“Vaughn, honey.” My mother’s soft voice comes from the other side of my door as she lightly knocks on the wooden surface. “Are you awake?”
Part of me wants to ignore her and tell her to go away. I’ve put up such a wall and caused such a divide with most people in my life. My mother is the one who has stuck by my side, despite my negative attitude. She was the one who hauled my ass around to all of my appointments and she’s the one who was by my side through every surgery I had.
A sigh slips from my lips as I don’t bother moving from the bed. “Yeah, the door’s unlocked.”
The knob slowly turns and my mother lets herself in before closing the door behind her. She’s been through a lot over the past two years and I feel guilty for that. I’m the one to blame for it all and I’ve transformed into a completely different person.
I don’t miss the sadness in her eyes as our gazes collide. She lightly taps my legs and I move them over as she sits down on the edge of my bed.
“I thought maybe you would come down for breakfast this morning. Your father and I wanted to talk to you.”
I shrug. “Wasn’t hungry.”
A frown pulls on her lips and I feel like shit. I drifted into such a dark mental space after I got hurt that I don’t even know who I am anymore. And I know when she talks to me, it has to feel like she’s speaking to a complete stranger.
“Your father and I were talking and we think that it’s time for you to make some changes in your life, Vaughn.” Her voice is soft and gentle. It reminds me of when she used to read me bedtime stories as a child. The sound of her voice used to lull me to sleep. “It’s been two years. You dropped out of college and you’ve secluded yourself to your room. You can’t keep living like this, and all we’ve been doing is enabling you.”
My eyes slice to hers. “Do you think this is how I want to be living my life? Do you really think this is the life I imagined I would have?”
“Absolutely not,” she retorts, shaking her head at me. “But this is what it is now. Only you have the power to change it. The world is your oyster. You can do or be anything you want.”
I snort at her ignorant optimism. “Except play hockey.”
A wave of pain washes over her expression. “You’re right, but there’s so many other things that you could do instead.”
Pulling my body up the bed, I sit in an upright position and rest my back against the headboard. The muscles in my thigh throb from the movement, but I ignore the pain. “Like what?”
“Your father needs someone to run the shop at the lake…” Her voice trails off as she pauses for a moment, her crystal blue eyes staring back into mine. “We were thinking maybe you would go stay at the lake house for the summer and manage it for him.”
Groaning inwardly, I let my head fall back against the headboard in a dramatic fashion. I haven’t been back to our family home on Stillwater Lake since my senior year of high school. The last thing I want to do is spend my summer renting out boats and smelling like fish after selling bait all day.
“It would be good for you, Vaughn,” my mother insists, and I’m sure she can tell by my expression that it’s not what I want to do. “You’ve been in a dark, depressed place for far too long. We just want what is best for you.”
I hate when she does this to me. My parents have been nothing but patient and understanding for the past two years while I’ve been going through my own shit. As much as I don’t want to agree to it, it’s the least I can do to show my gratitude. And maybe she’s right. Maybe a change of scenery will help me… although I highly doubt it.
“Okay,” I tell her as I lift my head back up and meet her gaze.
Her eyes bounce back and forth between mine as they light up with hope. “You’ll go?”
I shrug with indifference. “It’s not like I have any other plans.”
“Your father will be so happy to hear this,” my mother tells me with a touch of excitement in her tone. “Thank you for doing this, Vaughn. I really do think it will be good for you.”
I fall silent and nod as I watch her rise from my bed. She stops at the door, turning back to look at me with the biggest smile that I’ve seen on her face in the past two years. She disappears through the doorway, pulling it closed behind her as she slips out into the hallway.
She thinks this move will be good for me.
I can only hope she’s right.
The next morning, I’m shoving my suitcase into the trunk of my car as my parents both step out into the garage. Pulling the hatch down, I slam it shut before turning to face them. They’re both wearing the most genuine smiles on their faces and it makes me even more annoyed with myself. I did this to them. I caused the strain in everyone’s goddamn lives. My own two brothers don’t even really talk to me anymore because of the asshole I’ve turned into.
“Mr. Martin will be expecting you at the shop tomorrow,” my father tells me as he hands me the keys to the house. “He’ll be working the weekend shifts and then Miss Nancy works in the evenings during the week. You’ll just have to cover the day shifts during the week.”
I nod, taking the keys from him before I slip them into the front pocket of my shorts. “And Mr. Martin is okay with working the weekend shift?”
“He wanted to be done completely but then when Danielle quit, he knew we were coming up on a busy season and would need the help,” my father explains, his face looking a little surprised that I’m even asking. I’ve kept my distance from him because I can’t help but feel like a goddamn disappointment in his eyes.
I’m a disappointment to everyone.
“We’ll be down this weekend,” my mother adds in. Stillwater Lake is a little under two hours away from our house and my parents go there periodically throughout the summer. There’s no doubt in my mind that she’s making it a point to come this weekend to check in on me.
She steps toward me, pulling me in for a hug before she kisses my cheek. “Thank you for doing this, Vaughn. I’m really proud of you.”
I swallow roughly over the lump lodged in my throat. My mother takes a step back, flashing her bright white teeth at me as my father shakes my hand like we just ended a formal business meeting or something. That’s Flynn Carter for you.
“Take care of things at Stillwater. We’re trusting you with all of this.”
I nod, feeling the weight of his words as they rest upon my shoulders. “I will.”
I don’t bother assuring him that I won’t let him down. History has proven that I’m actually really good at doing that. So, if I fuck this up, it wouldn’t be much of a surprise.
My mother follows me over to the driver’s side as I slide in behind the wheel. I wince as I bend my bad knee and tuck it into the car. “Are you going to be okay to drive that far?”
There’s no malicious intent behind her words but it makes me feel inadequate. “I don’t use my left foot, Mother.”
Her lips part slightly as if she’s going to say something else, but she quickly clamps them shut and nods instead. “Drive safely and let me know when you get there so we know that you got there without any issues.”
“Sure thing,” I offer, although my voice falls flat.
“We love you, honey,” my mother says as she begins to push my door shut for me. There’s a touch of sadness back in her eyes and I’m not sure what is evoking the emotion in her right now.
“Love you too,” I tell her before the door closes completely. Putting my foot on the brakes, I press the start button that brings the engine to life. My parents follow my car out into the driveway as I begin to back away from the two of them. As I reach the street, they both wave and I offer them a hand before whipping the car away from the curb.
The farther I get away from the house, the heavier my heart feels. My parents’ place didn’t feel like home and now I am driving away to another town that isn’t home either…
I don’t know where I belong anymore.
