Nine Years Ago
A locker slammed shut, echoing down the corridor, and I lifted the bottle to my mouth, downing another swallow of bourbon.
Motherfuckers. What the hell were they doing? How long had it been going on?
I knew something was up.
I leaned against a stack of mats in the wrestling room, hearing the locker door open down the hall as “Apologize” played low on the speaker next to me.
I swallowed another mouthful, remembering tucking her in last night in her room.
Like an imbecile.
After our fight at school today, I went out tonight, celebrating Devil’s Night with my friends and a full mind to move the hell on. Get shitfaced and see if there was anyone I thought would make me feel better, because she treated me like shit, and I was sick of chasing after the girl I knew was meant for me but who didn’t want me.
She gave me almost no reciprocation.
Except last night.
But today, she was back in full form, acting like I was a pity fuck. Like I wasn’t good enough.
My friends and I went to the cemetery and partied.
We went to the Pope in Meridian City.
And partied some more.
I just couldn’t forget her, no matter how much I drank. I caught a cab back to Thunder Bay, but instead of going home, I carried my ass to school and to our bus parked in the lot. I snuck on and plopped down in the backseat, remembering how’d she felt last night. How good her desire and love felt.
I sat in there and just got drunker, thinking about her, and then I looked out the window and saw them.
Damon and her. Walking into the school.
I blinked, not sure I was seeing right, because everything was spinning, but…I finally climbed off the bus and followed them.
I closed my eyes, inhaling a breath as their footsteps approached down the hall.
They weren’t tough to find. In a school this old—and being nearly empty this time of night—I’d heard the water running as I trailed down the hallway. My legs went weak, my stomach rolled, and I slipped inside the locker room, seeing them as I rounded a row of lockers.
Naked in the shower together.
My fist tightened around the bottle. There was no way to misunderstand that.
That was why he left the hotel early tonight. Why she would never give in with me.
No one would choose me over Damon. Or me over Michael or Kai, either. No one thought I was worth a damn next to them.
They passed in front of the open door, Damon hearing the music and stopping. She halted next to his side, and I looked her up and down, seeing his black sweatpants hiked up to her knees, and his white T-shirt hanging on her. Their hair was wet, and he was only in jeans, no shirt.
“Did you fuck her?” I asked.
Damon paused, stepping into the dark room and finally spotting me ahead.
Emmy followed slowly.
“Really?” Damon cocked his head, trying to see me in the dark. “I’m not that boring. Come on.” He approached me, gesturing to her. “Besides, she’s not even pretty.”
“Thanks,” Emory mumbled.
I threw the bottle across the room, and it shattered against the wall as I launched out and shoved him in the chest.
He stumbled back, laughing as Em rushed up a few steps and stopped.
“This isn’t a good night, Will,” he warned. “Don’t be stupid.”
I walked around, eyeing her. “Where are the bruises coming from?”
She dropped her eyes.
I looked at Damon, shaking my head. “I knew you were rough, but I didn’t think you were that rough.”
He chuckled, running his hand through his hair and looking exasperated. “Tell him,” he told Emmy.
I glared, my eyes shooting from him to her as she cast a worried look to Damon.
“Tell him,” Damon barked again.
Son of a bitch. I reared my fist back and punched the motherfucker right across the jaw. He hit the ground, grunting and grabbing his face.
He did not get to know shit about her that I didn’t. Fuck him.
“Was he good?” I turned to Em. “Did you like it?”
I knew it was odd I saw them both at the cathedral the same night. How long had it been going on?
Her eyes pooled with tears as she stared at me, looking helpless as she held her hands in front of her, like I was going to hit her or something.
What the hell did he know about her that I didn’t? She was my girl, not his.
Everything ached in my chest, and I blinked away the burn in my eyes. “I told you I loved you last night,” I said. “You didn’t even hear me, did you?”
She stepped up to me. “Don’t ruin it. Just remember it being good. Please.”
“Why?” I yelled, whipping off my hoodie and working my belt as I backed her into the mats. “If it’s going to fucking end, why let anything good remain? I don’t want to miss you or this!”
Tears filled my eyes as I undid my belt and tore off my T-shirt, and I could hear her start crying as I pressed into her.
“Let’s just ruin it for good right here!” I yelled down at her. “Remind me that I was just a fuck.”
I grabbed her face, diving in, but she threw her arms around me, shaking with sobs.
“I do…want you,” she whispered, crying. “It’s all about you.”
My chest shook, and I could barely breathe as I stared down at her.
“But you can’t stand me, either,” I gritted out. “You can’t trust me, and you don’t think I’ll ever be anything more or ever good enough, right?”
If she trusted me, she’d tell me what the hell was going on.
She closed her eyes behind her glasses, shaking her head.
But she didn’t argue with my conclusion, either.
She didn’t love me.
Damon pulled me away from her, shoving me back. “You’re drunk.”
And?
“What were you doing together?” I yelled, hooking my arm around his neck and dropping us both to the fucking floor. I swung my fist back and slammed him in the face again, blood dripping from the corner of his eye.
Growling, he threw me over, straddled me, and backhanded me across my cheek. The sting spread across my face as I clutched his neck and squeezed his throat.
“We weren’t doing that!” he shouted. “I’d rather screw a razor blade.”
He threw another fist into my gut, and I shot out my hand, punching his dick.
His eyes went wide with fury, but he didn’t keel over like I thought he would. He bared his teeth, slapping me over the head. “You motherfucker. You’re lucky you missed.”
He grabbed my wrists and pinned them to my chest, coming down and using his weight to keep them there.
“Easy to do,” I bit out. I was much bigger, after all.
He headbutted my nose, and I grunted, tears springing to my eyes.
“Goddammit, D!” I growled. “Shit.”
I struggled against his hold, trying to check for blood, but he wouldn’t let me go.
“You gonna stop now?” he demanded. “I’m not in the fucking mood tonight, and neither is she. We’ve been through hell, and not everything is about you.”
“Is it ever?” I opened my eyes, looking at him through the blur. I wasn’t the leader. I wasn’t the brains. I wasn’t the passion.
My friends wouldn’t be any less strong without me.
I had one thing I really liked. One thing that drove me to try. One thing that made me feel like a man.
Damon hovered over me, searching my eyes, and I could see the red in his, too. What the fuck happened tonight?
Dropping his forehead to mine, he released my hands, our chests rising and falling in sync.
“Bad shit happened,” he whispered. “And I can’t talk about it, but you’re my best friend, so don’t ever forget it.”
His breath warmed my mouth, and I felt him try to hold back a sob as his eyes closed and he struggled.
“I need you,” he murmured. “You don’t know how much we all need you.”
I bit the corner of my mouth to keep my emotions in check, but my eyes stung.
His lips hovered over mine, the heat made the room spin, and then…I opened my eyes, looking over at her. She was sitting against the mats and watching us. She hugged her knees to her body, unblinking as Damon’s mouth ghosted mine, and…when I didn’t pull away, he captured my lips with his, slipping in his tongue and nibbling my lip.
“We don’t smile without you,” he whispered. “She doesn’t smile without you.”
My cock hardened, and I groaned as he slid his hand down my jeans and stroked me. Emory’s mouth fell open as she started breathing harder.
She wasn’t running.
And every second I didn’t stop him and every second she sat there, making no move to leave, I got harder and harder.
Maybe she was living last night all over again, or this was the last fucking thing I could share with her, but chills spread over my body, watching her watch us, and I fisted D’s hair as he dove into my neck and sucked me dry.
“Fuck,” I groaned.
I closed my eyes for a moment, pushing the worry away and just diving in. To hell with it.
I worked his jeans open as he unfastened mine, but before I could pull him out and show her how good my hands worked, he dipped down and sucked me into his mouth, drawing me out slow and strong.
I moaned. “Oh, God.”
Curling my fingers into his hair as he moved up and down, I got stiffer, the heat of her eyes turning me on. I stared at her, the T-shirt falling off one shoulder, baring her skin, and her nipples poking through the fabric.
She liked it.
Her nails dug into the mat underneath her, and she looked so hot, almost like she wanted to come over and help him do what he was doing to me.
Let her look.
Let her know what it looks like with someone else’s mouth on my dick.
I looked down at Damon, sweat cooling my pores as he pushed me between his warm lips and down his throat.
“She is beautiful,” he panted, coming back up and stroking me as he bit my jaw. “And she’s going to hate seeing you happy without her.”
Spitting into my hand, I reached into his jeans and stroked him long and tight, kissing him back, both of us thrusting into each other’s fists as his rosary draped onto my chest.
Grunts and groans filled the room as the pace grew frantic, chasing our orgasms, and I swear I heard Em moan as she watched us.
I wanted her to touch herself. I hoped she would.
“Tighter, man,” Damon growled against my mouth.
“This is as tight as it gets,” I told him. “You’re not sticking that in my ass.”
He snorted. “You’re right. Your dick is smaller. You should top.”
“Fuck you.”
He laughed, and I smiled, thrusting up into him. Our relationship, strangely, was back to bantering.
I closed my eyes, sweat coating my back as I reached up with my other hand and choked him, both of us gasping and grunting as we pushed harder and tighter, cum spilling from my dick a moment before his.
I arched my back, crying out. “Fuck.”
I moaned, tipping my head back and struggling for breath.
My muscles burned, but shivers ran through my body so good, and I tried to catch my breath.
Jesus Christ. What the fuck?
He collapsed to the mat on my side, his heat all over my hand. I kept my eyes closed for another moment, savoring the memory of her gaze on me.
But when I opened them and peered over, she stared at us with the most beautiful look of desperation and sweetness as her nails dug into her thighs.
She loved it. And hated it.
Rising up off the mat, she licked her lips and gazed at me with resolve. “I’ll always want you,” she said quietly.
And then she left.
I stared after her, the high of a moment ago now gone.
She wouldn’t relent, and it was over, no matter how much she wanted all of this.
I closed my eyes, gritting my teeth together and wishing I hadn’t busted that bottle now.
I wouldn’t chase her again. She wasn’t one of us. She would never fight for me.
I swallowed the lump and drew in a long breath, exhaling the pain in my gut.
Damon stood up and pulled up his jeans. “I’ll be in the showers,” he sighed. “Again.”
