tack’s made enemies. It could be them. And Tack’s made it clear you’re somethin’ he wants so it could even be his shit that’s leaked to you.”
This was news and not good news. I already had enough shit leaking into my life. I didn’t need more.
“Really?” I asked.
“Really,” Hawk answered looking as happy about this news as I felt. “Tack’s position as president of the Chaos MC was a hostile takeover. Chaos started as a brotherhood of hellraisers. They didn’t make trouble but that didn’t mean they didn’t seek it out and embrace it when they found it. They always had the garage and auto supply but it was just a front and not very big. Their crimes were relatively victimless, knife fights with other bikers who were looking for trouble, shit like that. They grew and sold pot, good shit, made a fortune, built up the garage and the store. Things degenerated, didn’t help that internally there were two factions in the club always fighting, butting heads. Good and bad. Bad won out and the brotherhood is a brotherhood so even with bad leadin’ the club, the others followed. Stopped growin’ pot, started transporting. Not dealin’, just moving product from point A to point B. Lucrative, far more than the pot. The garage and store got built up more. But you start doin’ bad shit, more bad shit follows and it did. Made deals, made alliances, built the business, and not just the legitimate ones, broke deals, broke alliances, fought wars, fuckin’ insane. This world, their world, is a different world set right here in Denver, there are no rules, no laws but they got instinct on their side.”
I was pretty shocked Hawk was explaining this but even more shocked that he shared so many words.
“Instinct?” I asked when he stopped talking, fascinated at the same time mildly freaked out.
“You can be pretty smart when you’re actin’ on instinct in order to survive. These guys, they are far from dumb. These guys have been doin’ this so long, they’re masterminds. And I’m not jokin’.”
“Oh,” I whispered.
“Through this shit, the last twenty years, Kane has been growin’ the custom bike and car business. Quiet, at first, and patient, it turns out. He’s had a plan, all this time, twenty fuckin’ years. Slowly building the reputation, slowly getting attention for it, now everyone knows about it. Hard to keep doin’ seriously bad shit when journalists and photographers are writin’ stories and takin’ photos and Hollywood movie stars are visiting your garage. He talked the club into feedin’ the money into Ride, branched out, built stores in C Springs, Boulder. Now it’s nearly as lucrative as the illegal shit and he made it that way so, when he made his move to take over, standard of living for his boys wouldn’t take that big of a hit, they cut ties with that other shit. So, that’s what he did.”
“The Chaos MC is clean?” I asked.
“Wouldn’t say that, babe, but they don’t peddle flesh or transport drugs anymore.”
“That’s good,” I noted.
“Yeah, in the sense that Kane and his boys don’t face a future where it might be that their only wardrobe choice is an orange jumpsuit. Problem is, they were good at safe transportation and now that they don’t offer that service, sometimes demand gets cut off from supply. This has made some very dangerous people not very happy. And Kane is the man behind their unhappiness. He’s got boys in his ranks would be happy to go back to what they were doin’. There’s unrest, he’s dealin’ with that, and there’s outside pressure, and he’s dealin’ with that. He’s a marked man and until he figures out who’s behind the rebellion in his Club and the outside factions sort out their shit and move on, he’s got problems.”
“How is, um…” I took in a breath and then asked, “Ginger involved with that? Is it the drugs?”
“Nope,” Hawk replied.
Oh shit.
“Did she let them peddle her flesh?”
“No babe,” his arm gave me a squeeze, “she was the inside man on the theft of three custom cars and a custom bike, a shitload of gear and the contents of a safe.”
“The inside man?” I asked.
Hawk paused to study me then his fingers sifted through my hair and I realized he did this for the same reasons Cam took in breath. He did it to prepare me.
“Her chosen profession, Sweet Pea. She’s got one thing goin’ for her and that is that no one takes her seriously. She was smart enough to listen and learn in a lot of places. She sold information, she provided distraction for a price and, also for a price, she provided access. She wasn’t smart enough not to keep her shit quiet, not to be invisible and not to fuck over the wrong people. She wasn’t choosy, she’s equal opportunity. She fucked everyone and now she’s fucked.”
“How many people has she fucked over?” I asked.
“Too many,” Hawk answered.
“And their danger zone levels?”
“Off the charts,” Hawk replied. “Kane and Chaos are the least of her troubles and, Gwen, they may have cleaned up but that doesn’t mean they play by the rules. They caught her; they’d deal with her their own way. They would not hand her over to the cops. They’d find a way to take back what she owed them and they’d be creative about it.”
My body gave a tremble as my hand clenched against his thermal and when it did, his hand left my hair and he slid his knuckles down my jaw.
“Yeah, baby, it is not lookin’ good for Ginger,” he whispered.
“Will you find her for me?” I blurted and then I tensed. I couldn’t ask that, I couldn’t ask Hawk and his boys to wade in –
“Already tryin’, Sweet Pea.” I stared and he talked. “Not for her, for you, your Dad and your stepmom.”
Uh… wow.
“I… I don’t know what… you are?” I stammered.
“Gwen, I carried you through fire. That shit’s gotta stop.”
“Right,” I whispered, my belly squishy, my heart swelling, my throat tingling, my eyes looking into his.
His eyes smiled. “You can pay me back, you make dinner.”
“Making dinner would be payback?”
“Nope, not all of it, but it’ll carve a bit off what you owe me.”
I felt my lips tip up as my head tipped to the side. “Does that mean I have to steam vegetables?”
“Is that a problem for you?”
“No, but the only things you have in your fridge are fruit, cottage cheese and vegetables. Your Mom used all the eggs and bacon and I had lunchmeat for lunch so that leaves veggies for dinner. I’m not sure my system will accept nothing but veggies for dinner. It might react and my guess would be that reaction would be violent.”
He grinned at me then remarked, “There are stores in Denver. Some of them even carry groceries.”
“Now who’s the smartass?” I mumbled.
“All right, babe, get your shoes and get your ass to the Camaro. We’re goin’ to the grocery store.”
“And still bossy,” I went on mumbling.
“Are you hungry?” he asked.
“Yes,” I answered.
“Do you want vegetables for dinner?”
“Heck no.”
“Then get your ass up, get your shoes and get in the Camaro.”
“B-o-s-s-y.” I spelled it out like his Mom did earlier, moving to exit the recliner but his arms suddenly closed around me and I found myself plastered to his chest, his hand slid up to cup my head, tilt it then pull my lips down to his.
Then he kissed the smartass right out of me.
After that, I got up and did what I was ordered.
* * * * *
“Baby,” I breathed.
“You’re there,” Hawk growled in my ear, hand cupping my breast, fingers rolling my nipple, his other hand over mine, his finger manipulating mine at the golden spot while his cock drove inside me.
He was right, I was there. My head flew back, collided with his shoulder and I came. Hard.
His hand between my legs took mine and he wrapped both our arms around my middle, his other hand still cupping my breast as he drove me down and he thrust up, his face in my neck, his deep grunts shivering through me.
Then he ground me down as he pounded up, kept the connection and he growled into my neck.
“Baby,” I whispered, my neck twisting, his head came up, his mouth took mine and his tongue slid inside.
God, I loved the taste of him.
He held me close and connected as he kissed me then his mouth released mine. He pulled me off his cock, twisted me around, put me on my back in bed and followed me down. His body covered mine, his hips between mine, I wrapped my calves around his thighs and my arms around his back.
His face went into my neck and my fingers trailed the skin of his back.
“Hawk?” I called.
“No, baby, to answer your question, I’m not a superhero,” he said into my neck, my body stilled and I realized he was joking.
“Arrogant,” I remarked but I did it laughing.
His head came up, he smiled down at me and my hand automatically slid down, around, up his chest, his neck to cup his cheek, my thumb touching his dimple.
“Gwen?” I heard and I jerked my eyes from their contemplation of his dimple to his.
“Yeah?”
“You called me, babe.”
“I did?”
His smile got deeper; I saw it and felt it as his dimple moved under my thumb.
“Yeah, you did,” he answered.
“Sorry, I got mesmerized by your dimple.”
He went still then his face dipped close and he murmured, “Christ, like it when you’re sweet.”
I felt my body melt under his and my hand slid back across his hair.
“I remember what I wanted to say,” I told him softly.
“So say it, Sweet Pea,” he said softly back.
“Thank you for telling me about Ginger and Tack and being so nice about Mom.”
His hand came up and his fingers trailed my hairline before he whispered, “You’re welcome, baby.”
“And thank you for making me safe,” I went on.
“Gwen,” he whispered.
“And for trying to find Ginger.”
“You can stop now.”
I ignored him. “And for saving me from biker prison.”
“You already thanked me for that, even though you did it during a rant.”
“Well, thank you again because it was kind of filthy in there and I wasn’t a big fan of touching anything or, um… sitting on anything so that made it more uncomfortable than just being locked in a room for your own protection but against your will.”
“I’ll make sure Janine doesn’t fall down on the job,” he remarked.
“I’m being serious,” I said quietly.
His hand cupped the side of my head and his thumb circled at my temple.
“I know you are,” he quietly replied.
“My life is a mess,” I shared something he already knew.
“This will pass, Gwen.”
I pulled breath in through my nose and then said on the exhale, “I hope so.”
His hand slid down and his thumb glided across my lips. “One positive thing you learned today. It’s lookin’ good for you. Your Mom’s a mess, babe, but she’s still a babe.”
I felt my brows draw together. “Did you just call my Mom a babe?”
“You look like her,” he replied.
Well, that wasn’t so bad. My Mom was a mess, Hawk was right, but she had pretty kickass style.
“You act like Meredith,” Hawk cut into my thoughts.
I focused on him. “I do?”
“When you’re bein’ sweet and not ranting or hacking at cookie dough with cleavers.”
I smiled. “I didn’t hack at cookie dough with a cleaver.”
He grinned down at me. “It was close.”
He was right and I felt my body start to shake with laughter.
He watched me laugh until I was just smiling at him then he dipped his head and kissed the base of my throat. Then he rolled off me, pulled the covers over us, reached out to turn off the light on his nightstand and turned me so my back was tucked into his front. Then he pressed into me and reached across me to turn off the light on my nightstand. Then he pulled the hair off my neck and kissed the skin at the back of my ear. He wrapped his arm around me, pulled me deep, hitched my leg with his and settled into the pillows.
Hawk’s goodnight.
No slam bam thank you ma’am. Instead, talking, laughing then cuddling.
I guess I could deal with firebombs and drive-bys and learning my Mom was still a mess after all these years if this was how I ended my day.
I lay in the dark of Hawk’s cavernous warehouse, in his big bed, his big, warm body close, the memory of his goodnight sweet and fresh.
Yeah, I could deal with all that if this was how I ended my day.
But now I was wondering if Hawk felt the same.
