Four years ago, I realized I was madly in love with my best friend, the guy I grew up next door to and had known my entire life.
Three years ago, I was ready to tell him I loved him. I just needed to find the right time. This was big, life-changing. I couldn’t just spring it on him. It had to be right.
Two and a half years ago, everything fell apart when he told me he’d met the love of his life and was moving out of the country and the lease on the apartment we shared wasn’t going to be renewed.
And as of yesterday, I have officially blown my shot yet again. Fitz has a girlfriend, or someone waiting for him at home. I’m too late again.
I should have stayed home. I should have stayed in my little cave of happiness and spent those hours streaming, making money to make my dream of having my own bakery come true. I should have never thought asking him out was a good idea.
But I did think it was a good idea, and I got my hopes up that something might be possible between us. I should have known it would never happen.
I tried to salvage the night by doing some coloring while streaming. I thought zoning out a bit and making some money doing it would make me feel better, but it didn’t. I talked less than normal, and by the end of the stream, I was still upset. Even though I promised I wouldn’t interact with my subscribers in my DMs, when I saw the message from ShootsAndScores, well, I couldn’t help myself.
Sure, I could have reached out to Stevie, but I knew she’d still be out with Greer and everyone else. She doesn’t get out much without Macie in tow, so I wasn’t about to ruin her night away. Besides, what’s the point of this new “go-getter” attitude of mine if I’m not willing to make new friends and do bold things?
I was stunned when he read the message and even more surprised when he wrote back, but I think talking to him helped. I felt a little better by the time I went to bed, and then this morning when I got to the truck, I was feeling a lot lighter, maybe even good. I think it has to do with the conversation I had with ShootsAndScores.
“Oooh, you’re smiling. Who are you thinking about?” Stevie waggles her brows. “Fitz?”
My smile drops, and she doesn’t miss it.
“Oh no.” She sets down the box of spice refills and crosses her arms over her chest, leaning against the prep table. “You two left last night right after each other, so I figured you were making a poor attempt at trying to be discreet, but now I’m worried things didn’t go as well as I’d hoped.”
“Things did not go as well as you hoped.”
A frown tugs at the corner of my lips, and Stevie reaches out, squeezing my forearm.
“I’m sorry,” she says. “What happened?”
“Well, I thought we were hitting it off. We were even joking about what happened the other morning. Hell, I had literally opened my mouth to ask him out when…” I trail off, thinking back to the look on his face. That damn smile. How warm it was, how full of affection…the love.
“Did he say something?” Her back goes straight. “Do something? Because I swear, I’ll call Greer right now and he’ll find Fitz and he will gladly take a skate to his di—”
“No, he didn’t do anything.” I smile. “Though I am very happy to know I have Greer in my corner if that ever did happen.”
“Oh, honey. You don’t even know. His gruffness is just a front, and when he gets mad, he gets mad. He’d do anything to protect the people he cares about, and that includes you.”
Warmth spreads through me because I know she means it. This little family they’ve created here is something special, and I know without a doubt in my mind I’m included in that too. Sure, it might just be because I serve the whole team delicious fried dough, but I’m okay with that. It’s still nice to know they have my back if I need it.
“So, you were about to ask him, and then…” Stevie prompts.
I wince. “He got a text or a call. I’m not sure which, but whatever it was, he got this smile on his face and said he had to go. Actually, he said, ‘Someone needs me.’ Then he left.”
Stevie’s brows are pulled tightly together, her head tipped to the side as she stares at me. She doesn’t say anything for several moments, so I continue.
“I’m guessing it was a girlfriend or something. It just felt so…familiar, you know? Like whoever it was, it was personal.”
“Fitz doesn’t have a girlfriend.”
“Maybe it was a booty call?”
Stevie chuckles. “No, that’s not Fitz either. He’s not that kind of guy.”
“How do you know?”
“Because Greer knows, and that man loves to give me all the good gossip from the locker room. You’d be really surprised what comes out of his mouth when he’s lying there in a post-orgasm daze.”
Now it’s my turn to laugh because I just picture Greer spilling all the dirty secrets of everyone on the team. Stevie’s right—he might come off as a grump, but deep down, he’s a big softie. Hell, one time, I caught him on a phone call to his mother, and even I about swooned when he told her he loved her. Sweetest damn thing I’ve ever heard.
“Maybe it was something else,” Stevie suggests. “Maybe it was a friend? Or family? I know he has a sister and a few nieces. Could have been something with them?”
“Yeah, maybe.” I lift my shoulder. “But whatever it was, it was enough for him to just up and leave with no explanation.”
“But maybe it’s a good explanation.”
“That’s what the guy online said too.”
“Excuse me? What guy online? Are you talking to someone? Are you cheating on Fitz?”
I glower at her. “First of all, there is nothing happening between me and Fitz. Second, no, I’m not talking to someone. He’s just…a friend. A new friend. I just met him last night. Sort of.”
Stevie looks completely unconvinced, and I’m not sure I blame her. Don’t sound exactly sure of myself at the moment.
“Care to elaborate on that very confusing statement?”
I sigh. “He’s a subscriber.”
“What? I thought…”
“That I promised to never DM them? I know, but he’s not a creep. He always leaves the sweetest comments. So last night after everything that happened…” I shrug. “I was feeling lonely. I needed someone to talk to.”
“Um, hello?” She waves at me. “Am I invisible or something?”
“I know I have you, and I totally love you for that, but I also didn’t want to interrupt—”
Stevie holds her hand up. “I swear, if you’re about to say something stupid like interrupt your night with Greer, I will boob punch you.”
I grab said boobs, protecting them because no, thanks. Boob punches are the worst.
“I wasn’t going to say that.”
She lifts both brows.
I groan. “Fine, I totally was. But”—I step away when she moves toward me—“you guys never get time away to just be you, and when I left, you were making sex eyes at each other. There was no doubt in my mind you were going to end up banging in the bar bathroom.”
A slow grin spreads across her face as she gets a faraway look in her eyes, telling me I am right on the money. She shakes her head, pulling herself out of her dirty little reminiscence.
“Who cares!” She pushes a finger into her chest. “Friend. There when you need me, no matter what.”
I sigh. “Yes, I know. And I promise next time, I’ll totally bother you with my trivial issues.” She glares at me but allows me to continue. “Anyway, this guy was online and said basically the same things you are, that maybe Fitz left for a good reason and maybe I should hear him out.”
“You totally should. I agree with this dude, whoever he is. What’s his name?”
I shrug. “Not sure. We didn’t get that far. I just know his username, ShootsAndScores.”
Stevie’s brows rise. “ShootsAndScores?”
“Yeah? Why are you making that face?”
She shrugs. “No reason. It’s just…a little odd, isn’t it?”
“No? Should it be? I mean, I just kind of assumed it’s because he’s a jock or something.”
“Huh.”
“Huh what?”
“Nothing.” She waves me off, but I have a feeling it’s more than nothing. “So, what’d you two talk about? Anything pervy?”
“It’s not all pervy stuff, you know.” She shrugs when I send her a pointed look. “I just said I was having a bad day and told him a little about why, and he convinced me I should give Fitz another chance. Then I went to bed because I had to be up at four for prep and he had an early morning too.”
Stevie nods a few times, her lips pursed, but she doesn’t say anything. I’m not sure how to gauge her reaction, thinking maybe she’s upset that I’m chatting with some random guy online. So, I ask her that.
“No, no.” She shakes her head. “It’s not that. Well, I mean, it’s a little bit that because I worry about your safety, but it’s also so common now I’m not too surprised by it. I just thought…with Fitz and all…”
“I know. I thought with Fitz and all too, but I’m telling you, I think he’s seeing someone else.”
“Maybe. Maybe not. But I agree with this ShootsAndScores guy—you should give Fitz a chance to explain. He might have a good reason for leaving like he did.”
I’m sure she’s probably right because it doesn’t sound like Fitz to have a secret girlfriend, but who knows?
“I’ll talk to him.”
“Yeah? Maybe you can do it at the Halloween party.”
I groan. She’s been trying to get me to agree to this damn party for the last three days.
“You do know Halloween was last week, right?”
“Of course I know. Macie dressed up as Greer, goalie pads and all, and scored a ton of candy that I’m still snacking on. But the guys are gone, so we’re celebrating when they’re home at an adults-only party. And you’re coming.” She sends me a sweet smile.
“I’ll think about it.”
“Don’t think. Come. It’ll be fun!”
“We’ll see.” I point a finger at her when she opens her mouth. “That’s all you’re getting out of me, so zip it.”
She nods, a grin tugging at her lips. “Where do you want me to put these extra spices, badass?”
I laugh at the nickname, then direct her to the storage area. We spend the next several hours slinging coffee and donuts and chatting about everything other than what happened last night, and I watch the parking lot the entire time, searching for the hockey player with the missing tooth.
Fitz never shows.
The Comets are on the road and Stevie is driving me nuts complaining about Greer being gone. I want to grab her by the shoulders and shake her and ask her how she thinks I feel. The guy I’m totally crushing on might be seeing someone else, and I don’t know because I don’t have his contact info, so all I can do is sit around and wait for him to show up to get any answers out of him.
It’s been a tense few days inside the tiny donut truck, so tonight, I’m turning to my favorite thing to do to take my mind off things: baking. I have my laptop set up in the corner of the room, and I’m wearing my wig and mask as usual. I have my lingerie—a very sexy maroon set that shows off almost my entire ass every time I bend over to check the cookies—and a new pair of heels I’m trying out.
I never thought this would be my life, especially having grown up in the household I did. You kept quiet, and you did what all good little girls are supposed to do—study hard, go to a college of your parents’ choosing, and marry a man who is going to take care of you. You do everything you’re told and you don’t ask questions, so that was what I did. I listened and let everyone else make my decisions for me. I was going to go to State, and I was going to find a husband.
The older I got, the less and less I wanted that, but I was too scared to tell them because I didn’t want to disappoint them. So, when Levi came to me and told me he was leaving and he’d like me to go with him, I did.
I didn’t realize that just a few short years later, he’d leave me too.
I try not to think about that as I pull a fresh batch of sea salt caramel chocolate chip cookies from the oven, making sure to press my ass out as far as I can to give the camera a good shot. Based on the way my notifications go nuts, they love it.
I smile to myself. Who would have thought I’d be doing this? Baking half-naked and getting paid to do it on camera? I sure as hell didn’t. I really didn’t expect to enjoy it so much, either. Sure, sometimes the pervy comments can be taxing, but overall, it’s nice. Most of my subscribers are older single men or widowers who miss having someone around. They don’t want me to do anything sexual; they just want someone to spend time with. I like being that comfort to them, and I like having their eyes on me. It’s a win-win.
I let the cookies rest as I strut back toward my laptop and grin into the camera.
“How’s everyone doing tonight?”
I keep my eye on the comments, knowing exactly what name I’m hoping pops up.
I haven’t spoken to ShootsAndScores since the other night, though not for lack of wanting to reach out. I’ve just been swamped with classes. Who knew going to college and juggling not one, but two jobs would be such a damn struggle? I’m more tired than normal, but I know in the long run when I’m operating my own bakery, this is going to pay off big.
Several answers come through on the chat. Some are polite, and some are not so great. I do my best to ignore those, but one catches my eye.
BallSoH@rd: You’re fat but you got some great tits. Show them to us! My cock is aching for you.
I grind my teeth, trying not to let the comment get to me. I mean, this person is literally paying to be here. They must like what they see enough, right?
Another comment pops up.
ShootsAndScores: @BallSoH@rd, your cock is really going to be aching when I knee you in the balls.
I laugh.
“I’m not sure you’re supposed to knee your fellow man in the balls, ShootsAndScores.”
ShootsAndScores: Two things…
ShootsAndScores: If he deserves it, fuck yes you can.
ShootsAndScores: And that’s no man. A man doesn’t treat a woman like that.
His responses get several positive reactions in the chat.
In real life? His words go straight between my legs.
I don’t respond to him out loud again, mostly because if I say something, I’m nearly positive there’s no way I’ll be able to mask the lust in my voice. Ridiculous since I don’t know this guy, but still.
I stream for another thirty minutes or so and make another batch of cookies, then decide to call it a night. I have some reading to do for my economics class, and I’m not looking to fall behind when the semester just started.
“Thanks for joining me tonight. I won’t be back tomorrow, but I’ll be around on Sunday.”
I wait for a comment from ShootsAndScores since he always sends one when I end my streams.
A minute goes by.
Then another.
When I finally hit three, I accept that he’s not going to say anything, and my shoulders slump in defeat. Maybe things were too weird the other night? I don’t know, but now I have two guys ghosting me. Sure, ShootsAndScores is just a client, but it still stings.
I blow the camera a kiss, then cover the lens with my hand as I turn off the stream.
A minute later, a message pops up.
ShootsAndScores: Evening, Ro.
Well, well, well, maybe this night isn’t over yet.
Homework can wait.
