I’ve been checking MyFans daily, hoping for a glimpse of Rosie, but her account is still deleted. There’s a part of me that’s glad she’s not sharing herself with other people when she can’t even share herself with me, but fuck do I miss her.
I haven’t seen her in two weeks now. I’ve gone to Scout’s Sweets a few times, but only when I have an advance warning that she isn’t going to be there. It’s not because I don’t want to see her, but because I’m trying to respect her need to be alone.
If I’m being honest, it’s getting harder and harder every day not to just show up at her apartment and demand she talk to me, but every day, I do it. I stay away, and I’ll keep staying away until she’s ready. The last thing I want to do is pressure her or tell her what she needs to do. She’s had enough of that in her life, and she doesn’t need it from me.
Besides, I trust Rosie. I trust that, eventually, she’ll find her way back to me, and I’m willing to wait as long as that takes.
“All right, boys.”
Coach Heller claps twice to get our attention. We’re facing an uphill battle in the third period for the I don’t even know how many-eth time this season. We’re getting entirely too comfortable giving up early goals, then forcing our way out of a hole. We need to fix our shit before we run ourselves into the ground one too many times and blow any chance we have at the Cup.
“We’ve been in this position before—too many damn times if you ask me, but that means we have proof that we can do this. Get the pucks in deep, go hard to the net, and win this fucking hockey game.”
Everyone claps twice, then Coach leaves.
“Coach is right,” Lowell chimes in. “We got this. It’s not ideal, but we know we can do this. Rhodes, watch your edges. Wright, win those board battles. Miller, Hayes, Fitzy, let’s get to the front of the net, screen the goalie a bit more.”
“And shoot blocker side,” Greer adds. “He’s having a hard time on that side tonight. For fuck’s sake, give me some good defense out there, will ya?”
We’d all laugh if it wasn’t so true.
We have three minutes before we need to be on the ice, so I bend down and pull my skates back on, getting ready to head back out there and give it my fucking all.
“Hey.” Rhodes digs his elbow into my side. “Dude, look.”
I look up at where he’s pointing. There’s a TV in the corner of the room, and I’m shocked by what I see on the screen. The Zamboni is still out there giving the ice a clean, but that’s not what draws my attention.
No, it’s the person sitting on the Zamboni.
“Rosie.”
“What’s she doing?” Rhodes asks. “And what’s that sign she’s holding?”
I lean closer to get a better look.
Hey, #91, I’ll trade you a kiss for a strawberry donut.
“I’m pretty sure that’s for you,” Wright comments.
“Aw, I think she likes you, man.” Miller smacks my shoulder a few times.
“What the fuck is she wearing?” Ford asks.
“If that was my girl out there, there’s no way I’d be standing around in a locker room with a bunch of smelly fuckers. I’d be running out there to claim my kiss.”
Greer’s words snap me out of my stupor, and before I know it, I’m racing out and straight down the tunnel to the ice. I don’t have all my gear on, and my skates aren’t laced up properly. Damn, I’m not even wearing a shirt, but I don’t give a shit.
I need to see Rosie, and I need to see her now.
I stop just short of my skates hitting the ice. She’s on the other side, still holding that damn sign. I cup my hands around my mouth and yell out for her.
“Ro!”
She turns my way instantly, and the biggest grin I’ve ever seen from her spreads across her lips.
“Fitz!”
Then she’s tugging at the belt over her lap and jumping off the machine.
“Hey! Ma’am! Ma’am! You can’t do that!” the driver yells, but she doesn’t care, and fuck, I don’t either.
She slips and slides, nearly falling over too many times for my liking, so I hit the ice, skating to meet her halfway, not even caring how much trouble I’m going to get into for this. I don’t have it in me to care. Not now, not when she’s so damn close.
I hear the chatter around the arena get louder and louder as they try to figure out what’s happening. A few loud whistles, a few cheers, and distantly, I hear my name being called from behind me, but I ignore that too.
I stride toward her, coming to a stop just a few feet away. I want to reach out and touch her so badly, but this is all on her terms. I want her to be the first to make a move.
“Rosie…”
“You know it’s ridiculously cold out here? I mean, I kind of figured since it’s ice and all, but man, I really didn’t think it would be this cold. And good gravy, it’s hard as hell to walk on ice. Not as bad as I thought, but still difficult. You know, I really thought those two things would be flipped, that it wouldn’t be as cold as it is and that it’d be harder to walk, and I—”
“Ro.” I tilt my head to the side. “As much as I love your rambling, what the hell are you doing? That’s a big jump. Are you okay?”
She grins at me. “Isn’t it obvious? I’m offering you a kiss for a donut.” She ignores my worry, lifting her sign to show it to me. “I mean, I don’t have the donut with me, but I totally promise to get you one—that is, if you kiss me, and I’m not even sure if that’s something you want to do since I haven’t seen you in weeks, but just in case you do, I—”
I cut her off with a kiss because I know it’s the only way to shut her up.
And okay, it’s also because I really, really want to fucking kiss her. Having her lips on mine…it’s so much more than I remember. She tastes like strawberries and heaven and everything I ever fucking wanted. She tastes like mine, and there’s no way in hell I’m ever going to let this woman go.
When I finally pull away, she’s as out of breath as I am, and it has nothing to do with the short skate it took to get to her.
It’s all Rosie.
“Hi,” I say, brushing my nose against hers.
“Hi.” She presses her mouth to mine again briefly.
“Looks like you owe me a strawberry donut.”
“I guess I do.”
I kiss her again because I can’t help it.
This time, it’s her who pulls away first.
“Fitz, I’m…god, I’m so sorry. I…I don’t know what happened. Seeing Levi again… It made me feel so many different things I wasn’t expecting. No!” She shakes her head. “No, not like that—not like you’re thinking.”
I realize my face must be conveying everything I feel because hearing her say Levi and feelings in the same sentence makes my stomach feel like I swallowed lead.
“Do you remember when you asked me if I loved him?”
Of course I remember. She didn’t answer, and at first, that killed me, but I also knew there was no way she still loved him.
“I don’t. I don’t love him. Not at all, and I never did. I was just in love with the idea of him, the fairy tale of falling in love with your next-door neighbor, your best friend, that person who knows you better than anyone. But him…” She shakes her head. “He doesn’t know me. He never knew me. Not like you do. He doesn’t know what makes me tick. He doesn’t know all the things I like and all the things I hate. He has no clue who I am, and I told him that. I met up with him and I told him off. You’d have been so proud of me.”
I am proud of her. So fucking proud. And I’m about to tell her that, but she keeps going.
“You know me, Ivan. Hell, you knew me before I even knew me. You saw through every mask I ever wore. You see me. You’ve always seen me.” She brings her hands to my face, cupping my cheeks in the same way I always cup hers. “So, to answer your question, I don’t love him. I love you, Ivan. I’ve always loved you, and I always will love you. I just hope I’m not too late in saying it.”
I don’t say anything for several seconds, mostly because I’m not sure what I should say.
She loves me? Rosie Calhoun is in love with me?
“Hey, idiot! Tell her you love her too! We got a fucking game to play!”
I look over my shoulder to find my entire team standing on the bench, all staring at us. In fact, the entire sold-out arena is staring, including the other team and a few people from security. I forgot about all of them because all that matters in this moment is Rosie.
“Fitz?” she says softly. “Are you going to say anything? I mean, if you don’t love me anymore, that’s okay. I just—”
For the second time tonight, I cut her words off with a kiss, and this time, I do hear the cheers and shouts from the crowd.
When I pull away, she smiles. “I owe you two donuts now.”
“I always get two donuts.”
She sinks her teeth into her bottom lip, peering up at me with trepidation. “Does this also mean…”
“That I love you? Yeah, Ro, I love you. I think I’ve been in love with you for a long time now, since way before I ever found your channel. Actually, I think I might have fallen the first time I went to the donut truck and you made fun of me for getting strawberry donuts when there—”
“Are so many better options? I know. It’s insane.”
“Then how come you always taste like strawberries if you don’t like them?”
A slow grin spreads across her lips, which I’m dying to kiss again. “After I realized you like them so much, I perhaps started wearing strawberry-flavored lip balm. You know, just in case.” She winks, and it makes me laugh. “What? It totally worked.”
I kiss her again because fuck it. The game has already been paused because we’re standing on the ice way past what intermission is, so might as well.
“Can I ask you something?” I say when I pull away.
“Anything.”
“Why’d you delete your MyFans account?”
Her eyes widen. “You looked for me?”
My cheeks heat. “Yeah. I…I missed you. I know you asked me not to watch you anymore and I haven’t, but then you were gone and…it was the only way I could think to see you. Please don’t be mad.”
“I’m not mad. I missed you too. And I didn’t delete my account, just put it on pause. I needed to figure out if I was doing it for the right reasons or not.”
“And?”
“I was. I miss it. But I also think I’m going to be okay if I don’t go back to it. Turns out, there’s this guy who makes me feel all the things I was looking for by streaming.”
“Yeah? What’s he like?”
“Well, for starters, he’s pretty hot. He has this toothless smile that’s just so cute. He’s kind and intelligent. He treats me with respect, and he lets me do whatever makes me happy. And, between you and me, he’s a little naughty in the bedroom.”
I grin. “Cute and naughty, huh? He sounds pretty cool.”
She nods. “Oh yeah, he’s definitely cool. And he does this thing with his tongue that I really like, so I figure I’ll keep him around.”
She waggles her brows, and I laugh.
“You’re insane.”
“Maybe, but you like me.”
“No, Rosie. I love you.”
She sighs. “I love you, too, Ivan.”
And then, I kiss her again.
The Comets win the game, no thanks to me. I got benched, but I’m okay with it, because I also got the girl.
