It’s been two days since Matias put me on the private jet and sent me home. Not that I mind. I love being here, especially with Ella, but I do miss Matias. I don’t like how we left things. Something feels different. There has been a shift in our dynamic. He hasn’t called me. He hasn’t texted. I don’t know if he is dead or alive. I’m assuming he is alive, or Gianni would tell me.
I’m struggling with how to handle our fight. There’s one side of me that is furious. How dare he tell me I can’t take the Plan B pill when he just up and disappears off the face of the earth? What am I supposed to do with that? If I get pregnant, what will he do then? Will he vanish?
I can’t be with a man who isn’t there when I need him.
That’s the anger.
The logical side of me knows he will always be there for me. I know whatever issue he is handling with Dovnic is important, especially since it has to do with the rival’s son.
When I sit and think about how primal Matias got about wanting to get me pregnant, my heart flutters and my breath catches. A flush works its way up my neck and I can’t help but bite my bottom lip as I think about him driving into me, making me tell him that we were the plan.
How could I not want that?
And I do. I do want it. More than anything, but the fear is so strong.
He’s right. I can’t let fear control me any longer.
But I can’t let him control me either. I have to show him he can’t tell me what to do.
I sigh, stopping in front of Ella’s preschool. Ella opens the door and waves at her teacher.
“Hey, you. How was your day at school?”
“Boring. Joey kept trying to put his peanut butter-covered fingers on me.” She shivers. “Gross. I don’t understand boys.”
“Yuck. Why was he trying to do that?” I ask, pulling out of the parking lot.
“I don’t know, but he is gross. I finally got the teacher to stop him. He’s soooo annoying.” She rolls her eyes dramatically and emphasizes the o’s so I know just how annoying Joey is.
“Well, don’t ever let any boy put his fingers on you. It leads to trouble.”
“You mean how Daddy puts his fingers on you?”
My cheeks heat as I turn right toward the grocery store. I have no idea what to say to her. “Your dad doesn’t touch me.”
“He doesn’t?” Her voice is high-pitched in disbelief. “Well, I can tell by how he looks at you that he does.”
“You shouldn’t even know what it means for someone to put their fingers on someone else.”
Ella scoffs, rolling her eyes. “I’m six now, Sophie. I’m a big girl. I know things.”
“Apparently,” I mumble. “Well, your dad and I are just friends.” The words are a lie, but I’m not too sure how Ella would feel about Matias and me being together. It’s something he and I haven’t talked about, so I won’t confirm anything with Ella until I have talked to Matias.
If he will talk to me at all.
I pulled into the parking lot of the grocery store and Ella peeks out the window.
“Why are we here?”
“I need to get a few things for lunch and dinner. We will be quick. I promise.”
“Okay. Can I get candy?”
Like I could ever say no. “Yes, but don’t tell your dad. It will be our secret.”
She grins and opens the door to get out.
“Wait for me. I’ll come get you.” I don’t want her to be alone for a second. I make my way around the car, open her door, and help her out of the booster seat. I take her hand and the size difference has me catching my breath. My hand completely wraps around her little fingers. She’s so small and delicate. The thought of anything happening to her scares the life out of me.
The air conditioning hits us as soon as we step inside the automatic doors. Grabbing a basket, I immediately head toward the deli. I get a few pounds of chicken and turkey with different cheeses, then head to the veggies. The basket gets slightly heavier and when I look down, a box full of fruit gummies is there.
“And where did that come from?”
Ella shrugs. “I don’t know.”
“Mhmm,” I say with disbelief, snagging lettuce and cucumbers.
“Sophie?”
I hold my breath and freeze as I lean in to pick up an onion. That can’t be who I think it is. I straighten, wrapping my arm around Ella, and I spin, pushing her behind me as I face Michael.
What are the chances of me seeing him here?
“Michael,” I greet him.
Ella tugs on my hand. “Who is this?” she whispers.
“I’m one of Sophie’s friends.” Michael bends down to talk to Ella and I step in his way.
“That’s very generous of you to say when both of us know it isn’t true. Don’t speak to her,” I warn him in the best, menacing voice I can.
He quirks a brow at me, amused by my threat. “So she means something to you, huh? I used to mean something to you. We were good together, Sophie. We can be good together again.” He reaches to touch my cheek and I dodge his touch.
“No, we weren’t, and no, we won’t. We’re leaving.”
“Aw, don’t be like that, Sophie. I want you back.” He grabs my arm as I walk by him.
I yank myself free, keeping a tight hold on Ella. “I don’t want you. I’ve moved on. I want nothing to do with you, Michael. Leave me alone.” I pick Ella up and rush out the doors, leaving the basket on the ground. I’ll go somewhere else, or I’ll order groceries. We need to get as far away from him as possible.
“I don’t like him. He looks at you funny,” Ella whispers in my ear as we run out of the grocery store.
“I don’t like him either.”
“Who is he?”
“Just someone I used to know. I’ll have to tell Gianni about it. How about we go home, and we convince Gianni to get groceries? I bet he’d love that.”
She snickers. “He hates shopping.”
“I know.” I boop her nose as I set her into her booster seat. “You remember I won’t be home tonight, right? I have plans. Gianni will be with you.”
“I know. I’ll miss you though,” she pouts, kicking her legs.
“You know you love hanging out with Gianni.” I poke her nose once more. “You love that he lets you put glitter on his face and clips in his hair.”
She giggles hysterically. “I do. He’s fun.”
“What friend are you meeting?” she asks. “Do I know them?”
I shake my head. “You don’t.” I’m not meeting anyone, but I feel the need to rebel.
She doesn’t say anything, but she’s curious. I can tell.
After I buckle her in the booster seat and start the car, it takes us all of fifteen minutes to get home, and an angry Gianni is standing outside with his arms crossed.
“Uncle G looks maaaad,” she sings. “What did you do?”
“I have no idea.” I had a small idea. I went to the grocery store instead of going straight home. He agreed to not follow me but to watch the GPS on my car, so I didn’t feel smothered.
But I deviated from the agreement.
We climb out of the car and Gianni uncrosses his arm, the sun catching the distinguished silver in his hair. “Gummy Bear, go inside.”
Ella doesn’t say a word. She runs by him with her small backpack on, leaving me alone with Gianni.
He stomps down the stairs, the muscles in his jaw ticking. “What the hell were you thinking?”
“Gianni, it’s only the grocery store—”
“The store Michael was at. I’m assuming that’s why you didn’t come home with groceries.”
I rear back, shocked. “How did you know he was there?”
“As if Matias would ever let him go anywhere without tracking him.”
I sneer. “As if Matias actually cares.” I bump by him, rage building in my chest at the thought of my lover or boss or whatever the hell he is.
“You have no idea the extremes he’d go for you. He asks about you—”
“—Asks about me?” I take a few steps to stand in front of him. “So, you talk to him but he won’t reply to me.” I chuckle, but I’m not amused. “Unbelievable.”
“You don’t understand—”
“—I understand perfectly. He’s upset about what happened at the gala, but you know what? He doesn’t control me, and at the end of the day, I’ll do what is best for me. Also, I’m getting ready to go out with a friend. Did you see the schedule?”
“Yes, but—”
“—Nothing else needs to be said.” I turn around as soon as my eyes begin to water because my heart is breaking from Matias’s avoidance. I did something stupid.
I went and fell in love with a mafia boss. Now, he wants nothing to do with me.
Well, I’ll show him that I don’t need him. I’ve always been fine on my own. I don’t need anyone.
***
A few hours later, when the sun has set and the stars are out, I’m slipping my foot into a black high heel, paired with a gorgeous slinky red dress that’s way too short and shows too much cleavage. My hair is done in long waves and my makeup is light, besides a small touch of smokey-colored eyeshadow.
I’ve come to the conclusion that I do not belong to Matias. If I did, he’d be talking to me. This isn’t how relationships work. He isn’t communicating and I’m not either, but I don’t know how. It seems it’s his way or no way at all. I don’t know how to work with that. Perhaps the only feelings between us were lust and passion. Maybe these feelings were temporary. Maybe whatever this was has run its course.
My heels click against the floor as I head down the hall, snagging my keys off the counter. Gianni sees me and his brows nearly hit his hairline as he looks me up and down.
“Matias won’t be happy about that dress.”
“Well,” I hook my purse over my shoulder. “Matias isn’t here, is he?” I need out of this house, where I’m starting to feel a little suffocated and controlled. I’m only the nanny. No one runs my life. Matias only runs my employment.
Closing the door behind me, I take a deep breath, staring out into the beautiful gardens. I’m lucky to be here but I won’t sacrifice who I am for a beautiful home.
I hold onto the rail as I walk down the steps, heading to my car, parked to the left—another thing Matias is trying to win me over with. He got rid of my other car and I haven’t forgotten. I appreciate what he was trying to do, but it’s as if my own abilities and decisions are being taken from my hands. I need to regain some control.
Getting into the brand-new car, the ride to downtown doesn’t take long. The streets are busy with people. Even over the music I have playing, I hear the crowd’s roar of laughter and drunken foolishness.
I park on the side of the road, lock the doors, and toss my keys in my purse.
Walking to the nearest line to a club, I hold my head high with confidence, and the bouncer snags my wrist to stop me.
“Hey Beautiful. You don’t have to go to the back of the line.” He grins, unclipping the rope. “There’s always room for you.”
I blush, grinning at him while tossing my hair over my shoulder. “Thank you so much.”
“Save a dance for me, gorgeous. I have a break in fifteen minutes.”
“Only if you can find me,” I flirt back, my stomach twisting with guilt, but I’m reminded of the silence on my phone from Matias.
“Oh, I’ll find you.” He bites his lip and looks me up and down. “That won’t be a problem.”
I step into the club and the music pulses, the bass so loud, I can feel it vibrate my entire body. The lights flash in the darkness and bodies move together likes waves in the ocean. The first place I go to is the bar, needing a drink to calm my nerves and guilt.
If it feels wrong, then it is wrong.
But why do I feel that way? We aren’t in a relationship. He fucks me when he wants and leaves me when he wants, then has me guessing. I knew from the beginning that this would be a disastrous ending, and I still let myself get swept off my feet.
“What can I get you?” the bartender shouts over the bar.
“Two tequila shots and a margarita with extra pour, if you know what I mean.”
“Rough day?” he begins to prepare my drinks.
“The roughest,” I say, but I know he can’t hear me. When he sets down the drinks in front of me, I toss them back immediately. The tequila burns and causes my eyes to water. My stomach warms and I have to focus on not puking, because that was disgusting.
I chase the alcohol down with more alcohol but decide to sip my margarita.
I’m not sure how long I sit there, watching people dance, but I’m two margaritas in and I’m feeling buzzed.
My purse vibrates, and I check my phone to see Matias’s name flash with a text message.
Matias: “Where the fuck are you?”
Me: “Why do you care?”
Matias: “Sophie, do not fuck with me. Where are you?”
Me: “I’m out having a great time. I’m allowed to do that.”
Matias: “Not without me.”
Me: “Well, you aren’t here, are you? You’ve made sure to leave me out of the picture. I need to go.”
Matias: “Don’t even think about dancing with another man. I’ll find them and I’ll kill them, Sophie. Your body is mine.”
Me: “Is it? Then why aren’t you here?”
I turn my phone off, feeling a bit brazen and cocky because of the alcohol. I might be out at a club, but I won’t dance with anyone. I won’t feel right doing that, but I am here to make him jealous. It’s more of a statement, really.
I’m my own woman. I run my own life. I control what I do.
And no one can tell me I can’t.
With a buzz of alcohol fogging my mind, the bartender slides me another shot just as I stand from the barstool.
“On the house,” he shouts, giving me the once over.
Grinning, I shoot it back, knowing I probably shouldn’t.
I sway a bit, the tequila getting to me sooner than anticipated. The song changes to a slow and erotic track, but the beat is still too fast to slow dance. I shut my eyes, losing myself in the music. I sway my hips, my entire body numbing from the alcohol. I run my fingers through my hair, lifting it from my back. A sheen of sweat heats my skin from the dancing. The people around exude a feverish warmth as well.
While I’m dancing, no one touches me.
I’m happy about that and it makes tonight easier, but at the same time, how are no guys touching me? Do they know I’m with Matias?
When the song ends, I decide to break and use the bathroom. Pushing through the crowd, I squeeze my eyes shut, stumbling. It’s been too long since I drank. It is hitting me too hard. I’m going to feel so sick tomorrow.
I push open the bathroom door, keep my head down, and dip into a stall.
“Did you see her tonight?” A girl’s voice echoes in the bathroom.
“Yes. I can’t believe Matias is with her. She isn’t his type. He must be desperate.”
My heart sinks as I hear them talk about me. That answers that question. Everyone must know we are together because of the gala.
“She’s pretty, but she isn’t me.”
They both laugh at that. My eyes burn with tears as I hear them speak the fears I think of every day.
“He must feel sorry for her. I mean, she is here by herself. How pathetic is that?”
I cross my arms over my chest and sag against the stall door.
“Who comes to a club by themselves? Poor thing probably doesn’t have any friends,” she says, her nasal voice ringing too many truths.
I don’t have any friends. My one friend fucked my boyfriend. I don’t even have her now.
“We should befriend her and use her to get close to Matias. There is no way he’d turn us down,” the second girl states just as they open the door. Their laughs get lost in the loud music, slipping inside the restroom.
The music fades, telling me the door is shut, and I bite my lip to hold in my emotions. I won’t cry. I won’t.
But the more I try, the more I fail.
Tears spill down my cheeks. I see the outfit I’m wearing, feeling like a damn fool.
What am I doing here?
Wiping my face, I run out of the bathroom, pushing through people.
When I get outside, the bouncer is there, and he smiles at me.
“Where are you going? You just got here. I’m about to head inside. I’d love to buy you a drink.”
“I’m sorry, I can’t. I need to go,” I say, walking away as fast as I can.
My heels are loud, scratching against the sidewalk. My stomach rolls and I hold myself up against the nearest building to take a break. I hold my hand against my head as it swims.
I shouldn’t have gone out.
“Sophie?”
I have to be imagining that.
“Hey, Sophie. Are you okay?” his haunting voice sounds far away, but as I turn around and survey the people passing me, I don’t see Michael.
I feel him though, like a chill or a ghost slithering down my spine.
He’s here.
Somewhere.
I begin walking again. Everyone is a blur. My eyes can’t focus. I run into someone, hitting their shoulder.
“Fucking watch it, whore.”
“Sorry,” I slur, wishing I had the ability to be sassy back, but apologizing was hard enough.
“Sophie?” A hand grabs my wrist and tugs me against him. “I’m about sick and fucking tired of you ignoring me.” The chill turns to a frost, my limbs frozen in place. “Playing hard to get was always what you were good at. I miss the challenge, Soph. Who would have thought ‘easy’ would get boring?” he shoves me, and I stumble, my hands scraping against the sidewalk. “I’ll show you what happens when you deny me.”
He waves something in the air, something small and black, pressing a button before he slips it back into his pocket.
The car on the other side of the street explodes, flames licking the air, and screams blend in with the roar of the blaze. The heat teases my skin and I’m taken back to the fire that took my parents’ life.
He squats. “I won’t stop until you’re in the corner. I want you.” Then, he falls back, screaming at the top of his lungs, pointing at me. “It was her! I saw her mess with the car! Officers, it was her!” he continues to shout, putting on an award-winning show.
I’m pushed onto my stomach and my arms are pulled behind my back. “You have the right to remain silent—”
“I didn’t do it! He is lying to you!” I slur my defense but it doesn’t make my case very strong.
“Save it for the judge, lady.”
I’m yanked to my feet, wondering how the hell I got into this mess and how the hell I’m going to get out of it.
