“lately I’ve been feeling not alive but you bring me back to life”—Cloud 9 by Beach Bunny
Lily
“I have good and bad news,” Colin says as he walks into the locker room where he left me to go and take a shower.
He could have easily left me waiting outside, but no, Colin refuses to let me do that. So instead, he forces me into the locker room, waiting for him, while his teammates are also present. At least he had them all march into the shower room with him.
The sight of naked Colin—completely naked except for that white towel wrapped around his waist—has me nervous. Though, not as nervous as knowing that when Colin just got out of the shower, twenty-one other hockey players are about to follow.
Colin lets his towel drop to the floor right in front of me, like I’m not even here. And the fact that a really hot and very naked hockey player is standing in front of me only has my blood rushing through me quicker, making it feel like it’s a million degrees in here.
At least his back is toward me. I don’t think I would have survived looking at his chest. More like, his tattoos. Who would have thought I’d ever be into tattoos? Certainly not me. But hell, they’re sexy as fuck. Or maybe they’re just sexy because they’re on Colin’s body and I happen to find him sexy? Either way, he’s way too good-looking. And I hate it.
But I also love it.
Oh, the sight of his ass is quite the show as well. Not as intriguing as his bare chest covered in tattoos.
“We don’t have to carry twenty-three pumpkins on our own,” he tells me while drying his body. “However, we do need about twelve.” That can only mean that more of his teammates decided to tag along for our plans today.
As much as I’d rather spend time with Colin alone, I begin to think that maybe today could be fun. I mean, as far as I know, the guys are fun to have around. Not once did I hear someone complain about spending time with one of the hockey players—well apart from sex rumors about Colin, which also aren’t true at all. This man is a sex god, and can be, no is really sweet afterward.
“We’ll be thirteen in total. Is that okay with you?” Colin turns his head to meet my eyes, yet his body stays in the same position, almost. It has a slight turn to it now, but not enough for me to view his abs. He isn’t turning around completely, not sure why. I mean, I’ve seen him naked before, technically there is nothing more to hide from me. Unless he isn’t trying to hide his body parts, but something that is on his body…like a tattoo. Or maybe he just thinks it’s inappropriate right now—which it is.
“Thirteen of your teammates just decided to tag along to a pumpkin patch?” I ask. It’s amusing, really. Never thought twelve super attractive, massive and…tough guys between the ages of eighteen to twenty-two would even consider going to a pumpkin patch. Voluntarily.
“Nine, plus Izan, you and I, which makes it up to twelve people in total. And Miles asked to bring Brooke, like I predicted. So thirteen. They’re sharing a pumpkin though.”
“So, who are the other six guys?” I’m assuming three of the tag-alongs are Aaron, Miles and Grey.
“Kaiden, Zac and a bunch of guys you probably never even heard of. They’re all nice. Have fucked up brains though. Don’t worry, you won’t even notice they’re with us.”
I snort a laugh, watching as Colin finally finishes getting dressed and turns to face me. “That seems unlikely.”
“They’ll probably challenge you to do dumb stuff. But they know how to have a good time. If you want them to stop annoying you, just threatening them with me. Is that okay?”
“I don’t mind. Sounds like a fun evening.”
“Are you sure?” Colin sits down beside me, taking my hand in his as he caresses the back of it. “If you’d rather do something alone with me, I’m happy to ban them from joining.”
“I think this is more about you wanting to be alone with me than the other way round.”
“Obviously. I’d rather stick my dick inside you without people watching. But I can work with some viewers.” I slap him about three times before he starts to laugh. I’m sure me hitting him hurts about…not at all. “Seriously, I’m talking about whether or not you have the strength to socialize today.”
I want to roll my eyes and scream. Not because Colin cares about me, but because these few words have my heart skip a beat. Or two. Or a hundred. I don’t know, I feel like this is a dream.
Maybe I’m already dead and Colin is my afterlife.
-♡–
“Your head doesn’t even fit into it,” Wees, so I’ve heard Colin call him, yells from across the pumpkin patch. Colin holds up his middle finger, flipping Wees off.
We’ve been here for good an hour and we’re still looking for pumpkins to take with us. Of course Colin would pay. He voted for everyone paying for their own pumpkin, except for me, of course. Colin would never let me pay, even now that it’s a new month and I have some extra money.
But because Colin is rather unlucky with Aaron around, he will have to pay for every single pumpkin as going to a pumpkin patch was his idea.
When Colin said he’d pay for mine, he earned a few slaps from his teammates, or friends…and Izan. Not sure why, but I suppose that’s what guys do?
From what I’ve heard from Winter, guys aren’t too good with that whole feelings stuff. And often times, if one guy develops feelings for someone, their friends will try to humiliate or make fun of them.
It’s sad, truly sad. Love is supposed to be something good, something relieving to know there’s this one person that loves you for who you are. That there’s a person to call home and be yourself with.
So why would anyone make fun of it?
I don’t see anyone making fun of Izan and Grey for being in love. Come to think it’s a male-female-relationship thing only.
Well, or this team is just afraid of Grey or Izan. I know I am.
Grey hasn’t stop eyeing me every now and then ever since he spotted me at the arena earlier. I know he’s aware of Colin and my fake-relationship thing. But it’s still odd, the way he watches me, I mean.
“Stop ogling at my best friend,” Colin whispers as his arms wrap around me from behind. His chin rests on the top of my head, I could swear right before he’d rest his head on mine, he placed a kiss on top of my head. “You should be in love with me, not Grey.”
I chuckle. “Grey has a boyfriend.”
“So do you,” Colin says. Before I would get the chance to protest, Colin twirls me around, cupping my face with his big hands and presses his lips to mine, sweet and soft.
This guy does want me dead after all.
“No face eating in public, captain,” speaks Kaiden, tapping his hand to Colin’s shoulder a couple of times.
Something seems odd the second Colin looks up and his eyes meet Kaiden’s. It’s like all of Kaiden’s courage just leaves his body.
I’ve seen that happening a few times when someone spoke to Colin—with people that aren’t his three idiotic best friends, that is.
“No one ever cared when you did that,” Colin utters, his hands sliding down my body until they come to a stop by my waist.
“Yeah, but you should spare Aaron the show. He’s about to cry and vomit at the same time.”
Trying to hold in my chuckle is almost impossible. The thought of my brother crying because his best friend kisses me occasionally is pretty hilarious.
But then another thought crosses my mind. What if Aaron has other reasons to dislike Colin and me together? Not that there is a “Colin and I.”
I excuse myself and walk across the pumpkin patch to get to my brother. He is comparing pumpkin sizes together with Grey, Izan and Miles. Though, Miles barely pays attention as his daughter clings onto him like a tiny monkey.
Brooklyn looks so much like Millie, it’s almost scary. She even wears her blonde hair the same way Millie always used to. In two braids. Though, I suppose that’s more an adult’s doing than her own. And by the looks of it, most likely Miles’s.
When I approach the guys, all of their heads turn to face me at the same time. And Brooklyn, she smiles up at me, yet keeps on hiding behind her father’s leg.
“Can we talk for a second?” I ask Aaron. I am solely speaking to him, yet Grey is watching me with suspicion.
Something in Grey’s aura has shifted since the last time he’d seen me. Yesterday morning, Grey was nice, calm and fun to have around. And today…he seems cold and as if he’s judging me. It’s weird.
“Sure.” Aaron lays the pumpkin in his hands down before taking a few steps to get away from the other two guys. “What’s up?”
Now, how do I phrase this? “Ron, I need to ask you something.” That’s not the way to go, Lily.
“Alright?” I can tell he is confused by the way his forehead wrinkles slightly. “Something happened?”
I shake my head. “Why do you hate the idea of Colin and me so much?”
He laughs, just once, one loud Ha! “Lily, I don’t hate you together,” is what I get in response.
“Then why are you so tense all the time? Kaiden said you’re about to vomit and cry at the same time just looking at us.”
Aaron puts his hand onto my shoulder, smiling at me softly.
“I’m happy for you,” he says in the softest voice I’ve ever heard him speak in. “You deserve some happiness, Lily. And it’s pretty obvious that this big guy over there is head over heels for you.”
Lies, I want to say, luckily, I can stop myself before it slips out.
“How would you know?”
“Are you serious?” He laughs again. “Lily, I know Colin. He’s an asshole to everyone that isn’t Grey, Miles or me…and you, apparently. It worries me that he might start to cut you off like the dick he is. I don’t want to see you hurting, not over some guy. And especially not over my best friend. If he hurts you, I will have to cut him off as well. That would be such a shame. However, I’ve also never seen him happier this whole time I’ve known him. I’ve never witnessed Colin seeing one girl for longer than one night, that is if it lasted a night. He moved you in with us in a heartbeat, only because you can’t deal with Winter at the moment.”
A smile tugs at the corner of my lips. Stop smiling, Lily. I hate that my body is betraying my head. And I hate it even more that my heart is doing little jumps.
“He didn’t even ask if I was okay with it. He just informed me you’d be staying with us. Said if I had any complaints about it, I could move in with Grey and Miles.”
Another jump. With those goddamn dragonflies in my stomach.
Didn’t Colin tell me he asked all three of them? It doesn’t matter.
“He cried, you know,” Aaron says, lowering his tone. I raise my eyebrows, not understanding what he’s talking about. “When he got Kermit—”
“His name is Sergeant Froggo now,” I correct. I don’t even know why I correct him, I just do.
Aaron’s jaw drops slightly, but his open mouth quickly forms into a soft smile. I understand the jaw-drop. It was Aaron naming him after all. And for all those years I’ve had him, I’ve never changed the frog’s name.
“I see.” He presses his lips together, inhaling deeply. “When he got that frog and came back, seeing you half dead lying in his bed—after I figured that’s where you’d rather be. I heard him sniffing and saw him wiping away some tears. Not that he’d ever admit it, so I never brought it up. But I know what I saw, and I heard what he said to you. Not a clue what it meant, but you know, probably something lovey-dovey.”
Probably something like: “I should have let you go.”
Wrapping an arm around my neck, Aaron asks, “What’s the actual reason to came to ask me?”
I hate that he knows me well enough to know when I had other intentions. Luckily, he doesn’t know me enough to see through my skull and read my mind.
“I thought that maybe…” I trail off, not knowing how to phrase it without making it awkward.
“Finish your sentence, Lily.” Bemused, he looks at me with that nasty grin. He knows my assumption, I don’t have to phrase it.
“I thought you might…you know…like him.”
Aaron laughs, rubbing his knuckles over the top of my head like our dad used to do when we were younger. “I’ve seen enough of this guy to know I am not—in any possible way—attracted to your boyfriend.”
“Too bad.” I shrug. “Colin knows how to work…bodies.”
Gagging, yet also laughing, Aaron pushes me away, holding his hand to his stomach. “I don’t need reminders of what I’ve seen, Lily. I’m good with fake-sleeping while he fucks some chick next to me, if that chick isn’t you.”
“Wait, what?”
“Can I get my girlfriend back?” Colin’s voice comes from behind me at the same time as arms wrap around my chest.
Why is he empathizing “girlfriend” like that? Just to make our fake-relationship seem more realistic to Aaron, right?
It starts to rain just when we’re on our way back to the cars. It’s not a light rainfall. No, it’s pouring. All of us are soaking wet in seconds. Not a clue where that came from so suddenly, but I like rain.
Maybe I like it a little too much because I stop walking without even noticing. Just looking at the sky as I let the cold water run down my body.
Something about rain is freeing. Something about the cold water is washing away some stress and anxiety of mine. It truly is the most relaxing thing ever. It’s easy to tip your head toward the sky and let the raindrops hit your face, shoulders, arms, chest and heart. And the feeling it comes with—the feeling of relief—it’s unimaginably easy to accomplish with some rain.
But what’s more of a benefit, tears are almost invisible in it.
I stand in the middle of the parking lot, head held up toward the sky that’s crying on me.
Maybe that’s why I find rain freeing? It looks like the sky is crying. If the sky can cry and let its frustration out, so can I.
The sky can look so dull, so sad for a moment and then the next thing you know, the sun is shining in all its glory. Everything is happy and sunny, and so bright. But even the sky has moments of sadness and anger.
Ignoring every single one of the guys as they walk past me, carrying some pretty heavy pumpkins to the cars we came here with.
I feel their looks, but I ignore them. Because what matters is that the sky is upset and cries. And although I don’t have a particular reason to be upset right now, nor do I feel any kind of sadness for a moment, I still want to feel the cold drops on my skin, savor them.
Headlights from the cars turn on, but I ignore those as well. I just want to stand here for a minute, letting the rain drop against my chest, opening my heart.
“I haven’t seen her do this in years,” I hear Aaron say. He’s watching me, probably with that same soft smile he used to give me back when we were kids and I stopped walking to look toward the rain.
“She’s done this before?” I think Zac asks.
There’s no response, so I’m guess Aaron nods as an answer. But a second later I feel a presence right next to me. At first I assume it’s Colin because he’s always right beside me, but it’s not.
It’s Grey.
“Is this any good?” he asks, his voice small and calm.
“The best feeling in the world.” I don’t look at him, but I know he’s copying the way I stand. His arms open to the sky as he looks up.
When I feel another presence next to me, I’m certain it’s Colin. So when I look up and find him standing there, doing the exact same thing Grey and I are doing, I can’t help but smile.
Not sure if I should be happy or mad when Colin intertwines our hands and pulls me to him until my back hits his front.
“Lily,” he whispers, sounding almost out of breath. It still feels weird when he says my name, though technically it’s still a nickname.
He turns me to face him. My hands find his shoulders almost instantly.
“Tell me what you said to me when I was asleep,” I demand, not caring that Grey is still beside us. Colin seems to care though. He eyes Grey who nods and makes his way over to the other guys. The ones that are waiting in the cars because it’s pouring.
Colin knows what I’m talking about. And judging by the horror in his eyes, I’m assuming he thinks I’ve heard him talk. I wish I did.
“I didn’t hear it, but Aaron did. He told me.” He sighs in relief. “Tell me what you said.”
He shakes his head, closing his eyes like he’s dismissing his own thoughts, his own words.
“Lilybug, you won’t understand it.”
“Tell me anyway, I want to know.”
“Eres el amor de mi vida, mi sol.”
And now I will forever wonder what he said. I bet he won’t give me a translation when saying it to my face—in a language I don’t even understand—is so difficult for him.
“Siempre te amaré.” Oh, okay, apparently there is more.
I’m not quite sure if that should make me nervous.
“What does it mean?” I find myself asking, leaning my forehead to his as he tilts down enough for me to reach him.
“Can’t tell you. At least not yet.”
