Oh, my god.
It’s the only statement I can think about while hiding from Matias.
I’m a coward.
Waking up with his arms around me, an ache between my legs, and the memory of all the filthy words he whispered to me last night made me panic as soon as my eyes opened. I had so many thoughts running through my mind.
As I lay in bed with him, I wondered if I was dreaming. Matias and I really had sex. He was there, arms wrapped around me, keeping me warm and safe.
My heart started to pound with excitement and hope for the future. I started to like him more than I told myself I’d allow. He made it so damn easy. He was perfect in every way. He always did and said the right things.
Then, on top of it all, he was gentle last night, caring, and thoughtful, and it ended up being the best night of my life.
Which is why I slid out of bed, got dressed, and decided to go for a walk around the compound.
It’s how I find myself now, hiking through the woods behind the house, and stopping at a cliff that has a gorgeous view of the city.
“Wow,” I whisper in awe, wondering what it’s like to have so much money that you can literally look down at the city on days you despise it.
Checking the time, I know I have to get back since Ella is about to wake up. Going back inside that house after what happened last night terrifies me. What if he regrets it? What if he doesn’t even look at me? What if that was his plan all along? To get me in bed and make me fall for him.
What if I lose my job?
There has to be a way to fix this situation.
I shouldn’t have snuck out of bed earlier. I should have been an adult and talked to him about what this meant. It won’t be as simple as me being a nanny and him being my boss. Not when I know how his cock looks, how long and thick it is, and how he truly knows how to use it.
“Jesus.” I place my hand on the back of my neck, stretching it when a rush of heat takes over my body.
I’ve seen a man’s cock before. Plenty of times with a few of the guys I dated. Matias’s is different. Just like his presence, his energy, his power, of course, his cock would match. It stood straight, without a curve. A thick crown and a wide shaft. I still can’t believe he fit inside me, but he made sure I was ready.
He deserves better. He treated me like a queen last night and I returned his kindness by making him feel like a one-night stand. If he cares. He probably doesn’t because he’s used to having sex with so many women. How many virginities has he taken?
And why does that thought infuriate me?
The idea of him with any other woman has jealousy rearing its ugly head. I have no claim to him, no matter what he said last night. The one thing I can do is apologize. I’m a grown woman. There’s no reason for me to run away from an evening that was that amazing.
“Okay, just go back,” I say to myself, taking one last look of the beautiful view of all the tall city buildings.
My shoe slides across the dirt as I gather the strength to turn around, but I wait, kicking myself in the ass for not being stronger, to face the music.
It was just sex.
“Ms. Matthews.”
I scream, spinning around so fast, my mind going into fight mode, that I rear my arm back and throw a punch. My fist connects to the man’s cheek.
“Oh my god!” I shout in horror. “Gianni. I’m so sorry. Oh god, are you okay?” I rush to him, placing my hand on his shoulder as he rubs his jaw. “I reacted. I wasn’t thinking. I was in my head. I am so sorry.”
He rubs his cheek then spits out a wad of blood.
“I made you bleed!” I get lightheaded, thinking about the consequences of hurting someone in the mafia. “Are you going to throw me over the cliff now?” my voice cracks from fear. “Or something horrific involving death? I really am sorry. Gianni, I—”
He cuts me off by grabbing my biceps.
I squeeze my eyes shut, waiting to be thrown in the air and over the cliff to fall to my death.
“Sophie. Open your eyes.”
I shake my head. “I don’t want to see my surroundings as I fall through the air. Just do it.”
He chuckles, giving me a slight shake. “Look at me.”
I peek one eye open. When I see him smiling, I relax.
A little.
I open the other eye, my gaze falling to the slightly red patch on his cheek that I left. My eyes begin to burn from fear, embarrassment, and shame. My bottle lip begins to tremble.
Oh, no.
No, I cannot cry in front of the righthand man of the guy I slept with last night. I really hate authority. It’s why I’ve been determined to be on my own, so I can ignore it for as long as possible.
“Hey, hey, hey, none of that. Hey.” He tilts my chin up with the side of his hand instead of his fingers, and for some reason, it reminds me of how my father would force me to look at him after I had hurt myself by falling off my bike.
Gianni has that quality about him, and it has me trusting him with ease.
“No tears. You have no reason to be afraid of me.”
“Minus you being in the mafia, and probably killed someone this morning.”
He chuffs, lifting a shoulder. “Not this morning.”
“It’s still early,” I tell him, eyeing the cliffside.
“I’m not going to throw you off a cliff. I’m very proud to see you act so quickly to protect yourself. You should not be sorry for that. You have a mean right hook.” He goes to take my hand, stopping just as he is close. “May I?”
I nod. “You aren’t mad?”
“Mad? No way. You should always protect yourself. You were out here alone, and I came out of nowhere. I shouldn’t have snuck up on you like that. Apologies.” He takes my hand and I hiss, wincing when he presses his thumbs against my reddened knuckles. He tsks. “You need to work on your form. You might have fractured your hand, sprained it, or perhaps it just hurts. But you need to hold your fist like this.” He puts my hand in position, tucking my thumbs over my fingers. “Your thumb probably hurts because you had it tucked inside your fist. You don’t ever want to do that. When you hit your assailant, you could end up breaking your thumb, so always on the outside. And you want to keep your wrist straight. I could give you some pointers, if you’d like.”
I start walking through the woods, holding my wrist has it begins to throb. “Yeah, I think that’s a good idea. Especially, if I’m working for the mafia.”
“Just working?”
I flick my eyes to him, his brows lifting in amusement and curiosity as he wipes the sweat from his face with his shirt. He must have run up here. I’m so embarrassed that I didn’t hear him.
“Oh. I—I mean—I should only be working.” My cheeks heat from being put on the spot. “That’s all there is between me and Matias. It’s just work.”
“Sophie, I’ve been the righthand man and security lead for the Milazzo family for many years. I am profoundly experienced in profiling people. You and Matias crossed the employee/employer work line last night. For a few hours, I might add.”
“Oh my god, you heard? You heard!” I pick up the pace as I walk, trying to get away from Gianni. If he heard, then Ella could have heard.
“Hey, no, no. Nothing like that. Well, not fully. I heard the headboard, that’s all. It was a very light, muffled sound since the walls were so thick. I came to the conclusion myself. Was I wrong?”
I shake my head. “No, you weren’t wrong. It shouldn’t have happened.”
“Why not? You’re both adults.”
“Come on. You know why.”
The house comes into view as we step out of the tree line.
“You need to understand something about Matias.” He stops walking, gently snagging my arm which forces me to come to a complete stop. “I’ve known him for a long time. He is a deep thinker, feels deeply, but he doesn’t wear his heart on his sleeve. If he has a dream in his head, he will make it come true. He doesn’t sleep around. He doesn’t date, Sophie. If he took you to bed, it wasn’t for a night.”
My hope rises like a sea during a storm, rocking my fear as if I’m a boat caught in the waves. “It has to be one night. I can’t lose this job. I need it more than I need him,” I say, the words rancid across my tongue as I speak them.
“Maybe you’ll see that things aren’t so black and white. There are circumstances where situations can be both.”
“I wish I could believe that, but I’ve learned that this world is black and white, Gianni. There’s good and bad. There’s live or die. There’s hate and love. Anything in between is a lie.”
He frowns, his eyes darting over my face in pity. “I’m sorry you had to grow up in a world like that, but you’re missing a lot of color in your life. I promise.”
I check the time, wanting to remove myself from this uncomfortable conversation. “I need to shower and prepare Ella breakfast.”
He nods. “I have to meet Matias in town for a meeting as well. Let me walk you back.”
“He isn’t home?”
“No. You can breathe easy.”
“I’m nervous, is all. I should have talked to him, but I got afraid. I’ve never—” I roll my lips together to stop myself from saying anything else. “Never mind.”
“Ah, I understand. There’s no need to be embarrassed about that. You chose a good man for that. I promise you, he won’t disappoint you. He will give you your space to think and process. For now,” he adds on.
When we get to the house, he opens the back door, allowing me in first. Ella is at the kitchen table already, eating cereal, but there is milk spilled everywhere. The cereal is all over the floor and counter, and she’s swinging her legs on the barstool as if she doesn’t have a care in the world.
I guess she doesn’t. At six, what’s there to worry about?
“Ella, good job making yourself breakfast,” I say to her, not wanting to make her feel bad about the mess when she took the initiative to make herself food.
“I know I made a mess, but I’ll clean it up when I’m done.”
“Don’t be silly. I can do that. You focus on eating.” I open the cabinet under the sink to grab cleaning supplies. Gianni walks out of the kitchen, and I stop him. “Thank you, Gianni. For everything.”
“You’re welcome.”
“Uncle G, what happened to your face?”
He grins. “I got into a fight with a knight, and she kicked my ass.”
She gasps, milk dripping from her mouth. “A girl knight? I didn’t know that was possible.”
“Anything is possible, Gummy Bear.” He boops her nose with his finger. “Women can be anything they want to be. They could be kings if they wanted.”
She giggles. “We are queens.”
“We all know kings get more respect. Women can be kings too. Don’t ever settle for less when your power is so much more than what any man has. Promise?”
She grins. “I promise.”
He kisses her forehead and shoots me a wink before heading to his room.
My knuckles ache as I wrap them around and hold all of the supplies. I don’t think I broke my hand, but I’ll need to ice it later. Snagging a few paper towels, I soak up the milk on the floor, then the counter, wiping off the milk jug.
Then I grab the cleaner, spraying and wiping so the floor isn’t sticky.
“Sophie?”
“Yeah, Ella? What’s up?” I sweep up the cereal and toss the pieces in the trash.
“Can we go to the park again today?”
I think about it, remembering the last time we were at the park, and how our time got interrupted because of Matias.
“I’m not sure. I’d rather we go to the park when your dad is around. How about we have a movie day? I’ll pop popcorn, candy, drinks, and we can camp out in the living room, and maybe make a fort? What do you think?”
“Yes! I want to make a fort! I can eat candy, too? As much as I want?”
“Yes. And it will be our little secret.”
“Yay! I’m going to go get the blankets now. I’m so excited.” She drops her spoon and milk splatters everywhere.
I sigh, chuckling as she zooms by me.
I dump her cereal into the sink, rinse out the bowl, and put it in the dishwasher. I fish out a few bags of popcorn from the cabinet, grab her favorite candy from the pantry, and then second-guess myself.
It’s still early in the morning. I should have her eat something that’s good for her.
“Every now and then won’t hurt,” I say, heading to the living room.
Matias installed a new TV in the living room, just like he promised. I scoot a few chairs over, toss the cushions from the couch on the floor, and hurry to my bedroom to grab pillows.
That’s when I notice a folded-up piece of paper on my nightstand. My name is written in cursive on the front, and with a held breath, I grab the paper.
Tucking a pillow under my arm, I exhale as I open the torn paper with perfect handwriting.
“Sweet Sophie,
You gave me the best night of my life. I understand why you needed space. Please know, I want last night to happen again, again, and again. Don’t wash the sheets. There’s something very special about them I want to keep. Have a good day, Sophie. I’ll be seeing you later.
-M”
“Something special?” I whisper, confused about what he would mean.
I tug off the blanket, searching for what he is talking about when my eyes land on small red dots. It’s nothing significant. I wouldn’t have noticed if he didn’t say anything.
I gasp when I realize what they are.
He wants to keep the sheets. I don’t know if that’s disgusting or flattering.
I’m leaning towards kind of hot. Does that mean something is wrong with me?
Grinning, I leave the sheets as is, just like he wants, and grab the other pillow to take it into the living room.
Ella is there, putting blankets over the chairs and couch.
“It’s coming together. It looks great Ella. Have you thought about what you want to watch?”
“I want to watch all the Ice Age movies.”
“Oh, I love those movies. My favorite character is the squirrel. I think he’s so funny.”
She giggles. “Me too!”
“Here are the pillows. I’ll make the popcorn.” I tuck the note into my back pocket, keeping it safe so I can read it whenever I want.
With a pep in my step, I prepare all the goodies while the popcorn is popping.
I bring over the bowls of gummy bears and skittles. The microwave beeps and the smell of popcorn fills the room.
It’s okay to have popcorn in the morning, right?
Well, rules are made to be broken.
I hiss as I tear open the bag, the steam hot and slightly burning my fingers. “Damn it,” I groan.
“You said a bad word!”
“No, I didn’t! I said, darn it!” I’ll have to practice my language now that I’m a full-time nanny.
The TV blares way too loud as Ella starts the movie. I let it go because playing movies too loud is always fun. Tossing a piece of popcorn into my mouth, I head to our fort.
