I’m not at all prepared for this meeting today. Actually, it’s not really a meeting; it’s my annual performance review. Every year near the end of the fourth quarter, I have to endure this awkward analysis of my skills, progress, attitude, team player-ness, growth, and goal completion status. The hardest part is having to fill out the self-analysis section of the paperwork that has to be turned into my manager and human resources. Doesn’t everyone rave about themselves and their accomplishments in hopes of getting a raise? Nobody is going to fill out that form detailing how much they’ve sucked for the past twelve months.
I would have been honest and admitted my less-than-stellar performance, though. That is if I had remembered to fill out the form. I probably would have outlined my decline in performance over the past few weeks.
But instead, I’m hearing it from my boss.
“You’ve completed all your yearly goals, and up until recently, your performance has been excellent. I have noticed, however, that for the past few weeks, you seem very distracted. You’ve come back late from lunch many times, you’ve suddenly had several sick days in a very short time, and at times, I’ve caught you staring off into space. The quality of your work isn’t suffering, but I’m concerned nonetheless. If you’re going through something and need to change your hours, or need to arrange for time off, I am more than happy to discuss it with HR.”
“Oh no, that’s not necessary. I apologize for all of that. I promise to do better. I’ve just had some personal things going on lately, and I’m so sorry I’ve let it affect me.”
“I’m wondering if perhaps you’re bored? You’ve been in the same position for several years, and I feel you’ve outgrown it. I believe your potential isn’t being fully explored in your current position.”
I hope Ditra never has to sit through one of these meetings because the words performance and position would have her all giggly with innuendos.
“I wouldn’t say I’m bored.” I am, though, now that I think about it. Answering phones, doing data entry, and filing are not exactly exciting.
“In the beginning of the year, we’re going to have some marketing assistant positions opening up. I think you’d be great in that department, if you’re interested?”
My attention is instantly piqued. “Yes. I’m very interested in that.”
She pushes the self-assessment form across the conference room table to me. “Excellent. We’ll meet again at the end of January to discuss. In the meantime, I’d like you to fill out this form and submit it to me by the end of the week, just so I have it in your file. It’s required by HR.”
“I definitely will. Thank you for being so understanding. I’m looking forward to hearing about the new positions.”
She shuffles through my paperwork in her manila folder. “For now, you’ll be receiving a ten percent increase and a two thousand-dollar year-end bonus.”
Two thousand dollars!
“That’s very generous. I can’t thank you enough.”
Nodding, she takes her glasses off her face and perches them on her head. “There is one other thing I’d like to talk to you about, off the record, so to speak.”
“Okay….”
“I have a daughter your age, and you remind me a lot of her. You’ve worked for me since you were in high school. I’ve watched you grow into a beautiful, intelligent woman. Recently, I’ve heard through the grapevine here at the office that you’re involved with a man of… very limited means with an unfavorable lifestyle. I have to admit I’m concerned. It’s very easy to get sucked into a situation or an unhealthy relationship that’s not the best for us. I apologize if I’m overstepping. I just want you to be careful, and I hope it’s not the reason for your recent attendance and focus issues.”
I’m slightly taken aback. Not offended, because I know Olivia means well. I just don’t quite know how to respond. I’m not going to deny that I’m seeing Blue. And I’m furious because I know the “grapevine” is Melissa and her big-ass gossip-mongering mouth.
“I appreciate your concern, Olivia. And yes, I am seeing a guy who chooses to live differently than most of us, but he’s a very good, caring person. I’m not in any danger.”
“Very good. I’m not going to pry any further, but know that my door is always open if you need an ear.”
“Thank you.” I grab my form and walk back to my desk, then go to the ladies’ room to touch up my makeup and have a moment to gather my thoughts. And who do I run into in front of the sinks and mirrors? None other than Melissa. Without any thought or plan or self-control, I push her, and she stumbles back into the electric hand dryer.
“What the hell is wrong with you?” she demands.
“Keep your nose out of my personal life.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Save your lies. I know you told Olivia about who I’m dating.”
“If I have to cover for you every time you’re late because you’re adopting the local strays, then it is my business. And I’m worried about how sanitary you are. We don’t need you spreading crabs on the toilets.”
“Mind your own fucking business.”
She scoffs down at my four-foot-eleven, petite frame. “What are you going to do about it, Piper?”
I apply my lip gloss slowly and glance at her reflection in the mirror. “Oh, I don’t know,” I say casually. “But it would be a shame if something happened to your BMW out in the parking lot. Especially with degenerate homeless men milling around. I hear they like to key paint jobs, cut break lines, and slash tires just for fun. I’d be careful if I were you.”
She glares at me, eyes burning with anger and hatred. “You’re a crazy bitch.”
I shrug carelessly and wash my hands as she practically runs out of the room, and I smile at myself in the mirror with satisfaction. I’m done with allowing her to bully me, and it feels good to finally fight back and give her a taste of her own medicine.
I’m trying not to shiver as I huddle in the corner, sitting on an old throw pillow. Acorn is curled up on my lap in a ball, and I stroke his soft ears and muzzle as I watch Blue write on notepaper and play verses on his guitar, then repeat the process over and over again. He’s in one of his moods today, but thankfully, he’s just chain-smoking this time and not drinking. I’ve been watching him for hours, being quietly supportive from over here in the corner. Hours ago, we drank hot cocoa that I brought with me from Dunkin’ Donuts, but it only warmed me up for a few minutes.
“Blue? I’m getting tired. I think I should go.”
He raises his head and looks at me with a blank expression, as if he had no idea I was still there.
“Are you okay?” I ask.
“Yes, I’m okay. I’m just tired. There’s so many words in my head, and they go up and down and all around, and I can’t rest until I’ve gotten them in order. Can’t you see that?”
Gently moving Acorn off my lap, I crawl over to Blue. “You don’t have to do it all tonight,” I say with a soft smile. “If you get some rest, your head will probably be clearer. Then you can sort the words and the notes better.”
His eyes dart back and forth between me and the scattered pieces of paper around him. “I don’t know….” He rakes a hand through his long, tangled hair. “I really should do it now.”
Carefully, I take his guitar from him and lay it off to the side. A flash of panic sparks in his eyes, and I lean in and kiss him, hoping to distract his mind.
“You really should do me now,” I whisper seductively, palming his cheek.
Sucking in a breath, he grabs the back of my neck and pulls me to him for a hungry, demanding kiss. His tongue sweeps over mine, and his breathing grows heavier as I stroke his cock through his jeans with my free hand.
“Take your coat off,” he commands as he quickly pulls his thick sweatshirt up over his head.
It worked. I flipped the switch.
Forcing myself to ignore the cold, I take off all my clothes and kneel in front of him, goosebumps pebbling my flesh. His eyes drink me in, and he cups my breasts in his hands, chafing his palms against my nipples that are already peaked from the assault of cold air.
“You’re so fucking beautiful, Ladybug,” he whispers, burying his face in my cleavage and running his tongue along the curve of my breast. I wrap my arms around his head and hug him to me as he lavishes kisses and love bites across my chest and neck. “Lie down and tell me to fuck you.” His hoarse voice oozes sexual power, and makes my insides quiver.
Pulling the comforter aside, I crawl onto the mattress and lie on my back, bending one arm under my head and moving my other hand slowly down between my parted legs as he watches me, mesmerized by the private show, the song and the words rambling through his brain forgotten.
For now.
“I want you to fuck me,” I whisper.
Standing, his eyes stay riveted on my hand fingering myself as he kicks off his boots and slips out of the rest of his clothes.
“Lick your fingers,” he says, kneeling between my legs. His eyes flash royal blue-black as I raise my hand to my lips to lick the length of my index finger before sucking it into my mouth.
A sexy-as-hell grin curves his lips as he watches me, his cock extending from his body, and he grabs my ankles, raising my legs until my calves are pressed against his solid chest. My pulse races when he reaches for my waist and pulls my body against his, sinking his cock into me with targeted finesse. The sudden thrust makes me cry out, which only fuels him to drive harder and faster into me. He’s a wild man, fucking me deep and furious with my ankles on his shoulders.
A light sheen of sweat glistens his body, and his hair flails around his head like a thrashing metal head in concert. He’s lost again, only this time in the depths of my body rather than strings and pages and notes and words. He leans over me, bending my legs with him until my thighs are pressed against my breasts, and claims my mouth with his. Digging my nails into his back as he drills into me, I let myself spin out of control with him, not caring about the cold or my growling stomach or the wind howling outside. Nothing matters more to me than making him happy and giving him what he needs to ease his self-torture and bring him peace. I can be drug, lover, and best friend for him. I’m convinced I can be the peace he’s missing, just as he is mine.
He’s asleep within minutes after we collapse onto the mattress together, both of us exhausted, sweaty, and breathless. After gently pulling the blanket up over his shoulders, I carefully untangle my body from his and sit up, scanning the dim room for my clothes. Pieces of notepaper are everywhere, and I pick up the ones that are closest to me and arrange them in a neat stack in case he wants to look them over tomorrow. As I put the stack of paper off to the side, I can’t help but notice that the top sheet is filled with nothing but random scribbles. The words and musical notes I assumed he was writing don’t exist.
His arm instantly snakes around me, distracting me from the paper, and I drop it as he pulls me back down next to him, molding his body against mine.
“Stay,” he murmurs. “I hate when you leave in the middle of the night.”
I hate it, too, but I’ve never been able to bring myself to stay overnight in the shed. I’m afraid of getting caught by the police and arrested for trespassing. I’m even more afraid of the spiders that might be waiting for me to fall asleep so they can come out and do whatever scary shit spiders do. I’m afraid I’ll have to pee in the middle of the night. And then again in the morning when I wake. Traipsing out into the edge of the yard and squatting amongst the weeds and trees sucks.
This is the first time he’s ever asked me to stay, though, and I hope it’s a sign he’s becoming more attached to me and doesn’t want to let me go. Technically, there’s no reason I can’t stay overnight. I don’t have to be at work tomorrow, and I know Archie has enough food and water to hold him over until I get home. For sure, my mother will worry if she realizes I never came home, but I’m an adult and can stay out all night if I want to, whether she likes it or not. It was part of the agreement when I moved downstairs that they would allow me to be independent and not pry too much.
Settling back into Blue’s arms, I pull the blanket back over us before all the heat of sex escapes.
“I love you like there’s no tomorrow. Don’t ever forget that,” he says with his chin against my shoulder. My heart swells in my chest as it does every time he says those special words. Hugging his arm tighter to my chest, I say it back, even though I’m sure he’s already sound asleep. Unfortunately, sleep doesn’t come as easy for me as it does for him. The fear of looming bugs hinders me from relaxing enough to close my eyes.
“Acorn,” I whisper, and he lifts his head from his fleece dog bed in the corner to look at me questioningly. “Come here, puppy.” I pat the bed next to me, and when he happily trots over, I lift the edge of the blanket for him to crawl in beside me. He licks my hand before making himself cozy next to me under the covers. Sighing, I feel warm and protected, snuggled between Blue and the fuzzy dog I’ve also fallen in love with.
