“Are you still busy?”
West looked up from his phone. The smile he gave me was a bit tight.
Uh-oh. That couldn’t be good.
“Nope. Was just scrolling.”
I hovered in the doorway. Maybe I should give him some space? Had he just been being polite when he’d said I should come down and hang out after I was done work?
He scooted over on the chair and waved me over.
“How was the show?” he asked as I sat next to him.
“Good. Sundays aren’t my best days, not unless I’m doing something special. But I had decent numbers tonight.”
“That’s good.”
Why did he sound so distant?
Shit. Had I misread things when I’d kissed him? He hadn’t made any indication he’d wanted to kiss again. He’d kissed me back, but was he just being polite?
“Did you get what you needed to do done?” I asked lamely, fighting down the panic rising in my chest.
“I did.”
“Do you want me to go?” My voice cracked pathetically, and my cheeks flamed hot.
“No. But we need to talk,” he said softly.
“No, we don’t.”
The urge to flee grew stronger. This was a mistake. All of it. Kissing him, bothering him while he was tired from work, thinking he could ever want someone like me.
He was letting me stay with him because he was a nice guy and felt responsible for me because of the situation at the house. He hadn’t brought me here to keep accosting and bothering him.
“We don’t?”
“No.” I gripped the arm of the chair and forced myself to stay where I was and not run from the room and right out the front door. “It was a lapse.”
“A lapse?”
“Yes. I know you were just being nice to me—”
“You think I kissed you because I was being nice?” He turned to me, but I wouldn’t look at him.
“Obviously.”
“I kissed you because I wanted to. It had nothing to do with being nice.”
“But you didn’t kiss me. I kissed you.”
“Because I didn’t want to rush you or push you into something you didn’t want.”
“Because I’m a pathetic virgin you feel sorry for—eep!”
I landed on West’s outstretched legs. My belly fluttered. God, he was so strong, could move me around so easily.
It should have scared me. I hated feeling small and weak. But I didn’t feel that way with him. His size and strength were a turn-on.
“You’re not pathetic, so stop thinking that. Being a virgin isn’t anything to be ashamed of, so stop that too. And I don’t feel sorry for you. I’m sorry for what you’ve gone through, but I don’t feel sorry for you. Not one bit.”
“But you’re so much more experienced…”
“Not as experienced as you seem to think.” He slipped his hands under the bottom of my shirt and gently stroked the skin of my waist. “I didn’t lose my virginity until I was in college.”
“Really?”
He nodded.
“But you’re you. How is that possible?”
“What do you mean, I’m me?” He quirked his eyebrow teasingly. “What’s so special about me?”
I narrowed my eyes. “You’re fishing for compliments.”
“Yes.”
“At least you’re honest about it.” I pretended to give him the evil eye. “You already know you’re hot. You don’t need me to stroke your ego.”
He waggled his eyebrows. “I’ll never say no to stroking.”
I snickered.
He rubbed his thumbs over my stomach, the slightly rough pads teasing my Adonis belt. Goosebumps erupted on my skin.
“Why didn’t you have a girlfriend at Hopewell? Or a boyfriend,” I added quickly.
“I didn’t have a boyfriend because I didn’t figure out I was bi until boarding school. I think a part of me always suspected I liked guys too, but I didn’t know for sure until I sucked a dick for the first time. Hard to deny that dudes do it for me when I got a boner while an upperclassmen face-fucked me in the stairwell.”
A vision of West on his knees for some big, buff guy floated in front of my eyes, and my stomach clenched, but not necessarily in a good way. Was that his type? Big and older and dominant?
“What about a girlfriend?” I pressed, ignoring the pangs of disappointment floating through me. “It wasn’t like you didn’t have half the female population of our school vying for your attention.”
He shrugged. “I had other stuff to worry about and didn’t really have much interest in dating then. Still don’t.”
“No?”
“No. I’ve dated, but it was more for convenience and not because I saw a future with them or anything. Two out of four girlfriends and one of two boyfriends cheated on me. And the relationships that didn’t involve cheating ended badly too. Not exactly a ringing endorsement for coupledom.”
“What happened with the ones who didn’t cheat?”
“My ex-boyfriend ghosted me after two months together. One ex-girlfriend tried to seduce my father when I brought her home for a weekend.”
My jaw dropped.
He chuckled. “Yeah. Dad’s an asshole, but he loves my mom and immediately shut that down.”
“That’s… wow. What about the other?”
“She got pissy when I wouldn’t propose after three months together.”
“Three months!”
He sighed and traced his thumbs over my hips. “Having money has given me more advantages than I can count, but it also has its downsides. People see me as a way to get to my father. Or as an ATM. I like spoiling the people I care about, but I hate being used. Not everyone who’s befriended or pursued me has done it because they want me, and having to be constantly aware of people’s motivations makes getting close to people more trouble than it’s worth.”
“That sucks.”
“It does. But it is what it is.” He tilted his head and studied me. “Did you have a crush on me in high school?”
An involuntary bark of laughter bubbled out of my chest. “Um, no. Not a chance.”
He scrunched up his face. “I’m conflicted over your answer. On the one hand, I’m glad, but your amusement kinda hurts the old self-esteem.”
“It wasn’t a slight against you. I didn’t have a crush on anyone back then. I was seventeen the first time I felt more than surface attraction for someone.” I shrugged and dropped my eyes to his stomach. “Like I said, I’m not normal.”
“There’s nothing wrong with you. It makes sense if you think about it.”
“What do you mean?”
“You were two, almost three years younger than your classmates, and it sounds like most of them were assholes to you. You were never around kids your age, and I’m guessing you were never allowed to act your age either. It’s not surprising you weren’t interested in dating or any of that crap when you had other things to focus on.”
Could he be right? Everything he’d said was true, but I’d been so convinced that something was wrong with me I’d never taken any of those factors into account.
“We need to talk about what’s going on between us.”
“Do we have to?” I ducked my head.
“Yes.”
“I don’t want to.”
“I know. But if fooling around is confusing you, then we should stop.”
“What if it’s not confusing me? What if I like it?”
“Look at me while we talk about this, please.”
I lifted my eyes and met his gaze.
“What do you want?”
“What do you want?” I asked. “I’m not the only person in this equation.”
“I want whatever you do.”
“That’s a cop-out.”
He grinned. “Maybe.”
“What are the options? I can’t make a decision until I have all the facts.”
“We can be friends, or we can be friends who fool around.”
“Like fuck buddies?”
“I don’t like that term. Friends with benefits is better if we have to label it.”
“Labels help me understand things. I know what’s expected of me when the parameters are clearly defined.”
“I don’t expect anything from you. I don’t want you to try and play a part and fill a role. Just be you.”
“Being me is usually the best way to get someone to run in the opposite direction,” I said dryly.
“Yeah, well, those people weren’t worth your time.” He booped me on the nose.
I glared at him. “You realize I’m twenty and not twelve, right?”
“Yes. I’m well aware you’re an adult now.”
Guilt and confusion coursed through me in equal measure. This was the guy who’d ruined my brother’s life. I’d spent years hating him, but it wasn’t his fault. Even thinking that felt like a betrayal. Gray wasn’t just my older brother. He was my best friend and my protector.
We hadn’t had it easy growing up. Money had been tight, and our mother had worked multiple jobs just to keep a roof over our heads and food on the table. She’d done the best she could, and she was a good mother, but Gray was the one who’d raised me.
Now I was making friends with his rival, the guy he’d hated since they met a decade ago. The guy he’d sworn up and down that he would never forgive.
Knowing West and I were becoming friends again would destroy him. And he could never find out we were fooling around. Gray was as overprotective as a big brother could get. He’d always struggled with rejection and feeling like he was being replaced. No one could ever replace him, but he’d see our friendship as me choosing West over him.
Why did it have to be so complicated? Why was West the only person I’d ever felt safe with? The only person who sparked any sort of desire or need in me?
Was this leftover from the flood? Had I imprinted on him or something while I’d been freaking out? We’d only been back in each other’s lives for a few days. Or a few weeks if I counted that blowout when he’d told me he won the auction. A few conversations and some kissing didn’t mean anything.
Was I really willing to risk my relationship with my brother just to get some action?
“You’re thinking pretty hard over there.”
I looked up and found West watching me, his expression carefully neutral.
Damn, he was handsome, and another of those flutters danced in my chest. I guessed that answered that question. Apparently, I was willing to risk my relationship with my brother to get some action.
“It’s kind of what I do.”
He chuckled. “And? What conclusions have you come to?”
“That this… whatever it is. Gray can never find out about any of it.”
His smile dropped. “I understand.”
“I don’t really know how to do the friends-with-benefits thing. Hell, I barely know how to do the friends thing. But I want to try.”
“Are you sure?”
I rolled my eyes. “You need to stop that.”
“Stop what?”
“Acting like I’m made of glass. I’m inexperienced, but I know my own mind. If I say I want you to be my first, then I want you to be my first.”
His pupils dilated, and his breathing hitched. “You do?”
I nodded. “I mean, you did spend three grand. You should get your prize.”
Something I couldn’t interpret flashed in his eyes. He didn’t seem angry, but he didn’t laugh like I’d thought he would.
“Fine.” His expression melted into a teasing one, and I let out a little puff of relief. “But same terms as before. I get to decide if, and when, I fuck you.”
“I can live with that.” I licked my lips.
“And it’s not happening until I’m sure you want me.”
“I do want you,” I protested. “I just said I did.”
“I think I need to be convinced. The data set is too small right now.”
I narrowed my eyes. A now familiar adrenaline drop exploded in my chest. The challenge in his expression was clear.
“Oh yeah?”
“Yeah.” He smile-smirked, and my stomach swooped.
Why was that look so hot? I hated arrogance, but West’s bossy face lit a fire in me I’d never experienced.
“I thought about you while I was on cam,” I said casually.
The smirk dropped off his face and was replaced by a look of dark hunger. “Yeah?”
I nodded and ran one finger down his sternum. “Last night too. One of my viewers asked about the beard burn you left on me yesterday.”
“What did you tell them?”
“That I’d rubbed my face on a towel too hard after my shower.”
“Why did you say that?”
“Because what we do, how you make me feel, isn’t for them. It’s mine. It’s for me to think about when I’m alone. To remember when I’m jerking off.”
“Did you do that on cam? Think about me while you got off?” He gripped my hips hard enough that his fingers dug into my skin.
“Uh-huh.” I slipped my fingers under the hem of his shirt and rubbed his happy trail right above where it disappeared into the waistband of his sweats. “You were all I could think about.”
“Did it feel good when you came?”
“Not as good as when I was with you.”
He groaned and tightened his grip on my hips. The sparks of pain were incredible, like tangible proof that my words were affecting him.
“I thought about how you’d look when you come.”
His breathing hitched. “You want to see me come?”
“So bad.” Feeling bold, I loosely gripped his waistband and gave it a little tug. “I bet you have a really nice dick.”
He closed his eyes and let his head fall back against the chair.
Waves of confidence and a sensation of power rolled over me in equal measure. The fact that he was obviously enjoying my teasing was so heady. I wanted more of those hot looks and soft groans.
I’d thought fighting with him was fun, but it had nothing on this. Seeing big bad West losing control, knowing I was the reason for it, was everything.
“I bet it would feel really good in my hand. So big and hard.” I licked my bottom lip and met his heated gaze.
“Tell me what you want.”
“I want you to pull your cock out and stroke it for me.”
A low growl grumbled deep in his chest. He shoved his hand into his sweats and pulled his cock free.
I stared at it, transfixed. He was long and thick with a flared head.
“Show me your balls.”
He made a sound that was a cross between a groan and a huff of laughter and used his other hand to tug his sweatpants lower.
They were big and full, already tight and high, hugging the base of his cock.
“Did you come while I was on cam?”
“No.”
“Do you want to come now?”
“Is that a trick question?” He groan-laughed again.
“Jerk for me. Let me see it.”
“Fuck.” He drew in a shaky breath and stroked his fist up and down his shaft.
“So hot.” My mouth watered. “I bet you taste good.”
He made a strangled sound and let go of his dick.
“Did I tell you to stop?” I arched an eyebrow.
“No. But I’m not a master edger like you.”
Heat flashed through my body and gathered low in my belly. “You’re close?”
“Really close.” He tucked himself away.
“Don’t do that.” I pouted and scooted closer to him. “I wanna see you come.”
“And why should I do that?” He smirked, but the deep flush on his cheeks and his fevered gaze told me he wasn’t as unaffected as he was pretending to be.
“Because I want it. But more importantly, because you want it.”
“Do I?” he asked, his tone deceptively mild.
“Yes.” I pressed my torso against his and wrapped my arms around his big shoulders. “You do.”
“So what are you going to do about it?”
“Maybe this.” I rolled my hips. My cock dragged over his. A spark of fire exploded in my stomach and stole my breath.
“Fuck, sweetheart.”
I froze at the endearment, but West didn’t seem to notice as he rubbed his hands over my back.
Wanting more of his touches and those pleasure explosions, I rocked my hips again, then again.
Need pulsed through me with each thrust, and soon my hips were moving of their own volition as I frotted against him.
“Does this feel good?” I asked hoarsely, hovering my mouth over his.
“Fuck, yes.” He grunted and gripped my ass, holding me tight as he helped me move faster, lifting and shifting me like I weighed nothing.
“Are you close?” I asked, injecting as much innocence into my voice as possible.
“So close.”
“Come for me, West.”
He slammed our mouths together, taking mine in a hard, deep kiss as he rutted against me.
The friction was on this side of painful. Nearly too much, but at the same time, not quite enough. Everything about him overwhelmed me. His taste, his heat, his smell. The way his mouth owned mine as he manhandled me.
I melted against him, letting him use me and loving every second of knowing I was making him feel good. That he wanted me as much as I wanted him.
He jerked under me, and his desperation and strength were so hot. I moaned. How would his cock feel in my mouth? So big and hard. What if he shoved it down my throat? Would he like it if I choked on it? Would I?
I pictured West standing over me, feeding me his cock as he held my hair and used my mouth to get off. Pleasure exploded deep in my body.
Was I kinky?
West yanked me down against his cock and shuddered, clinging to me like he never wanted to let go. Wetness seeped into my sweatpants.
He’d come. He’d come because of me.
My orgasm hit me out of nowhere, and I gasped into his kiss as the pressure inside me burst like a damn, and I came in my sweats.
West gentled our kisses, slowing them down. Strong hands cupped my jaw, and soft thumbs brushed over my cheeks.
I melted against him and sank into the bliss. He slid one hand to the back of my neck and held it in a way that felt proprietary and so perfect my entire being sang with happiness.
After what felt like a lifetime but was probably only about a minute, West pressed one last kiss against my lips and pulled away.
“Told you you wanted it.” I tucked my head under his chin and snuggled into his warm chest, breathing hard from both my orgasm and the realization that maybe I wasn’t as vanilla as I’d always assumed.
He laughed and rubbed my back.
Closing my eyes, I pulled in a deep breath of his spicy scent.
“Was that okay?”
“More than okay,” I mumbled.
He sighed softly. “This feels nice.”
“It does.”
I wasn’t ready to examine how nice or the myriad of emotions and thoughts bouncing around in my brain, but being in West’s arms felt right.
He brushed another soft kiss against my temple. “Are you ready to go to bed, or do you want to stay up for a bit longer?”
“Another early day?”
“Yeah. I’m meeting Phil and the crew at seven again.”
“Gross.”
He chuckled. “My thoughts exactly.”
“Do you want me to go with you tomorrow? I can help with the cleanup.”
“You’re on break.” He smoothed his hand through my hair. “Relax and do whatever you need to do here.”
“Are you sure? I don’t mind helping.”
“I appreciate it, but it’s not your responsibility.”
“I feel bad loafing around while you’re working.”
“Loaf away guilt-free. This is your vacation. You do know how to take a vacation, right?” He smirked playfully.
“Yes.” I rolled my eyes dramatically. “I know how to take a vacation.”
“Good. Then that’s your job this week.”
“You’re doling out jobs now?”
“I am.” He grinned.
“And who made you the taskmaster?”
“No one.”
“So why should I listen to you?”
“Because good boys get rewarded.”
My chest squeezed tight at the heated look in his eyes.
“And what happens to bad boys?” I asked hoarsely.
“They get punished.”
“What if I want to be punished?”
His eyes darkened and filled with heat. “Trust me when I say my punishments won’t be something you want. If they were, they wouldn’t be punishments.”
“That sounds like a challenge.”
“Nope. A promise.”
“And what about your rewards? Will I like them?”
“Yes. And that’s another promise.”
“I’ll hold you to that.”
He grinned. “Good.”
I scrambled off him.
He shot me a questioning look.
“I’m fine. Just removing myself from temptation before I jump you again.” I winced and pushed my semi down. “As much as I’d love a repeat, my dick is still mad from all that edging.”
“Are you okay?”
“Fine. A little raw, but it’s no big deal. And I need to wash up.”
He climbed off the chair with more grace than I had and adjusted himself. “Same. Dried cum isn’t exactly comfortable.”
“It isn’t.”
“You can sleep in my room again.”
“Are you sure?”
“I’m sure.”
“Thanks. Your bed is amazing. Like sleeping on a giant cloud.”
“Let’s get cleaned up and get to bed. I have a feeling tomorrow is going to be another long day.”
I nodded and tried to ignore the little pings of happiness bouncing inside me.
It’s been three days. He’ll get sick of you soon enough.
He snapped off the lamp, then held out his hand, a small smile on his lips.
I took it and fell into step beside him, my heart heavy and my mind spinning.
I didn’t think this was some sort of master plan to get in my pants or anything, but what if this was all part of his savior complex and he got tired of me once we had sex?
Maybe it was for the best. We were from different worlds, and the situation with him and Gray was a no-win for anyone. At least this way I’d get experience with someone I trusted and felt comfortable with.
Resolved, I squared my shoulders and followed him up the stairs. I’d enjoy this for however long it lasted. Then I’d go back to my life as a nonvirgin and focus on school and my future.
