I never expected to be attending my own engagement party on the tail of Quinn’s engagement falling through. Even though she and I both knew it wasn’t real, somehow it made me feel even more sorry for her. Attending our party tonight would like rubbing salt in a fresh wound.
After a grueling spin class, followed by brunch with Lola, I went home and obsessively scrubbed every inch of my apartment to avoid thinking about what awaited me later. Even the fridge, which was my least favorite and often-neglected cleaning task, got the full-service treatment. Despite all of the physical activity, I was still wired with nervous energy when I finished. My place had never been cleaner, but my head was more of a mess than ever.
I was a basket of contradictions, wrapped in a blanket of confusion. I couldn’t wait to see Bennett, but I was dreading it, too. Every day apart was torture, but the idea of getting hurt again was torture of its own. All I wanted to do was go back to when things between us were perfect, but whenever I tried to move past what had happened, my brain hit the brakes and kept me firmly stuck in limbo.
In the late afternoon, Quinn texted offering to come over to get ready together, but I declined because I wasn’t in a good mood, and I didn’t want to take it out on her. Styling my hair and doing my makeup went smoothly enough solo, but once I started to get dressed, I regretted turning down Quinn’s invitation. Nothing I tried on seemed right. Ten dresses later, they were all too bright or too dark; too sexy or too frumpy; too formal or informal. I needed a second opinion, because I knew the real problem was with me and not the clothes—I was dramatically unprepared to face the evening. It had nothing to do with which dress I was going to be wearing, and everything to do with my heart.
Finally, I texted Quinn full-length photos of four dresses, plus three shoe options. With her help, I settled on a deep blue cocktail dress and champagne-colored pumps. The fitted crepe bodice and gathered chiffon skirt of the dress were feminine, and the details made me feel pretty, even in light of the otherwise dismal situation. Bennett’s tendency to compliment me whenever I wore blue may also have been a factor in my selection, though that was difficult to admit.
Applying bronzer and highlighter, I dabbed and blended until my lack of sleep was nearly concealed. Unless you looked closely, at least. Then, I gave myself a final once-over in the mirror, checking to make sure I didn’t have any traces of scarlet lipstick on my teeth or stray flyaway hairs. On the surface, I appeared perfectly pulled together. Hopefully, I could convince everyone else that was actually the case.
I doubted I’d be able to convince the one who mattered most, though.
One nerve-wracking twenty-minute drive later, I pulled into the driveway of Bennett’s parents’ home on the outskirts of town. It had been ten years since I’d been here, though it was largely unchanged aside from an updated paint job on the exterior and larger trees lining the property. Memories of hanging out with Bennett after school and in the summer came flooding back, weakening my already fragile sense of composure.
I put the ignition into park, and my heart slammed into my chest as Bennett exited his car, where he’d been waiting, and walked over to greet me. We’d driven separately, due to obvious reasons, but had agreed to enter together to avoid raising any questions. And of course, his dark blue silk tie matched my dress almost perfectly. We couldn’t have planned it better if we’d tried. Now it looked like we had.
Bennett reached over and pulled open my car door for me, stepping aside. I was nervous, and it showed—my hands were shaking as I grabbed my purse from the passenger side seat before sliding out and coming to stand beside him. A frigid breeze kicked up, chilling my bare legs. At least I could blame my jitteriness on being cold.
He dipped his head, eyes meeting mine. “Ready?”
“Ready.” It was a lie, but I didn’t have a choice.
He shut the driver’s side door behind me, and I locked it remotely as we made our way up the paved sidewalk leading to the entry. With each stride I took in my heels, my heart rate climbed a little more, until it was practically vibrating in my chest. When we reached the steps, he shot me a sidelong, apologetic glance and slid his arm around me before opening the front door. The heavy weight of his body pressed against mine in a way that was all too familiar, and a pang of sadness hit me like a punch to the diaphragm.
We stepped into the marble foyer, and Bennett’s mother, Lydia, rushed over to greet us and wrapped us both in a warm hug. Her emerald green sheath dress hugged her slender frame and she felt thin in my arms, though Bennett had said treatments were going well.
“Look at the beautiful couple.” Lydia released us, taking a step back and clasping her hands. “Thayer, you look stunning.”
Bennett gave me an affectionate squeeze, sending a thrill down my spine. “She does.”
I didn’t know whether I was flattered or annoyed. Maybe both. He’d seemed nervous a few moments ago, but he was slipping back into his usual role a little too easily. It was going to make it even more difficult to keep him at arms’ length. I’d spent the last couple of days trying to convince myself I wanted to, but now that he was standing next to me, that was a much harder lie to sell myself on.
Deep down, I still wanted him—even if I didn’t want to want him.
“Thank you,” I said, sliding off my coat and handing it to Bennett, who hung it in the closet next to us. “Everything looks lovely, Lydia. You’ve done a wonderful job. We really appreciate it.”
“Of course.” She beamed at the two of us. “It makes me so happy to see the two of you together again after all this time.”
Bennett wrapped his arm around my waist. “Must have been meant to be.”
“Must be,” I agreed, ignoring the lump in my throat.
Being back at Bennett’s house, talking with his mother, was more than a little surreal. It was the first time I’d seen Lydia in nearly ten years, and it felt like no time had passed at all. She was as warm and effusive as ever, which compounded the guilt I felt over our fib. Or was it even a fib, anymore? I still didn’t know how much of it was real. Bennett and I would have to clear the air eventually, but I was more concerned with making sure tonight went smoothly so he could close the deal with Callaghan.
We lingered, chatting, while Bennett shared some funny stories with his mother from our trip from Mexico—including ziplining, which he refused to let me forget—and we humored her questions about our plans for our upcoming “wedding”. After a few minutes, Bennett’s mother excused herself to go check on the caterers, leaving the two of us alone. From the other corner of the room, Jared Callaghan spotted Bennett and waved him over. Bennett’s gaze fell back to me, his expression torn.
“You should go talk to him,” I said, jutting my chin. “That’s why we’re here, right? Get him to sign those papers and lock him down.”
Bennett nodded, but he didn’t move. His eyes stayed fixed on me, and he took my hand in his, tracing his fingers along my inner wrist. Another pang hit me, this one squarely in the heart. “Come get me if you need anything, okay?”
“I will.”
He looked at me for another beat before reluctantly releasing his hold on me and turning, weaving through the groups of people and greeting them as he passed. Ian was in the crowd as well and Bennett signaled to him on his way over.
Like she’d been waiting to pounce, Quinn bustled over to me with two glasses of champagne, placing one in my hand. I accepted, taking a small sip. I hadn’t eaten much all day due to my nerves, and I didn’t want to get sloppy in front of all of the guests—or in front of Bennett.
She nodded at me, pale blue eyes gleaming affectionately. “Glad you went with that one. You look amazing.”
“Thanks,” I said, but I didn’t feel amazing; I felt like a fraud. A fraud who hadn’t slept a wink last night, because all I could think about was the look in Bennett’s eyes when I walked away from him in his office yesterday. Seeing how broken he’d looked had been like having my heart ripped out all over again.
And seeing him now, well, that only left me confused.
Quinn and I made small talk while countless people milled about Bennett’s parents’ home, and our mother made rounds socializing like it was her job. As I’d expected, the party was like a Who’s Who of the city, dotted with politicians, businesspeople, and the odd local celebrity. When Bennett had said our mothers had gotten carried away planning, he wasn’t kidding. And by ‘our mothers,’ he meant mine; at a glance, it was clear more than half the guest list consisted of her invitees. Fortunately, his mother hadn’t seemed to mind too much. She seemed to be enjoying herself, and I was glad.
Across the room, Bennett and Callaghan reappeared and Bennett caught my eye, giving me a nod that I took to mean everything had been finalized. They were immediately accosted by a group of people I didn’t recognize, but they both seemed to know. Bennett already looked noticeably more relaxed than when we’d first arrived, probably because the ink was drying on the papers with Callaghan.
Everything had been wrapped up into a nice, tidy bow…except for us.
“Where’s Lola?” Quinn asked, scanning the crowd. I felt a pang of sympathy for her, given that she’d recently lost her own best friend. Much as I’d never liked Millie, and much as Quinn was better off without a backstabbing bitch in her life, Quinn seemed a little adrift without her usual right-hand woman.
“Work emergency,” I said. “The alarm at the art gallery went off while she was on her way over, and she had to go see what was going on. She’ll be here pretty soon.”
“Ah.”
“Are you okay?” I touched her arm, leaning closer so no one would overhear. “You don’t have to stay, if you don’t want. I wouldn’t blame you if you wanted to duck out early.”
Hell, I was impressed she’d come at all. If I were her, I wouldn’t have wanted to.
“I’m fine.” Her tone was cheerful, but the fact that she was already on her third glass of champagne strongly suggested otherwise.
The one silver lining to Quinn’s situation was that our mother had been shockingly supportive; she said that she knew what it was like to marry the wrong person, and she’d rather see Quinn realize it now before walking down the aisle. Which really begged the question of why I’d gone to such extreme lengths of my own to create the illusion of a boyfriend—now alleged fiancé—but it was a little late for that now.
“What about you? How are things with Bennett?” Quinn kept her face nearly immobile, almost like a puppeteer trying not to show their mouth moving.
I glanced over to him, where he was now talking to his brother, Holden, and their mother. Bennett laughed, shaking his head, and said something to Holden. Holden gave him a playful punch on the shoulder in return.
“I don’t know,” I said.
Bennett must have sensed me looking at him, because he turned, and his gaze fell to me. His mouth tugged into a half-smile, but it was laced with sadness beneath. If I thought pretending at my mother’s dinner party had been difficult, this was ten times more complicated.
“Go talk to him,” Quinn urged. “Play the part, at least until you decide what you’re going to do.”
Bennett leaned closer to his mother and said something to her, then nodded to his brother and added something. Before I could decide whether I should join them, he turned and crossed the room to join the two of us. As our eyes locked, his smile broadened, growing more genuine. His charcoal suit was freshly pressed, stretching across his broad shoulders, and there was a determination about him as he approached.
“Can I borrow Thay for a moment?” he asked Quinn, like I wasn’t standing right there. I’d have been irritated, if not for the part of me that was desperate to be alone with him. And by part, I mean all of me. I missed him so much there was a physical ache inside of me.
“Of course.” She scanned the crowd and spotted our mother from across the room, giving her a little wave. “I have to go discuss what to do with some wedding-related deposits anyway.”
I was fairly certain that was the last thing Quinn felt like doing right now, but I appreciated her making an excuse to leave us alone. Maybe all the champagne would take the edge off for her, at least.
Bennett’s arm wrapped around my waist, grip more firm than I’d expected, and he began to forcefully steer me out of the room. I breathed in his cologne and felt my body relax against him in response, my feet automatically following the direction he was setting. Stupid, traitorous body.
We stepped around people huddled around the room, offering them smiles as we did, until we passed through the doorway into the hallway.
“What are you doing?” I asked him quietly, once everyone else was out of earshot.
He leaned in, nuzzling the side of my face, and every nerve in my body came alive. “What does it look like?”
With a few more steps, he took me by the arm and practically pushed me up the winding hardwood staircase, into his old bedroom. Nostalgia hit me like a tsunami, breath freezing in my lungs. It was like stepping back in time. Rugby trophies lined the desk and shelves, and the dark blue walls were covered with sports posters and old photos, including several with me in them. Why didn’t he get rid of those if he’d been so upset with me?
The noise from the party downstairs faded away as Bennett shut the door, spinning me to face him. His dark blue eyes pinned me to the spot. “You really do look beautiful.”
“Thank you. You look pretty handsome, yourself.” Then again, he always did.
His chest rose with a deep inhale, and he let out a cross between a growl and a sigh. “I fucking miss you.”
“I saw you yesterday.” My gaze lingered on his lips, which were pulled into sulky frown, and my emotional barricades threatened to collapse.
“That’s not what I mean, and you know it.” He reached down, taking my hands in his. His warm palms were rough against my skin. “Are we done with this pushing me away thing yet? Because you and I both know it’s total bullshit.”
My mouth went dry, and I swallowed, inwardly scrambling for the right response. Finally, I landed on the truth.
“I need to know you won’t shut me out again.”
“Never,” he said, rubbing the backs of my hands with his calloused thumbs. “I know I fucked up. I wanted to talk to you about everything, Thay. I just didn’t know how to. I was afraid it would blow up in my face and set us back to square one—or worse. I couldn’t stomach the idea of jeopardizing a good thing. All I wanted was to move past it, so I forgave you.”
“For something I didn’t do.”
“I know that now. But even when I thought you had, I realized I love you too much to let that—” He stopped short, and his brow furrowed. This was a new expression; one I’d never seen on his face before. It was an ‘oh shit, did I say that out loud?’ face, and it was adorable.
“You love me?”
His mouth tugged into a boyish grin. “I’ve loved you for as long as I can remember.”
My breath snagged and tears sprang to my eyes; the first happy tears I’d had in my life. It was the best thing I’d ever had someone say to me, especially coming from him.
“Don’t get me wrong,” Bennett said. “You’re beyond stubborn, incredibly opinionated, and sometimes I’m pretty sure you disagree with me for the sake of it.” He gently tucked a lock of hair behind my ear, eyes gleaming with affection. “And every second I’m apart from you, those are just a few of the things that I miss.”
A wave of warm tears began to spill down my cheeks, evading my fingertips and dripping down onto my dress. Looking up, I tried to blink them away, but they continued to spill over. For so long, I’d felt like I didn’t belong, wasn’t enough, wasn’t outgoing or warm or all of the things I felt like everyone else expected me to be. I never fit into any of those boxes. But Bennett saw me for who I was and loved me for it, not in spite of it.
“I love you, too.” I sniffled, half-laughing through my tears. “Even when you’re being impossible, which is pretty much always.”
“That second part is fair.” Bennett slid his arms around my waist and pulled me closer. “Do you have any idea how long I’ve waited to hear you say the first part?”
Happy tears continued to leak from my eyes as I nestled against him, and the fabric of his shirt grew damp from my tears. I was certain there would be streaks of mascara and foundation left behind.
“I’m getting makeup all over your shirt,” I said, muffled by crisp white cotton and the taut muscle that lay beneath. “Probably going to ruin it.”
“Fuck the shirt.” His voice rumbled in his chest, firm fingertips kneading along my lower back through my dress. I drew in a breath, inhaling the comforting scent of his cologne, and soaking up the warmth from his body against mine. It felt so natural to be in his arms. My tears receded, breathing slowing into a regular, easy pattern. Bennett let out a low, satisfied hum and kissed the top of my head, stroking my hair.
“I’m sorry I ever made you doubt the way I feel, Thay. I’m bad with feelings and even worse when it comes to talking about them, but that isn’t an excuse.”
Sadly, I was even more deficient in both of those areas than he was. Which was why I didn’t know what to say, so I just let out a quiet sound of agreement.
“But I’ll do better,” he added, pulling back slightly to peer down at me. “I promise. I would do anything for you.”
I nodded, feeling my cheeks pull into a smile so broad I thought my cheeks might crack. We looked at each other for a few seconds, the energy in the air shifting. His gaze darkened and he leaned in, mouth covering mine. My lips parted instantly as his tongue swept inside, and the chemistry between us ignited, setting off a cascade of fireworks throughout my body. I’d missed him in every way.
Our kiss deepened and everything started to fast forward as he steered me backward until I bumped into the wooden desk behind me. Bennett scooped me up, setting me onto the surface, and his hands slid up my thighs, beginning to inch up the hem of my dress.
“There are people downstairs,” I reminded him.
“So?” he murmured, tilting my jaw up. His lips brushed against the sensitive spot beneath my ear, sending tingles down my spine. “We both know most of those guests aren’t here for you and me.”
“True,” I admitted. “But we should probably make it quick.”
Bennett chuckled, sinking his teeth into my neck. “I can’t promise that.”
In a flash, my underwear came off, followed by his suit jacket, and he was standing between my legs. His fingertips glided along my inner thighs, leisurely teasing without touching me where I wanted him most. I looped my arms around his neck, tugging him closer for another kiss, but each time one ended, I was left wanting another. Maybe the high from kissing him would wear off someday, but I doubted it would be any time soon.
His fingers slid against me, sending off a frenzy of pleasure, and I let out a soft gasp. His teeth sank into his bottom lip, and he watched my expression as he pushed a finger inside me, followed by another.
“Small problem,” Bennett said, curling his fingers and hitting my G-spot. I whimpered. “For once, I wasn’t prepared for this.”
My hips arched in response to his touch, greedily seeking more. “Birth control.”
His gaze lifted to mine, questioning. “Are you sure?”
“Yes.” Our mouths came together again while I unfastened his belt and pants, wrapping my other hand around his hard length. Bennett slid me to the very edge of the desk but stopped short before pushing inside. My fingertips dug into his back, urging him on, and he let out a low laugh. I was impatient, and he knew it.
His mouth tugged in a crooked, wolfish smile. “For the record, this is fulfilling a major fantasy of mine.”
“Sex in your childhood bedroom?”
“Fucking you in this bedroom.” He thrust into me, and the sudden fullness took my breath away. “That’s the fantasy. Ticking all the boxes.”
Bennett wrapped his hands around my lower back, pinning me in place, and circled his hips. Immediately, pleasure started to overtake every other sense of mine, and our surroundings faded into the background, including any thoughts about the party downstairs. The only thing that existed in the moment was our bodies joined together, him moving against me in perfect rhythm. His mouth crashed down on mine, muffling my needy cries, and he continued to take me closer and closer to the edge with each movement.
He broke away from our kiss, letting out a low groan. “Move in with me.”
“I’m sorry, what did you just say?” Was I hallucinating from pleasure overdose? He was good, but that would be a first.
“I said, move in with me.” Before I could respond, he slammed into me, sending the trophies on the desk rattling. I saw stars, euphoria building within me.
“Fuck.” Bennett let out a hiss, and slowly pulled out almost all the way before thrusting back inside me again. “Or I can move into your place. I don’t care which.”
“Hold on.” I grabbed his face, my fingers and thumb landing on his rough, stubbled jawline, and turned him to look at me. “Is this sex talk, or are you serious?”
He stopped thrusting and rested his forehead against mine, trailing his fingertips down the side of my face. His thumb brushed my bottom lip. “I’m serious, Thay. We’ve wasted too much time being apart as it is.”
It was incredibly sweet, even if the timing was a little unorthodox. Then again, doing something like this in the middle of sex was on-brand for Bennett, and I loved him even more because of that.
Before my brain could catch up enough to voice my agreement, he started to move against me again, and I let out a quiet, involuntary whimper. It was like his body was made for mine with the way we fit together. I never in a million years could have imagined finding what we had, inside the bedroom or otherwise.
His voice turned strained. “I want to wake up next to you every morning. I knew that after Mexico.”
My heart swelled to the point where I thought it might burst. I never imagined wanting to live with someone before him, but now I couldn’t imagine not saying yes. Or trying to, because I was halfway to an orgasm and making a considerable effort to be quiet.
“I’d love that,” I managed. “As long as you’re sure.”
“I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life.” His grip on me tightened and he pushed into me deeper, hitting a spot inside I didn’t know existed. My breath caught, toes curling with pleasure. He did it again and we both moaned, likely louder than we could afford to but unable to hold back. With a few more thrusts, we both came undone, clinging to each other as each wave washed over us until we were both tired and sated.
Bennett tilted his head, planting a soft kiss on my mouth. “Fuck, do I ever love you.”
“I love you, too.” I placed my hand on his chest, feeling his heart pound against my palm.
We stayed together for a few more moments, snuggling as much as we could given the situation and position. He looked over his shoulder and grabbed a few tissues before he pulled out of me, quickly helping clean me up. Then he stepped back to let me hop off the desk and began to get dressed again.
“I’m holding you to living together,” he said, fastening his leather belt. “I hope you realize that.”
“We can call moving companies first thing Monday morning. But for now, we should get back to the party.” A quick glance at the clock revealed we’d already been gone far longer than could easily be explained away.
I straightened my dress, knowing my hair and makeup had probably been ruined. I’d have to send Bennett out first while I did a massive touch-up in the bathroom. And while I thought of a way to pretend like our extended disappearance together wasn’t incredibly suspicious.
“Unfortunately, you’re right.” He fixed his shirt sleeves and pulled his suit jacket back on, smoothing his rumpled clothing. Glancing down, he straightened his cuffs, and with that final fix, he was back to his pre-romp normal. He looked the way he had when he’d walked through the door earlier. It was patently unfair.
Despite all of our talks, one final unspoken question still lingered between us. One that I was finally feeling brave enough to ask.
“Um, Bennett? What do we do about the ring?”
Bennett looked up, lips quirking. “Leave it on.”
“Why? So people don’t ask questions?”
He walked up to me and wrapped his arms around me from behind. A warm wall of muscle enveloped me, securing me to the spot. His nose traced my cheek, breath warm against my skin. “No,” he said. “Because I want you to have it.”
Contentedness settled in my body, because it was the answer I hadn’t known I needed until I got it.
WHEN I APPEARED downstairs a few minutes later, Quinn and Lola immediately accosted me, thrusting a fresh glass of champagne in my hand and dragging me off to the side.
“Where were you?” A smile played on Lola’s glossy nude lips.
“Where do you think?” I asked, fighting the rush of heat to my cheeks.
Quinn smirked. “Called it. You two are a little freaky, and I love that for you.”
“Does this mean…?” Lola’s amber eyes studied my face, widening. She dropped her voice to a hush. “Are you two together-together? Or back together? Whatever you want to call it?”
“Yeah,” I said. “We agreed to keep the ring on, too.”
Both of their faces lit up with excitement, but we shared a glance of silent understanding that this wasn’t the time or place to discuss it. Good thing, too, because a few seconds later, my mother appeared from out of thin air like always. Her chilly hand landed on my bare shoulder, and I wondered if she could tell how fevered my skin was from what had just happened upstairs.
“There you are,” my mother said. “I’ve been looking everywhere for you. Your fiancé is waiting in the dining room. I was going to make a toast to you both.”
She led me through the double doors to where Bennett was standing at the front of the oversized dining room, a mixture of amusement and irritation on his handsome face. Every eye in the entire party was trained on us, and I immediately hated it. My mother turned her back on us, trying to get everyone to quiet down.
“I hate being the center of attention,” I whispered to Bennett.
“I know,” he muttered. “I tried to stop her. She also wants us to have a 500-person wedding. And that was with me talking her down from 750.”
“In that case, eloping someday is the only option.”
He reached over and interlaced his fingers with mine. “Agreed.”
