I can’t stop thinking about Sophie. How she felt in my arms after she tripped felt too right. It was like I held what home finally felt like.
And I want to do it again.
The thought of seeing her has nerves fluttering through my system. I’m not a man who ever gets nervous. I have never been afraid of not getting something I wanted because I just go for it, I take it, but Sophie? I don’t think she will be that easy.
Rejection isn’t something I’m used to, so yes, I admit that I am so fucking nervous, I don’t know how to walk out the office doors to greet her. I need to welcome her to her new home, perhaps through a party? No, no, a party is too much. She doesn’t seem like the type. Especially when she’s surrounded by people she doesn’t know. I can’t do that to her.
Not yet.
A knock at the door sounds.
“Come in,” I rasp, hoping it’s her.
I watch the door swing open, only to see Gianni, and my hope falls.
He grins. “Well, you look like you wished I was someone else.”
“Sorry, Gianni.” I rub my eyes and sigh. “I’m always happy to see you.”
“Mmhmm,” he hides a smile. “You weren’t hoping I was a cute blonde-haired woman with bright blue eyes?” he bats his lashes, teasing me.
I chuckle, standing from my desk to call it a night. “Maybe.” I glance at her file and tuck it under my arm. I want to look over every detail of her past. I want to know everything about her. I could wait and hope she’d tell me herself, but it would take so much time for her to open up to me.
I need to know about her now.
“She’s beautiful.” He sounds like he is testing the waters to start a conversation of how I feel about her.
“She’s the most beautiful woman I’ve ever laid eyes on.”
“Will you do a contract for her to be your wife? Will you offer it? Carmine and Ari have been messaging me about you, too.”
I grind my teeth together as frustration builds. “I’m sorry you have to deal with them,” I clip, debating if I want to call my brothers to tell them to back the fuck off. They shouldn’t be roping Gianni into it.
“It’s fine. I’m used to it, but are you?” he prods.
I slowly nod. “Eventually. I want to. I want her to be mine. I just… know. It was just like I knew Ella was meant to be my daughter. Sophie is meant to be my wife, but I can’t breach that topic with her yet. She’s here for a job, not to sign a contract into being my spouse.”
“Ah, so you’re going to somehow be sly, try to have her fall in love with you, and then offer the contract?”
“When you put it like that it sounds bad,” I grumble.
“No, I think it’s honorable. It is messy because she is here for a job. You don’t want to push that too soon.”
I nod, thankful he agrees with me. “What’s she doing now? Is she okay?”
“She’s hanging out with Ella still.”
“I’m going to pour us a glass of wine I think. Maybe we can get to know each other better.” I swallow, trying to hide my nerves.
“This isn’t your first time with a woman, Matias. Don’t be so nervous. It isn’t like you.”
“I know, but I can’t help it. She makes me unsteady.”
“That’s how you know she’ll be worth it.” He claps me on the shoulder and gives it a good squeeze, staring directly in my eyes. “I’m proud of you, Matias. You’re doing great.”
I clear my throat, not wanting him to see how much his words mean to me. I’m not sure if Gianni knows I look at him like a father figure, but I do. I’ve idolized him since I was a kid.
“Thank you, Gianni. That means more than you know.”
He gives a cut tilt of his chin. “I’m going to do one last sweep and check in with a few runners, check security, and call it a night.”
“Thanks, Gianni,” I tell him. “Keep me updated about the runners.”
“Will do.”
The runners are the ones I keep in the city, or near any well-known pick-up and drop-off locations. They find me new information, new customers, deal what drugs need to be dealt, and keep the cash flowing.
After Gianni leaves, the door remains open, and I take the stairs up to the second floor while keeping her file tucked close. When Ari left, I redesigned the entire inside of the house. I wanted my own wing, my own space, and I wanted the men who lived here to have their own area, too.
I’m upstairs to the left, they are upstairs to the right. Ella’s bedroom is next to mine, but her playroom is downstairs, which is where Sophie is right now. I need to get down there soon, before it becomes too late.
Pressing my finger against the scanner, the doors open to the large bedroom with two walk-in closets and a master bath connected. Hurrying, I toss the file on my nightstand, and undress, slipping on comfortable sweatpants and a t-shirt.
I look in the mirror and run my fingers through my hair, noticing I need to shave, but there’s no time. “It isn’t going to get better than this,” I say to my reflection, before turning off the light and rushing out of the room.
I fly down the steps, holding onto the rail so I don’t fall. When my feet touch the floor, I inhale, forcing myself to relax, then head to the kitchen. Grabbing two wine glasses, I set them on the counter, then open the door to the wine cellar. I have no idea which to choose from, so I snag the nearest bottle I can find and notice it is a semi-sweet red, aged perfectly.
“Good enough.” When I enter the kitchen again, I let the bottle air out while I prepare a tray of cheeses and fruits. Then, I pour the wine.
I don’t pour a little. I can’t stand that shit. I fill each glass more than halfway, and the bottle is nearly empty by the time I’m done.
Hearing laughter from coming down the hall, I leave the treat on the counter while I go investigate. I peer into the room and when I see them, I step into the doorway, leaning against the frame, and cross my arms as I watch them.
Ella’s room is fit for a princess. The walls are painted different shades of pink and there are LED lights everywhere that twinkle. There’s a huge bean bag in the corner, settled under canopy netting. The bag itself can fit three people and it’s full of memory foam, not beads.
I got the best of the best for my little girl. She deserves it.
“And when the princess got to the bridge, a hunchback frog walking on two legs with one eye stepped in front of her.”
I can’t help but smile when I hear Sophie tell a story off the top of her head.
“Who says you can come on my land, little gal?” Sophie deepens her voice, raising her fist as the talking frog would.
“Please, Mr. Frog. I need to cross your land. I’m lost. This is the only way home.” This time, Sophie makes her voice higher to simulate the princess.
My attention falls to my daughter, who is looking at Sophie as if she has hung the moon. Emotion bubbles up my throat, but I keep it locked away. Ella doesn’t have a mother or any strong woman in her life. She deserves that and how she looks at Sophie makes me want to make sure my new nanny can’t go anywhere. I won’t have my daughter love Sophie only for her to leave.
No. That can’t happen. I have to bind her to me.
I have to make her mine.
“What’s in it for me?” Sophie drops her voice again as Mr. Frog, but this time it is a snarl.
I don’t like this Mr. Frog. He’s rude.
“I’ll make sure my father pays you greatly,” the princess speaks again.
Ella’s eyes hood and I know it’s my time to step in. “I hate to interrupt, but it’s time for bed, Ella Bella.”
“But Daddy, I want to know what happens to the princess,” she begs, giving me giant, puppy dog eyes that I hate to turn down.
“How about we save the story for tomorrow night? It’s such a long journey for the princess,” Sophie says.
“And Sophie wasn’t supposed to start working tonight, Ella. Tonight was her night to get settled.”
“No, I don’t mind,” Sophie says quickly. “I don’t consider it work. I loved hanging out with you and I can’t wait to hang out with you tomorrow.” Sophie boops Ella’s nose.
“Okay,” she says, defeated.
Ella sags against the bean bag. “Daddy, can I sleep down here tonight?”
Anxiety slams hard against my chest.
“Just tonight? Please?” she begs.
“Ella, you know how I feel about you being too far away from me at night.”
“I’m protected, Daddy. I’ll be okay. You keep the house safe from all boogeymen,” she tells me, reminding me of all the security I have.
She will be safe, but it’s the thought of something bad happening. “I… I don’t know.”
“Pleeeeease,” she drawls out. “Please, please, please.”
“How about you go to bed and while me and Sophie go over a few things, I’ll see?”
Which is code for yes.
Ella gives me a big grin. “Okay.”
I sit down on the bean bag and wrap her in a hug, squeezing her tight. I hold her as if she’s about to disappear just like I do every night.
“I love you, Ella Bella.” As much as I hate it, I let go. “I love you very much.”
“I love you too, Daddy.”
I kiss her forehead and stand, flipping on the sound machine. I keep the LED lights on because Ella is afraid of the dark.
Naturally. Bad things happen where people can’t see.
I keep the door open so I can hear her if anything happens, and stop in the hallway, watching her like a hawk.
Sophie’s hand suddenly lands on my arm, her touch being the only thing to ever take my attention away from Ella.
“She’s okay. She’s safe. She’ll be alright.”
“I don’t ever let her sleep down here,” I admit, staring at where Sophie is touching my arm. “I don’t like to let her out of my sight. Sometimes she has nightmares. She calls out for her mom.”
“Oh god, I can’t imagine how hard that is. Poor baby. She has to miss them so much.”
“She does,” I nod, involuntarily inching closer to Sophie.
The move was a mistake. She lets go of my arm and tugs on her sleeves.
Before it can be awkward, I start down the hallway, and she follows behind me. Her presence makes the heaviness in my chest feel a bit lighter.
“What’s this?” she asks, staring at the wine and cheese board in awe. A smile plays on her pouty lips and my eyes fall to them, wondering how they’d feel wrapped around my cock.
God, she’s so fucking beautiful. She’s curvy with wide hips and thick thighs. An image of her riding me, owning my cock as her own flashes in my mind, and my cock begins to stir. Her breasts are large, more than a few handfuls, and they push against her shirt, stretching the material, and I can’t help but notice her nipples are hard, toying with me.
Fuck, I want to worship her body. It’s perfect. I always loved curves compared to thin women. They couldn’t handle how I like to fuck.
I don’t want my partner to break when I drive my cock into them while I have them face down in the mattress.
“I wanted to welcome you properly.” I sit down quickly to hide my arousal. Pushing the wine glass over to her, she takes it, and takes the spot next to me. “It’s been a busy day. I just wanted to thank you for hanging out with Ella. She loved it.”
She waves my words away after taking a sip of wine. “Don’t worry about it. She’s a great kid. She’s very sweet and so smart.”
“She is. She’s all those things and more. I’m very lucky to have her.” I glance down the hall, fighting the urge to check on her again.
“She really loves you. She wouldn’t stop talking about you over our tea. She also says you let her talk about her parents whenever she wants.” She’s prying, but I’m surprisingly not bothered by it.
I pop a grape in my mouth and chew, wondering how I’m going to answer. “Of course, I do. Their deaths are recent to her. She loves them. She misses them. She deserves to always remember her mom and dad. I’ll never be the kind of person who gets angry or jealous over a child missing the one thing they should always have.” I realize how I sound. My voice is far away as I think back to the childhood I wish I had.
“I think that’s a very amazing quality you have. Not many people would do that. Others think they are in competition with ghosts.”
“There is no competition. Her parents will always be her parents. I’m lucky enough for her to make room in her heart for me and call me her dad.”
“How was it when you first met? What was it like? If that’s okay to ask. I don’t want to pry.”
“No, it’s fine. You should know the family you’re working for, right?”
She nods, nibbling on a piece of cheese.
“I filled out the adoption paperwork, took all the classes, and got approved. They called me and said they had a little girl they thought would be perfect for me. I didn’t waste a second. I got in my car and drove over to the home she was in. I don’t know what it was, but when I saw her, she was so…” I lift my hands, thinking back to the day. “Little. Her eyes were red from crying. Her hair was messy like it hadn’t been brushed in weeks. Her clothes were wrinkled. She looked like someone who was mourning. They had told me about her and what had happened to her parents. I don’t know what it was, but I got out of my car, and we locked eyes. I think both of us felt relief. I don’t know how or why. It was like we sensed we needed one another, I think. She ran to me, and I caught her, wrapping her in a tight hug. She cried, clutching onto my jacket for dear life. She never fought me. She never yelled at me or hated me. She only wanted to grieve and have a parent. I wanted to give that to her. It was an immediate connection. I knew she was mine and I had to protect her. She was my daughter from that moment on. We’ve been inseparable ever since.”
I realize I went on a rant, but before I can apologize, I hear Sophie sniffle and I peer up to see her blue eyes watering. A few tears hit the apples of her cheeks.
“Hey, no. I didn’t mean for you to cry.” I wipe her tears away with my thumb and when I realize what I’ve done, I slowly lower my hand. “I- …sorry.”
“No, don’t be. That’s… really beautiful. When did she start calling you dad?”
I let out a breath, thinking back to another moment that changed me forever. “God, that was a happy fucking moment.” I roll my lips together and laugh. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to curse—”
“I don’t fucking care,” she jokes, giggling.
It has to be the wine.
I don’t care what it is. I want to hear that sound every damn day.
I take another sip of wine and the glass hits the counter with a clink. “Kids are smart. Adults don’t give kids enough credit. Often times, they aren’t treated with the respect they deserve because adults don’t think kids really know the real world, you know what I mean?”
“I do,” she agrees.
“I never told her she had to call me dad. I introduced myself as Matias Milazzo. Whatever she was comfortable with, I was happy with. I didn’t want her to feel pressure. She didn’t call me anything for a few months. To get my attention, she’d find me and tug my hand. Then one day,” I grin, unable to stop the happiness bursting from me. I don’t ever get to talk about this. It feels so good.
“Then one day? Don’t leave me hanging!” She slaps my shoulder playfully, another giggle escaping her.
We are somehow closer than we were a moment ago. Her cheeks are flushed from the alcohol, causing her eyes to look ethereal.
“It was so basic. Nothing special was happening. It was a regular day. I was making her breakfast and she was taking a bath. She had forgotten her towel. And she simply just…shouted for me. She yelled, “Daddy! Can you bring me a towel?” And the egg in my hand fell to the floor as I stood, stunned. I ran as fast as I could to grab her towel. Then, I started doubting myself. What if she didn’t mean to call me that? What if she was calling out for her biological father? I tried not to get too excited, but the pain of rejection kept me just outside her bathroom door. I got… scared.”
“You? The mafia boss of all the land was afraid of a little girl?” She teases me again, a playful expression crossing her face.
“Terrified,” I say, all too honestly. “Not much scares me in the world. I’ve seen and I’ve done horrible things.”
The smile fades from her face.
“But that little girl has the power to make me happy one second and fucking scared the next.”
“What happened?”
“She called out for me again. She was yelling, “Daddy? Can you hear me?” I could hear her. I didn’t make a big deal about it when I gave her the towel. I acted calm, even if, on the inside, I was freaking out. I wanted it to feel natural, with no pressure. I didn’t want her to see how happy it made me just in case she ever changed her mind.”
“And then?” she rolls her hand in the air to tell me to continue.
“She put on her pajamas like the big girl she is—which she likes to remind me of—and plopped in my lap. She said, “Daddy, will you brush my hair?” So, for the first time in my life, I brushed someone’s hair that wasn’t my own. She asked me to braid it, but I had to admit I didn’t know how, but I learned. I watched videos and practiced with her.”
“God, you’re… you’re…” She searches for the right words.
“I’m… what?” I lean forward, needing to be closer, wanting to feel the connection growing between us.
“Different than I thought. You’re an amazing father. You didn’t hire me to pawn your kid off on me.”
I flinch, feeling like I’ve been slapped.
“I’m sorry, but single father, mafia boss—which scares me, by the way—but that’s a conversation for another time.” Her eyes dance back and forth between mine as if she’s trying to figure me out. “You really just need help. You want to be with her.”
“As much as possible,” I say. “She’s the world to me, Sophie. I don’t care who it is, but if they hurt her, I’ll kill them. I’ll make it painful.” I lean so close she has to pull away. “I won’t blink twice. I might be a good father, maybe a decent man, but I won’t think twice about murdering someone who hurts my family.”
“Is that a threat to me?” she whispers, fear drenching her voice suddenly, and my eyes roam down to her breasts.
“Yes. Even someone like you, Sophie. If you hurt my daughter, as much as I would hate it, you’d never be a nanny again.” No matter how I feel about Sophie, my daughter is first. Sophie doesn’t know me, and I don’t know her. For all I know, she could try to backstab me by hurting Ella.
Her hand lands on top of mine. “I promise, I won’t hurt her.” Just as quick as her hand fell on mine, she slides it away, then stands. “I should get to bed.”
“Do you know where your room is?”
“Gianni showed me.”
It better be near mine.
I stand as well, not wanting this night to be over yet because I didn’t get to ask her anything about herself.
“Goodnight, Mr. Milazzo.”
“Matias, please.”
“Matias,” she corrects herself. “I’ll see you in the morning.”
“I look forward to it.” She fades into the dark as she goes to the steps, giving me one last look before her footsteps sound above me.
Fuck.
I want her even more now.
