Lochie’s name appeared on my phone early afternoon the next day. “Caitriona,” he greeted me. “I’ve had a call. Can ye take Isla after school? I know you’re in the city so no problem if naw.”
I glanced at my list of appointments and calculated how long each would take. “I can do it. It’s the dinner at Castle McRae tonight. Did ye remember?”
“Aye. I’ll probably be late, but half my crew are going, so they’ll work harder to finish quicker.”
I chuckled. “I’ll take Isla there, and we’ll see ye when you’re done.”
“Grand.”
We said goodbye, and I hung up, smiling to myself. This evening’s gathering would be a nice end to a crappy day. Again, my emails had been opened before I’d got to them. Including one from the fertility clinic, confirming my registration. I’d spent two hours with an IT guy who insisted no one else had access rights, even though it had happened twice. He implied it was my mistake, the jerk.
It looked less like a glitch now and more a pattern.
“Cait?” a voice interrupted my thoughts.
I glanced up to find Jill, Rupert’s PA, across the open-plan office where I’d taken a desk for the day.
“Hiya.” I rubbed my eyes.
Jill’s mouth formed a grim, firm line, and she brushed over her skirt, her polished nails pointed. “I need to speak to you about working arrangements. Mr Gaskill is reconsidering the policy on office attendance. Your current pattern of spending a day per week with colleagues is insufficient.”
I tilted my head. “I work every day with colleagues, not just one. Working from home is part of the terms of my employment by the university. Rupert has no say over that.”
Technically, I was employed by the faculty, and not Rupert whose job it was to coordinate non-teaching staff.
Jill shook her head once, her sharp-cut bob slicing the air. “Rupert oversees your day-to-day activity and has made his decision.”
Then I caught on to what was happening. This was because he’d seen Lochie in my home. I jerked to my feet, embarrassment and annoyance heating my blood.
“Why?”
“Excuse me?”
“On what basis did he make that decision?”
She blinked several times. “I’m sure he isn’t required to explain himself to us—”
“Actually, he is. If Rupert wishes to change my ways of working, he can put it in writing and apply to Abigail Grant for a change. Then it can go via HR for consultation.”
Along with Rupert, Abigail had interviewed me for my job, and it was her budget that funded me. I rarely saw her, but we’d met recently to talk about my family plans. She’d have my back.
Jill hesitated, and I forced myself to breathe normally.
“If that’s all, I have work to get on with.”
In the same way as it had done before, Jill’s gaze slunk over me. She took in my pretty but smart floral dress, and the half-filled coffee mug on the table, then turned and left me alone.
My hand shook when I tried to get back into the email I’d been typing. I’d always been proud of my strength of mind, and how I didn’t let anyone push me around, but that hadn’t been pleasant.
Luckily for me, the rest of the day sped by without further incident.
At four, I left, needing to be early to collect Isla.
I clipped through the big hall at the entrance to the university, smiling at people I recognised. A familiar blond caught my eye ahead of me. In a few steps, I’d caught up.
“Jude?” I said.
The man turned. “Oh my God! Cait?” He grinned big and flung his arms out to wrap me in a hug. “It’s been so long. How are you?”
Jude had been a friend at university and one of the guys I’d slept with. I’d seen updates from him on social media where he’d been travelling the world for the past year.
“I’m good. What are ye doing in Scotland?”
“Visiting my uncle and…” He held up a hand, waggling it. “Then I’m going to meet my fiancée. Huh, that doesn’t work so well when you’re a guy. No flashy ring to show off.”
I smiled happily. “You’re engaged? That’s amazing. Do I know her?”
“Chelle Brooks? I don’t think you shared lectures, but you probably met.”
I cast my mind back, recalling an unassuming, fair-haired, nerdy woman. She’d hidden behind her glasses and hadn’t spoken much, but I pictured her serving coffee in the student union café, a band t-shirt under her apron. She couldn’t be more different to Jude’s athletic, sporty type, but then again opposites attract.
“I remember her. Congratulations. When’s the wedding?”
A shadow cast over us. I peered to see Rupert standing next to Jude.
Oh, how could I have forgotten? They were related. Rupert was the uncle Jude waited on. In fact, Jude had been the one to tell me about the job at the uni.
“Wedding?” Rupert intoned.
My good humour fled. I lifted my chin and turned back to Jude. He glanced between me and his uncle, his eyes widening.
“I’ve somewhere to be right now,” I said, “but I’d love it if you and Chelle could come to dinner one evening. We can catch up.”
“That would be great. In the next few days while we’re in the city?”
“Perfect. Friday at seven?”
“Deal.”
He reached to high five me, then I purposefully walked away, not giving Rupert another glance.
In my car, I sped into the National Park and towards home. A little early, I went straight to the school and presented myself to the receptionist, handing over the collection password despite being no stranger.
“Ah, Cait, I’ll grab Isla for ye,” said the sweet lady who’d worked there for longer than I could imagine.
She returned in a minute with Isla bouncing along beside her.
“Cait!” She darted forward and hugged me. “Do you like what I made? It’s a collage.”
I examined the gluey picture with its jewel-coloured shapes. “Ye clever girl, it’s beautiful.”
She glanced down, suddenly shy. “I made it for ye. Da said I could.”
My heart warmed, the stress of the day evaporating. “I love it. When we get home, we’ll put it on the fridge.”
She jumped right back into Tigger mode, hopping along as we left the school. “Can we make cookies?”
“Not today. We’ll get changed then we’re going to the castle for dinner. There will be other kids, and your da will get there soon.”
She slipped her hand into mine. “Can I sit with ye?”
“Aye, I’d love that.”
No small wonder filled me at the turnaround in Isla. Her personality had emerged over the months she’d been here. She was a joy to be near. Sunny and caring.
At the cottages, I took the key Lochie had previously left with me and let Isla in to get changed while I went into my own home. We met again outside, and I grinned at her pink-and-purple unicorn onesie.
“Will ye be warm enough in that? It can be draughty in Castle McRae.”
“Don’t worry, I’ve been there before so I remember. I put on leggings and a jumper underneath.”
Such a clever girl. I gave her a hug, and we got on the road again.
At the castle, Aunt Mathilda ushered us inside. Christmas decorations glinted here and there, though the big tree had yet to go up outside. Half of my relatives were already present, but as Lochie had noted, several were absent and out on the rescue, including both my parents. I introduced Isla to my cousin Skye’s children, then let her run free with the pack of kids loose in the castle.
I joined Casey who, at nearly nine months pregnant, needed all the entertaining. Food was served as a buffet, so I was well fed by the time the doors opened to admit the mountain rescue.
Never before had I been one of the people waiting on their other half. Lochie wasn’t mine, not really, but I stared in hunger at the huge man heading up the crew spilling through the door. Still in their jumpsuits, they’d clearly had a good result from the operation, considering the broad smiles and camaraderie. Brodie joined Casey and Blayne, kissing both. My parents made the rounds then headed for the food.
Lochie greeted his daughter with a hug.
Then he came for me.
I wanted to kiss him so badly it hurt.
I chewed my lip instead. He followed the action.
“Did all go okay?”
“Aye.”
“We’ve eaten. Isla’s been happily running around with the other kids.”
He didn’t reply, but his gaze darkened.
My insides tightened, and the room narrowed to just us. The very air stalled in my lungs. I needed him. Now, or tonight as a minimum.
His dilated pupils said he agreed.
A clap broke our intense focus.
Uncle Callum took to the middle of the floor. “I need your attention for a minute before I lose ye all to dinner and chat. I called this meal, interrupted as it was, to allow my son to make an announcement. Lennox?”
My cousin took the floor.
Ah, I knew what this was. Isobel had told me they were trying for baby number two right away, even though Archie hadn’t even turned one yet. I’d appreciated the warning, as previously baby announcements had stung.
This one wouldn’t. Not now I had my plans.
I let my ready smile appear.
“Thanks, Da. Where’s Isobel? Ah, come here, woman. We’re happy to announce we’re expecting again. Archie will have a wee sister in late spring.” He beamed, and Isobel slipped under his arm, tiny against him but clearly so happy, and with Archie burbling on her shoulder.
Applause, whistles, and congratulations flowed.
“Couldn’t ye let the woman rest?” someone called, and everyone laughed.
“Other way around,” Isobel quipped, causing a riot of catcalls.
The party continued with food brought out for the rescue team members. My father joined me and Lochie, gesturing at his side with some concern. Lochie brushed off whatever my father was asking and changed the subject.
In my head, I kept coming back to Lennox and Isobel.
Though that expected sting hadn’t appeared, a new one rose its ugly head. Their happy-couple state drove envy through me. When my turn came to make my announcement, my family would be over the moon, as they were now for Lennox and Isobel, but I’d be doing it alone.
Nothing had changed about that fact. No matter my new sexual discovery, I still couldn’t have the love that they shared. It shone from them, beautiful and all encompassing. That part of me wasn’t going to budge, I knew it to my bones.
Another option presented itself.
Could I fake it? Enjoy sex with a partner and raise a child with someone I respected, even if I couldn’t love them?
No. I hated lies.
But maybe an arrangement could work.
Mathe, Skye’s son, jerked to a halt in front of me and grabbed my skirt. “Isla’s crying.”
“What happened?” Lochie stepped up.
The whole time, he’d been at my shoulder, quietly chatting with Da and finishing his meal.
“She got wet earlier and now she says her head hurts,” the little boy added.
We followed him from the room, and my wayward thoughts disappeared, replaced by something more worrisome still.
