“Morning, sunshine.”
I gritted my teeth and focused on my phone. Kai settled in the seat next to me, his big body taking up way too much room. Warmth seeped into my arm where his shoulder brushed mine.
“Why are you here?” I blindly scrolled through Insta.
“Well, this is where class is held, isn’t it?”
“I mean here. Next to me. Don’t you usually sit in the back with the rest of the slackers?”
“Awww, you noticed where I sit?” he cooed. “And here I thought you didn’t like me.”
“I don’t,” I bit out. “I just notice shit. Don’t think you’re special or anything.”
“Figured I’d sit next to my PIC.”
“P.I.C?” I asked before I could stop myself.
“Partner in crime.”
I gripped my phone tight. The scent of coffee and cinnamon tickled my nose. I glanced over as he pulled a huge cinnamon roll out of a bakery bag.
My stomach clenched. I’d downed two cups of coffee already but hadn’t eaten anything. The cinnamon roll looked amazing with lots of thick icing.
“Where’s that from?” I asked despite myself.
“A local secret.” He grinned.
The pastry looked nice and fluffy inside. My mouth watered, and a pang of hunger hit me.
“You’re a local?” I made the mistake of looking at him. He sucked on his finger, presumably to clean off some icing.
He nodded, his eyes smiling as he slowly pulled his finger out of his mouth.
“Born and raised.” He ripped off another piece of the roll. “What? No scathing remarks about being a townie?”
I tore my eyes from his mouth and looked back at my phone screen, which had gone dark. I shrugged. Hopefully he hadn’t noticed I’d been staring at his lips.
“Nothing wrong with being from here. You can’t control where you were born.”
Kai toyed with the paper sleeve on his takeaway cup. I’d always had a weakness for hands, and Kai’s long fingers, neatly trimmed nails, and the sexy-as-fuck vein on the back of his hand were mesmerizing. Blood rushed south.
Shifting as subtly as I could, I shoved my phone into my hoodie and went to grab my water bottle from the pocket on the side of my bag. My hand closed over nothing.
“Shit.” I looked down at my bag.
I’d forgotten my water. Fucking hell. For years, I’d tried to figure out ways to stop forgetting stupid, simple stuff. I had a whole system for assignments, tests, and homework, but for the life of me, I couldn’t stop forgetting shit like my water or sunglasses when I left the house.
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.” I slumped in my seat.
“Have you thought about what we talked about?”
“Class hasn’t even started yet. Someone’s eager,” I mumbled.
“We could just sit in silence for the next six minutes, or we can talk about our assignment like big boys.”
“What did you have in mind, exactly?” I looked at him.
Big mistake. His dark eyes gleamed with what looked like amusement, and that stupid half smirk tilted one side of his perfect mouth.
“Nothing crazy.” He took another bite of his cinnamon roll and chewed.
My eyes were glued to his lips as he sucked on his fingers. Biting back a moan, I tore my gaze from him and stared straight ahead. My dick was hard because of course it was. Thank fuck I’d put on skinny jeans this morning so he wouldn’t be able to tell.
“We should incorporate different elements for different learners. Written slides but also some video clips and some audio ones as well. Have you heard of the law of three?”
I shook my head.
“Humans recognize and remember groups of three better than any other number. If we want to make our presentation memorable, we should incorporate that. Also, people tend to remember the first and last points the best, so we need to make sure we start strong and end strong.”
“Anything else?”
I would never admit it, but what he was saying made sense.
“Just basic stuff. Simple graphs with bold colors. And any points we want to emphasize should be visually highlighted to create an element of surprise. People pay attention when they’re curious, so asking questions and answering them is more effective than just stating point after point.”
I’d always hated the 10-20-30 rules. Using a maximum of ten slides in a twenty-minute presentation and sticking to a uniform thirty-point font was boring. I tended to zone out somewhere in the middle of those presentations. Kai’s idea would certainly keep me interested more than my suggested method.
“Fine. We’ll do it your way.”
“Now, was that so hard?”
“Was what so hard?”
I leveled a glare at him, but the fucker stared right back at me, his dark eyes smoldering as he slowly sucked his thumb into his mouth. The inside of my mouth tingled. He gently pulled his thumb free and used the tip of his tongue to tease it. Fuck.
My dick ached as it was squished in my jeans. I wanted to rearrange myself to get some of the pressure off it, but I’d be damned if I let Kai see how much he affected me.
“It’s definitely hard.” He dropped his eyes to my crotch.
Resisting the urge to cover my hard-on, I nodded at his noticeable bulge. “I could say the same for you,” I said sweetly.
“What can I say? This is a really good cinnamon roll.”
“Sure.” I scoffed. “If you get that excited over breakfast, then maybe you should be in therapy and not studying to be the therapist.”
“Here.” He held out a small piece to me. “See what I mean.”
The challenge in his eyes was clear. Before I could think twice, I grabbed the piece of pastry and shoved it into my mouth. Damn, it was amazing. I chewed, trying and failing to keep my expression blank.
Kai smirked. “Good, isn’t it?” He licked his fingers, twining his tongue around the digits.
A vision of that tongue circling my cock popped into my head, and I whimpered. Fucking whimpered.
Kai gave me a lazy grin and turned his attention to the front of the room as Professor Meyers stepped up to his podium.
Fuck. Kai Alexander was dangerous. No other guy had ever had this kind of effect on me. Not even… Nope. Not going there.
Shoving those thoughts and memories aside, I focused on Professor Meyers. He called out pairs to line up to see our TA so he could check our notes and meeting minutes.
“Alexander and Ellis.”
I groaned. Of course he called our names. After getting on his bad side last class, I’d expected as much, but being ignored would have been nice. Kai and I had only had one meeting, and the presentation was due in three weeks.
Sighing, I opened my bag and reached in to grab the folio with the typed-up copy of our minutes.
“Oh shit.” Panic hit me so fast it took my breath away. I’d forgotten the folio. I frantically checked my bag, even though I knew it wouldn’t be in there.
“What?” Kai asked.
“I forgot the minutes.” I clenched my hands. “Fucking idiot,” I muttered, closing my eyes and waiting for Kai to say something scathing and completely warranted. That little voice in the back of my head taunted me.
Stupid. Moron. Lazy.
“Here.”
“Huh?” Some of the haze cleared at his calm tone, and I looked up.
“I wrote them up too.” He motioned to the folder in his hand. “We didn’t take notes, and I’m pretty sure I missed a bunch of points. I figured between the two of us we’d be able to cobble together a full recap of the meeting.”
“You’re not mad?” I blinked at him. Why wasn’t he angry?
“Shit happens.” He downed the rest of his coffee, then stood. “Let’s get in line. I don’t want to stay after class.”
I scrambled to my feet and followed him down the aisle, where we joined the line.
The rest of my day passed about as well as my first class.
I hadn’t forgotten any more assignments or papers, but I’d been a mess all day. I couldn’t focus on my lectures, and I’d almost been late to my last class because I’d gotten distracted looking up shit online.
I couldn’t even remember what had started my spiral, just that I’d been reading an article about axolotls when my warning alarm had gone off. I’d had to book it across campus and had managed to skitter into the room just before the professor closed the door.
“Hey.”
Beck’s voice startled me so much I nearly tripped.
“What?”
Beck sat on the loveseat, a textbook in his hands. “You okay?” He cocked his head to the side. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.”
A week ago, I would have paid money to have Beck ask me what was wrong and want to have a conversation, but right now, I was so out of sorts I didn’t know why I was all fucked up.
“Alex.” He closed the textbook. “You know you can talk to me about anything.”
I bit back my retort. That might be true, but it was only on his schedule. I understood where Beck was coming from. He was in a new relationship and was in love for the first time. Of course Finn would be his priority now. But understanding it and accepting it were two different things.
I’d always been… possessive of people I cared about. My attention could be stifling, and most of my friendships ended when the other person got sick of dealing with my shit.
Beck was the one person who never seemed to care how intense I got. He was so laid-back and go-with-the-flow that he’d happily tagged along as I’d let my impulsive nature take over. He’d been there to rein me in when I spiraled. Now I had no one, and it was getting harder to self-regulate.
“I’m stressed.” I sat down on the loveseat next to him, accepting the olive branch he was offering.
“Anything in particular?”
How the fuck could I tell him I was on my way to a full-blown meltdown without making it sound like I blamed him? I didn’t. Beck was my best friend. It wasn’t his fault I didn’t have anyone else.
“School and a stupid group project for Professor Meyers’s class.”
“I hate those. Are you teamed up with a bunch of slackers?”
“It’s a partnered assignment. And he’s doing the work.” I sighed. As much as I wanted to bitch about Kai, it wasn’t him my stupid brain was fixated on.
I hadn’t talked to Wrong since our last session a week ago. He’d been online the few times I’d checked, but instead of messaging him, I’d gotten irrationally angry and jealous at the thought he might be sexting or talking to someone else.
He was a rando on an app. I had zero claim on him. Maybe I’d shifted my obsession from Beck to him because of how easy he was to talk to?
“Is everything okay back home?”
“Yeah.”
“Come on, Alex.” Beck’s voice was gentle. “You can tell me what’s really going on.”
“I’ve kind of been talking to someone online.”
He blinked as if startled by my answer. “Really?”
I nodded.
“And that’s a bad thing?” he asked carefully.
“Not exactly a bad thing. It’s just confusing.”
“How so?”
“Well, he’s a he,” I said wryly, pushing my hair back off my forehead.
“Oh.” Beck’s expression shifted to one of confusion. “Wow.”
“Yeah.”
“I didn’t think you were looking for something with a guy.”
I’d told him I was bisexual when he’d finally come clean about him and Finn. But as far as he knew, I had no interest in guys and was exclusively with women. And until Wrong, that had been true.
“I wasn’t. It just kind of happened. It was supposed to be a one-time thing, but it happened again.”
“You chatted with him?”
“More like had phone sex with him,” I mumbled.
Beck chuckled. “I don’t know why I’m so surprised. Phone sex is one of the tamest things you’ve confessed to.”
I smiled tightly. I wasn’t proud of my fuckboy reputation, and he wasn’t wrong. I’d done some crazy shit in the past, but not all of it had been a conscious choice.
I’d never told anyone, but a lot of the more extreme things I’d done in my life were when I was in one of my spirals. When my impulse control was at zero and my desire to feel something, especially a nice dump of dopamine, overruled my logical brain.
I was no saint, but I didn’t fuck around as much as people thought I did. Mostly because of my concentration issues. Fooling around was easy, and I didn’t need to be fully present to get someone off. Sex, seduction, that took more effort than I could usually muster for some pretty girl I met at a party.
“Was it good?” Beck asked.
I nodded, unable to meet his gaze.
“I’m not sure I’m getting the problem. You liked it, and it happened twice. Is he ghosting you or something?”
“More like a mutual ghosting.”
“Do you want to do it again?”
“Kinda.”
“Then message him. The worst that can happen is he says no. And whatever, right? It’s not like he’s someone important. Especially if you’ve only talked to him a few times.”
That was the problem. Wrong might not be important, but I liked the guy. We’d chatted for a bit after our last session, and it had meant something to me. I could be myself around him and didn’t bother holding anything back.
He might be a faceless stranger, but the thought of him rejecting me sent a ripple of panic through my chest.
“You’re right.” I slipped on my mask of casual indifference. “Want to play something for a bit?” I motioned to the TV.
Matt and Jax came into the living room, laughing and shoving each other.
“Hey.” Matt flopped down on the couch dramatically.
Jax upnodded us and sat down as well, albeit with more grace.
Both guys played on the school baseball team, so they were ripped and toned, and they were both ridiculously attractive. Matt was blond, while Jax had nearly black hair. Matt’s eyes were bright blue, but Jax’s were emerald green. Everything else from their builds to their mannerisms was eerily similar.
Their friendship was strange. They spent nearly all their time together, but they seemed almost too close.
As if I was one to talk, considering how obsessive I could be with friends, but Matt and Jax were different. Jax was at the house so much that none of us had objected when Matt had asked if he could give Jax a key. As far as I knew, Matt was straight, but they were always in each other’s space. Was something else going on between them?
Matt shifted and swung his legs up so his feet were on Jax’s lap.
“Whatcha playing?” He leaned back against the arm of the couch as Jax casually rubbed his calf. Matt sighed in contentment, obviously enjoying his massage.
“Haven’t decided.” Beck shot me a look.
“Make it four player. We’re bored.”
“And that’s our problem, how?” I asked sweetly, secretly relieved that we’d been interrupted.
Beck, Jax, and Matt argued about what game they wanted to play, but I didn’t pay much attention.
I should unmatch Wrong and forget all about him and his magic voice. I was getting attached. It would be best to cut ties with him before he got sick of me.
An hour later, my stomach growled. Shit. I’d forgotten to eat again.
“Gotta grab some food.” I handed Beck my controller.
“I have to meet Finn.” Beck put both controllers on the coffee table. “It’s all yours, fellas.”
“You ready?” Matt grinned at Jax.
“Bring it.”
Beck and I exchanged another look.
Athletes were insanely competitive, myself included, but Matt and Jax took it to a whole new level. The amount of trash-talking they did while they played any sort of game together seemed like more than friendly competition. It reminded me of foreplay.
I said a quick goodbye to Beck and went into the kitchen to get some food.
I stared blankly into the fridge. My choices were limited. I needed to go grocery shopping. Finally, I pulled out a few eggs to make a sandwich. It wasn’t fancy, but it was better than nothing.
While I was waiting for my toast to pop, I grabbed a nearly empty bag of tortilla chips out of my cupboard and shoved a handful of crumbs into my mouth. The salty crunch was satisfying, and after assembling my sandwich, I ate it standing at the sink.
When I’d cleaned up my mess, I headed up to my room.
It had been a week since I’d gone to the gym, and I was antsy as fuck. I’d spent the entire time we’d been playing video games trying to stop my legs from bouncing and resisting the urge to get up and pace.
Now that I was in my room alone, the need to move was nearly overwhelming.
I needed to find a new gym buddy. Exercise was one of the few ways I could shut my brain down without having to resort to chemicals. Focusing on one more set or one more quarter mile soothed not only my mind but also my body, as I was able to direct my excess energy toward something productive.
Should I go for a run? I glanced out the window. Maybe not the best option. The sky was heavy with clouds. Rainy season was starting, and getting caught in a downpour wasn’t my idea of a good time.
Sighing in frustration, I flopped onto my bed and grabbed my burner phone to check my notifications. I’d left it at home today so I wouldn’t be tempted to open Kinksters on my breaks.
Kai had texted. I unlocked the phone and tapped on the notification.
Asshole: meet again on wed?
Something niggled at the back of my mind. I dug my regular phone out of my hoodie pocket and checked my calendar.
Alex: can’t
Alex: have a huge test the next am I need to cram for
Alex: tomorrow?
Kai’s answer appeared only seconds later. Fucker must be on his phone.
Asshole: have to babysit my little sis
Asshole: thurs?
Alex: have a late class and a paper due on fri
Alex: weekend?
Asshole: I work all weekend
Asshole: you can come over while I’m babysitting
Alex: really?
Asshole: really
Asshole: we need to get this done and she’ll be asleep at 8
I wanted to say no. The thought of seeing Kai with his little sister was unsettling, and I had no idea why.
Alex: fine
Asshole: around 6?
Alex: 6 works
He sent an address I didn’t recognize. I waited to see if he’d say anything else. He didn’t.
Still feeling out of sorts, I opened Kinksters.
I had every intention of unmatching Wrong, but the little green dot under his name made me pause. One more time couldn’t hurt, right?
Biting my lip, I opened our messages. One more time. Then I’d unmatch him and go back to talking to chicks.
