Nine Years Ago
I licked my lips but then bit my bottom one to keep from smiling.
It didn’t work. Heat rushed to my cheeks, and my mind kept pulling me back to last night at the Cove—the feel of him, his taste and smell, and his words.
God, he was incredible. So much so that I probably wouldn’t have cared if he’d knocked me up last night, after all. I just wanted to be his.
I shook my head, trying to clear it. We committed a crime at the cemetery. What was I thinking? We could’ve easily been seen. Jesus.
I woke at four a.m. to find him gone, but I was tucked in tightly, and the house was locked up. My brother still wasn’t home from the night shift, so I washed out the dress, hung it to dry, and took a shower before checking on my grandma and making him breakfast.
Minutes before he was due to be home, the nurse showed up, and I grabbed the dress and my school bag that Martin had left inside the front door, and then I left him a note before escaping the confrontation.
Walking into the cathedral, I dug my key out of my pocket and hurried past the aisle. Rounding one of the columns, I hit something and stumbled back, looking up to see a dark-eyed girl, her mouth hanging open in surprise.
She reached out and grabbed me before I could fall.
“Sorry,” she breathed out, looking in a hurry.
I laughed under my breath, tightening my arm around the dress. “That’s okay. Accident.”
I hesitated for a moment, taking in her worn jeans, black sweatshirt, and the tattered pair of black Vans on her otherwise bare feet. A black ski cap covered her head, but I caught sight of a low, black ponytail hanging over her shoulder and down her chest.
Pretty.
Beautiful, actually.
Definitely not Thunder Bay Prep, though. Too bad. Would’ve been nice to have another girl with my winning sense of style.
“’Scuse me,” I said and continued past her.
I headed toward the stairs, but threw a glance over my shoulder, watching as she opened the middle door of the confessional—the cubby for the priest where he sat to listen to sins.
She looked around and then locked eyes with me, seeing me watch her. She raised her finger to her lips, telling me to keep quiet before she slipped inside with a mischievous smile and closed the door.
I laughed to myself and turned back around, jogging up the stairs to the door in the gallery. Grabbing the handle, I glanced over my shoulder one more time and saw Kai Mori.
He headed to the back of the church, and my heart skipped a beat as I watched him enter the confessional, the door to the left of the priest’s chamber to make his confession.
Only it wasn’t a priest in there. I snorted. Oh, shit.
I shook my head and opened the door, taking the hidden steps up to The Carfax Room. Not sure what she was up to, but who was I to ruin her fun? I had my own problems.
Closing the door, I looked around the room—seeing everything exactly as I’d left it. The bed still held my dent from when I’d laid there yesterday after escaping Martin, and all the old makeup still laid about the floor in front of the mirror propped up underneath the stained-glass window.
Walking over, I hung the dress up on a rafter and smoothed it out, looking at it with a flutter in my stomach, remembering last night.
Who else had worn it before me? Did their night beat mine?
Taking off my bag, I worked quickly, picking up the makeup, fixing the bed, and stuffing my clothes from yesterday into my school bag. My phone laid on the bedside table, and I took it, turning it on.
Fourteen percent.
The battery was almost dead, and I had umpteen calls from Martin.
And a message from Will. I opened it.
Morning! Smile.
Or don’t. It’s completely your choice. Don’t let a guy tell you you’re prettier when you do. You don’t need to be pretty for anyone. Your value does not rely on my opinion. Damn the patriarchy.
I laughed, shaking hard and my eyes watering. What a moron.
The smile slowly fell, though, knowing he was too good to keep. I sure liked him, though.
So much it hurt.
I typed a message to Martin, letting him know I’d be home right after school and I’d have dinner ready. Heading to class now.
Before I left the room, I walked to the window, peering through a wedge of clear glass and seeing two boys crossing the street to their cars.
Damon to his BMW and Kai to his Jeep Wrangler. Damon was in here this morning, too?
I kind of wondered what happened with Kai and that girl in the confessional, but I was going to be late if I didn’t hurry.
I sighed, watching them take off and head toward school. It was Devil’s Night and time to face the music, I guess.
I left the room, locking the door behind me.
• • •
“Devil’s Night!” someone screamed, racing down the halls and leaping into the air to snatch the Homecoming banner hanging over the hallway.
I gripped the strap of my bag in both hands, the excitement in the air raising the hair on my arms.
“Man, back off!” a girl yelled.
I turned my head to see Rika Fane pushing some guy away who had crashed into Winter Ashby. She just laughed, holding on to Erika’s arm as they scurried away.
“Did you see it?” Tabitha Schultz whispered to her friends as I passed. “David and I drove past this morning. It’s a mess!”
I faltered in my steps, but I kept going.
Was she talking about the crypt? My stomach churned, suddenly feeling guilty.
But…I wasn’t sad. I was sorry for the McClanahans, but not for my brother.
Please just let me get away with it.
I turned, heading into first period, but a hand swiped under my tie, flipping it up.
Will circled in front of me, a grin he couldn’t contain playing on his lips as he came down, ready to kiss me.
I nudged him away, making sure the classroom was empty. “Stop it.”
He grabbed my tie, pulling me in. “I can’t.”
My thighs warmed, and the breath from his mouth tickled my lips.
I licked mine, taking a deep breath and tasting him.
“It was just once.” I walked around him, toward a desk. “That’s what we agreed to.”
“I don’t remember that conversation. Was I present for it?”
I arched an eyebrow, seeing other students enter the room as I set my bag on the floor next to a chair.
He leaned down, his words tickling the hair by my ear. “It’s not enough,” he said in a low voice. “Not even nearly enough. All I think about now is how I want last night all over again, but this time in my car, in my bed, in your bed, in the shower, outside…”
I exhaled, sweat cooling my forehead. Whipping around, I put a hand on his stomach, keeping him at bay.
“And you want it, too,” he taunted, fisting my tie, “or you wouldn’t be carrying me with you.”
Yeah, I was wearing his tie. So what?
Have a little foresight. Come on. We liked each other. I loved last night, and I hoped he did, too, but life was more complicated than that. We wouldn’t make it, and at our age, it was ridiculous to expect anything more.
I’d sneak out a few more times, we’d have fun, someone would fall in love, and then we’d both fall apart as he got tired of all the things I couldn’t do and constantly worried about helping me fit in.
He would lose nothing.
“Everything is a game to you,” I said, about to slide into my seat.
But he took me and pulled me down into his lap as he sat next to my desk. “Not everything.”
I pushed against him, seeing Michael stare at us as he took his seat in front of Will, turning just in time to hide his shitty-ass grin.
“Will,” I muttered, pleading.
He took my jaw softly in his hand, giving me pause.
“I need to talk to you,” he said, his eyes serious now. “The bruises on your back. Did you have an accident or—”
I wrenched my eyes away, seeing Townsend walk in. “It’s time for class.”
I pushed out of his lap, but he pulled me back.
“I need to talk to you,” he gritted out, “and it’s not waiting.”
I swatted at him, my palm landing against his neck, and I spotted all the hickeys I left last night. Or maybe one of them was still from the theater. I couldn’t remember.
My blood raced, seeing the evidence of how different I was in the dark.
God, what did he do to me?
He searched my eyes, whispering, “Do you like me, Em?”
Needles instantly pricked my throat. I gazed at him, not wanting to answer the question but not wanting to lie, either. I just wanted to kiss him.
I inched in, his eyes dropping to my mouth as he wrapped his arms around my waist.
“Mr. Townsend?” Kincaid called over the intercom.
I sucked in a breath, stopping and turning my head to the teacher.
“Yes?” he answered.
I jumped out of Will’s lap and slid into my own seat.
“Would you be so kind as to send the following students to my office when they arrive, please?” Kincaid asked. “Michael Crist, Damon Torrance, Kai Mori, and William Grayson. Thank you.”
“Ohhhhh,” everyone in the class roared.
My pulse jumped, and I looked over at Will as Damon sighed and the other two rose from their seats.
He shook his head, trying to calm me. The crypt. I didn’t even think about that. Everyone would assume it was the Horsemen. Was that why Kincaid was calling them up?
“Take your bags and books with you, just in case,” Townsend told them.
Just in case of what? Expulsion? Arrest?
They trailed in a line across the front of the classroom, toward the door, every single one turning their heads and eyeing me.
A smile curled Damon’s lips as he lifted his finger and wagged it at me.
Kai saw him, breaking out in a laugh as they disappeared through the door, and I didn’t think I blinked for a solid minute.
Shit!
• • •
As soon as class ended, I didn’t turn right like I was supposed to, I didn’t go to my locker to pick up my chem book, and I did not pass Go. I charged into the front office, tempted to go for the front doors instead to check for a police car, but I was already here.
“I need to speak with Mr. Kincaid,” I told the secretary as I placed my hands on the long counter.
She glanced up from the stack of packets she was counting out. “About?”
I opened my mouth, but someone spoke up first.
“She’s not getting in until after me.”
I spun around, seeing Trevor Crist’s hair dripping wet as he held tissues to his nose.
“I’ll wait,” I told the secretary.
I looked over at Kincaid’s door, seeing shadows move behind the frosted glass as my stomach rolled at all the possibilities happening inside. I sat a couple of chairs down from Crist, trying to eavesdrop, but all I could hear was mumbling.
I was tempted to let them take the fall if they offered, because they’d get out of it, and I wouldn’t, but I wasn’t that person.
“Aren’t you going to ask me what happened?” Trevor asked.
I looked over at him, a molecule of sympathy coursing through my body.
But it was just another day in Thunder Bay.
“I don’t really care,” I said. “Sorry.”
I heard him scoff as I watched the shadows move, barely listening as he went on and on.
“Someday, all of this is going to catch up with them,” he spat out.
He was talking about the Horsemen. I guessed it was them—or one of them—whom he got into it with.
“Everyone says that,” I sighed.
Even me at one point.
“It’ll happen,” he argued. “And I won’t be the only one laughing when it does.”
I turned my gaze on him, seeing his jaw flex, big anger on him for a freshman.
Part of me admired the kid. He hated his brother and made no show of anything else. I understood it when maybe not everyone would.
The door to Kincaid’s office opened, and I stood up, a slew of people walking out, including my brother.
He saw me, and I straightened, racking my brain for any excuse.
“You boys get back to class,” Kincaid told them. “I’m letting you practice during seventh period, so you can cut out early for festivities tonight. Don’t make me regret it, and I mean it, Torrance.”
Damon chuckled as Martin stood off to the side, eyeing me with fire in his eyes.
“What are you doing up here?” he asked.
“Picking up college fair information,” I said, shifting on my feet before finding the brochures on the wall.
I grabbed one.
What happened in there? What were they talking about? Did Martin know?
“Trevor,” Kincaid said. “Come on in.”
Trevor stepped toward the dean’s office, coming up chest to chest with Damon and looking really brave like he wasn’t a foot shorter than the senior.
“You know, someday I won’t be a kid,” he gritted out, “and you’ll be fighting someone your own size.”
“It still won’t be a fair fight, princess,” Damon told him, getting in his face, “but you’re welcome to try. Just bring yourself some lube.”
Will laughed a little, and Michael pushed Damon away from his brother. “Enough. Let’s get to class.”
The two just stood there, neither one wanting to give in first.
“Everyone to class…now!” Kincaid barked.
The boys moved away from each other, maintained eye contact for a few extra seconds for good measure before they started to filter out of the front office. I stood there for a moment, trying to figure out what had happened.
They weren’t in trouble. Okay, that was good.
Should I still fess up? I paused, waiting to see if my brother would leave, but Will just nudged me out the door.
“Don’t say anything,” he whispered so Martin wouldn’t hear.
My words, apology, and explanation lodged in my throat, and I gave my brother a tight smile as I left to get back to class. But the look in his eyes told me he knew I was up to something.
We left, Damon hitting lockers and making a ruckus as we all trailed down the hall.
“I’ll see you in economics,” Will told Michael as he held me back and everyone else went ahead of us.
We stopped in the empty hall, second period already begun and the others disappearing around the corner or up the stairs.
“Does he know?” I asked quietly. “Kincaid?”
“Yeah,” he told me, nodding. “I mean, he thinks it was the guys and me. He can’t prove it, but he has no intention of trying to, either.”
So they all just let him believe it was them? Why would they do that?
“I guess it’s good to be you,” I said, pretty grateful.
Will came in close, looking down at me. “They’ve filled McClanahan’s grave back in. The family has had a change of heart.” He cleared his throat, reciting the news. “‘It’s become a landmark.’ Which basically translates to they don’t want to deal with constant vandalism, so they’ll leave him where he’s always rested.”
So, it worked.
It actually worked.
“Everything is real,” he stated.
Huh?
“That’s what you said last night as you were climbing into your bed,” he pointed out. “Everything is real today. Am I less real at night? Is that why you’re pulling away this morning?”
Yes. I swallowed over the pain in my throat.
I mean, it was fun. I would love for it to happen again, but…
“Who’s doing that to your body?” he demanded.
I tensed, taking a step back.
“You have bruises everywhere.” His eyes trailed up to my brow and the small cut I’d covered with makeup. “Is it your brother?”
My hands trembled.
He was figuring it out.
I knew he would. I blinked away the sting in my eyes.
“Emmy, stop lying to me,” he said softly. “I know something’s wrong. I know it. Tell me.”
The lump in my throat stretched. God, I wanted to tell him.
I didn’t want to lose this. I wanted to let him hold me and protect me. He cared.
As much as I wanted to pretend that he didn’t, I knew he cared.
And my heart that ached to keep him hurt worse than anything Martin had ever done to me.
But I couldn’t tell him. If I let this go on, he’d interfere. He’d make trouble, stand up for me, and I could be separated from her.
I could be sent away. I didn’t want my grandmother alone.
My chin shook, the words on the tip of my tongue. It would feel so good to dive into his arms and look forward to more with him. I wanted to tell him everything.
But I just clenched my teeth so hard my jaw ached and backed away some more, forcing a scoff. I shook my head, my bitter smile fixed on him.
I looked at his mouth and then his hands, remembering how all of him was mine last night.
We couldn’t be together.
Maybe someday. Not today.
He grabbed my elbow and pulled us close again. “Don’t you know you can have anything you want?” he repeated his words from a couple of weeks ago. “I’d hurt anyone for you. Who the hell is it?”
But I just laughed, feeling the tears well. God, go away.
I balled my fist and ripped my arm away from him. “Let go of me.” I glared at him. “Go have fun with your friends. They’re all you really have, so hang on to them. I don’t love you, and I don’t want you.”
The words were like razors in my throat, and I wanted to throw up.
But I stayed steel as fire hit his eyes, and his heavy breath poured in and out of his chest.
“Emmy…”
Jesus, just go! Stop torturing me with everything I wanted and nothing I could have. I’d make his life horrible.
“Leave me alone,” I gritted out.
“You’re pushing me away. Just—”
“We’re just too different.” I backed away some more. “You thought this was serious? You’ve been on half the girls in the graduating class! If I knew that you thought last night was something more, I never would’ve come to Homecoming.”
He bared his teeth. “Stop it,” he bit out. “You hear me? Stop it. Last night was it for me. I don’t want anyone else but you.”
Tears sprang to my eyes, and I forced back the sob in my throat.
God, I loved him. This hurt. I had to get out of here.
I couldn’t be someone he had to take care of. Someone pathetic who would just bring a shit ton of baggage on him that he’d get sick of dealing with.
Drawing in a deep breath, I forced the words out, my stomach wracking with pain.
“I wanted you, too,” I said, my voice hard. “And I had you. It was fun. Even better than the gossip says it is. Now I’m done.”
“Goddammit.”
“I’ll be hard-pressed to find anyone better in bed,” I told him. “That’s for sure.”
Whipping around, he slammed his fist into the lockers, and I stared wide-eyed and hot in my gut as he looked ready to kill.
Yes. Hate me.
Please hate me.
“Such a fucking…” He trailed off, too coward to say ‘bitch.’
My chin trembled.
He turned and looked at me. “You know how easy you are to replace? Is that what you want then?” And he snapped his fingers in my face. “Because it would be that easy.”
My body wracked with jealousy, because I knew it was just a threat, but I still wanted to slice him all the way to hell if he put his hands on any other girl.
But I felt myself getting stronger, feeding off the hate and the pain and the anger.
“Get on with it, then!” I snarled. “And rot in hell, for all I care.”
I stalked off, back to my locker, and left him in my dust, waiting until I’d rounded the corner before I let the tears fall.
I squeezed my eyes shut, sobbing quietly as I started running.
Will.
