Part 2
Addy
Tuesday, July 14
I take the envelope and hold it up to the light of my vanity mirror. No—not see-through. I’ll have to open it to know whether to expect a niece or a nephew in the fall. Maybe if I do, the excitement will help balance the nightmare this summer is turning out to be.
But then again, it might just be one less thing to look forward to.
My phone rings, and I drop the envelope when I see that it’s a FaceTime from Keely. “Hiiii!” she says when I pick up, waving from what looks like an oceanfront deck. Stars twinkle behind her as she adds, “Happy one-third birthday, Addy!”
“Thanks,” I say, propping the phone up against my mirror. There’s a brief second where I’m not sure what to feel, and then I take in Keely’s bright doe eyes and the glowing tan of her skin and—yes, there they are. Butterflies. “You look pretty. I miss you,” I blurt out, before my lizard brain kicks in and makes me say something like How’s the weather there?
Keely gives me a huge, dimpled grin. “I miss you too. And your hair looks amazing. Very celebration-ready. You know, I actually thought about flying out there for your party, but then I heard about Reggie and I wasn’t sure you’d even have it.”
Keely was going to fly out? All the way from Cape Cod? That’s—I don’t know. That seems like a lot. I scrunch down in my chair and say, “It’s been way toned down. Nate and I have terrible timing when it comes to these parties. The last one was barely a week after Brandon Weber’s death, and now…same thing, pretty much, with Reggie.” Gloom settles over me again as I tuck the envelope from Ashton’s obstetrician back into the top drawer of my vanity. Now is definitely not the time for happy news. “It’s so awful.”
“I can’t believe Nate and Bronwyn were the ones to find him,” Keely says. “That must have been so scary. Do the police have any idea who could’ve done it?”
“If they do, they’re not telling,” I say. “But you know Bayview. There are always a half-dozen people being sketchy at any given moment.”
“I do know Bayview,” Keely sighs. She tilts her head and adds, “And I know you. Be careful, okay? Just focus on getting to Peru. You have two weeks, and then you can exhale. Things could look completely different when you come back.”
“They could,” I say, picking at a hangnail. “And you’ll be back at UCLA by then, so—I guess I’ll see you at Thanksgiving, maybe?” I huff out a sort-of laugh and try to tamp down the butterflies because really, who am I kidding here? We’re on totally different schedules, and even if we weren’t, I’d just ruin things and then ruin our friendship too.
“That might be a good thing,” Keely says.
I blink, stung. I’m supposed to be the one doing the preemptive rejecting here. “Why?” I say.
“You remember when Cooper and I broke up?” she asks.
It’s such an unexpected question that all I can do is nod. “Well, he and I are fine now, but back then I was really hurt,” Keely says. “I thought I knew him, and that he felt the same way about me as I did about him. It made me think—if I could be so wrong about that, what else am I wrong about? And it felt like the answer was: everything.” I pick harder at the hangnail as she adds, “It made me doubt myself, especially when it came to relationships. I didn’t want to start anything when I felt like I couldn’t trust myself, let alone anybody else.”
“You dated Luis, like, two weeks after you and Cooper broke up,” I remind her.
“Only because I knew it would never get serious. Plus, that was a classic rebound move. I guess I wanted to feel good about myself again. It didn’t work, though.” She tucks a strand of hair behind one ear, displaying the multiple delicate hoops that outline the shell of her ear. “I think what I’m trying to say is, I know what it’s like to be completely fooled by the person who’s supposed to be in love with you—and my person was good. Cooper never meant to hurt me, which is why we were able to stay friends. But it still took a long time for the voices in my head to quiet down anytime someone tried getting close to me.”
“Lizard brain,” I mutter.
Keely blinks her mile-long lashes. “Huh?”
“That’s what I call it. The lizard brain takes over when it senses danger, which is…”
“Which is probably all the time, when you’re recovering from a Jake and not a Cooper,” Keely finishes. “Especially a Jake who’s suddenly in your backyard again.” The breeze sends Keely’s hair across her face, and she pushes it back with one hand. “I guess what I’m saying, Addy, is there’s no rush with you and me. I liked kissing you, but I also like you. So let’s keep talking like we always do, and not worry about anything else.” A mischievous smile tugs at her lips. “In other words, you don’t have to look terrified when I mention flying out.”
“I was not terrified!” I protest, and she laughs.
“You fully were. Lizard brain, ignite.”
“Okay, maybe a little,” I admit.
“I get it. I really do.” Her gaze moves off-screen as she adds, “Okay, be there in a sec.” She turns back to me and says, “I have to go; we’re playing late-night mini golf. Post pictures from the party, okay?”
“It’s not so much a party as a Murder Club debrief now.”
“Still,” she says, blowing me a kiss. “Put on one of your tiaras and be the queen that you are. You’ve earned it.”
“I really do miss you,” I say, feeling a thousand times lighter as I blow a kiss back.
“I know you do,” she says, winking before she disconnects.
I feel so much better, suddenly, that I call out a cheerful “Come in!” when my mother knocks on the door. She looks confused when she opens it, because that’s hardly my typical greeting. Usually, I just grunt.
“Your ride is here,” Mom says, leaning into my room. “What’s got you so happy?”
“I was talking to Keely,” I say.
“Oh?” Mom says. Then she looks more closely at me, just as I catch my own face in the mirror. I look giddy, glowing, lit from within—as if the blown kisses I’d exchanged with Keely were real. “Oh,” Mom repeats, in a completely different tone. “Oh, really?”
Ugh, I don’t want to have this conversation with her. I don’t want to hear Since when do you like girls? or She’s out of your league. “It’s nothing,” I say, grabbing a tube of lip balm from the top of my desk and stuffing it into my pocket. “I better not keep Luis waiting.”
“Well, if it’s something—”
“Don’t, Mom, okay?” I feel a little light-headed as I face her, thinking of all the times she stood in that exact spot and lectured me about what to wear and how to act around Jake. It’s been almost two years since he showed his true colors, but it feels as though nothing has changed between my mother and me. No matter what I’m doing, it’s always the wrong move. “I just want to get to the party on time.”
“I’m not trying to stop you,” Mom says, stepping out of my way. I thud down the stairs, shoulders tensing when she calls after me, “All I was going to say is—”
Why do you always need to have the last word? I think as I tug open the front door, waving toward Luis’s headlights. You and Jake both.
“—if it’s something, then she’s a lucky girl,” Mom finishes, and I’m so caught off guard that I nearly catch my fingers in the door when I close it.
