My blaring alarm slowly seeps into my consciousness, and I crack my eyes open.
Groaning, I try to reach for it, but I’m on the wrong side of the mattress.
My eyes snap all the way open.
He was here. In my bed. And we-
The volume of the alarm increases, and I force myself to roll toward it. Every single muscle screams in protest as I move, and I let out the most pitiful moan.
Finally silencing the obnoxious blaring, I lay flat on my back and take stock of my body.
Even though yesterday––before Nero––was the worst day I’ve had in a long time, I feel as though I slept deeper than I ever have.
Part of that could be exhaustion, but I’ve fallen asleep crying more times than I care to admit, and I’ve never woken up feeling like this.
With effort, I wiggle my fingers and toes.
My limbs are heavy, muscles exhausted. And, without prompting, I picture myself with my arms and legs wrapped around Nero’s solid body.
Nero.
I mouth his name. Not daring to say it out loud again, not just yet.
I bend one knee, putting my foot flat on the bed, and the motion tugs at my stomach muscles. Apparently, I need to try doing a few crunches, since holding my legs around his hips was more of a core workout than I’m used to.
Or I could just start having sex on a regular basis. That’s an exercise I might actually do.
Except that would require seeing Nero again. And as much as I want to, I’m not sure that’ll happen. He didn’t exactly ask for my number.
He does like to cuddle.
But then it’s only five in the morning, and he’s not here.
Lifting my head off the mattress, I look around at the dark corners of the room, confirming he’s gone, and a small shiver works its way across my skin.
He must’ve been in here last night, when I woke up.
I was half-asleep, but I would’ve noticed him walking past the open bathroom door. And he certainly didn’t pass me in my tiny hallway when I went into the living room to shut the patio door.
My throat works on a swallow.
The fact that I feel that tendril of fear now is rather ridiculous. Instead, I choose to get up. Moving to my tiny closet, I pull open the door and make sure there’s not a man lurking in the shadows. And I tell myself that I’m leaving the door open so it’s easier to get dressed for work. Not because I’m sure I’ll feel compelled to check again.
The soreness between my legs flares to life with each step I take. I feel a foreign dampness, reminding me that I let him clean me last night, but I never got up to use the bathroom.
What I did was foolish. Dangerous. Reckless. Nonetheless, it doesn’t stop me from smiling.
Not a virgin.
My smile pulls into a grimace as I wince my way to the bathroom. I don’t know if this is a normal amount of pain after your first time, or if it has more to do with the vigor that Nero used to… fuck me.
My stomach clenches.
I really hope we can do that again.
Not wanting to ruin my current good mood by seeing my naked disheveled state, I ignore the vanity mirror and head right to the shower, turning the water on to warm.
But before I drop onto the toilet, I spin back around, and, keeping my eyes averted, tug the mirror, exposing the small medicine cabinet hidden behind it.
Snagging my little holder, I pop one of the tiny pills out of the packet, courtesy of the local clinic and their discounted birth control.
I really really hope he isn’t carrying some sort of communicable disease, because I hadn’t even thought about protection last night. Not that I even own condoms. Why would I? It’s lucky I have the pill. But my periods were horrendous, and I remember reading somewhere that a contraceptive might help. And it did.
Silently thanking my past self, I use the small cup I keep by the sink and take my daily pill. Paying for antibiotics would be hardship enough so paying for an abortion is definitely not in the budget. And I’d have to, because if I can’t afford a dog, I certainly can’t afford a kid.
I snap the pill case closed, then return it to its shelf and head into the shower.
My routine takes longer than normal, with my achy muscles, so I’m running behind when I hustle back across the hall into my bedroom.
Because I was so distracted when I woke up, I didn’t even think to make my coffee earlier.
I’ll celebrate with a coconut honey latte when I get to work.
I snort, feeling like a complete loser for wanting to celebrate losing my virginity. But I’ve been guarding it for so long, it’s honestly a relief to be done with it. And I did it on my own terms, with a man that affects me in ways I couldn’t have even imagined.
So it’s with thoughts of Nero on my brain, that I pull open my underwear drawer and freeze. Sitting on top of my little pile of panties, is a crisp hundred-dollar bill.
