Tobias
My head felt like it was about to explode. I couldn’t fucking catch my breath and my heart was beating faster, then slower, then faster again. My vision was blurring, making me dizzy. Ellie’s palm on my back was comforting, but I told myself that I couldn’t lose control, not now, not here. I didn’t want to show any weakness. That scumbag was certain that he was above the law, that no one could discover his secret.
After several deep breaths, I leaned my head against the headrest and shut my eyes, bringing more oxygen into my lungs. The car wasn’t moving anymore. Ellie had stopped on some random backstreet.
Charlotte was dead, but the waves of misery continued washing over me, taking away my control slowly day by day and night by night, never ending. I should have told Ellie that Charlotte was raped and murdered. I felt so weak functioning without her. It was supposed to be me, not her. I failed in protecting her and now God was punishing me for it.
“What do you mean that he gave him an order?” Ellie whispered. I looked into her beautiful eyes, expecting to see pity, but instead there was a concern and warmth. I didn’t expect to fall apart like that tonight.
“One of the guys I worked with in Lurkin’s business told me stuff about his past. It turned out that he grew up on a council estate. He heard a story from his cousin about this female police officer who got trapped in one of the bungalows along with a few drug dealers,” I said, failing to keep my voice from becoming sharp, but I had to continue. She needed to understand everything. “I instantly knew who he was talking about, and when he mentioned Hodges giving the order, I could barely keep myself from losing it before the end of the shift.”
Ellie swallowed hard, paling as if she just saw a ghost. Was she finally understanding that her ex was far worse than Lurkin? Worse than any other criminal that existed in this screwed-up world for what he told them to do to Charlotte.
“Andrew…but…oh my God, Tobias.” She broke down in tears.
I inhaled sharply, arching my head backwards. I found it hard talking about it and I didn’t want to discuss the hell I went through when I found out.
“I have studied the files, listened to the transcripts from the original interrogation. It was only a few weeks ago that I finally understood what happened that day.”
“I’m so sorry. My father ran some checks on him. That was his wa—”
“Don’t, Ellie, please. None of this was your fault. He created this new identity for himself and continued to work with Lurkin. I wish I had known sooner.”
“You said…you said that she was raped?” she asked hesitantly. I had never broken down in front of someone like that before. Even when I was talking to my shrink, I could still hide my true emotions. Fuck, I didn’t want anyone to feel sorry for me. Charlotte was gone, and I had moved on. At least that was what I’d been telling myself.
That fucked up dream that I had a couple of weeks ago ruined me. I felt like I was in a fog most of the time. Claire witnessed it. She was a good detective, but we were both needed on this case. I couldn’t afford for my attention to be pulled away. I needed to end Lurkin and Hodges.
“The guy that did it tore her apart, raped her and beat her and tortured her so much that she couldn’t have survived.”
Ellie reached out for my palm and squeezed it. Her touch made me feel better, calmer, but she wasn’t the answer for everything.
“Tobias, I…I don’t know what to say. Did they lock up the guy that—”
“He escaped, but then his body was found a few days after the boost. There had been riots in that area and someone shot him.” I cut her off remembering that moment like it was yesterday. I wanted to get out, find him and tear him apart. When the doctors had confirmed that she was dead, the pain just kept spreading and spreading, burning through me.
“Tobias, I’m sorry…I had no idea. I can’t imagine what you went through.”
“I’ll remember that awful day forever. Do you remember when I said that I had been shot?”
“Yes.”
“I lied. I was shot, but it wasn’t during a burglary. We were out in the field, trying to capture the dealers on one of the estates in Glasgow. Claire wasn’t involved at the time. I blamed her for what happened to Charlotte, so we hadn’t been speaking at all. I got hit and went down pretty fast,” I continued, knowing that she needed to see that I was a wreck, that our relationship couldn’t have any future, that I was cowardly enough that I wished to be dead.
“What happened after that?”
“I was glad that God had finally given me the chance to leave this fucked up world. My life was in shambles and I was ready to give up.”
She didn’t respond, and I was waiting for the moment when she called me pathetic and told me to go to hell. The silence stretched for several seconds.
Then she said, “I lost my little sister in a fire, Tobias. I know that it can’t compare to what happened to your wife, but I get why you wanted to end it all.”
God, death had harvested people that we both loved. I moved my arm and wrapped it around her, wondering why I hadn’t seen that she was damaged too.
“What’s happened? Do you want to talk about it?”
“I can talk about it now, only because I have learnt to live with it. We were only around ten when it happened. My father just popped out to borrow something from the neighbour. The cat knocked over a candle in the living room…that’s how it started. Before I knew it the flames were everywhere. I couldn’t find my sister. The smoke was suffocating me and I was panicking, calling for her, but she wouldn’t come. I looked upstairs, but the smoke was so thick—”
Ellie broke off and covered her face with her hands. I didn’t realise that she had experienced something so terrible.
“It’s okay, Angel. You don’t need to say anymore.”
“I was rescued by a stranger, while Kathy was still trapped inside. I shouted to him that he needed to rescue her too, but by the time we got outside it was too late. My father came screaming, asking me where Kathy was, and I couldn’t answer. I didn’t remember much from that night, but I knew that I let her die in that fire. That’s when Dad changed, became distant and cold. He blamed me, he always blamed me that I didn’t find her.”
I clenched my fists and brought her closer, thinking about my own tragedy. I should have asked questions about her life sooner. This wasn’t fair.
“It wasn’t your fault. Your father was grieving. He couldn’t blame anyone else, so he chose to blame you.”
“Maybe, but it was a terrible tragedy. My father loved my sister very much. After that, he was never the same.”
“I can relate to his pain, to that dark period in my life. Charlotte meant everything to me and then in one moment she was taken away from me. We all say things that we don’t mean in anger. After I got shot, my father knew that I wasn’t right. He asked the doctors to transfer me to the psychiatric ward.”
“He did the right thing. You needed all the support that you could get at the time,” she said, wiping away her tears. “I get it. I understand all the lies now and I’m not angry with you.”
She saw through me and through my pain. God, I didn’t deserve her, but I couldn’t deny these feelings any longer. I fucking loved her. In that moment, it finally hit me that I didn’t want to be without her.
“Let’s go home. I fucking hate this city. It brings too many terrible memories,” I said, getting cold feet. I didn’t want to dwell on the past. “And I’m sorry about your sister. I’m sorry that you had to go through it. I need you to remember, it wasn’t your fault.”
Ellie knew now and it was up to her to decide if she wanted to pursue whatever was going on between us. I kept telling myself that it couldn’t be love, that it must be desire. I was planning to prove to myself that it was just sex, later on, when we got back to the complex.
“Your ex, that son of a bitch, has not only hurt you, but he also hurt me. I’ll find his connection to Lurkin and then I’ll kill him.”
“Tobias, please don’t say that. He has to be brought to justice the right way,” she said, shaking her head. “I understand that you’re hurting, but you have suffered enough. A prison cell won’t bring you peace.”
I nodded, without saying anymore. Hodges didn’t deserve prison, he deserved much worse than that. Ellie didn’t need to know what I was planning. She was my perfect distraction from this terrible pain and as long I could devour her pussy I could forget about my painful hatred. This wasn’t normal, and maybe I was losing my mind. I couldn’t love her. I was toxic and she needed to know that—before I hurt her too.
Ellie
Over the past twenty-four hours, I figured out who Tobias Stanley really was, but now I was sitting with a completely different man. He had gone through hell, first losing his wife, then getting shot and now being so close to arresting the man that had caused so much suffering in his life.
Heavy silence ascended between us as he drove home. I could never have imagined what I was getting into that first night when I kissed him in my kitchen. I had guessed he was over thirty, and I knew that he was damaged, but I had no idea to what extent. It was a lot to take in and I felt like we had taken a few steps backwards, not forward.
He was still suffering deep inside, and it explained why he wasn’t ready to let me in. I had feelings for him; I couldn’t deny it. It had been over two months since that night in my apartment, the night we had slept together for the first time.
I had been used by a man who was leading a double life, but he had been through so much more than I had realised. I was too scared to ask any questions about where this was going, about us. The sex was beyond amazing, mind- blowing, but I doubted that he wanted to take this further.
“Adrian is away until tomorrow,” I finally said when we arrived outside our building. “Tomorrow is the last day for me to confirm that I’m bringing the cash to that scumbag who wants to sell me out to the papers.”
Tobias sighed loudly. I hated that I had to get him involved. He had enough on his plate already.
“Don’t worry. I’ll be there. The guys from the team are waiting for the go ahead. We will get whoever is trying to mess with you.”
“Thank you, for everything, for confiding in me about your wife.”
Tobias looked at me then, lifted his hand and brushed his finger over my cheek, sending heat waves down through my core, stoking the fire that burned inside me only for him. I wanted and needed to feel him close to me.
“I couldn’t keep lying. I hated that I couldn’t tell you that Claire wasn’t my wife,” he admitted. “But now you know and I hope you realise that I never meant to hurt you.”
“Tobias, Adrian wants to take me out on Wednesday night again,” I said, knowing that I couldn’t keep this away from him. I was part of this operation and we both knew there was no other choice. Tobias didn’t say anything as we walked back to the complex, but I sensed that he wasn’t happy about what I just said. He called up the lift, and we stepped inside it. I wondered if this whole thing was over between us.
“I don’t like sharing, Angel,” he whispered, leaning close to my ear. His warm breath caused a shiver to run through me and lust curled up my toes. I looked at him, trying to assess if he was angry or disappointed that I kept bringing Adrian back into the conversation.
“We have discussed this, Tobias. I can find the evidence, but that means that I have to get close to Adrian,” I insisted, knowing that this could easily turn into another argument. We’d both had a tough day and I didn’t want to play with his emotions.
Suddenly without warning the tension spiked between us, shifting the lingering anger, lifting the hair on the back of my neck. I didn’t know if it was the elevator, or my way of saying to him that I still needed him, but the desire exploded between us, pushing the anguish and pain away.
Tobias moved fast, hitting the ‘stop lift’ button, and pinned me against the metal door.
“I’m going to show you in just a moment how dissatisfied I am with your behaviour, Angel,” he said, tracing my ear with his lips. He clasped his hands around mine, pulling them behind my back. His harsh tone encouraged my need for him, making me wet in a heartbeat.
The change into being a sexual dominant again was instant and he wanted me to play the submissive. I didn’t know how to deal with the desire that suddenly was fluttering through me like confetti. He was jealous, there was no doubt about that, but what was I supposed to do? I desperately needed that story and now I wanted to bring Andrew down, more than ever before.
“Do you want to fuck me here in the elevator?” I rasped, panting with a sudden dose of anticipation. My pussy was soaking wet, throbbing to be touched, my knees weak. There were so many things that I wanted to do to him, but as always, he was planning to take full control of my orgasm and I liked it.
Tobias spun me around, so I couldn’t see what he was doing. He kicked my legs wide apart with his boot and ran his hand down my spine, lingering over my arse cheeks, and stopped between my thighs, cupping my sex.
“Angel, you can’t even imagine what I’m planning to do to that sweet pussy of yours. Last time we were interrupted, but now we have all the time in the world,” he added and pushed his hips against my backside grinding them into my heat. I whimpered, feeling his hard cock pressing against me.
He spun me around again and kissed me hard until I was out of breath, my lips swollen, demanding more and more.
“I’ll show you right here that I’m the only man for you. It drives me crazy knowing that you will be touched by that arsehole, that he would dare to touch that sweet little pussy that belongs to me. That pussy is mine, Ellie. I make you come; I make you scream. Only I can lick it, stroke it, touch it, or fuck it,” he said, gripping my arse and pulling me against him. The friction on my clit was delicious as he thrust against me with each word.
“Tobias, please, you know that—”
“Shut up. I’m the one talking now. Turn around, put your hands on the door above your head and spread your legs.”
I swallowed hard and turned slowly, keeping eye contact until I had to break it to face forward doing exactly what he asked for. My mouth dried as I awaited his next command, my need increasing, and I was unable to squeeze my thighs for momentary relief. My heart was thumping loudly in my chest, my breathing laboured. There was something in his voice, that dominant tone that turned me on, making me so wet and needy.
We were in the lift, deliberately stopped. Surely someone in concierge must see that one of the lifts had stopped working. He couldn’t fuck me here. We could get caught.
Tobias squeezed my arse, pressing himself against me. I needed him to ease the tension, the throbbing between my legs. Fuck, he was making this difficult for me. He knelt down and lifted my dress to my knees running his hands up my calves to do so, stopping at the top and licking the back of my knee. The unexpected tingle made me gasp and I felt my pussy squeeze, needing to be touched. Holding my dress above his face he lifted it slowly, tracing a path with his tongue, flicking my pebbled flesh until he reached the cusp of my arse. He stood and pulled the skirt of the dress to the front of my body and tucked it into the front opening making a knot, keeping my dress up and my lower body exposed. I felt him move away and I started to tremble in anticipation. I heard nothing behind me. I wanted to turn so desperately, but I knew this game now. I counted to fifty-five before he spoke again
“So beautiful, baby. Your arse is stunning and I could stare at it all day long,” he said. I heard the sound of his zipper and belt, and my temperature increased—he was going to fuck me in this lift.
Oh God, I ached for his beautiful cock to fill me, for his fingers to touch and tease me. A few moments passed and I heard his breath stutter and the unmistakable sound of him touching himself. I looked over my shoulder at him and saw his hand wrapped around his thickness, slowly stroking the shaft up and down spreading that glossy pre-cum over the length.
My breath caught in my throat and I moaned ever so slightly, “Tobias, please, let me do that.”
He smirked at me before answering. “Angel, you can have this,” he said indicating his dick, “if you don’t let anyone have this.” He thrust two fingers into my wetness. Christ, that felt good. He turned his wrist left and right to rotate his fingers without any thrusting motion. I rocked my hips back onto his thick fingers in complete ecstasy, fucking his hand. I could hear how wet I was, how much he affected me without even trying.
“You have to be quiet, Angel. You don’t want to bring attention to us. Someone from concierge could bring this lift down at any moment,” Tobias muttered.
I felt his sweet breath on my ear, and the sudden contact made me tremble. He removed his fingers and I whimpered loudly. When I looked over my shoulder again to see what was next, he offered me those fingers to taste. As his fingers touched my tongue, he kissed me around them so we both shared the taste. Removing his fingers from my mouth, he continued kissing me as he ripped the cups of my bra down, pushing my hardened nipples against the cold metal of the lift doors. He ripped his mouth away and pulled my hips back to him and kicked my feet further apart. He knelt between my thighs and bit the gusset of my knickers, pulling the soaked material away from me, and let go so the elastic of the lace snapped back and hit my clit eliciting a sharp gasp from me. He tucked his fingers under the material and pulled until it gave way completely.
I bit my lip when he positioned himself and blew a cold breath into my sex. God, he loved torturing me like this, but then again, I loved everything he did to me.
“You belong to me,” he said, pinching my clit gently. “Say it, I want to hear you say it.”
“Yes, Tobias, I’m yours, only yours,” I kept saying.
“Good, because this time I’m not planning to hold back, not at all.”
