Seven Years Ago
My mom shouted from downstairs, and I heard male voices as footfalls hit the stairs.
My door whipped opened, and I popped my head up, looking over my shoulder as I laid on my stomach on the bed.
I blinked several times, seeing Kai standing in my doorway in khaki cargo shorts and no shirt.
“You get in and you don’t call us?” he snipped.
My head pounded, and I rolled over, groaning. College was bad for me. I’d never been so hungover.
Someone else pushed through the door, and then I heard Damon’s voice. “Damn. I thought he’d at least have company.”
They walked in, and I looked over at the clock, seeing it was 10:13 a.m.
“What the hell, Will?” Kai growled. “It’s been months. You get into town, you let us know.”
“It’s been like ten weeks,” I griped, reaching over for a cigarette on my nightstand. “We were all just in Miami for spring break. Jesus.”
Kai came over and snatched the cigarette out of my mouth before I could light it, and then walked into the bathroom, turning on the faucet.
I shot him a look. “And I just got in last night,” I pointed out. “Late.”
I hadn’t had time to get in touch with anyone yet. They’d all been home a couple of weeks on summer break already, but I couldn’t stomach the thought of returning until my mom called and laid on the guilt trip. Apparently everyone was lost without me, and if I didn’t show up, so she wouldn’t have to deal with Damon and Kai coming by every day, she’d cut off my credit card.
Of course, she was teasing. I was her good boy.
Although I’d barely made it through my first year at Princeton, and I wasn’t looking forward to that conversation. I hated disappointing my parents. The letter from my advisor loomed on my nightstand, because I’d skipped too many classes and was failing a couple of gen ed classes.
It was painful, trying to care about that shit. I didn’t want to be there, but I ended up staying in New Jersey even after the term had ended because Thunder Bay was a wasteland for me.
It had been almost two years this fall since I’d last touched her, and nothing was getting better. I rubbed my hands up and down my face, and then something landed on me, and I howled as Damon straddled me.
I scowled up at him, smelling this weird mixture of sunscreen and cigarettes on him.
“Going to the beach?” I asked.
“Again, yes,” he said. “We were already there yesterday, but some of these chicks have aged up since the last time we saw them in bikinis.” He swatted at me, yelling in my face. “It’s harvest time!”
“Get the fuck off me.” But I couldn’t help laughing. It was good to see them.
Maybe I’d feel more human soon, being home.
He hopped off me, and Kai came back with a glass of water.
“Gotta spare toothbrush?” Damon asked, heading into the bathroom.
He didn’t wait for an answer, though, before he started rummaging through the drawers under the sink.
Finding a package, he ripped it open and pulled out one of the new brushes my mom had put there. She was good about being prepared for anything.
I took the water and set it down on my nightstand as Damon wet the toothbrush and added toothpaste.
“Did you see prissy little Fane yesterday on the beach?” he asked Kai. “Girl has some swagger now. Tell me that’s not going to be sweet.”
Kai made a face. “God, you’re a loser. What college guy comes home and continues to chase high school tail? Grow up.”
“I saw you looking, too,” Damon shot back, flipping him off.
They must’ve seen her at the beach yesterday.
“Besides, that tail is Michael’s,” Kai pointed out. “He just doesn’t know it yet, so don’t even think about pulling that shit while he’s away.”
I sat up, swinging my legs over the side of the bed and burying my aching head in my hands. I didn’t want sun and sand today.
I didn’t want to walk around this town, knowing she’d already left to start her college summer courses in California and had moved on with her life.
Kai stood over me and picked up the paper next to my lamp, reading it.
His eyes met mine and then he tossed it down, sifting through the other shit on my nightstand. Money and pills in a blank prescription bottle. A vial of coke.
His gaze sharpened, and his jaw flexed.
Opening the little drawer, I swiped everything off the table and pushed it inside, closing it.
“Get out,” I told them, ignoring the judgment in his look. “I need to shower.”
Damon rinsed and headed out the door, but Kai remained, the heat of his stare annoying me.
“One or both of you will be in jail by the end of the year if you don’t get it together,” he hissed. “I can’t be Michael. I have enough on my plate. Get rid of this shit, or I will.”
He left the room, slamming the door, and I flinched.
Was he actually surprised? My winning personality didn’t happen on a dime.
• • •
Several hours later, Kai had gone to dinner with his parents and Damon and I were rolling up to the Cove to take in the view one last time. The sun hadn’t set yet, but I was grimy and sticky from the beach—the only good thing coming out of our day there was that I had sweated out my hangover.
“This place is like a ghost town,” Damon mumbled as we walked through the empty parking lot toward Cold Point. “They’ll run through September, but the next time we come home, it’ll be closed.”
I gazed past the entrance and the ticket booths, spying the beams that held the pirate ship. I could still hear her laughing that night.
My heart ached. God, that dress. Her smile.
Emmy Scott happy was the most beautiful thing in the world.
“You’re like a ghost, too,” Damon said.
I turned away from the Cove, heading straight for the cliffs. “I’m fine,” I told him.
I would be. Eventually.
“You’re not,” he retorted. “That fucking girl…”
“Enough.”
“Fuck her.”
“I said enough.”
I shot him a glare, both of us climbing out to the point and up onto the rock, peering out at the gray sea, the lighthouse on Deadlow Island the only thing shining in the darkening horizon.
It was probably for the best that Adventure Cove was closing this fall. Things needed to die.
I looked down, inching to the edge and watching the water crash into the rocks.
“There’s someone for you too, you know?” I teased him, forcing a smile.
“I never said there wasn’t.” He blew smoke out of his mouth, flicking his cigarette off the cliff. “There’s someone for me. I’ll have her and my kids someday, but I’m not letting her fuck me up—or someone mess Michael and Kai up—the way Emory Scott messed up your head.”
I sighed, thinking back on my last year in high school and all the times she walked past me as if I’d never been inside of her.
Pride is a motherfucker. I couldn’t chase her anymore and still like myself, so I toughened up and gave as good as I got, ignoring her too, and what do you know?
I still didn’t like myself.
“I would’ve been good to her,” I said, kicking a pebble over the edge. “I was good to her.”
“And she didn’t trust you,” he added. “She’s a snotty, stuck-up little cunt who thought she was better.”
I looked away, his words making my blood boil a little. He was trying to be a friend. Trying to be on my side.
But I wish he’d shut up. Emmy wasn’t like that.
I could be angry with her but no one else.
In my heart, she was still my girl.
“And you’re going to spend the rest of your life showing her that she was wrong,” he told me. “That she missed out on the best.”
Yeah. I’d try.
I inhaled a long breath and tipped my head left and right, cracking my neck.
He was right. It was long past time Will Grayson came back to life. With or without her.
“Let’s do Devil’s Night tonight,” I told him. “I’m in the mood for the good ol’ days.”
He grinned, ready as always.
• • •
I wasn’t sure when I’d figured it out. Damon would never tell me what had happened that night I saw them in the locker room—just that he’d run into Emory and she’d helped him.
Over time, I continued to watch her, the reality of her routine giving me all the information I needed, but was too blind to face sooner. The bruises, scrapes, and cuts couldn’t have come from anywhere but her home. She didn’t have friends. She didn’t go anywhere other than school, the movies, or her little projects around town.
Unless she was in some underground fight club happening right under my nose, that piece of shit was brutalizing her.
I knew why she hadn’t told me. I knew why she thought she couldn’t tell me.
Martin Scott was only one of the things in our way, but it was the one thing I could beat the shit out of.
“Do we really want to do this?” Kai asked, hesitation thick in his tone. “A cop is a crime—like a real crime, Will. We all understand this, right?”
He sat in the backseat, while I sat in the front, Damon driving one of his father’s SUVs.
I pulled on gloves, “Fire Up the Night” playing in the car as I stared out the windshield at Officer Scott across the street hassling a car full of kids he’d just stopped.
“Leave if you want,” I told him.
It wasn’t a threat. I didn’t expect his help, and I didn’t need it. Kai had a lot to lose, and I wouldn’t judge him for walking out on this. Not that I didn’t have a lot to lose. I just didn’t care.
“What’s he doing?” Damon said more to himself, tossing his cigarette out the window.
Martin Scott walked a girl to his cruiser, put her in the back, and climbed in the front, starting the car. We’d followed him from the station when he started his shift, and he took no time at all stopping the car full of teens that was speeding through the village.
“That’s River Layton,” I said, recognizing the sophomore.
She was only sixteen. What the hell was he doing?
Leaving the other guy and girl in their car, he pulled away from the curb and drove off with the minor, but instead of taking a left toward the station or a right toward the hills where she lived near me, he pulled an abrupt one-eighty and took the road toward the coast and Falcon’s Well.
“Follow him,” I said.
Damon shifted into gear and backed out of the parking lot, charging after him down the road.
It was after ten, and while school was out for the summer, the streets weren’t too busy. All the parties were either happening on the beach, on Mommy and Daddy’s boat, or in backyards with pools this time of year.
Damon hung back, far enough to be inconspicuous, but not too far that we couldn’t see his taillights.
I dug into the duffle bag, tossing Kai his silver paintball mask, pulling out Damon’s black one and handing it to him, and leaving Michael’s red one in the bag as I pulled my white one with a red stripe on.
The brake lights in the distance lit up, and we watched as he turned into the warehouse. I didn’t think there was anything going on there tonight. Why the hell was he taking the kid there?
Hanging back, Damon pulled the SUV onto the side of the road and shut off the engine as we all hopped out and pulled up the hoods of our black hoodies. It was too fucking hot for sweatshirts, but that was the routine.
The hoods and masks kept us covered—and hopefully—unrecognizable in video footage. Everyone knew who was who behind the masks, but they couldn’t prove it.
Jogging into the brush and through the trees, we headed toward the warehouse we’d been to a hundred times, knowing the road in didn’t go any farther than the old, abandoned factory.
Sweat already covered my back, and I couldn’t see anything else outside of this moment.
It was his fault. It was all his fault, because even if it wasn’t, it felt good to finally have someone to blame and give me hope that it wasn’t me. That she ended it before it even began because of him and not because she didn’t love me.
In any case, he’d fucking hurt her, and now that she was out from under him, I was let off my leash.
At the very least, after tonight, he’d never touch her again.
Stopping at the tree line and looking over the gravel parking lot to the old shoe factory with the ruins of its dark and dilapidated walls looming beyond, we watched as he turned off the car and remained in his seat with her in the back.
He moved his head, nodding here and there or cocking it as he talked, but she didn’t move an inch.
Finally, he opened the door to his cruiser and walked to the back door, opening it and climbing in beside her.
My lungs emptied.
And I almost smiled, any doubt or guilt I might’ve felt now long gone.
His face was going to be worse than ground beef by the time we were done with him.
“He doesn’t have Emmy to push around anymore,” Kai said, and I could hear the anger growing in his voice as he pulled on his mask.
I nodded, glad he was now on board. I did need him.
“Wanna bet my father is protecting him, too?” Damon told us, pulling on his. “So much in fucking common.”
“Let’s change his life forever.” I started off, charging for the car and curling my fists as the guys flanked me.
I wished Michael were here—we were better as a unit—but we’d just have to fill him in when he got back from his basketball clinic in Atlanta.
“Don’t let them hear your voices,” I said, taking out my knife. “Whisper.”
I tossed it to Kai who quickly unsheathed it, stabbed a tire, the air pouring out, and Damon and I ripped open each of the back doors.
River screamed as he grabbed her out of the car, and I shot out my fist, growling as I popped that scumbag in the fucking face.
I pulled him out of the car as he coughed and sputtered, the blood pouring into his mouth from his nose.
“Get home,” Damon ordered her.
Her worried gaze darted between us, her face already wet with tears from whatever Scott was trying to do to her in there.
But I could guess. You’re a minor. I’ll take you home where you belong, but on second thought, I won’t bring you in or call your parents about the drugs and alcohol I found in your car if you just come here next to me for a minute and don’t tell anyone.
Jesus Christ.
Diving down, I hit him again.
And again and again before rising up and kicking him in the back of the head.
Motherfucker. That motherfucker.
He wanted to hurt River like he hurt his sister—rough her up, make her cry…
Or worse.
And God help me, if he did anything like that to Emmy, I wouldn’t hesitate. He’d be dead.
River ran off, back toward the highway, as Kai rounded the car, stabbing the rest of the tires. I whipped open the front door, kicking the radio and ripping it off its wires, while Damon tore off the dash cam, dropping it to the ground and stomping it with his foot.
Chances were the cop already turned that shit off when he parked with the girl here, but I didn’t want him being able to call for help, either.
I reached into my hoodie pocket, took out the cell phone and tossed it over the roof of the car to Damon before reaching back in and pulling out a thick cut of rope.
I walked over, planted my foot on his back, and pushed him back down the ground.
“Don’t look for us when this is over,” I whispered to disguise my voice. “And don’t you ever touch any woman again. Not River Layton. Not Emory. Not anyone.” I leaned down, wrapping the rope around his neck. “If we find out you did, we won’t let you walk away next time.”
He gasped and grunted, and I rolled him over, his eyes sharpening as he met mine through my mask
Thrashing, he rolled away and tried to scramble to his feet, but in a moment, we were all on him, kicking him and launching fists.
I jerked my head at Kai, and we all picked Scott up, took him into the warehouse, and tied his wrists, securing them above his head to a steel beam.
We all backed away, the guys probably waiting to let me have first go as Damon took out the phone and started filming.
I paused. It was stupid to document this, but…
I licked my lips, seething and still tasting the bourbon I’d had in the car.
I wanted to watch it. To relive it. To see him suffer over and over again.
“Look at me,” I whispered.
He breathed hard, and I walked over and took off his duty belt, dropping it to the ground.
“Look at me,” I growled again, low.
Slowly, he raised his eyes and met mine through my mask. The corners of his gaze crinkled in recognition.
And then…the asshole smiled.
“You think it’s my fault?” he asked in a quiet voice between us. “That she rejected you?”
I tightened my fists.
And then he laughed, despite how his teeth glistened with his own blood. “I would’ve been happy,” he told me. “Even better if she would’ve gotten pregnant. Having an inside to all that money, power, and connection? Priceless. She would’ve finally been useful.”
I stayed frozen, barely breathing.
He spit, spattering blood from his mouth all over me.
But I didn’t even blink.
“She knew you were a loser,” he said. “You’d just be the drunk womanizer you are now, not fit for her life.”
My blood boiled under my skin.
He knew who we were, but I didn’t care. The masks and whispering were for the camera, not him.
Was he right? He wasn’t right. She didn’t say it, but I knew she loved me. I felt it.
It was him. He made her forget about me. He made her scared.
“And this is just a reminder,” he continued, “that she’s long gone and fine without you, but you’ll never be more than this. You’ll never be enough.”
I shook my head, my eyes burning.
Kai cleared his throat behind me. “We can’t stay here forever, Will,” he whispered. “Let’s do this.”
But Martin Scott just smiled, seeing what he was doing to me.
“She never looked at you again,” he said. “Did she?”
I stopped breathing.
“She’s never called. Even since she graduated and got free, right?”
How did he know that?
She could’ve called me. There was no reason not to once he was out of her life.
He laughed again. “You’ll never be enough.”
I swung my fist back, gritted my teeth together, and growled as I punched him across the face.
Fuck you.
A sob escaped, but I covered it up quickly.
Motherfucker.
I hit him again, hitting and hitting until long after he’d stopped laughing and my knuckles ached like they were on fire.
Tears welled and poured, and the whole world tipped on its side as I brought my fist down again and again.
Fuck you. Fuck you.
Kai came in, threatening him not to go near a minor again, and then I came back pounding, kicking, and punching some more until eventually my hands dripped with his and my blood, and I could do nothing else but laugh.
Until he passed out and they had to pull me off him.
We dumped his body on the side of the road, peeled out of the area in Damon’s SUV, and used a burner phone to call the police to tell them where to find him.
And I didn’t care if it brought her back or not. He deserved it.
If he had any sense, he’d keep his mouth shut, too. He knew we knew he’d had River Layton out there.
Witnesses.
If she talked, she could be a liar.
But not all four of us.
Damon dropped Kai at home and then me.
“Wanna go drinking?” he asked.
I shook my head. I had better stuff in my room, but he wouldn’t be down for that.
“See you tomorrow.” I shut the car door, and he drove off as I made my way up the steps of my house, staring down at the blood all over my hands.
I didn’t want to go inside. I looked up at my house—gray stone with three floors, a wine cellar, and a basketball court in the back.
I was a lucky boy.
And a fucking loser.
He was right, and nothing felt better.
I turned around and walked, leaving my truck and clutching the cell phone in my pocket.
I had no desire to ever watch it again.
I walked down my driveway and headed down the road, back toward the village in the black night as I took out the phone to delete the video. I wanted it gone.
I wanted to erase everything about me, because I hated me as much as she did.
“Hey, man!” someone called.
I looked up, closing the phone before I could finish and stuffing it into my pocket.
Bryce rolled up, peering at me through the open window. He had a girl in the car, and I leaned down, forcing a smile and stuffing my bloody hands into my pocket.
He studied me, sensing something. “You need a ride?”
I shook my head. “No,” I told him. “Thanks, though.”
He nodded slowly, still unsure. “O…okay.”
He sped off, and I pulled out my hands, sick of this feeling inside me.
Scott was right. Nearly two years, and I was still pining while she’d been stone. Not a look, a hint, or a whisper from her.
She thought I was nothing.
I walked and walked, passing the village and the gazebo I’d heard she’d abandoned the last time I was home at Christmas.
I didn’t want to see her and anything of hers. I just wanted the pain to go away.
Before I knew it, I was walking through Damon’s house, up the stairs where the maid guided me, and up to the third floor where I knocked.
I faintly heard whispers and shuffling, and then he was there. In his lounge pants, freshly showered and no shirt.
His eyebrows shot to his hairline. “Here to see my coffin?” he joked.
I looked behind him, seeing the bed. “It looks comfortable.”
His eyes turned warm, but then he dropped them, looking hesitant.
Tears pooled in my eyes. “I’m fucked up,” I choked out.
“I know.” He nodded. “But if you come in here, I’m not fixing you.”
He was just as fucked up. Tomorrow wouldn’t be any brighter for either of us.
“Just fix it for tonight,” I whispered.
Dive and destroy and show me how to get lost. Just for tonight.
He moved to the side, inviting me in, and I closed the door behind me.
An obnoxious junkie.
At least Sid could play a guitar.
