Being in Kai’s apartment alone was weird. I liked that he trusted me enough to be in his space without him, but it was still strange. I’d never been a snooper. I didn’t check people’s medicine cabinets or riffle through their stuff when I was at their houses.
Kai didn’t know that, and the fact that he wasn’t hiding anything from me felt big. Like more than just something he’d do with a random hookup.
The first few hours, I watched Heartstopper for the umpteenth time and played on my phone. I usually wasn’t into shows or movies aimed at teenagers, but Heartstopper was cute. And watching someone go through what I had, trying to figure out if the pull I’d felt toward a male friend was attraction or not, was validating.
Around midnight, I took a shower and got myself ready for my reward. Kai used a spicy- and earthy-scented body wash, and I got a ridiculous thrill as I used it. Not only did I smell like him, but the whole bathroom did.
After washing my hair, I toweled off and headed to Kai’s room. The first door I opened wasn’t Kai’s room, though. The last time I’d been in his place, I’d been a bit distracted and hadn’t been paying attention as he’d carried me to his room.
From the single bed with bright dinosaur sheets, a sheer princess canopy, and a mountain of stuffies, it was obvious Rain slept there when he watched her. The fact that Kai had a room in his apartment for his little sister made my heart clench. He had so many layers beyond being a confident, cocky asshole. He was sweet and kind and thoughtful, and he loved fiercely.
A pang of loneliness stabbed me as I closed the door to Rain’s room. My grandmother was a good woman, and she loved me, but she was all I had. My mom hadn’t tried to contact me in the eight years since she was acquitted, and I’d never once tried to contact my dad in prison.
I was utterly alone in the world.
Shaking off my melancholy, I opened the next door. Bingo.
I walked inside and over to his dresser and opened the top drawer. I grabbed one of the neatly stacked T-shirts and slipped it on. It smelled like clean laundry and sunshine.
Should I put on my underwear? Kai had liked the last pair I’d worn, and I’d worn one of my favorite pairs tonight in anticipation of my reward. Decision made, I pulled them out of the bundle of clothes I’d carried into the room.
When they were on, I folded my clothes and stacked them on the dresser. I wasn’t this neat at home, but I wanted to make a good impression.
Shit. I had two hours until he came home. He’d said he wanted me asleep. I was so keyed up I wasn’t sure if I’d be able to fall asleep in time.
The noise in my head wasn’t the constant loop of criticism and catastrophic thoughts that usually took over at night. Nope. Tonight I was thinking about Kai’s dancing.
Kai had an incredible body, but his sense of rhythm was next level. Every move had seemed effortless, casual even. At one point, he’d held himself on the chair and rolled his hips, completely suspended. The crowd had gone insane, but I’d been too busy wondering how the fuck that had been possible, considering, you know, gravity.
Then he’d called me on stage. My dick chubbed up at the memory of the look he’d given me as he’d crooked his damn finger at me.
“Come here,” it had said.
And I’d come. Almost literally.
Thank fuck he’d handcuffed me so I didn’t have to worry about what my hands were doing and could focus on watching him dance for me. And he had. Every time he’d looked at me, he’d had that same laser focus he had during sex.
It was completely different from the look he gave the crowd when he was working them. Then he was the casual, cool, and überconfident guy who could bring anyone to their knees with a well-placed smile and wink.
The guy who’d danced for me had burned with desire, his expression dark and primal and so damn possessive.
Mine.
The word had echoed in my mind as he’d taken his tips, especially when he used his teeth to pull a bill out of their cleavage. The weird thing was that I hadn’t felt any jealousy when he’d danced and interacted with other patrons.
I’d been proud as fuck that someone like Kai had invited me to watch him. They might get a few seconds of his attention when they gave him money, but I was the one who’d gotten the hot looks. I was the one he’d focused on, and I was the one who’d gotten to go up on stage.
The apartment was cold, but his sheets and comforter were warm, and I snuggled into them. The bed smelled like a wonderful mix of Kai and soap. Clean and bright but still dark and heady. Maybe falling asleep wouldn’t be an issue.
I wanted to jerk off to memories of my public lap dance, but Kai hadn’t said I could. Coming twice in a few hours wasn’t anything out of the ordinary for me, but I kept my hands off my dick. I had no doubt my reward would be worth dealing with some blue balls now.
Feeling bold, I opened the camera on my phone and took a few pictures. I went to send them to him, but I was using my actual phone. Shit. Did I even bring my burner? No. I’d left it on my desk in my haste to get to the club.
Pouting, I opened Insta and scrolled my feed.
Beck and Finn had posted some snapshots of their trip. They looked so happy together, and I was proud of Beck for finally coming out and living his truth. Too bad I was too much of a wuss to do the same.
My grandmother wouldn’t freak out or anything. She might be in her early seventies, but she was a hippie at heart. Two of her closest friends were lesbians who’d come out late in life. She wouldn’t even blink if I told her I was bi.
I didn’t have any friends I cared enough about to worry if they’d be okay with it. Beck was, and I didn’t think Matt or Eli would have a problem with it. Not that I was really friends with them, but we lived together. Life would be infinitely harder if my roommates were homophobic asshats.
Nope. The only thing holding me back was me and my issues.
Letting out a frustrated sigh, I made a few supportive comments on their posts, then kept scrolling.
Matt and Jax were out with the team at some bar and obviously wasted. The snapshot Matt had uploaded was hilarious. Both were wearing their caps inside out and backward, and I was pretty sure they’d switched jackets. Matt was hanging off Jax and pretending to lick his face while Jax laughed. Bros doing bro shit.
I scrolled for a few more minutes and stopped at a pic of Ash Summers and his boyfriend, Jules.
Ash and I were casual friends. We’d ended up at a lot of the same parties over the years, but we’d never gotten close. When I’d first met him, I’d had a thing for him for about five minutes. He was my type with his bad-boy hottie looks, but he’d been an angry, surly asshole, and not in a good way.
Now he was all smiles as he took selfies with his boyfriend, who was also his stepbrother, whom he hated up until a few months ago. Whatever. I’d had no idea Ash even swung my way, but good on him for finding someone who’d helped him mellow out and actually smile.
Sighing, I closed out of the app and put my phone on the bedside table. Seeing all those happy couples and a weird bromance reminded me of how alone I was.
Sure, I was in Kai’s bed, waiting for him to come home and fuck my brains out, but it wasn’t the same. I wasn’t suddenly craving cuddles or lazy mornings in bed, but it would be nice to have what Beck and Finn had.
Orgasms were awesome, but the needy, emotionally stunted part of me wanted more. I wanted someone to look at me the way Beck looked at Finn. I wanted someone who could help me self-regulate. Who’d be there when I needed them.
Hell, I wanted the reverse too. I wanted to be someone’s person. To be the one they needed. To be their entire world, like they’d be mine. Someone who wouldn’t be scared off by my issues, who could love me, even though I was… me.
“Ugh.” I sat up and shook my head. I was spiraling again.
I opened Insta again and looked up Kai’s profile. He hadn’t lied. He really didn’t post much. Mostly nature shots he took while hiking. The last one was from the summer.
Should I do it? Biting my lip, I quickly DMed him one of the pics I’d taken in his bed.
I didn’t expect an answer, considering he was never online, but the usual surge of panic from doing something so impulsive didn’t come. Maybe he’d see it later; maybe he wouldn’t.
A glance at the time told me he was just getting off work. Time to prep myself and go to sleep so I could get my reward.
The sensation of something tickling my thighs slowly penetrated my consciousness. “Hmmmm.” I snuggled into the warmth surrounding me.
The tickling intensified, then shifted to my ass.
I was in that weird place between sleep and wakefulness. Elements of my dream still swirled around in my mind. I was on a beach, the sound of waves lapping in the corner of my consciousness. The sun was warm on my back, and a soft, cool breeze played over my skin.
A shadow appeared over me. I should open my eyes, but I didn’t want to. I was warm and comfortable, and the delicious sensation on my hole was both soothing and arousing.
“Hgngh,” I muttered.
A warm hand touched my hip, shifting me so I was on my side and not my stomach.
“Sleepy,” I mumbled and pressed my face into my towel. Or was it a pillow?
The tickling on my ass stopped.
I whined softly, still fighting the urge to wake up. I didn’t want to wake up.
Warmth and wetness surrounded my cock.
“Hmpf.”
The shadow was blocking the sun. I wanted to tell it to go away.
A weird pressure penetrated my haze. Something was pushing at my hole. Was the stranger trying to fuck me?
With a low groan, I spread my legs. I shouldn’t want it, but I did. I wanted that stranger to take me right there on the beach.
A strong hand ran down my spine.
“Are you with me?” a soft voice asked.
“Mmfp,” I grumbled and bumped my ass back.
A kiss was pressed against my neck, and the pressure intensified.
“What?” My dream state finally broke.
“Do you want more?”
“Hmmmm.”
“I need the word.”
“Yes,” I said, then moaned as my ass was stretched and a hard length filled me.
“That’s it,” a low voice rumbled. “Relax and take all of me.”
Groaning, I did as the voice said. I was awake, but not fully with it. I didn’t want to open my eyes, afraid the body at my back and the cock in my ass would disappear.
“There you go.” The low purr sent another shiver of pleasure through me.
Hands grabbed my hips and turned me so I was on my stomach again. A strong, hot body lay over my back. That cock, so big and perfect, was buried deep inside me.
“Wake up, baby.”
“Huh?” I opened my eyes.
The room was dark, the only light coming from the streetlights filtering through the blinds. Where was I? This wasn’t my room.
“Give me your hands.”
Reluctantly, I let go of the pillow I was cuddling and moved my arms to my side.
Something circled my thigh, cold and a bit rough. A rasp filled the silence. Velcro?
“Kai?”
“Shhhh, I’ve got you.”
“Kay.” I closed my eyes. Another one of those straps was wrapped around my other thigh.
“I need your color, baby.”
“Green,” I breathed. I wasn’t sure exactly what was going on, but I didn’t want it to stop.
The pressure in my ass was incredible, so full, stretching me as he stayed buried inside me. The warm, wet sensation, like a mouth, surrounded my cock.
How was that possible?
My wrist was pulled down until it was next to my thigh.
I grumbled as the body behind me forced my hips up to close the distance between my wrist and thigh. Something smooth and cold wrapped around my wrist.
I tugged gently on whatever was holding me, but it didn’t give. Why couldn’t I move my arm?
“You okay?” the voice asked.
“Mmmm hmmm.” I clenched around the length inside me.
My other wrist got the same treatment.
“I need your color, baby.” A strong, warm hand ran down my spine.
“Green.”
The length inside me pulled almost all the way out, then slowly pushed back in.
More of reality seeped into my consciousness.
I was in Kai’s room. It was dark. The man behind me was Kai. I was getting my reward.
He sat back until the only point of contact between us was his cock, still slowly fucking me.
A long, low moan escaped me. I couldn’t move. Whatever was holding my wrists against my thigh was strong. I didn’t want to escape.
The wet sensation around my cock was incredible, but how was it moving? Jesus. Was someone sucking me off?
The last of my sleep haze left me, and I opened my eyes. No. I was on my stomach. No one was under me.
A hand ran through my hair, stroking the strands. Tingles exploded on my scalp.
I knew it was Kai behind me, but I closed my eyes and pressed my face against the comforter as the remnants of my dream came back to me.
I was on the beach, naked and alone. A man had come up to me. He wanted me. He was taking me.
Another man was there. One was fucking me while the other was sucking me. They worked in tandem, using me to get off.
I should protest. I should say no.
But I didn’t want to.
The moans falling from my lips were obscene and needy. So fucking needy.
The cock sped up. He was fucking me faster.
I wanted to come.
“Don’t you dare come,” a voice ordered.
“Need to,” I mumbled, sinking deeper into my fantasy.
“No. Not until I let you.”
Grumbling, I pressed my face into the comforter. Not being able to move should have freaked me out, but it didn’t. Something about being held in place soothed me. It helped me relax and quieted some of the noise in my head.
I didn’t have to think, to react, to do anything. I could just lie there and enjoy everything that was happening to me.
“More.”
“No.” The voice behind me was amused.
I grumbled and spread my legs as wide as they could go, intensifying the sensation of being held down.
My fantasy played in my head. The stranger behind me was still fucking me, but the one in front of me, on his knees for me, wasn’t faceless anymore. It was Kai. He was sucking me, his eyes dark and filled with so much lust as he worked my dick.
“Kai,” I said brokenly as my body tightened.
“That’s it, baby. Say my name.”
The stranger behind me thrust hard, nailing my prostate.
“Kai,” I gasped.
“Whose ass is this?”
“Yours.”
Another hard thrust.
“Who’s the one who can make you come?”
“You.”
Two more.
“Who were you made for?”
“You.”
Three more.
“Fuck.” I slowly came out of my fantasy.
As hot as the idea of being tag teamed by Kai and some random was, that wasn’t what I wanted right now.
“Tell me you love my cock.”
“Love your cock,” I mumbled.
Four hard thrusts.
“Tell me you’re a slut for me.”
“Always.” I opened my eyes.
“Say it. I want the words.”
“I’m a slut for you.” I looked over my shoulder.
His big body was shrouded in shadows, his muscles outlined and so damn perfect. His tats were a blur of darkness with hints of color. He was perfect.
“Only for you,” I whispered. I wanted to see his eyes, but it was too dark.
He let out a strangled sound, planted his hands next to my sides, leaning over me, and thrust hard. He nailed my spot over and over.
“Oh fuck,” I moaned.
He was keeping his weight off me, but the heat from his body against my skin soothed me. A mix of comfort and pleasure rippled through my body as Kai grunted and panted above me.
I was moaning and muttering, too far gone to care about what I was saying or how I sounded. All I could focus on was how good he felt inside me. How much I wanted to come.
The pleasant ripple slowly shifted to one of intense, mind-melting pleasure, and time and space ceased to exist.
He railed me, the slaps of skin against skin echoing in the room. The wet warmth around my cock stroked me every time one of his punishing thrusts forced me to move against the bed.
“You going to come for me?” he asked, his voice gruff, and slammed into my ass, his pace frantic.
“Yes. So close.”
He covered me with his big body, slid his hands under my chest, and hugged me tight. The sensation of being completely surrounded by him, immobile and helpless, sent my pleasure into overdrive. My body tightened, my cock pulsed, and my ass clenched.
I was close. So fucking close. But he hadn’t said I could come yet.
“Whose ass is this?” he asked again and pressed his cheek against mine, his hot breath ghosting over my face.
“Yours. Kai’s.”
“Come, Alex. Come for me,” he said in that strangled voice he used when he was about to lose control.
My entire body tightened to the point of pain. Then it released in a dizzying pulse of pleasure and need.
I screamed, or at least I think I did. My throat felt raw as I shook and shuddered under him.
Not being able to move only heightened the pleasure as he kept on fucking me through my orgasm. It was so good but nearly too much. My body was overstimulated, but my mind was single focused on how incredible it felt to lie there and let Kai use me.
He was grunting in my ear, holding me tight.
The fog came back, and I gave myself over to it, and as Kai kept on fucking me, I floated away.
I was dimly aware of him stiffening over me, then pushing his cock deep inside me. Warmth filled me. He let out a string of curses.
Sighing happily, I nuzzled into the comforter as he pressed sweet kisses against my cheek.
“Alex.”
“Huh?” How did I end up here?
I was lying on Kai, my head on his strong chest, one leg threaded through his. He sifted his fingers through my hair.
“You with me?”
“I think so?” I closed my eyes, enjoying his attention.
“Just breathe. You’re okay. I’m here.”
I was holding his soft dick in my hand. When had I grabbed it? Feeling the warm organ, so alive and real, was grounding.
“That was really hot.” The fog lifted. I pressed a kiss against his chest.
“Are you okay with what happened?”
I snorted softly. “I just said it was hot. Obviously I liked it.”
“I did too,” he said softly.
I flushed at the memories of waking up with him already inside me. “You were right. I’ve had that fantasy before.”
“What fantasy?” He stroked my hair. It felt so good, but it was also making me sleepy.
“Of a stranger fucking me while I’m asleep. Waking up and them already being inside me.”
He hummed deep in his chest. “Did you picture a stranger?”
“At first. But then I pictured you.”
His arm tightened around me. “Let’s sleep.”
“’Kay.”
The few times I’d cuddled with someone, I’d been the big spoon and hadn’t liked it. I’d felt crowded and overheated, and the sensation of long hair on my chest had felt like tiny blades dragging across skin. It was one of the reasons why I didn’t sleep with people.
The other reason was that sharing a bed was intimate. Being vulnerable in front of someone didn’t come easily to me. Add in my sensory issues, and I couldn’t relax until I was in my own space and alone.
Kai kissed my hair, then shifted me so I was next to him.
As much as I’d liked snuggling him, I was grateful. His body was big and hot, and everywhere our skin had touched burned. Having my own space while still being able to sense him next to me was exactly what I needed.
Fatigue swirled around me, sleep tugging at my consciousness. I sighed, a deep, cleansing one, then allowed myself to drift off.
