He has a beautiful smile.
I wish he would do that more often.
Vaughn moves around the water, lying flat on his back on the raft as he pushes himself around with his arms. There’s no urgency to his movements and he looks completely at peace. Since I first ran into him this summer, this is the first time that I’m seeing him like this. It’s a stark contrast from the grumpiness, but I feel like he’s been making some progress.
I don’t owe him anything and I shouldn’t be this worried about how he’s feeling or anything like that, but I can’t help but want him to feel better mentally about his life. Our lives will go their separate ways when the summer ends. If I can spend my time helping someone else, I won’t feel as though that was time lost. It will be well spent. You never know when you might have the opportunity to change someone else’s life.
He hasn’t pushed more for any information about what happened with my brother and for that, I’m grateful. I like the easiness between us right now and I feel like bringing up anything heavy will only cloud that. I’m not about to burden him with any of my issues when he clearly has enough going on himself.
My brother was right… I do like fixing problems and people.
As I watch Vaughn continue to float around, he closes his eyes, hiding his bright blue orbs. My gaze travels over the planes of his body. His skin is a golden tan and I watch the muscles in his arms flex as he lazily pushes through the water. He might not play hockey anymore, but he still has the same athletic build.
I may not be able to solve his problems, but I can fix him…
“I can feel you staring, London,” he murmurs softly as he lifts his eyelids. His gaze instantly collides with mine and he begins to move his arms, pushing himself directly toward me.
My voice is caught in my throat and I watch him, not bothering to deny it. He caught me staring and if I pretend like I wasn’t, he’ll call me out on it. “So what if I was?”
Vaughn doesn’t stop moving until his raft is right next to mine. He rolls off it, a small splash coming from the water as he dips beneath the surface. I sit up, looking for him. He surprises me as he breaks back through the top of the water, his head right by my legs. His eyes are on mine and he pushes himself onto my raft with me.
It dips underneath both of our weight and water rushes over the top of it. We’re sitting side by side on the float, but it’s beneath the surface, the water coming up to my waist. It feels like it’s going to sink, yet it doesn’t. It might not be floating on top of the lake, but it’s still floating.
“I want to know what’s going on in that pretty little head of yours, London,” he murmurs as he turns to face me. “You only show the world so much. I want you to show me all of it.”
“Why would you want that?” I question him, my voice barely above a whisper. “You’ve given off a lot of mixed signals, Vaughn. You’re hot and cold, back and forth. Grumpy and then smiling at me, kissing me senseless on the island.” I stop for a moment as he continues to stare at me like the words I’m speaking are gold. “What do you want from me?”
“The same thing you want from me.”
I’m silent for a moment. “You don’t know what I want from you.”
“Then tell me.”
I swallow hard over the lump lodged in my throat. “I want to fix you.”
Pain washes over his eyes, mixing with lust and need. It’s confusing, watching the way his expression transforms. “Who said I was broken?” His words are clear, but his voice is soft and thick with emotion. His fingertips are gentle against my skin as he brushes a stray hair away from my face and tucks it behind my ear.
“Are you trying to tell me that you aren’t?”
A ghost of a smile plays on his lips and he shakes his head. “I’m broken beyond repair, baby.”
“I refuse to believe that that’s true.”
Vaughn falls silent for a moment and I expect him to move away but instead, he closes the distance between us. He cups the sides of my face and his gaze drops down to my lips before meeting my eyes again.
“I had everything going for me.” His voice is quiet, but I can hear him in the stillness of the cove. “I was supposed to go to the NHL after my first year of college. There was so much pressure and everyone was expecting nothing less than greatness from me. One game—one fucking play—that’s all that it took to strip my entire future away from me.”
I’ve heard the story from my mother, but her details were limited from Vaughn’s mom. She just knew what happened based on what she told her. That was two years ago… So much time has passed and it’s like Vaughn is frozen to the ice, replaying that nightmare in his mind.
“I was skating down the ice, heading directly for the net with the puck. One of the defensemen from the other team had other plans. I didn’t see him at first and then he entered directly in front of me. It could have been a clean hit, but he decided to play dirty instead. He put his leg out in an attempt to trip me and it fucking worked. But in the process, it completely fucked up my entire leg. It was a career-ending blow to the knee, and I play it over in my mind every goddamn day.”
I stare at him for a moment. This is the first time that Vaughn has truly opened up to me. We were close when we were younger so it brings back a sense of nostalgia as he treats me like he did before. I can’t help but feel his pain and feel sorry for him. He’s been living in this hell he created since the path that he was on was completely changed.
“I know there’s no way to erase what happened, but I don’t see how it can be healthy to keep playing it over in your mind. There’s nothing you can do to change what happened.”
“You think I don’t know that? I’ve played over the millions of scenarios that could have happened. What I could have done differently. If I would have just been paying attention, if I could have quickly sidestepped around him, it would have prevented this all from happening.”
I grab his cheeks and pull his face closer to me. “It. Was. Not. Your. Fault.” My eyes bounce back and forth between his. I watch as the storm brews in his irises, the waves crashing against the shore. “No one can predict the future, Vaughn. Sometimes bad shit just happens and there’s no real reason behind it. All you can do is make the best out of the situation you’re in now.”
“What if I don’t know how to do that?” he asks me, his voice soft and gentle, just like his touch as he runs the pad of his thumbs across my cheeks. “I’ve never felt this lost before, London. It’s like I’m lost at sea. I don’t have an anchor or even a life jacket. I’m just floating with no sense of direction.”
“You’re simply closing the chapter and flipping the page to a new one,” I tell him, my face dipping closer to his. Our breaths mix together and his eyes drop down to my lips. “This isn’t how your life has to be and it doesn’t end here. There’s so much you can still do, even if it doesn’t involve playing hockey professionally.”
I pause for a moment, my lips lightly brushing against his. Vaughn attempts to close the distance between us but I pull back. His eyes desperately search mine and he looks confused for a moment.
“Let me be your compass,” I whisper against his lips. “Let me be your anchor.”
“I don’t know how,” he says, the hopelessness laced throughout his words. “I’ve iced everyone out for the past two years.”
“It’s never too late to change your course.” I slide my hands away from his face, trailing my fingers down his neck. My fingertips brush away the droplets of water that fall from his wet hair. “All you have to do is open up and let me in.”
“I told you that I don’t want to hurt you.”
Pulling back for a moment, I look up at him and tilt my head to the side. “And if I remember correctly, I told you to do your worst to me, Vaughn Carter.”
His lips crash into mine and he captures my breath, stealing the air from my lungs as he moves his mouth against mine. There’s nothing gentle about the way he kisses me and I let him bruise my flesh willingly. He slides his hands around the back of my head, his fingers sliding through my hair as he holds me against him.
My nails dig into his skin as I hold on to his shoulders, using him as my own anchor. I don’t know what the hell I’m getting myself into, but I’m not worried about my own heart in this matter. I know Vaughn, I’ve known him long enough to know that after he does his damage, I’m not sure how I will recover from it. That isn’t something that I want him to worry himself with right now.
I will figure out a way to repair my own heart after he decides to break it. I’m willing to sacrifice myself if it means that it might help bring him back. He’s become a shell of a person but the past few days, I’ve seen a change in him. It’s like I’m breathing life back into him, and it’s addicting. I don’t want to stop now just to save myself.
Vaughn deserves another chance at life and if I can help him on his journey, then that’s what I’m here for. The universe has plans for us all and sometimes we don’t know what the real purpose or reason is.
Fate has a way of bringing two souls together. Whether it’s for the rest of your life or just for a short moment in time. Even if nothing lasts between Vaughn and I, something brought the two of us together and I refuse to ignore that.
He really believes he’s broken beyond repair.
And I’m here to show him he’s wrong.
