This is session 138 with EJ, a 29-year-old man suffering from narcissistic personality disorder.
“It’s nice to be back on your sofa, Doc.”
“Uh-huh.”
“I appreciate you taking me back.”
“Well, it’s not like I had a choice, did I?”
“Don’t be like that, Doc. Look, you should be flattered. You were really helping me. That’s all I wanted. You’re so good at what you do.”
“Yes, well… what did you want to discuss today?”
“I don’t know. Lately, I’ve been feeling bored with everything. Like, there isn’t anything exciting going on in my life.”
“Maybe that’s a sign you should look for work.”
“I guess. But it seems like it’s pointless. Eventually, my parents will die and leave me all their money. So why bother looking for work when I’m going to be rich either way?”
“Don’t you want to earn your own money and contribute to society?”
“Not really.”
“You told me you thought about becoming a sommelier, didn’t you? You love wine.”
“Yeah, I thought about it. But I started looking into the training and it’s a lot of work, you know? It takes years to get a degree.”
“Something else then. Don’t you want your own money? Do you want to rely on your parents for everything until they’re gone?”
“Well, they’re pretty old.”
“…”
“And my mother is a terrible driver. One of these days, she’ll probably be driving with my father in the car, and she’ll just drive right into a Mack truck and they’ll both be killed.”
“You think your mother would drive into a truck? She’s that poor of a driver?”
“Well, maybe she wouldn’t. Maybe the brakes would fail.”
“I see…”
“What’s wrong, Doc? You look pale.”
“You’re telling me you would tamper with your parents’ brakes…”
“No! Hey, come on. I wouldn’t do that, Doc. I love my parents, even if they’re a pain in the ass. I’m just saying. It could happen. Brakes fail.”
“I… I’m not sure what to say.”
“Anyway, I got a plan to make some money this weekend.”
“And what’s that?”
“I’m driving down to the Foxwoods casino and spending the weekend there.”
“I’m not sure if that would be considered a reliable plan to make money.”
“Aw, I always clean up at the poker tables. I’m really good at it. Trust me. I’ll pull in a few G’s on Saturday afternoon, then Saturday night I’ll have some fun.”
“Fun?”
“You know. I’ll find a girl.”
“I see.”
“Unless you want to come with me, Doc? I’d love to have you. You’re a beautiful woman.”
“I don’t think so.”
“Maybe another time.”
“I don’t think so.”
“Hey, you want to hear my fantasy?”
“I’ve heard your fantasies. I don’t think this is productive. We’re supposed to be talking about getting your life on track.”
“Yeah, but this is my therapy session. I earned it. And this is what I want to talk about.”
“You said the reason you want these sessions is that you want me to help you.”
“Right, but I’ve been coming to you for a long time, and we all agree you haven’t helped me that much. Maybe it’s better to do things my way. Talk about what I want to talk about for a change.”
“Look—”
“And this is what I want to talk about. You get me, Doc?”
“…”
“Doc?”
“Fine. Go ahead. Tell me your ‘fantasy.’”
“Don’t get so worried. It’s nothing too crazy. I just have this fantasy that I’m sitting at the craps table at Foxwoods, and this insanely hot woman sits down next to me.”
“Okay…”
“She doesn’t say one word, doesn’t even tell me her name. She just slides a drink in my direction, and that’s how I know she wants me. And then she comes up to my room and we go at it all night long, like animals. And when it’s over, she leaves and I never see her ever again.”
“That’s beautiful.”
“Sarcasm doesn’t suit you, Doc. I’m pouring out my heart to you. You could show a little, you know, empathy. Don’t they teach you that in shrink school?”
“I simply don’t think these sessions are productive. As I said, I would be happy to refer you to one of my excellent colleagues. I would cover the cost of the sessions.”
“No. We’re not going to do that.”
“Why not?”
“Because I want you.”
