“You’re entirely mine.” My fingers flew over my keyboard as I mumbled the words out loud. “You taste like—”
The outlet of my charger came off with a brutal blow, and my computer shut off, my document page being replaced by a black screen.
“No!” I tried hitting all the keys to turn it back on, but it was too late—the incredibly loud fan had become quiet, and the only thing I saw on my black screen was my shocked face, even though I knew this would happen. The price I had to pay for having clumsily unplugged my computer for a second was losing an hour of writing, and even worse, having to face the wrath of my own dragon: daddykink.
This was what I got for having a computer older than seven years.
“You’re mean to me, you know that? I’m so screwed!” I cursed, exiting the balcony of the bedroom in defeat. I thought it’d be a good idea to write under the stars and the melody of the sea, but it was mission impossible—I did have a fairly large extension cord though.
I entered my bedroom at Spectre’s place—or more like the vast display of beige and white—and texted my boss, my hands tightening on the screen. It was exhausting to be a ghostwriter. I needed the money, but now that I had it, nothing was holding me back from quitting that job. Nothing except the already signed contracts for stories I had to finish for daddykink because I was not the type to quit halfway, especially not with a lack of inspiration escaping like a dandelion with the wind. I had to be patient. A thing I wasn’t any good at.
I had a request for a new follower on social media.
“She didn’t!” My mother had created an Instagram account, where she had already shared twenty pictures of her safe haven for bees. She was posing with her thumb up in each of her selfies. She had only one follower, my sister, who had added a profile picture of hers on social media for the first time.
I immediately liked it, only to notice the commentary of a teenager named Ryan, who quoted a gothic poem. My brow lifted as if I was drawing my sword, ready to attack my opponent.
Me: You look gorgeous and… Who’s that Ryan?
Luna: He’s a boy I met at the psychologist… I like him. We’ve been talking every day lately.
My heart thundered across my chest. Ryan was a teenage boy, dark hair with a bad boyish vibe, judging by his profile picture, but his account was private.
Me: Why was he there? Be careful.
Luna: Here we go again with the doubtful questions. I knew it. That’s why I didn’t want to tell you about him.
Me: I’m just being cautious, Luna. He’s a stranger and you went through a lot already.
I was ready to endorse the role of the bad guy to protect her. I didn’t care if she hated me; I wouldn’t let the story repeat itself twice. I wasn’t there when she needed me the most. That wouldn’t ever happen again.
Luna: He went through more than me, and life at home isn’t even better for him. He’s the only one who can understand me.
Luna: You can’t control my life. You’re not even here!
And there it was, that slam of guilt coursing through my veins and shrinking my heart into a knot. My father had left my family, and I’d done just the same. For my dreams. For the money. For a better future for all of us. But everything I had done wasn’t enough. No matter what, I couldn’t win.
Luna: I didn’t want to be mean. It’s just… I can’t have you as my only friend. Do you remember how it feels when someone makes you smile? Well, he makes me smile.
I grimaced, picturing that grotesque smile I used to have on my face when I believed I was experiencing true love. I hadn’t truly smiled in a long time. I smiled a lot, with sarcasm, fake politeness, or the one where you’re pretending everything’s perfect. But a smile that lit up your face with happiness as if you had everything you needed right here with you, that one would probably never appear again.
Me: I’m the one who is sorry. I’m happy you’ve made a friend. You’ll tell me all about him when we meet, okay?
Luna: Yes!! I can’t believe you got me tickets for Ever After, you’re the best sister!!
If only.
The doorbell rang, and I instantly jumped to my feet to run toward the stairs.
“It’s for me!” I screamed toward the entrance, already feeling my stomach growl at the idea of the four-cheese pizza I had ordered.
I slammed the door open. “This is for—”
It definitely was my pizza.
In the hands of another man.
Spectre’s best friend, Isaac.
My eyes remained stuck on my pizza, held hostage by him, and my nostrils flared at the smell of goat cheese. Next to him was Eric, who eyed me from head to toe. Yes, I was in my unicorn pajamas, and I had pink socks with multiple crowns, and yes, in another circumstance, this would be embarrassing if I wasn’t starving to death.
“We met the pizza guy on the way. Perfect timing,” Isaac said. “It’s fitting that Ajax ordered one. I was starving.”
I gulped, feeling myself get all fired up. There was a missing slice. A fucking missing slice.
“You ate my pizza?” My tone sounded like I was going to summon the darkness to blast him to the spot.
“Just a slice.” He grinned, and oh my—
“Aurore doesn’t share food.” Spectre appeared from behind me. “It was her pizza, and she’ll most likely murder you for the crime you committed.”
His friends laughed, thinking he was probably joking, but it was true: I didn’t share food. Ever. My eyes were still magnetized to the missing slice of pizza, and their laughter subsided.
“It’s fine,” I lied to not appear like the selfish eater that I was. “I just don’t share with him, but as long as it’s no more than a slice, I won’t be offended.”
Isaac grinned. “I’m sorry. I should have known that fucker would never order us pizza—it was too good to be true. I bet he forgot we were coming tonight.”
“I’m happy you accepted the contract,” Eric switched the subject.
They stepped inside Spectre’s house as I hugged my unfortunate pizza. That annoying artist towered over me, interrupting the reunion between us. “I’ll order some more. What do you want?”
“Salmon for me!” Isaac yelled before throwing himself on the couch in a lazy way, like he owned the place. “And for Eric, a honey one.”
Spectre closed his eyes as if he wanted to keep his nerves in check or kick them out already. “And you, Aurore?”
“Nothing from you.” My stomach didn’t thank me for my pride. “I should leave you to your soirée. I have work to get back to.”
“Nonsense, you’re staying with us!” This was from Isaac. “I promise we’ll tell you all the embarrassing and bad things about Ajax—it’ll be fun. Damn, this apartment is empty as fuck. Where is all the furniture?”
I reconsidered everything, hearing Isaac mumbling from afar. I opened my pizza to eat a slice and suppressed a moan. “Fine, I’ll stay.”
Spectre’s jaw tightened, and I took the remaining free space on the couch alongside his friends, understanding rapidly who was who in the group. Isaac was the funny, social one. Eric was the serious and considerate one. As for Spectre, he was the cold one with a heart of stone. The despicable one. One who couldn’t stop observing me on his armchair with his hands intertwined like a businessman about to win over a six-figure contract.
“Like I said before, I’ve never seen Ajax with a woman. That’s why when he said you were to be his muse, I was shocked. Even Eric didn’t understand why, quite frankly.” Isaac spoke too much, so I wasn’t surprised the moment Spectre fired his deadly stare at him, shutting him up with a single glance.
“We are the only ones close to him to know his identity because we’ve been working together for years, and he didn’t admit it to us directly,” Eric tried to catch up on Isaac’s excess of information.
“I think I know why.” I raised my chin. “The first painting made him famous and probably won him a lot of money, so naturally, he hopes to have that again.”
The room fell silent, and my nemesis’s lips curled into the slightest line. “Maybe it’s for your charming mood.”
I bit into another slice of my pizza like a savage. “I’m sure you will not fail to illustrate my bad temper in your happily ever after sketches.”
“It’s like they’re doing some weird foreplay,” Isaac whispered to Eric, but Spectre and I reeled around to face him at the same time. “Relax, guys, all tastes are in nature. I’m not judging here.”
“Why did I even invite you here tonight?” Spectre threatened in a dry tone. Good to know he had the same amiability with everyone else.
“You didn’t—we invited ourselves because you’re a fucker.” Isaac pointed his finger at him. “You’re such a loner you need us to put sparkles in your life.”
“Sparkles?” His stare dropped on me, and I was convinced he was about to make a comment about my unicorn pajamas or my rainbowish personality, but he didn’t.
“We can discuss your departure to—” Eric tried to speak, but Isaac interrupted.
“No work talk. It’s a fun time, guys.”
“Departure?” My voice cringed despite myself, my eyes stuck on the muscle working in Spectre’s jaw. “You’re moving out?”
That would explain the boxes and lack of decoration.
“Yes,” he deadpanned. “I’m in the process of moving to the US permanently after the end of our contract, so you won’t see more of me.”
That was good news, right? He would be gone, The Sad Girl with him, and I’d be somewhat rich, back to my hometown, and hopefully with a publishing deal. That was our happy ending. And why did I feel something twitching in my stomach? I loathed him. My nemesis was leaving.
You have issues with people leaving, Aurore.
“Who will expose the tears of the sad girls from our country now?” I joked. “Perhaps your old mate Bernard Dupont-Brillac?”
“He’s nothing but a fool.” Spectre’s face curled into an expression of disgust. “And he’s not looking for a muse, in case you wanted to apply.”
I rolled my eyes. “That’s such a pity.”
He gunned his eyes to mine. “Would you have preferred to work with him?”
“I hate that guy.” But at least he didn’t make my heart feel like it was about to combust in my chest.
“So that’s what jealousy looks like on Ajax’s face? Unbelievable,” Isaac commented in a failed whisper.
“Good, because you’re my muse for a month, Aurore. Don’t forget that.” There was an inch of cruel amusement in his voice.
To that, I grimaced at him as he made his knuckles crack in his way-too-perfect tailored suit, his clean fragrance overpowering the smell of my cheese pizza. It felt like Spectre and I both wanted to kill each other, our eyes fighting instead of our fists, for a reason I completely ignored. It felt like a need. Like breathing. And I wasn’t ready to let all the anger I had for him vanish because he was leaving. I wanted to hate him some more. That didn’t make fucking sense. Was I—
“Anywayyy,” Isaac cut the tension between us. “Shall we play a game?”
“I’m in.” Eric smiled. “What do you have in mind?”
“The game of ‘for how much.’ A player estimates ‘his price,’ a figure up to a maximum of fifty once the bet or question is asked. He then chooses a number within the amount, and if the opposing player guesses it, he has to do the bet.”
“Eric, when will you ever learn that we shouldn’t let Isaac decide? It always ends badly,” Spectre said.
“Oh, right, because you never play, Ajax—you’re a bore. Aurore, will you play?” Isaac’s eyes sparkled.
Usually I would say no, but the way Spectre’s fist locked, I couldn’t resist. “I’m in.”
“You don’t have to,” Spectre insisted.
“But I want to,” I quipped back.
“Isaac, for how much will you admit one of your deepest secrets?” Eric asked.
“I’m going with five. I’m not afraid.”
They both counted to three.
“Two,” they both spoke at the same time before laughing out loud.
Eric nudged him in a friendly way. “Spit it out.”
“Fine, fine.” Isaac pretended to think of something, but the grin on his face betrayed the fact he already knew what he’d admit. “I slept with a famous actor, and I was the one to never call him back.”
“That’s not really a secret—we all knew this. We saw you.” Eric’s eyes turned to Spectre, who nodded in reply.
“Okay, then, I don’t have secrets. I’m sorry I’m an open book, nothing to hide.” Isaac’s attention drifted to me. “Aurore, for how much will you step into the sea, up to at least the hips, and scream something about Ajax?”
“That is ridiculous and dangerous,” Spectre cursed between clenched teeth.
“For ten,” I said in a burst of courage.
We counted to three and—
“Seven,” I said.
“Three.” Isaac thought he could have won this one, judging by the way his eyes lit up. “Damn it, your turn. Maybe we should have played cards instead?”
“Spectre.” I locked my gaze on Spectre tightly as if I was about to fire a missile. “For how much will you say something nice to each of us?”
“Fifty.”
We counted and—
“Thirty-three,” I aimed.
“Thirty-four,” he shot at the exact same time as me before his lips turned into a ghost of a smile. “Aurore, same thing as Isaac said. For how much?”
“Is it me, or are they gonna ditch us to play together?” Isaac again failed at whispering.
“Fifty.” I gritted my teeth. A war had officially started.
We counted to three.
“Twenty-seven,” we both said.
Everyone laughed except for us. I didn’t move or react. I couldn’t believe the Greek warrior in a suit did me dirty.
“You don’t have to do this, Aurore.” He pulled himself backward on his seat, squaring an ankle over a knee as if he was untouchable. “Like I said, it’s a ridiculous game.”
Isaac raised a finger. “Oh no, no, no, rules are rules!”
“She’ll not go inside the water, Isaac. It’s nighttime, and the sandbar is unreliable at this hour,” Spectre roared at him.
“There is no tide here. I’ve done it thousands of times already! Nothing will happen to her with water up to her hips! I’ll go with her if it’s what—”
“I’ll do it.” I rose firmly from my seat, sorely about to regret my choices. “A game is a game.”
“Aurore,” the man with a heart of stone, ground out like a menacing storm.
“You can watch me, Spectre.”
With a decisive step, I passed the front door and went out in the direction of the gardens leading to the ocean. I crossed the small gate and descended the slope to arrive in front of the sea, which was simply lit by the crescent moon. What the fuck was I doing? Just to counter Spectre. This was stupid. Childish. Everyone followed after me with the light from their phone and Isaac’s laughter breaking through the darkness.
It was summer, and I had grown up in a small village not far away from the sea, but still, this wasn’t an excuse for a moonlight bath.
“Don’t forget to say something about Ajax!” Isaac called out from the sand, standing in the back with Eric, who looked skeptical.
Spectre had his arms crossed and I’d guess a murderous look.
“You can do this, Aurore. It’s okay,” I mumbled before bringing my toes to the water. At least it wasn’t frozen; the temperature was even agreeable.
I had to walk some time on the sandbank for the water to reach beyond my knees. I sank a few meters further offshore in the black water, my heart throbbing as it finally reached my hips. I tucked my stomach in, the water lapping above it. I turned around to face them, taking another step back.
“Ajax! Behind your obnoxious attitude, I know there is a beating heart,” I screamed, realizing they were far away and that I should get back ASAP. I couldn’t even clearly distinguish Spectre’s menacing shadow.
But like all the adventures of my life and my bad luck, I felt something slimy caress me under my feet, and I backed up to avoid it. I did avoid it, except that my feet no longer reached the sandbank, and I found myself under the water all of a sudden, cursing this accursed tide and this childish idea.
Submerged under it, my body adapted to the shock of the cold water, the sound of waves hitting the sand echoing in my ears as I held my breath. I felt like I was buried in a nightmare. I emerged while coughing because I had swallowed the wrong way. Another wave slapped me under, and salt water stung my nose. I couldn’t find purchase on the stupid sand; the water was too deep.
Before I could swim to the shore, the sea stirred as if someone had joined me in this apocalyptic idea. It was just a matter of time before hands grabbed me and pulled me out of the water. I collided with a strong and wet torso harder than a rock. I held the balance with my arms as those same hands skimmed across my waist to keep me steady.
I craned my neck and blinked twice, close to swallowing sea water again. “Ajax? What are you doing here?”
“You are impossible and unconscionable.”
I was. But Spectre had stepped in with all his clothes, which meant he was as crazy as me. His hands were still wrapped around my waist, even though this time, I was able to reach the sandbank with my feet.
I somehow didn’t pull away from him. “Like I said, you provoke the worst in me.”
“Why in the goddamn world do you have to be so fucking stubborn,” he cursed. Spectre cursed. “You’re infuriating.”
“Why do you have to be so austere?” I quipped back.
“The way you hate me, it’s as if you’re trying to convince yourself to not feel anything else other than hate. You want to make me your villain.”
“You’re wrong.” I took notice of my hand on his heart. A hand that I immediately withdrew. “You’re the one I can’t figure out.”
“Because you don’t search within. You only see what you want to see. You need to blame someone when, Aurore, it’s not me or my painting that hurt you that day. I’m not responsible.” He paused, his hands tightening on my waist as if he didn’t know if he wanted to pull me closer to him or further apart. “You’re driving me insane. I can’t think straight. Why is everything complicated with you, and why on earth do we end up in the water all the fucking time? Is that a habit of yours?”
“No, it’s not, and I don’t know either.” My heart slammed in my chest with the recognition that our bodies were locked. It sent a tingling sensation down my spine, a mix of fear and adrenaline coursing through my veins. I knew it wasn’t healthy, and I couldn’t explain why Spectre was the only person on earth l loathed. But I loathed him. I loathed him to the point I didn’t want to stop. “I didn’t ask you to come inside nor to make that weak rescue attempt. I’m not your princess to save, and you’re surely not a prince!”
“You provoked me, Aurore. You knew I’d come because I don’t have a fucking choice.”
“Right, you can’t lose your muse.”I lifted my chin, inching my lips to his.
“I can’t lose you,” Ajax dropped with raw vulnerability. One that made me skip a heartbeat.
In the space of a brief second, he blinked before putting his mask on once more.
“What on earth are you talking—”
Our lips crushed together.
Salty and wet met with need and desperation.
His soft lips invaded all of my senses, like an unstoppable tornado taking everything away on its course. His hands cupped my cheeks like this was a kiss you’d been longing for for so long that an eternity couldn’t possibly satiate you. The moment our lips locked, it rushed a cocktail of hormones through my system. It was as maddening as my near-bursting heart.
I kept my eyes half-open for a moment, zeroing in on his. His forehead was creased as if he himself didn’t know what on earth was happening between us. The taste of his lips alone was erotic and hypnotic. It wasn’t shy. It wasn’t magical. It was a need, like breathing. A heart-fluttering need.
And so I gave in to that strange bond between us, closing my eyes. My brain shut down, and our tongues swiveled together. He claimed my mouth, desperately and in total abandonment for a man who didn’t portray any emotions. This kiss felt nothing like him. It was a consuming, ever-bright flame. This could reveal only one dangerous thing. I was wrong about Ajax.
A sound escaped the back of his throat, half moan, half growl, and the hair on my skin hissed in reply. My knees buckled as he draped his arms around my frame, small compared to his.
“Your lips pouring over mine have the power to take away and give back life,” he muttered in an almost inaudible way, like a confession you want no one else to know.
The lack of oxygen, my shredded breathing, my throbbing clit—I was going to explode. My stomach twisted into a knot. This was the unknown. This blistering heat took me by surprise, and even though I knew I should stop it, all I wanted was to stop time. My fingers sank into his skin before roughing through his silk hair. My heart jumped, like a warning, like it was time to say farewell. He was opening each of my wounds, infiltrating himself into the deepest areas of my soul, and I wouldn’t allow it.
I pushed him away, finding back the breaths he had stolen from me. I took a step back, as if it would erase this moment that should have never happened. His eyes bulged in recognition for a fragment of a second, seeming as lost and empty as I was.
“You can’t just kiss me, Spectre. I don’t want this!” I pointed to the both of us. “This, this will never happen ever again!”
“You kissed me back.” A nerve worked in his jaw as if I shouldn’t have kissed him back. As if I was the one who’d complicated everything.
“I don’t want to kiss you,” I articulated, killing all those butterflies dancing in my belly and all the feels from that kiss. I couldn’t kiss him. He was nothing but heartbreak and sad endings. “I’m just a contract. We’re just a contract. Plus, you’re leaving, and I’m not some quick fuck. I despise you, so please, don’t steal more from me than you already did.”
The harshness of my words made my stomach twitch even more, but he simply nodded. This moment would remain buried in the past, and just like the waves hitting the shore around us, it would disappear into a fleeting memory.
“You’re gonna catch a cold.” It was his turn to retract from me, the warmth of his body missing. “You’re free to leave tomorrow in the morning. I believe you have somewhere to be.”
“Ajax,” I whispered, but he was joining the sand, not turning back.
I followed after him, still in shock at what had happened and, even worse, what it had triggered in me. What if hating someone was the easiest option? The one masking the void inside of me?
Maybe I judged him too quickly.
No, Aurore. He’s Spectre.
Ajax reached the shore and walked with heavy stomps back to his house as I arrived on the sand next to Isaac and Eric.
“I’m sorry for the bet,” Isaac excused. “I was just trying to provoke Ajax, Aurore. This is my fault. To be fair, I didn’t think you’d do it.”
“You didn’t force me in.” A bitter taste stuck in my throat. “I don’t even know why I did that.”
“Maybe because you’re trying to prove something to yourself.” Eric handed me a towel. “Or to him.”
Actions meant more than words, but this didn’t make any sense. I approached my partnership with Spectre as a war for power for a selfish end. “I didn’t ask to be rescued, nor did I have the need to.”
“You didn’t have to ask to be rescued, but perhaps this is what you truly wanted. Ajax cares, even if he’d never show it to you. That’s how he is.”
No, I didn’t want Spectre to be part of my fairytale other than being the villain.
The villain I wanted this deal to be over, not want or be inspired by.
“I don’t think Spectre is capable of caring.”
When these words escaped my lips, I knew they felt wrong. I was a liar.
Because by the way he kissed, he betrayed what lay deep within him.
And by the way he left, he was probably capable of hurting.
