At Sea
She was going to be the death of me. I’d never been this turned on for this long since…ever. I hadn’t planned that night in the bungalow. Not that I regretted it. Hell no.
How the hell could I regret any moment that I had my hands on Rachel, her breath in my ear, her tight body under mine, my name on her lips?
And shit, now I was hard again.
It was like a permanent fucking condition lately—especially the last three days since we left Papua.
She walked into class? Hard.
Sat next to me? Hard.
Looked my way? Bit her damn lip? Brushed against me in the hallway? Hard.
Said my name? Answered a question in class? Took a swim in the pool?
Fuck my life. It was like I was fifteen again.
I relished every second of it, except maybe the cold-ass showers.
I wasn’t stupid—I was well aware that she was scared, testing the hell out of me, waiting to see if I’d finally give in and sleep with her, or if I’d fuck someone else. I saw it in the way she constantly watched my reactions, the way she pressed against me, kissed me, gave me every out in the book for this relationship.
She didn’t trust me—didn’t trust herself.
Part of her wanted me to fail.
The other girls who hung around weren’t an issue. I’d lost the desire to touch anyone else the moment Rachel appeared on board. Everything else felt shallow, cheap, and I was more than willing to wait for her as long as she needed.
“Hey, Nova,” Zoe said as I walked into my suite. She was stretched out on our couch with two other girls in string bikinis, and from the look of those Solo cups and rum bottles, they’d been drinking awhile.
“Hey, Zoe,” I said, heading to my room to drop my bag.
Of course she followed me. I turned to find her lounging on the doorframe, her long, lithe figure draped to showcase its best attributes. “Long day?” she asked.
I shrugged. “Not really. A good workout, a couple classes. What about you?”
“Oh, the same. I actually helped Pax out with some stuff for Nick, then I grabbed lunch up on deck twelve…”
“Okay?” I knew she was leading into something.
“Oh, it’s probably nothing, but I saw your girlfriend eating with someone.” Her sweet smile didn’t fool me. I also didn’t bother to correct her. I was perfectly fine with everyone in the world calling Rachel my girlfriend. It was Rachel who objected.
“Yeah? I’m glad she got lunch,” I said, putting my books onto my desk.
Zoe’s eyes narrowed. “It was that Hugo guy. The cute one with the dark hair?”
“That doesn’t surprise me. They’re friends.”
She walked over and sat on my bed, crossing her legs. “It doesn’t bother you? I mean, they looked really friendly. I just don’t want you to get hurt.”
I did my best to swallow back my annoyance at both. I knew Hugo wanted more. Hell, I’d been there when he’d asked her out. But I’d also been there when she said no, and when she came to my bungalow. I wasn’t going to play into Zoe’s need to incite a riot.
“No, it doesn’t bother me that she had lunch with a friend. And thank you for the concern, but Rachel and I aren’t up for discussion, Zoe.”
She squirmed under my stare. “Fine. I just care about you.”
“You want to get out here and—” Pax startled when he saw Zoe draped over my bed like a damn porn star. “Uh. Hi, Zoe.”
“What’s up?” I asked, sending him a little telepathic save me message.
“Bobby needs you in the dining room.”
“On it,” I said, walking out of my room without a backward glance. “Thank you,” I told Pax as we walked past the bar and the other girls in the living room.
“You didn’t…?”
“Hell no!” The girls all turned to look, and I lowered my voice. “I haven’t touched anyone but Rachel since she showed up.”
The relief on his face was almost palpable. “Oh, thank God. Because the last thing I need is Leah hating you. She’s already had a hard enough time accepting you were the one who hurt Rachel in the first place.”
I slapped him on the back, admiring the change in his priorities these last couple of months. I’d stupidly worried that Leah would distract him, but she’d focused him, given him a purpose that turned into an even more intense drive. “No worries.”
Penna came in through the sliding glass door, moving surprisingly well considering the giant boot she wore. “What did you guys need?”
“Originals production meeting,” Pax said, and we pulled out chairs at the dining room table while Penna stood. At least a production meeting meant there weren’t any cameras.
“I don’t really have anything I need to be here for,” she said.
Pax’s eyes shot fire. “I’m done with this shit. Your leg is healing, and you’re coming back. It’s been us three since the start. If we made it through almost losing Nick, we can handle this, too.”
“Nick didn’t almost destroy us,” she said quietly, her eyes flickering to where the girls were discussing some reality TV bullshit.
“Neither did you!” Pax shouted, uncaring about the audience.
Penna crossed her arms over her chest.
“Pax…” I warned.
“What? She didn’t.” His gaze swung back to Penna. “I get it. You feel guilty. Guilt that you didn’t know, that you didn’t catch on, that she is your sister. I get it. She’s your family, but you know what? We are, too. So sit your ass down and help us figure out this scheduling mess, Penelope!”
She arched a single eyebrow at his tirade.
He sighed and pulled out her chair. “Please.”
She looked at me.
“We have always needed you, and that’s not going to change,” I said softly.
Her sigh was audible, but she sat.
Bobby came over from where he’d leaned against the wall while waiting for us to get our shit together and laid out the calendar in a series of papers along the table.
“I talked to Nick. Your timeline is fucked,” he said, not mincing words.
“Well, that sounds promising,” I said as the sliding door opened again. Leah and Rachel walked in.
Rachel had on a little green sundress that had to have been specially designed to bring me to my knees. There was no other explanation for the immediate need that clawed at me to strip it off her.
“Hey, Firecracker, come on in,” Pax said to Leah.
“I thought it was an Originals-only meeting,” Zoe said as she came out of my bedroom. Shit.
In my fucking Led Zeppelin T-shirt.
Fuck. My. Life.
Rachel’s eyes widened as she looked at Zoe, then swung to me in question.
I held her shocked gaze and shook my head.
No, I didn’t touch her.
To my utter relief, she didn’t freak. “Nice shirt,” she said to Zoe.
“Yeah, it’s his favorite,” Zoe replied.
“We don’t have fucking time for this,” Pax hissed under his breath.
“I know. I was with him when he bought it,” Rachel said with a sweet smile, and firmly put Zoe in her place.
Fuck, I adored her.
She walked straight over to me, and as I turned to pull out the chair next to me, she sat in my lap instead. Even better.
Once Leah was seated, Bobby started again. “Okay, here’s the deal. You’ve got Sydney tomorrow, then New Zealand, then midterms in Fiji, then home for Christmas.”
“Where’s the issue?” Pax asked.
“Well, your boy here wants to go back to Nepal,” he said, pointing at me.
Rachel turned. “You’re serious?”
“We all had one thing that we wanted to nail during this documentary. That ridgeline is mine. I’m not okay with what happened. I’m not okay walking away having failed. The documentary needs it. Nick needs it. I need it.”
I awaited her judgment with held breath and watched emotions cross over her face in waves. Surprise, worry, and finally resignation.
“Okay.”
“You’re okay with it?” I asked.
She shrugged. “I can’t remember the last time you let anyone tell you what to do when it came to free riding. And honestly, if it’s going to eat at you that you didn’t complete the summit run, then it’s worth it. This trip is all about taking chances and avoiding the what-ifs. Right?”
Uncaring that we were in the middle of the suite, I kissed her. “Thank you.”
Pax cleared his throat. “Okay, well, now that you’re committed to trying to kill yourself, when would you like to go back?”
“Christmas?” I asked. “That’s the only two-week time frame, right?”
“You won’t be ready for the X Games if you don’t spend Christmas practicing,” Penna answered, leaning forward to look at the calendar. “You’re in decent shape, but when’s the last time you were on a half-pipe?”
“Fair point,” I said.
“What about invitations?” Leah asked quietly.
“Our medals from last year serve as our invitation,” Pax answered. “Plus, it’s us, so as long as we’re there a few days early for qualifying runs, we can pretty much enter whatever event we feel like we’re ready for.”
“It wouldn’t hurt to butter up your sponsors, seeing as you’ve dropped off the face of the earth this year,” Penna added.
“Your sponsors, too,” I reminded her, tensing slightly. Gremlin was still a major sponsor, and Rachel’s dad, who was in charge of that contract, pretty much hated my guts. I was going to have to follow up with Pax about that situation.
She snorted. “Yeah, okay. I can go be a pretty statue, but considering this thing doesn’t come off for another month, I highly doubt I’ll be ready to hit anything.”
“You can still compete in snowmobile,” I said. “Your leg should be good enough by Christmas to practice. That’s two weeks in Aspen, then you’re back on board for three weeks before we head to the Games.”
She shrugged. “Not sure.”
Rachel gently squeezed my thigh, and I heeded her warning. Penna was at some kind of crossroads right now. I just wished that I knew which way she was headed.
“Okay, well, we can talk about that later,” I acquiesced.
“So the question is when we can get you back to Nepal,” Pax said to himself, looking at our schedule.
“If I can’t do it over Christmas break, I’m not sure when we can make it happen.” This was why a ton of the guys on the circuit were shocked we were even trying to finish up college. It was fucking with our careers.
“We need the footage for the documentary and, honestly, we’re kind of already on this side of the world. I don’t know when you’ll get the time to come back between classes,” Bobby added.
I rubbed the skin between my eyes. When did this all get so fucking complicated? Everything was precisely timed with our ports, our finals, our classes, and with one moment, I’d fucked everything up.
“There’s one week here.” Bobby pointed to the January calendar. “It’s the Great Wall stunt, but if we split the crew, you could go back to Nepal. You’d just have to leave early, and you’d risk missing the ship on the return.”
“What do you think?” I asked Rachel.
She sighed, looking at the calendar. “I think you’re taking a huge risk without really acclimatizing, and you can run into the same exact issue. You get one chance, and that’s it.”
“She’s right,” Pax said. “I don’t mind financing another expedition. Especially since it would be badass to get into the documentary, really kind of tie it together with the struggle, but one thing goes wrong and you’re out of time…again.”
“But what if I don’t have those issues? Isn’t it worth the risk?”
The table quieted.
“If you think it is,” Rachel answered.
“We’ll back you,” Paxton agreed.
“Will you come with me?” I asked Rachel. “I know it’s a lot to ask.”
She took a deep breath. “Can I think about it?”
“Of course. There’s no pressure.” I wanted her with me, but after the hell I’d put her through last time, I couldn’t blame her if she wanted to say no. My feelings on the subject probably would have been way different if I’d had to dig her out of an avalanche.
“Okay, then we’ll start planning that and splitting the crew,” Bobby said. “Do we have the X Games handled?”
Pax cringed. “Nick is in talks with our sponsors right now. I have a meeting with the dean tomorrow. We’ll see what he says. We’d have to miss at least a week, if not ten days. Between travel, qualifying, and the actual games, we’ll miss all of the Japan stop.”
“Has anyone thought about skipping this year?” Leah asked. “It’s not like you guys are sitting around doing nothing.”
Pax shook his head. “We’ll lose our sponsors and our titles.”
Her nose crinkled.
“Say it,” Pax ordered.
“Are you even in shape for that? I mean, not that you’re not in shape, but that level of shape?” She covered her face with her hands.
Pax laughed and pulled her hands away to sneak a kiss. “Yeah, we’re fine. We have all of Christmas in Aspen, and that’s only a few weeks before.”
“Then it’s decided. Nova is back to Nepal in January, and Wilder will work on the X Games,” Bobby said, snapping his folder shut. “Go team.”
“Now on to more important things,” Pax said with a grin.
“Like?” Rachel asked.
“Like turkey,” I said enthusiastically.
She laughed, and it was the sweetest sound I’d ever heard.
…
“I’m fine, Mom,” I said into the laptop the next day as I buttoned my shirt. Leah had threatened us all within an inch of our lives if we didn’t dress up for Thanksgiving.
“Are you sure? I mean, we heard about the avalanche, Landon. The least you could have done was called.” Mom gave me the look, and I sighed.
“I didn’t think you’d ever find out. Promise. Never thought that Gabe’s mom would call you, and I’m sorry. You’re right. I should have called. But I’m fine.”
“How are your grades?” She moved on with her typical finesse.
“Good. Holding my four point oh with no problem.”
“Well, at least you haven’t let your silly little activities derail you on that. Any thoughts on which law schools you’ll be applying to next year? I know you’re a semester behind because you thought it would be more fun to go snowboard some godforsaken mountain, but this is important.”
I swallowed, my tongue thick in my throat. “Well—”
“Get off the boy, Hazel.” Dad’s voice came in as his face appeared next to hers in front of the screen. “How’s it going, Lando?”
“Good, Dad. I was just calling to say happy Thanksgiving.”
“It’s not even Thanksgiving here,” Mom said.
“It’s Thanksgiving there,” Dad told her with a shake of his head. “Meet any girls yet?”
“He’s concentrating on his studies,” Mom argued.
“He’s twenty-two, almost twenty-three, and he’s trapped on a boat where at least half the population is female. I hardly think he’s spending all his free time at the library.”
“No, he’s busy trying to get himself killed. Think about that avalanche, Art!” she snapped.
If there was one thing I didn’t miss about being home, it was the constant bickering between these two. I knew they loved each other to distraction, but sometimes I failed to see the connective tissue.
“He’s fine. Landon, how did the new avalanche beacons work out?”
“Great,” I answered truthfully. “Rachel was the first to get a hit, and they had Gabe dug out in record time.”
Mom blinked, and Dad’s mouth dropped open. “Dear…” Mom started. “When you say Rachel…”
I laughed, loving the ability to shock her every once in a while. “I mean the Rachel. She’s here.”
“How?”
“Are you two together?”
“I need details!”
My laughter nearly overpowered their demands. Nearly. “You guys. Okay, look. I’ll be home for Christmas, and I’ll bring her by, okay? But you have to swear not to scare her off. Promise.”
“Scout’s honor,” Dad said.
“Well, I mean, I’ve always wanted to meet her. Where does she go to college when you’re not sailing around the world? And what’s her last name again?” Mom asked, no doubt ready to demand a background check on her.
“She goes to Dartmouth, and she’s a journalism major. And Mom…no. Don’t do it.”
“What? Don’t look out for the best interest of my only son?”
Dad rolled his eyes. “Landon, we love you. Go have a great Thanksgiving, and we can’t wait to see you once you’re home in a few weeks. Be safe, okay?”
“Always, Dad. Mom, I love you.”
“I want her last name, Landon!”
“What was that? I can’t hear you. We’re breaking up or something…must be pulling away from port… Love you! ’Bye!” I slammed the laptop shut.
I quickly tied my tie and then ran my hands through my hair. This was as good as I was going to get…as soon as I adjusted this knot.
“How is it possible to be so incredibly sexy?” Rachel asked from my doorway.
I winked at her in the mirror as I finished with the tie and caught my breath. My fingers tangled in the knot as she walked in. Her black dress wrapped around her body, hugging each line, and was secured by a single tie.
One little pull.
Her hair was swept up, and she looked different somehow…
“Need some help there?” she asked with a smile.
“You have makeup on,” I noticed, appreciating the way her eyes stood out.
“Well, we’re not in a mudslide or stuck in a Himalayan snowstorm, so I thought it seemed appropriate.”
“You’re gorgeous either way,” I told her honestly as she adjusted my tie. “I happen to adore every side of you. Makeup, no makeup…clothes, no clothes.”
She smiled up at me, and my heart clenched, then flew. How easily this could be our normal life. We could be getting ready for any event, a graduation, a date…an anniversary.
“Thank you,” she said simply. “You make me feel beautiful.”
A longing took hold in my soul. I’d always told her that she was it for me—my own little piece of infinity, but here, I saw it. Felt it. Longed for it. I wanted her boarding next to me on the slopes in Colorado. I wanted her coming home to me in L.A. after a long day. I wanted her arms around me when shit went wrong, and I wanted to celebrate with her when it all went right.
She smiled, patted my chest, and headed out. “It’s going to be cold if you don’t hurry up.”
God, she really was everything I wanted for my entire life wrapped in one petite package that packed a hell of a punch.
I stood in my doorway as she hugged Leah, then grabbed a bottle of wine for the table. Every movement was graceful, just like she was. My mind took flight and imagined another Thanksgiving in a few years, where maybe there would be smaller versions of ourselves running around, and for once, the prospect of true adulthood didn’t terrify the shit out of me.
Because I couldn’t fail if Rachel was with me. We balanced each other out, traded off times when we each needed help. We were strong, but together we were invincible.
“Holy shit, I’m in love with her,” I whispered.
“Just now figure that out, Captain Obvious?” Penna said as she walked by.
I stood there speechless until she turned around.
Penna stopped. “Wait, are you seriously just figuring that out? Because we’ve all known for a good three years or so.”
My mouth hung slightly open as I shook my head. “No. I mean, yes. I mean… Hell, I don’t know.”
“Words typically help,” she said, hobbling back to me.
“I knew I never stopped loving her, not really. But…I’m in love with her. Completely, heart-shatteringly, madly in love with her.”
Penna grinned. “Good. Now keep her.”
“How can she possibly love me back after everything I put her through? I abandoned her without a word for reasons that no longer seem anywhere near good enough.”
Penna took my hand and squeezed. “You make it up to her in every way possible. You earn her trust back, and then you never break it again. You deserve happiness, Landon. You both do. Whether or not she loves you is up to her. All you can do is be the best version of you.” She looked back over to where Rachel stood with the other Renegades, our dining room table extended to fill the living room. “Something tells me it will be more than enough.”
I walked Penna to the table and pulled out her chair so she could sit. Then I found my seat next to Rachel and kissed her soundly, uncaring that I smeared her glossy lips or that the entire Renegade family was watching.
She smiled and kissed me back. “Good thing the cameras aren’t in here, huh?” she joked as everyone gave a little hoot.
But I wanted the cameras. I wanted the entire world to know that I was hers and she was mine, and that the only person I’d ever be using those Casanova moves on was Rachel. But she wasn’t ready, because she didn’t trust me yet.
As we sat to Thanksgiving dinner, which Pax had no doubt paid a fortune to have delivered to our suite, we all took turns saying what we were thankful for.
Finally, it got to me.
“I’m thankful for our families, both biological and chosen,” I said. Then I turned to Rachel. “And second chances.”
I wouldn’t need a third.
