Seven years later, I was back at the place where it all began.
I passed by the French baroque architecture of Les Beaux Arts under the stare of the figures embedded within the facade. I was back in the long hallway full of arches leading to the studio where I’d posed as a muse. My boots echoed on the ground in a murderous drum. I had arrived at Bernard’s atelier.
His door was already half-open as he was finishing up a painting on canvas. He took sight of me, and his sharky smile popped up, his green-and-mustard suit blinding my eyes.
“I’m happy you came.” Bernard departed from his easel and took a seat behind the desk, showing me my place.
I remained stone-still. “What do you want?”
“What every mentor wants, of course,” he said, giving me another gesture of his hand to join him in sitting. “To be better than their students and not let them surpass them with their mediocrity.”
“You’re still jealous of him.” I didn’t sit. “This won’t get you anywhere.”
“Life was easy for Ajax.” He gave a dismissive wave. “He was born rich and granted his talentless, spoiled-child’s desire to take lessons here. That explains his brilliant career at such a young age. His marketing strategy for the whole mystery behind him is immaculate, I must admit. Even I failed to recognize the link between Ajax and Spectre as painters. He changed his whole way of drawing. He thought of everything… except for you. He didn’t hide you well.”
This was what Eric was doubting—people judging Spectre for what he was born into and not for his art.
“Why am I here?” I cut in, folding my arms on my chest.
“I want you to be my muse for one painting, as you know.” He made a face as if he doubted himself of his own desire. It’s almost like the view of me was repulsive to him. “Not that I want you, I don’t frankly understand what inspires him so much in you, but I want to prove to the world that I could do better.”
“You want the same success as The Sad Girl. You want to copy him,” I spat.
“No. I want to surpass him, to prove to the world he isn’t as talented as everyone thinks. If I do this, my career will flourish and—” He leaned forward, offering me a creepy smile. “If you accept, I’ll be quiet and won’t reveal his identity to the public. Of course, I trust this will remain between us and that you understand clearly you won’t be paid for that.”
I pinched my lips together and curled my fist. I wanted to annihilate him and his smug face. But I didn’t. This wasn’t about me.
“I’d need a confidentiality agreement,” I dropped, keeping my emotions in check. I wouldn’t give him anything. As Ajax said, emotions were power. He’d have my indifference.
“Of course.” He plastered on a fake smile. “But if you refuse, I’ll have no other choice but to tell the world about Spectre, and you can trust me that I won’t paint a positive image of him nor of you—you will be the girl who tried to climb the ladder, a nobody who had glory on a painting. I’ll make sure no one takes you seriously. BDB, Spectre’s mentor, has a nice ring for my career. Either way, I’m winning. This is your choice.”
“You’re pitiful,” I cursed, my heart wanting to lash across my chest. “Even if you paint me, you won’t succeed in having any recognition. You’re not as good as him. You’re nothing.”
“That’s where you’re wrong. You have to be a shark if you want to make history, little girl, and you’re here because you don’t have a choice.”
I rushed to his desk, slamming my fist across it and narrowing my eyes to his froggy ones. “And you have to have a heart to feel happy and content with yourself, and I doubt you have one. I’ll do what you ask, and I’ll be the one reviewing the contract because you won’t mess with me or Ajax. But I promise you, you’ll never reach the same level as him.”
I rushed out of his office, wanting to get out of there as soon as possible.
“Looking forward to seeing you again soon. We’ll keep in touch.” His voice sounded from across the hallway.
I continued to move at full speed, my arms swinging along my body. “I hate this place. I hate—”
It was like an electric shock to me when I bumped into someone, and as always, I didn’t do things halfway.
“Fuck!” I yelled, knocking the person concerned to the floor, her books falling to the ground. It was a woman with glasses and a long flowery dress. I crouched down to help her as she struggled to pick up her books… of architecture. As if by chance. I wanted to snort. Probably a teacher. “Sorry, it’s my fault.”
“It’s nothing. I’m—” She lifted her head, and oh my fucking—“Aurore, is that you?”
“Violette?” My voice was strained.
Violette—as in Violette, who stole Augustus from me. Violette, the perfect main character material.
Her being her gave me a warm smile, looking effortlessly gorgeous. “It’s been so long. How are you?”
“Terrible,” I lashed out, on the verge of exploding right into tears in front of the girl I’d describe as the epitome of perfection. “My life is on the verge of falling apart, and you look great, happy, which is so not what I need right now!”
She swallowed and picked up a few books, which she folded to her chest.
“I’m sorry I’m rude. It’s just, I was envious of you,” I admitted, helping her to gather all the books before we could stand up. “You got Augustus, and I didn’t, and now you guys are married. I stalked you because I’m that awkward, and I made my peace with it. I’m happy for you.”
My oversharing monologues were back, and I had no idea why I couldn’t hold back my emotions. I was going to unpack years of frustration keeping it all to myself.
“I understand.” She readjusted her glasses, either hating me or gloating. “It’s funny because I wanted to be your friend desperately back then.”
“My friend?” I raised my brows.
She gave me a light smile. “Yeah. I felt stupid next to you. You impressed me. I even tried to copy you once and bought a hair bow similar to yours, but I looked ridiculous.”
“Wait, what?” My voice echoed in the empty hallway. “You? You were jealous of me? But you’re perfect!”
“Do you know how exhausting it can be to try to be perfect?”
Her sentence slammed right back at me. Violette and I weren’t that different after all. Sure, she was the opposite of who I was, but deep down, we understood each other, on the same impossible quest for perfection.
“Are you happy?” I asked her. “Are you still in love with each other? And please, be honest. I’ve moved on.”
“Yes, we’re very happy.” She shrugged and gave me an apologetic smile. “I’m sorry we hurt you. We didn’t mean it.”
“I know.” I lifted my chin. “I could tell he was in love with you at first glance. Every story needs a villain.”
“I didn’t mean to be the villain in yours,” she apologized.
“Oh no, I meant me!”
“You?” She frowned. “I never thought of you as a villain but as someone I aspired to be. So bad that I asked the principal to close the storage room out of spite back then.”
“You were the one responsible for it?” I knew it! That bi—
“Not my best moment.” She stroked her arm. “It’s even me who locked it with the keys. I almost locked a weird guy inside. I tried to talk to him to apologize, but he was the rude one who told me my hair bow didn’t suit me and that I was a pitiful copy of someone incomparable. Trust me, I put that bow into the trash right after.”
“I’m not surprised, coming from him,” I chuckled, knowing this could only be Ajax, and suddenly, I was ready to draw a line under the past. “It was actually very insightful to see you again, but I need to pick up my sister. I’m wishing you lots of happiness, and I mean it.”
“Same. If you ever want to grab a coffee or something, I’m available on the weekend while the kids are sleeping.”
Right. They had kids. I couldn’t help but grimace, and couldn’t be more sure we’d never meet again or be friends because that’d be way too weird, and I had no desire to. On a positive note, I didn’t feel like a miserable wreck talking to her. I felt somewhat powerful.
“I’ll call you!” I rushed away from the hallway, already late to pick up Luna.
I didn’t have Violette’s phone number.
I just ditched her.
I should have felt bad, and a slight part of me did, but the other with the devil on my shoulder was smiling because I had let the past go.
I was waiting for Luna at the station like a lonely housewife watching the neighbors fighting with a heavy frown plastered on my face and my arms crossed. It’d been five minutes since her train had arrived, and she still wasn’t here, while the big family with their ten kids was already getting into a taxi. I even decided to take matters into my own hands and went to see the people working at the train station. I had asked them if I could step inside a train car to find her, which they obviously refused.
I was ready to go full crazy on them when a voice pulled me out of my madness.
“Aurore!” That voice, I’d recognize her everywhere. My little sister was the last one getting off the train, wearing her strawberry dress and holding her suitcase. “Sorry, I just don’t like to exit first. Everyone is screaming and yelling.”
I wasn’t one to give hugs easily, but I hugged her so close to me, as if she was on the verge of losing her life. “It’s okay. I’m so happy you’re here.”
I smiled so hard my cheeks hurt, and I took her luggage, already hurrying to find a ride back. “I made a list of things we can do while you’re here. It’s gonna be awesome! I just have some rehearsals to go to with the foundation L’espoir, and you need to help me. I need your talent.”
Her green eyes squinted, analyzing me. “Something about you changed… You’re full of life and, at the same time, sad.”
“Sad?” I faked a laugh. “I couldn’t be happier. You’re finally here.”
“Your eyes glow.” She raised an eyebrow, giving me that little sister look where you cannot refuse her anything. “Plus, you’re so hyperactive that you didn’t even realize the exit was on the other side. But that’s okay. You’ve been living here for like, what, seven years?”
I snorted, heading in the right direction this time. “You’re way too smart—it’s annoying. But don’t mess with me again, or I won’t let you read my manuscript.”
“I better have a nice dedication page,” she commanded, pushing a strand of her blond hair to text on her phone. “You have to tell me, at least, what it’s about.”
I thought it through. I couldn’t do one logline to save my life. I could tell her it was the story about the evil queen living in a reclusive castle and about the wizard whose magic was like art. A wizard that was dying slowly. The evil queen had been cast away by the princess long ago because she had fallen in love with the prince she should have married. A prince who broke her heart to choose the princess, who was none other than a simple commoner. The evil queen had grown embittered and took pleasure in unfortunate endings.
The wizard made everything die around him. He was feeling empty, living alone in a soulless manor. But one day, he was sent to the castle by the newly crowned prince to kill the evil queen alongside the fiercest female knight, inspired by my sister. But the wizard fell in love with the queen. And when he did, his magic glowed into something beautiful. The villagers saw that behind the monster, the evil queen wasn’t the villain of the story; at the origin, she was the hopeful and kind godmother. A woman who wanted her happy ending. But the wizard, having recovered his magic, left her for the glory and the beauty of life in the golden palace of the prince. As for how the story ended? I had no idea yet.
I couldn’t tell her all of that, so I said, “It’s a love story with two antiheroes.”
“Huh, I guess I’ll have to read it because you gave me nothing there.” I found her snapping a picture of herself when she thought I wasn’t glancing at her, but I had eyes everywhere.
“Whom are you sending that to?” I sounded like a policeman, telling her what she could or couldn’t do.
“Ryan, the guy I told you about… he’s really cute, and he wanted to make sure my sister did, in fact, pick me up.” Her cheeks reddened.
First of all, the lack of faith in this boy regarding my ability to pick up my sister made me cringe. Second of all, this was indeed cute. Obviously, I wouldn’t be able to admit that out loud without rolling my eyes.
“You’re not saying anything,” my sister added. “I was waiting for one of your morality speeches about how I’m so precious for this world and that I shouldn’t trust people because they’ll hurt me.”
“I—” Did I sound like that? Like this annoying grumpy person who was killing the mood? “I’m happy if you’re happy, and I trust your judgment, but I’ll need to know way more details about him to approve of him. He better treat you good, and don’t do things you don’t want to do, and—”
“Stop,” she laughed. “I read romance novels just like you did. My standards are high, trust me. I recognize one who has the potential to be the hero.”
Right, not like your sister.
I called a taxi, and it was a matter of minutes before we stepped inside.
“Did you know that Mom is going to be on the nature channel today? They’re interviewing her with her bee sanctuary, so she wore her precious stones like a shaman, and don’t get me started on her incense rituals,” Luna scoffed.
“There must have been an epic vibe at home,” I chuckled, imagining my mother welcoming the TV production with a namaste and her copper bowl to remove negative energies.
“Now, let’s talk about you,” Luna continued once she put her seat belt on. “The guy with the castle, what happened to him? And feel free to share everything. With all the gross details I read in erotica and—”
“You read erotica romance?” my voice snapped, and even the old mustachioed driver’s eyes sparkled at the mention.
“You left a pile of very steamy books below your bed, Aurore. Of course, I read them.” She raised a brow, that little snarky thing. “Anyway, you skipped my question.”
I was about to lie to her again. To pretend that everything was perfect in my imperfect life, but for once, I couldn’t. I couldn’t be strong for her. I was tired of lies.
“I almost had my happy ending, but it didn’t work out,” I swallowed, watching her eyes stop glittering as if I had let her down. “But it’s okay—I’m okay. I mean, there are other men and—”
“The story is not over. You’re the writer, after all—you choose the ending.” She seized my hand, making me feel like she was the big sister today. “You know you don’t have to pretend everything is okay, right?”
I do. “But I’m fine. Everything is great and—”
“Aurore,” she cut me off. “You know, I get why you’re doing this act. You want to spare my feelings. You think I’m weak and that I can’t handle anything because I almost…” She glanced at the cuts on her wrist, which she hid with her other hand. “But you’re wrong. I’m healing. You don’t have to be my mom.”
“I never thought you were weak, Luna.” I gasped. “You’re the strongest person I know, and I admire the person you are so much. I love you. More than anything. You know that, right?”
“I know, and I do too.” She glanced away. “But you sometimes make me feel like I’m… almost useless. Everything is always great with you; you don’t let me in, and I feel like I’m not enough for you because you’re always saying you’re fine, while most of the days I’m not, and I feel like crap. And I’m like, ‘if my sister can do it, why can’t I,’ and I’m—”
“I’m not fine,” I dropped, the tears welling in my eyes. “I’m not, Luna, but I don’t want to let you down again. I already did it twice and I—”
“I just want you to open up to me. The good and the bad. I don’t want to be useless, please. I’m tired of everyone treating me like I’m a bomb about to explode, like I’m a mess.” She raised her voice. “Please. Don’t treat me like I’m a weight to carry.”
I nodded, my lips shaking. “Fine. I’ll tell you everything.”
And so I did. I told her and the mustachioed taxi driver about how I fell in love with the man who gave me back my inspiration and how difficult these past years had been.
I exposed my lies, my vulnerability, and my fear, and after that, she hugged me. Despite all of my flaws, she didn’t leave. She didn’t stop loving me.
She was my little sister, the hopeful one, and when she told me that everything would be okay, I believed her.
