By the time two hours tick by, I’ve worn a hole in the rug of my living room. The confusion I tried to unscramble during my elevator trip with Simon remains unanswered. I’ve also dialed Mr. Fletcher’s number over a dozen times, but I’ve failed to hit the call button every single time. Although part of my hesitation stems from ensuring I remain employed—if I’m unemployed, I’ll have no chance of getting my brother’s charges revoked—but for the most part, I’m hoping my touch is as effective for Nikolai as his is for me.
I also want to trust Nikolai. He said he’d never hurt me. Shouldn’t that include hurting people I care about?
Deciding to wash away my confusion with scorching hot water, I head for the bathroom. I shred my clothes off my body, leaving them where they fall. I’m so exhausted, I’m shocked my legs are even moving. This week has been one of the most challenging I’ve had. I always knew my relationship with Nikolai would be an uphill battle; I just had no clue most of the fight would come from him.
He is engaged—no amount of unscrambling can change that.
I ensure the water is nice and hot before stepping into the shower. Flashbacks of Nikolai doing the same thing when demolishing the surveillance cameras bombard me. The protectiveness he displayed last week reveals that I am important to him, but am I significant enough to tilt the axis of his universe like he has mine? I want to say yes, but I’m so discombobulated, I’m wary of trusting my morals. There is no greater poison to an ethical mind than lust.
Groaning, I step deeper into the spray. The more I analyze my relationship with Nikolai, the more confused I become. It would be nice to pretend our time together has been two people working through pent-up sexual frustration, but it feels more than that. Nikolai is willing to kill a man to keep me safe, and I’m risking not just my life, but my entire family’s well-being for him. That has to be more momentous than two sexually compatible people finding solace between the sheets, doesn’t it?
While lathering my body, the hairs on my nape prickle, and an awareness of being watched washes over me. Cranking my neck to the side, I spot the cause for my body’s response. Nikolai’s shoulder is propped against the doorjamb of my bathroom. He looks tired and frustrated, which worries me more than his anger would have. Nikolai isn’t the type of man who carries worry on his shoulders, so to see him so quiet is a little off-putting.
“Hey,” I greet him as my eyes scan his body, wondering where he’s been the past two hours.
He appears just as he did when he left. His knuckles aren’t showing signs of a fight, and his plain white shirt is clean and without wrinkles. His only change is the stormy cloud in his alluring gaze. They are an exact replica of the look I’ve been wearing the past three days.
Knowing a million obstacles could never keep me away from this man, I pull open the shower curtain, soundlessly offering for him to join me. When his eyes rake the length of my body, the water pumping from the shower head turns cold. Nikolai’s gaze is so heated I feel like I’m standing on the sun. I love how he stares at me as if I am perfect, like my skin is unmarked.
While pushing off his feet, he drags his shirt over his head. The unease swishing in my stomach becomes somersaults when the body I’ve missed ogling the past week breaks through the steam. Nikolai’s body is pure perfection with muscles in all the right places, but not those horrid overdone ones that take hours at the gym to maintain. He is firm under my hand but smooth to touch. He truly is a triple threat with looks, intelligence, and stamina.
‘Hey,’ I greet him for the second time when he removes his jeans and steps into the shower.
Not speaking, he curls his arm around my waist and pulls me to his thick, tensed body. The stubble on his chin scratches my neckline while the heat of his rod scorches my ass. He steps forward until the suds coating my body circle the drainpipe. Although his closeness is heating up every inch of me, his reserved response is dampening its effect.
“Is everything okay?” I ask, worried by his silence.
Nikolai nods before switching places with me, so he is under the spray. When he runs his fingers through his hair, it spikes under his touch, making him look like he did the day I first laid my eyes on him.
Unable to keep my hands off him, I squeeze some body wash into my palm before running them over the hard ridges of his chest and stomach. Groaning, Nikolai’s eyes open and drop to mine. He doesn’t say anything; he just watches me nurture him as if it is the first time it’s ever happened.
Tears prick my eyes. It probably is.
From the reports I read on Nikolai’s childhood years, he didn’t have his mother’s love and protection. Her sole devotion belonged to Vladimir. Although angered she failed to protect her own flesh and blood from a monster, I see some sense in her madness. She was under Vladimir’s spell as intensely as Nikolai bewitches me. It doesn’t excuse her behavior, but who am I to judge her actions? I couldn’t even muster the courage to inform my mentor and friend of impending danger, and I’ve only known Nikolai a matter of days. Oksana was infatuated with Vladimir for well over a decade before Nikolai arrived. She was too far down the rabbit hole to see logic.
After ensuring every inch of Nikolai’s body has been cleaned, my focus diverts to his hair. My chest expands with a deep breath when his eyes flutter shut at the soothing massage of my fingertips to his scalp. I take my time pampering him, loving how handsome he is when his face is void of his mafia sneer. He is such a sexually appealing man. Mannish, yet beautiful. Stern, yet playful. Mine, yet not entirely.
Swallowing down my unease, I guide Nikolai’s head under the spray. We are standing so close to each other, his cock warms my core as well as his breath heats my lips. Although I’d love nothing more than to be reacquainted with parts of his body I’ll never tire of devouring, now is the time to listen to my brain. Nikolai needs this type of intimacy just as much as I do. He deserves to be shown tenderness—he deserves to be shown he is loved.
As my hands glide down the wispy strands of hair curling around his ears, I notice a set of angry red marks on his neck. They look like scratch marks, like someone got their claws into him and didn’t want to let go.
“Malvina wasn’t too happy at my request for her to leave. She kicked and screamed all the way to the gate.”
My eyes shoot to Nikolai, believing I misheard him. He didn’t just say what I thought he did, did he?
“You asked Malvina to leave.” I’m not asking a question. I’m stating a fact. I read the truth in Nikolai’s eyes. He asked her to leave.
After closing my gaping mouth, Nikolai mutters, ‘I understood seeing me with her hurt you; I just had no clue how bad the burn was until tonight.’ His body stiffens as his jaw pulls taut. ‘Just the thought of you with Carmichael. His lips on you. His hands on you. . . Fuck. I want to kill him, Ahren. I want to gut him the way I was gutted smelling him on you.”
Although his temper is rising, I do get some comfort in his words. He spoke them as if he hasn’t harmed Mr. Fletcher yet—like it is a possibility, not a statistic. I just wish he hadn’t spoken the last sentence. I hate that I contributed to him feeling “gutted.”
Having no words to ease the turmoil in his eyes, I return to pampering him. I condition his hair, being extra cautious not to touch the wounds of a desperate woman. I can’t say I blame Malvina. If I had no other option but claw myself to Nikolai and never let go, that is precisely what I’d do.
When the bubbles from Nikolai’s body and head are gone, I switch off the faucet and step out of the shower.
“Let me,” I plead when Nikolai grabs a towel.
After wrapping a towel around my drenched head and another around my body, I use a third towel to soak up the water droplets I’m suddenly envious of. I don’t think those beads of moisture have any idea how lucky they are. Not only are they running over smooth pecs before gliding down rippling abs, but they’re also seeping into an area that is growing larger and larger with every gentle pat.
Seriously, Nikolai’s cock is so entrancing, if my heart and head weren’t finally speaking the same language, I’d be falling to my knees and devouring him for dinner. But since I’m trying to give my mind the same understanding it is giving my body, I hang Nikolai’s wet towel on the drying rack before turning around to face him.
Let me tell you, it is the fight of my life to keep my eyes on his face, even more so since the glorious vision of his naked package is two seconds away from being concealed by his jeans.
That’s another thing I love—since the first night he slept in my bed, Nikolai has forgone briefs, choosing instead to go commando. I don’t have proof, but I’m reasonably sure the change is more to do with having one less article of clothing between us than a change in preferences.
When the womb-detonating visual is hidden from my perverted gaze, I lift my eyes to Nikolai and ask, “Are you hungry?”
He stops buttoning his jeans and locks his eyes with mine. The hunger in his heavy-hooded gaze intensifies the mugginess in the room. It makes me so hot and oh-so-needy.
“Are you going to feed me, Ahren?’ he asks, the low roughness of his tone forcing my knees together.
“Yes,” I reply, my voice throaty and full of need.
The throb in my sex amplifies when a ghost of a smile graces Nikolai’s full lips. His gaze slides over my face when I return his smile. His stare is so wicked, it revs up my needs. I fight with all my might not to writhe on the spot, but it is a pointless endeavor. It wouldn’t matter if we were in a room surrounded by thousands, my body will always respond to his attention.
His smile turns genuine when he hooks his thumb into the knot of my towel, sending it tumbling to the floor. I ball my hands into fists at my side when his eyes rake my body. Old habits nearly have me hiding myself, but new habits stop me from doing it. This may sound conceited, but I genuinely feel beautiful when Nikolai’s eyes are on me.
He lowers his eyes down my body in a slow, dedicated sweep, taking in every inch of me as if it’s the first time he is seeing me. I remain perfectly still, so ensnared by him, nothing could break the hold he has over me. Nikolai loves this. The power. The control. Knowing I am defenseless to him.
Warm breath hisses out of my parted lips when he curls his hand around my jaw. His fingers are so long, they creep past my ear before weaving through my hair. Although he is touching an area plagued with scars, I don’t so much as flinch. The feeling of being desired overpowers any shame.
“When you were a kid, did you ever want dessert before dinner?” Nikolai asks, his voice laced with desire.
Unable to speak through the lust clutching my throat, I merely nod my head. Our time in the shower was intimate and teeming with mutual respect, but just as quickly as my feelings have developed for Nikolai, a shift in the air has occurred. I want him more than my next breath, not just his body, but him in his entirety. Sex is incredible, but sex with Nikolai is out of this world. It makes me feel whole—it makes me me.
“Was your request ever approved, Justine?” Nikolai asks, his lowered tone revealing I’m not the only one stuck in a crazy lust vortex. He is just as deep as me.
Even though I’m seconds away from lying, I lock my eyes with Nikolai’s before shaking my head. “No.”
My parents weren’t pushovers by any means, but like all responsible guardians, they knew every child needs flexibility. Whether it is taking a gap year to travel Europe before college, or skipping school to go to Disney World, a change in routine can be so beneficial for a child—particularly one who grew up in a household like Nikolai’s.
“Do you want dessert before dinner?” I ask Nikolai, my husky tone leaving no doubt what I’m offering as sweets.
A heated flare scorches my veins when he replies, “I guess that depends on what’s on the menu.”
When he takes a step forward, I take a step back. It isn’t because I’m scared of the spark brightening his eyes; it is from the seduction revitalizing them. He is a man on the hunt, and I’m his prime target. I can’t make things too easy for him. The chase is half the fun.
“Don’t run, Ahren, not unless you want to be caught, cause I’ll never stop chasing you, no matter how fast you run,” Nikolai warns hoarsely.
I’m grateful for the bathroom sink digging into my back when his threat causes my knees to buckle. It wasn’t what he said that has my legs giving way; it was the way he said it. It wasn’t a ploy or a line to get into my panties; it was a message directly from his heart.
“Do you want me to chase you, Ahren?” Nikolai asks as his gorgeous eyes bounce between mine.
I nod without hesitation. “Yes.”
His eyes spark, his happiness at my swift response unmissable on his handsome face. “Do you want me to catch you, Ahren?” he asks, taking another step closer to me, sweet-talking me with his intoxicating scent.
‘Yes,’ I repeat again, my voice more throaty than usual from his big body swamping mine.
Lust zings from my nipples to my pussy when he presses his lips to the shell of my ear before whispering, “Do you want me to keep you forever?”
“Yes,” I breathe out heavily, ignoring the tears pooling in my eyes from the emotional punch his question inflicted to my stomach.
Nikolai’s heavenly gruff groan rolls through my ears before he returns his eyes to mine. He rests his forehead against my sweat-slicked one as he drinks in my flushed, emotion-filled face. Every breath we take is shared, unifying us more than any sexual exchange ever could. We need this, time away from a world determined to tear us apart.
“I don’t need dessert before dinner,” Nikolai murmurs a short time later, his hot breath hitting my lips. “I already have it. The ultimate treat is already mine.”
He brushes away a rogue tear rolling down my cheek before saying, “You are my slice of heaven in a hot and temperamental place. My Ahren—the sweetest dessert a man can have.”
Several hours later, I am woken by Nikolai slipping out of my bed. I didn’t think my heart could possibly get any bigger after what Nikolai said to me in the bathroom, but it grew exponentially in the hours that followed.
Nikolai and I did what every standard couple does on a Thursday night. We ate dinner together and watched TV snuggled on the couch until the heaviness of my eyelids became too great to ignore. I don’t remember coming to bed, but for the sheer bliss heating my veins, I know I spent the last several hours cocooned by Nikolai.
“Are you leaving?” I whisper, my cheek already missing the heat of his torso.
Nikolai snags his jeans off the floor before tugging them up his legs. “I’ve got some business to take care of.”
“At four AM?” My question is muffled by Nikolai’s lips pressing against mine.
He runs his finger across my forehead, removing a strand of hair falling in front of my eye before murmuring, “The devil can’t tell time if he’s never seen the sunrise.”
I sigh softly, disturbed by his saying, but also accepting of it. What I said last week was true. Nikolai is so immersed in his lifestyle, he doesn’t realize an entire world exists outside of it. Expecting him to change would be the equivalent of gifting a cat to a dog lover. Furthermore, Nikolai is who he is, and I am accepting of that.
“When will I see you again?” I hate how needy my voice sounds, but I can’t help it. Just like Nikolai doesn’t know life outside of his family, I don’t truly live when I’m not with him.
“I’ll be back tonight,” Nikolai replies, his lips quirking, appreciative of my neediness.
He kisses me again, his lips lingering longer than a standard peck. Although we didn’t have sex again last night, the teasing touches and kisses we exchanged throughout the night kept the fire in my womb well-stocked. Every new relationship has an exceptional sex life, but my needs are more extensive. I love spending time with Nikolai in and out of the bedroom.
“Be good,” Nikolai whispers against my mouth before hesitantly pulling back.
“Don’t be too bad,” I reply through a yawn, the exhausting week taking a toll on my vocal cords.
Nikolai’s husky morning voice hits every one of my hot buttons when he replies, “Where is the fun in that? The good girls always want to tame the bad boys, Justine. Except you. You like me just the way I am.”
Having no plausible defense to his honest statement, I burrow my head into my pillow, hoping it will conceal my bright grin. I’d give anything to go back and save Nikolai from all the heartache he has endured in his short twenty-eight years, but he wouldn’t be the man he is today without all the challenges he has faced. And I really like the man he is.
“Silenced by the truth, hey?” Nikolai mutters, his deep tone brightened by laughter.
My skin bristles with goosebumps when he trails his index finger up my bare thigh, only stopping when he reaches the curve of my right butt cheek. I moan softly, my coil tightening with every subtle touch.
“Oh, Ahren, you could tempt a devil into becoming a saint,” Nikolai murmurs under his breath, loving my body’s reaction to his touch. “If you didn’t look so peaceful resting in my arms, I would have taken you in your sleep.”
My breathing shortens when he cups my pussy from behind, his fingers so long, they brace against my throbbing clit. Although there is a pair of panties between his hand and my heated core, my body responds as if there isn’t. My clit is thrumming without constraint, my hunger obvious.
“Have this bare and waiting for me tonight, Ahren. I want my dessert before my supper,” Nikolai requests through a growl, heightening my senses even more. “As much as I’d love to bury my head between your legs and eat your greedy cunt for breakfast, if I want to catch Vladimir unaware, time is of the essence. I can’t waste a second.”
I crank my neck back to peer at him before faintly nodding. My eagerness at his promise is uncontained, but my worry for him weakens its impact. I want to argue that acts of revenge never end well, but I know this is more than just vengeance for Nikolai. He doesn’t just want his father to pay penance for years of suffering; he wants to protect me, and in all honesty, deep down inside, I love how protective he is. I don’t want him to kill a man for me, but I do love that he will stop at nothing to make sure I am safe.
Nothing in life is free. Even love comes at a cost, we just don’t know how sacrificial the amount will be until push comes to shove. My brother gave up his life for me, and now Nikolai is risking the same thing. I just pray the outcome will be different this time around.
