“That was amazing. Thank you.” West rubbed his stomach and leaned back in his chair.
“Glad you enjoyed it.” I gathered up his bowl and cutlery and put them in the dishwasher. “You work too much.”
He chuckled. “Hello, pot, I’m kettle.”
“I’m serious. When was the last time you got a day off? Like a full day off where you didn’t have to do any work stuff?”
“It’s been a while.” He sighed and stretched his arms over his head.
The bottom of his shirt rode up, exposing a strip of his stomach. I traced my eyes over the hard ridges of his muscles and the dark hair of his happy trail.
“See something you like?”
I lifted my gaze to his face. That sexy-as-hell smile-smirk tilted one side of his mouth.
“I see a whole lot I like.”
His smirk melted into a soft smile. “Me too.”
The entire day, I’d been out of sorts, and it was all his fault.
Last night we’d watched two episodes of Wednesday together before West had called it a night. The show was entertaining, but I’d focused on West the whole time and how good it felt to cuddle him.
We’d started sitting side by side on the couch like two preteens on their first movie date. It had taken me almost five minutes to screw up the courage to lean against him and another ten to lean my head on his chest.
He’d put his arm around my shoulders, and I’d slowly inched closer until I’d ended the episode wrapped around him like a baby koala.
For the second episode, West had urged me to lie down. He’d fit his bigger body behind me on the couch, one leg thrown over mine and his arms tight around my middle.
Every moment of the closeness had fed an empty part of myself I’d ignored for years. I was touch starved but hadn’t realized it because I’d always assumed I didn’t need physical touch the same as other people.
I did. And now that I’d had a taste of it, my entire being craved more.
I craved everything.
“Tonight.”
West blinked. “Tonight?”
“I… want it to be tonight. I’m ready.”
His eyes darkened, and his breath caught. “Ready for what?”
“To be with you.”
“You want to have sex?”
I nodded.
Talking about sex was easy for me unless I was talking about my own desires or needs. I trusted West, but it was still hard for me to say some things out loud.
“How do you want it?”
“In your bed?”
He smirked. “A good choice. But I meant do you want to top or bottom?”
I widened my eyes. “You’d bottom for me?”
He’d said as much while we’d been fooling around, but I hadn’t thought he’d meant it.
“Yeah. I don’t do it often, but I like it.”
Visions of him spread out under me while I’d fucked his crease flashed before my eyes. My pulse raced as I imagined sliding inside his perfect body.
The vision flipped, and I was the one on the bed with him over me. His hands on my hips holding me down, his cockhead sliding over my hole the way his tongue and finger had. His soft voice in my ear as he made me his.
“You. I want you to top.”
I’d assumed he’d want that too and had prepped before he’d come home from work.
“Are you sure?”
I rolled my eyes. “Remember we talked about how I know my own mind? I’m not saying I don’t want to fuck you because I think I do. But not tonight. Not for our first time.”
“I don’t want you to bottom because you think you have to.”
“I’m not. I want it. Want you.” I put my hands on my hips. “Do I need to prove it to you?”
“Maybe you do.” He grinned.
I narrowed my eyes at him. A flare of adrenaline and desire exploded in my stomach and chest.
“Or maybe you need to prove it to me.” I dragged my tongue over my lip.
The smile dropped off his face, and his eyes darkened as he tracked the movement.
“Maybe you need to prove how much you want me.”
“I want you.” His voice was deep and husky.
“Actions speak louder than words.” An idea popped into my head. “If you can catch me, then you can have me.”
“Catch you?”
Taking advantage of his confusion, I darted around him and raced out of the kitchen.
“Oh, it’s on!” West’s shout and his pounding footsteps rang out behind me as he gave chase.
I sprinted through the living room and to the stairs, adrenaline pouring into my nervous system. Every iota of my being zeroed in until all I could think about was getting to the bedroom first. The usual din of my thoughts faded into the background, and my world narrowed down to what was happening in that moment.
The hard floor under my feet, the smooth wood of the banister as I used it to propel myself up the stairs. The exhilaration of being chased and the anticipation of what would happen when he did catch me flowed through me in a euphoric rush of emotions.
The door to West’s room was closed, and he caught me as I threw it open.
Strong arms wrapped around my waist, lifted me right off the floor, and carried me into the room. I squealed in both delight and defeat. I didn’t fight or try to get away because I’d wanted him to catch me. Wanted him to take what was his.
He tossed me onto the bed from a good three feet away. Tingles exploded deep in my body at the sensation of being airborne. I bounced on the mattress and let out a strangled cry.
West stood beside the bed, his chest heaving and his body tight and hard, like a predator about to strike, staring down at me with dark, lust-glazed eyes.
“Get naked.”
Grinning, I sat up and tore my clothes off. He did the same, his eyes never leaving my body.
I loved how he looked at me. The desire and need made my pulse quicken, but the dark possession set my blood on fire. He wanted me as much as I wanted him.
When he was naked, West descended, covering me with his bigger body and claiming my mouth in a bruising kiss. I wrapped my arms and legs around him, not caring how desperate or needy I was being.
He moaned and ran his hand down my side greedily. I sucked on his tongue and ground our dicks together.
“We need to slow down,” he panted.
“Don’t want slow.” I tried to tug him down for another kiss, but he resisted.
“Sweetheart, we need to go slow.”
“No.” I pushed up on one elbow and kissed him as hard as he’d kissed me. “Don’t. Want. Slow,” I said, kissing him between each word.
He pulled away and opened his mouth to say something, but I wasn’t having it.
“We’ve done slow. I know you’re worried about hurting me or going too fast, but I want this. I want you. I don’t want you to hold back and try to be what you think I want or need.”
“I don’t do that with you.”
“Yes, you do.” I stroked one hand down his cheek. “I love how caring and gentle you’ve been. How you’ve let me set the pace and initiate things. But you’re still holding back because you think you’ll be too much for me.”
“I am too much for you.”
“You’re not. I want the West who came apart on my fingers. The one who let me choke on his dick and topped from the bottom.”
“You noticed, huh?” He smirked and relaxed over me.
“I noticed, and I loved it. Toppy West is hot. I want that guy to be my first.”
He chewed on his lip, his eyes uncertain.
“I trust you,” I whispered. “You’re the only person I could do this with. Let me see you like you see me.”
He growled low in his throat and kissed me hard. Our teeth clicked, and his stubble burned as it dragged over my skin. He swiped and twirled his tongue against mine, driving every thought out of my head. He owned my mouth, my body, and my soul.
“Fuck.” He peppered my jaw and throat with hot, openmouthed kisses, then sucked hard on my neck.
I gasped. The sting of pain and gathering heat under his lips told me he was leaving a mark.
Yes! I arched into his mouth. I wanted the marks, to see the evidence of his desire, of him losing control.
“Tell me what you want. Use your words.”
The growly tone of his voice was so different from the usual soft and sweet one he used during sex. Shivers and tremors racked my body as he overwhelmed my senses.
“Want you to fuck me,” I managed to say between moans. “Want you in me.”
“Fuck.” He snarled against my neck. “Fuck. Eli.”
The sound of my name on his lips only added to the plethora of sensations taking over my consciousness.
He dragged his lips down my throat and over my collarbone, nipping and biting at my skin as he worked his way lower.
I melted against the bed and ran my fingers through his hair, needing a connection to help ground myself.
He swallowed my dick with no pretense or preamble, taking me as deep as possible as his throat spasmed and worked around my cockhead.
“Holy shit.” I gripped his hair tight. My legs shook, and my stomach muscles ached from holding still. “West.”
He sucked his way up my length, swirling and rubbing his tongue over my shaft. I shuddered and spread my legs wide, needing more.
He shoved my legs up so my knees were in my armpits. I held them tight and angled my hips, opening to him as he continued to suck my dick like it owed him money.
“Fuck, West. Need you,” I babbled and rocked my hips, desperate to feel more of him.
He popped off my cock, slid his hands under my ass, and lifted me off the bed.
“Holy shit!”
I let go of my legs and lay back on the bed as gravity held me open for him. His strength, the half-crazed way he was eating me out, the little snarls and growls he let out. All of it blended together until my entire body felt like one giant exposed nerve.
“Fuck me!” I gasped and shuddered as he stabbed his tongue deep inside me. “Now. Need you now.”
He pulled his face from my ass, wiped his chin with the back of one hand, and lowered me to the bed with the other. A look I couldn’t decipher flashed over his features, but it was gone before I could ask what was wrong.
He bent over me and wrapped one arm around my body. “Hold on to me.”
I did, and he sat back on his heels, then lay on his back, pulling me so I was on top of him.
“Get the lube and a condom.” He kissed my neck. “In the drawer.”
Shivering, I leaned over and tugged the drawer to the bedside table open. My hand closed around a bottle and a strip of condoms.
Leaving the condoms, I pulled out the lube and sat back on his hips, his hard dick digging into my ass.
“Condom, sweetheart.” He rubbed my thighs.
“Do you need to wear one?” I flicked the lube bottle open. “I’m negative.”
“This isn’t something you decide in the moment.” He tried to grab the lube.
I moved it out of his reach. “Why not?”
“Because it’s a big deal.”
“I know.”
He reached for the lube again.
I held it against my chest and shook my head. “Nope. I want to prep myself while you watch.”
“Fuck.” He shuddered, his abs tensing and his dick pulsing against my ass.
“And you didn’t answer me. Are you negative?”
“Yes, but—”
“Do you want to wear a condom?”
“No.”
“There.” I smiled serenely and poured some lube onto my fingers. “Was that so hard?”
“It’s definitely hard.” He chuckled, the sound strained.
“It is.” I got up on my knees. “Ready to watch me prep myself for you?”
He groaned and nodded.
I loved being able to affect him like this. Toppy, dominant West was hot as hell, but reducing him to a groaning, half-delirious mess was not only erotic but also made me feel powerful.
We were equals in this, and we trusted each other enough to let go and just feel.
Not wanting him to see the jumble of sappy and mushy emotions that had to be written all over my face, I turned so I was straddling his stomach and facing his feet.
“Fuck, Eli.” Big, hot hands gripped my ass cheeks and kneaded them. “Your ass is amazing. So big and bouncy and full.”
“I’ll bet it’s tight too.” Reaching behind me, I pressed my lube-slicked fingers against my hole. “All hot and ready for you.”
His grip tightened to the point of pain. I sank into it, loving both the show of strength and the evidence of him losing control.
Bearing down, I pushed one finger inside myself.
“Do you like that?” he asked in a husky voice.
“Yeah.”
“Tell me how it feels,” he rasped.
“It’s so good.” I moaned and finger fucked myself, welcoming the burn and stretch as I moved deeper and harder. “But not enough. I want more.”
“Do it. Fuck yourself with two.”
I slipped a second finger in and clenched around them, loosening myself up. As much as this was to tease him, it was driving me nuts too.
“That’s it. Finger yourself the way you want me to fuck you. Show me how you want it.”
Moans and sighs fell from my lips, my breaths coming out in staccato bursts as I did what he said. I fucked myself as hard and fast as I could, bouncing on my fingers. My leaking cock alternately slapped my abs and his groin.
“Fuck.” I pulled my fingers out of my body and looked over my shoulder.
West was staring at me with wide eyes. His cheeks were flushed, his chest slick with a thin layer of sweat. A single lock of hair fell over his forehead. He was the sexiest thing I’d ever seen.
“How do you want me?” I asked.
“Turn around.”
West helped me spin so I was facing him. One hand pressed against my stomach, and the other gripped my hip. He held me still, his eyes searching mine like he was trying to find answers to whatever questions were in his head.
“Come here.” He sat up and pulled me close for a kiss.
I’d expected it to be hot and hard, but it was achingly sweet and soft.
“Hold me tight,” he whispered.
I did, moving with him as he shifted and shimmied so I was on my back and he lay over me, still kissing me like we had all the time in the world.
When he finally pulled away, my heart was pounding, and my head spun from the overwhelming perfection of the moment.
“I know you said you didn’t want slow. But this part needs to be.” He grabbed a pillow from the head of the bed. “Lift your hips.”
“I don’t need slow.”
He slid the pillow under me and looked into my eyes. “Maybe not. But I do.”
I lay there, confused and off-balance, as he picked up the forgotten lube.
“You do?” I whispered. He lazily stroked his dick and roved his eyes over my body.
“Yes.” He scooted closer. “This isn’t just your first time. It’s our first time. I need to do it right. To feel you, see you.” He pulled my legs over his spread thighs. “Can I do that? Can I take you slow?” He ran his hand over my stomach and sifted his fingers through my happy trail.
“Yes,” I croaked.
He leaned over me, using one hand to hold himself up and gripping his cock with the other.
“Look at me while I push inside you. Don’t think about anything other than how it feels. Just be in the moment with me.”
“I will. I trust you.” I swallowed the lump in my throat. “I’m really glad it’s you.”
He pressed a soft kiss to my lips. “I’m happy it’s me too. Ready?”
I nodded, not trusting my voice.
“Hook your ankles together and wrap your legs around my waist. There you go. Now remember what I said. Focus on me and the moment.”
“I will.”
“Breathe in and clench as hard as you can. Good. Now hold it, keep holding it. Breathe out and let go.”
Something broad and smooth pressed against my entrance.
“Do it again.”
This time, when he prompted me to let go, he pushed the head of his cock inside me.
Pain sliced through me, and I winced.
“It’s okay,” he said softly. “Do it again, but not tight. Just enough so I can feel it.”
The strangled groan he let out when I did as he said helped soothe the last of my nerves as he pushed in on my exhale.
“Holy shit,” I whispered. A strange tingle moved through me. It wasn’t so much pleasure but awareness.
West was inside me.
I’d lost my virginity to the person I was falling in love with.
The truth hit me hard and fast. Like a thunderclap.
I was falling for West. I gulped in a gasping breath.
“Shhhhhh,” he soothed. “It’s okay, sweetheart. I’ve got you. Take your time and process.”
I closed my eyes, terrified he’d see how much this moment meant to me. How much he meant to me.
“Open your eyes. You don’t need to hide. Not from me.”
I did, unable to disobey. A fuzzy haze coated the world as my vision shimmered.
Fuck. I was crying. Why was I crying?
“Does it hurt? Do you need to stop?”
I shook my head.
“Can you take more?”
“Yes.”
He pushed in with another low, sexy groan. “That’s half of me.”
The burn was fading, but the sting of being stretched intensified, and a feeling of fullness took over.
I’d used toys before, but this was different. This was everything.
“More,” I whispered, blinking rapidly to clear my eyes.
“Keep looking at me.” He rolled his hips, slowly pushing into me until his thighs brushed my ass. “There, sweetheart. That’s all of me.”
I clenched and shifted my hips, my body craving more.
“That’s it. Make yourself feel good.” He rocked with me, our movements slow and sensual and perfectly in sync.
This wasn’t fucking. This was making love.
A tear spilled from the corner of my eye as the gravity of the moment hit. Somehow West had known this was what we both needed.
He used the pad of his thumb to wipe away my tear.
“I’m sorry.” I squeezed my eyes closed.
Fuck. I was ruining everything. He was probably disgusted with me. He’d said hate sex did nothing for him. Crying sex was probably worse.
“Look at me.”
His demanding tone snapped me out of the spiral of self-loathing I’d been about to fall into, and I obeyed.
“Don’t do that.” He reached between us and gripped my cock. “Don’t be sorry or give in to whatever your big brain is saying. This is perfect. You’re perfect.”
He stroked my dick in time with the rolls of his hips. The dual sensations of being filled and jerked off hit like lightning, exploding deep inside me. I cried out and arched into him, clenching around his length as pleasure zinged through me.
“That’s it.” He grinned, his smile possessive and proud. “Let go, and let me love you.”
Love.
The word echoed in my ears as he sped up, thrusting inside me long and deep as he worked me over with his skilled hand.
West didn’t love me, but he cared. What we had might not be love, but it was something, and I clung to that.
We moved together, each moment more perfect and wonderful than the last. The softness in his eyes faded and was replaced with dark desire.
“Kiss me,” I begged, lifting my hips to force him deeper.
The pain and fullness were gone, and the white-hot zings of pleasure from his thrusts lit me up from the inside.
His mouth crashed down on mine, his kiss hard and messy and desperate. He grunted into my mouth as he jerked me, fucking me hard enough that the echoing of slapping skin reverberated in the room, the bed creaked, and the headboard hit the wall.
Every slide of his cock and glide of his hand pushed me higher until my orgasm hovered just out of reach. His cock dragged over my prostate, but it wasn’t enough.
I clenched around him and shifted my hips, desperate to feel more. To find whatever I needed to come.
He planted his knees on the bed, driving down into me, nailing my prostate, and stroking my aching, leaking cock.
I sobbed in both frustration and pleasure as the need inside me kept building, refusing to crest.
“Let go, sweetheart,” he whispered against my lips. “Come for me.”
My body released in a dizzying flurry of pulses, and I shot over his fist. Pleasure washed over me in a blissful, perfect moment as I came hard around him.
West slammed into me with a feral growl, grinding his cock as deep inside me as it could possibly go. He pulsed and kicked inside me, then filled me with his warm load.
The knowledge he’d left a piece of himself inside me and I’d get to carry it around long after we cleaned up triggered another less powerful orgasm.
My cock pulsed and throbbed as it tried to shoot. The sounds I was making were barely human, but I didn’t care. I focused on West. On his big body crushing mine, his sweaty skin under my hands. The loud pants and satisfied sounds he made as he slowed our kisses. One hand was fisted in my hair, holding me in place as he took what he wanted.
I loved it.
Eventually, he tore his mouth from mine. I blinked my eyes open, and his smile, so soft and full of affection, made my heart clench.
I opened my mouth to say something, anything, to break the moment, but he didn’t let me. He kissed my parted lips and rolled us so he was on his back and I lay over him.
Not quite with it, I rested my head against his pecs. His heartbeat, steady and a bit fast, filled my ear. Strong hands rubbed my back. And we lay there in silence.
“Thank you,” I said.
“For what?”
“For being you. For winning the stupid auction.”
He stilled his hands.
“You said you were afraid I’d make a mistake I’d regret for the rest of my life. You were right.”
Silently he smoothed my hair back from my face and gently stroked my cheek.
“For so many years, I was convinced there was something wrong with me. That I was broken and I couldn’t feel what other people did. If I’d gone through with it and had sex with a stranger, I would never have known this was possible.”
West tipped my face up, and I let him. I’d never felt more vulnerable or raw in my entire life, but I was done hiding from him. He’d helped me discover this side of myself. He deserved to see it.
“I had no idea sex could be like this, that I could feel any of this. I knew it could feel good, but I hadn’t understood it went beyond the physical.”
West tucked a lock of my hair behind my ear but thankfully stayed quiet. I needed to get this out while it was fresh, while I was still processing.
“I’d thought of it like a physiological need. Stimulation creates pleasure. Pleasure leads to orgasm. Orgasms feel good. The end. But it can be so much more than that. Sleeping with a stranger would have been empty and cold. It would have broken me, and the sad part is I don’t think I would have understood why.”
I pressed a soft kiss to his lips. “But you did. You knew that would happen.”
He smoothed his hands over my shoulders. “I didn’t want you to have the same regrets I do.”
“You regret your first time?”
He nodded. “Both of them.”
I put my chin on his chest and let him decide if he wanted to tell me more.
“Boarding school skewed my views on sex and myself for a long time.” He rubbed my back, a faraway look in his eyes. “I got a lot of action because I was willing, but it was all empty. I was just a mouth or a hand, the same as they were to me. Sex was a release, a way to feel good for a few seconds, to pretend I wasn’t alone.
“Then I got to college, and I had the kind of freedom I’d only dreamed of. I didn’t handle the transition well. I ended up fucking the first guy I messed around with. He wasn’t really my type, but he was willing. I figured I’d do it and get it over with. After, I felt empty and hollow. I’d had sex with a guy for the first time, but I didn’t know his last name, and we hadn’t even kissed.
“A week later, I met a girl, and she came on to me hard. She was cute and flirty, and we started fooling around. I should have told her I’d never been with a girl before, but I was ashamed. So I tried to fake it. The whole experience was awkward and uncomfortable, and neither of us enjoyed it. Again, I felt empty and hollow. I thought there was something wrong with me.”
He gripped my back and shook his head like he was breaking free from the memories. “It took a long time to figure out that empty sex does nothing for me. I’m not built for hooking up. I need a connection to enjoy it.”
He smiled, but his eyes were still sad. “And my gut told me you might be the same and you needed more than a faceless stranger fuck in a damn hotel room. That you deserved more.”
“I feel so stupid,” I whispered.
“You’re not. And I’m sorry I said the idea was stupid. I’m guessing you didn’t talk to anyone about it? Just got the idea and ran with it?”
I nodded.
“Your thought process makes sense. And given what you believed and what was going on in your life, I get why it was so appealing.”
I smiled, but it felt forced. The idea had been stupid, and it was only sheer dumb luck West had been able to stop it.
“How about we see if we can cram two people into the stand-up shower and clean up?” he suggested. “Then we should call it a night. I have another early-as-fuck day tomorrow.”
“Yeah. Okay.”
I shifted off him, and we both sat up. Moving around made my ass twinge, and I winced.
“Are you okay?”
“Fine.”
“Are you sure I didn’t hurt you?”
“You were perfect. And a little pain isn’t the end of the world. I kinda like it. Reminds me of how good you felt.”
He groaned and climbed off the bed. “You’re killing me.”
I grinned. “Good.”
“Brat.” He tugged me close and planted a kiss on my lips.
“Can you sleep in here tonight?” I asked when he pulled away.
“Yeah. I’m not done with my Eli cuddles.”
Flushing hot, I slid my hand into West’s and dragged him into the bathroom.
We had two more days before this would be over and we’d have to go back to our regular lives. I could be sad about that later. Right now, I wanted to enjoy every second we had left.
