When we get back to the villa, everyone has already turned in for the night, so we make love in his bed. He might not call it making love, but I do. There is no other definition that suits our speed, tenderness, and level of intimacy. He falls asleep on his side with one arm slung over my waist and his head between my breasts. I watch him sleep, his breathing even and smooth in his slumber.
When I wake up in the morning, Max is gone. He’s left a note on his bedside table, which reads, ‘I fucked up the other night. I didn’t wrap up. We can’t do that. If you’re not on the pill, take these. M.’
Beside it, there is small blue box with two pills inside it.
Looking at them, I feel a small knot start to grow in my stomach. Even though him taking care of a mistake we had both willingly participated in is sweet and responsible, I’d have liked him to have given the pills to me in person.
Because this way makes me feel a little empty inside.
I’ll be fine.
Rolling around in his soft sheets, I tangle myself up, stroking the slight divot his body has left in the mattress. It’s Clay’s buck’s party today, which means I need to pack an overnight bag and move into the other villa so they have privacy for whatever shenanigans they have organised. Unease slithers into me; I hate that it does.
I take the first pill. The other is to be taken in twelve hours, so I set an alarm on my phone.
I spend the day alone by the main pool, drinking cocktails and reading all about the origin of the Sugar Plum Fairy.
Swim. Eat. Sunbathe. For an hour, I practise my choreography for tomorrow night under the cabana. It doesn’t bother me that people are watching. It’s no different from doing yoga or tai chi in the park on a Sunday or working out at the gym.
When it gets dark, the staff begin lighting citronella lanterns. The thick, hot atmosphere relaxes my muscles and I roll onto my belly, nestling into the cushions.
Slowly, I fall asleep and dream of Max touching me. His hands against my skin. His fingers between my legs. His tongue on my nipple. I can almost feel him, becoming so needy and wet that I wake up. When I open my eyes, it’s completely dark and I’m panting.
I stare down at my phone, laying on the sunbed beside me, flashing with a message.
I read a text from a mystery number and frown at the screen.
Unknown Number: You’re a beautiful dancer.
Sitting straight up, I scan the area for Max or anyone whose eyes might be on me. I shift in the bed and feel a sudden urge to find the villa. I text back, hoping that it’s Max. Hoping that he’d stopped by for a while to watch me dance by the poolside. Hoping that there is nothing sinister about this message.
Cassidy: Who is this?
Collecting my things, I ask a lovely Balinese lady to show me where we are staying tonight. As she leads me down the steps, I peer across the valley that drops between the two mountains. Tropical trees seem to disappear down into the dark and then reappear on the other side, climbing back up in a similar formation. When I stumble on a step, I decide to focus back on the path.
A rock rolls behind me. My neck prickles and a tingling sensation moves through me. I spin, squinting up the steps and to the side and through the trees – nothing.
You’re being paranoid.
I follow quietly behind the lady to the new villa, my pulse a little faster than normal. Once inside, I push the latch across, locking the door. ‘Flick?’ I look around the villa. It’s much smaller than the other one. ‘Stacey?’
Flick bounces out from around the corner. ‘Hello, my little love.’
‘Frick.’ I exhale. ‘Make a noise. Don’t just jump out at a girl.’
‘Huh?’ She tilts her head at me. ‘You on edge, little sister?’
‘No. I’m fine. Where’s Stacey?’ My voice gets louder as I wander away from her. Heading into the Balinese-style outdoor kitchen, I slump down into a wicker chair.
‘She’s out and about,’ she says, following me. ‘Anyway I was hoping you and I could have a little chat.’
My shoulders sag. ‘Oh no. Let’s not do this.’
‘About Max . . . and you.’
‘Oh my gawd.’
I wish we were more like guys sometimes. She would offer me her fist. I’d bump it.
‘Did you tap that, sis?’
‘Oh, you know I did!’
‘Can we just fist bump or something?’ I plea.
‘Would you like something to eat?’ She grins at me. ‘I can’t imagine you’ve slept much lately and probably need to keep your energy levels up.’
I chuckle once. ‘Subtle.’
‘I’m sorry, Cassidy.’ Sliding into the seat opposite me, she leans back in her chair. ‘I’d love to just talk boys, but I’m nervous now that it’s actually happening. I didn’t think much of your crush before.’
I blink at her. ‘My crush?’
‘How long have you been fucking Max?”
‘Jebus, please transition me slowly into the conversation.’
‘I don’t think we need to fliff-flaff.’
‘I like a bit of fliff-flaffery.’
‘Cassidy. You were supposed to tell me about your first time. It’s meant to be under the covers with the lights off and in a bed. It’s meant to be slow and awkward, and we are meant to laugh about it after.’
I bite my lip to stop the grin that’s tugging at it. ‘Well, it definitely wasn’t that.’
‘What was it like then?’
I beam for a split second. ‘Insanity.’
‘How long have you two been fucking?’
‘Fine.’ I groan the word. ‘We had sex for the first time a few weeks ago.’
‘You still can’t say the word ‘fuck’? Cassidy. If you’re doing it, then you should be able to say it.’
‘We don’t. We have sex. And I don’t want to say that word because it becomes too. . . relied upon. For everything. Pain. Pleasure. Excitement. Shock.’
‘Whatever. I don’t know what to say. I can’t believe you didn’t tell me. We used to tell each other everything.’
‘I’m sorry, Flick.’ I smile tightly at her. ‘It’s just this is our thing, mine and Max’s.”
‘Oh my God. This is not a thing. This is just Max Butcher.”
My brows pull together. ‘And that’s why I didn’t tell you-”
‘Because I would tell you the truth.’
‘No. Because you’re not always right. This is a thing. It might just be a kind of friendship, but it’s definitely still a thing.’
She shakes her head slowly. ‘Please tell me you aren’t in love with him.’
‘Okay,’ I state. ‘I’m not in love with him.’
‘Don’t lie to me. I know you are.’
‘You just told me to tell you I wasn’t!’
‘I can see it on your little blushing face. I just never thought-‘ She reaches for the words. ‘He would-‘
‘What?’ My jaw tightens. ‘You didn’t think he would want me?”
‘God no! What? He’s been fucking you with his eyes since your party. I just thought he’d care enough not to fuck with your emotions.”
‘He isn’t.’ I take a big breath. ‘He made it clear.’
‘He just isn’t emotionally available, Cassidy. As much as you think he might be, he isn’t.”
‘Thank you for the insight.”
‘Cassidy, you don’t know Max like I do. You haven’t seen the things I’ve seen. He has zero respect for the girls he fucks.’
‘You don’t know anything about Max. Trust me when I say, you’re the one who doesn’t know him like I do.’
‘It sounds to me like you two are discussing Max’s personal life. Is that right?’ We turn to see Stacey standing staunchly in the hallway, both of her hands clutching plastic bags.
Flick glances sideways. ‘It’s Cassidy’s personal life as well.’
‘Leave it, Flick.’ Stacey walks slowly over to us and places the bags of groceries on the table. ‘If Max finds out you’ve been talking to Cassidy about him and their relationship, he won’t be happy.”
She folds her arms across her chest. ‘Well, I don’t really care if he’s not happy about it.’
I murmur under my breath, “Please continue talking as if I’m not here.’
Stacey lowers her voice. “Felicity, be very careful. If Max wants Cassidy, then let him have her. Leave it alone. If you get involved in his personal business, you’ll regret it.”
‘Cassidy is my business,’ Flick states.
Stacey rolls her eyes to the sky. ‘Not anymore, she’s not. She’s his. That’s how it works in his world.’
I jump up and my chair slides backwards. “You know what, I have to get some sleep. I have a performance tomorrow. Have fun discussing my life.”
“Cassidy, I just worry about you.’ Flick follows me down towards the bedrooms. ‘Max isn’t right for you. Max isn’t right for anyone.”
‘Oh my God,’ Stacey growls. ‘I’m leaving before I hear anymore.’ The door swings open and then shuts with a bang.
I swivel to face Flick. ‘You sound just like Konnor. Max isn’t the person everyone thinks he is.’ I pause for a moment and we both collect our thoughts before I continue. ‘He’s complex and unassumingly intelligent and funny and . . . He has these sporadic moments of being so tender and considerate.’
She smiles. ‘You love him.’
I swallow pass a knot in my throat. ‘I don’t know how I feel. Can we not label it?’
Flick nods. ‘Look, Max is loads of fun. I like him. You’re just headed for better things . . . You throw yourself into everything you love. I just don’t want you to throw yourself into him. You just don’t understand. You’re my hero! You wanted to be a ballerina and you made that happen. I just don’t want you to lose yourself in Max Butcher. He has the kind of identity that people get swept up in, losing all sense of self. The girl who ends up with him will need to fit into his box. He won’t change for her. You two are just not compatible. He will never deserve someone like you. You don’t need a Max to be someone. You’re someone on your own.’
‘I hear everything you’re saying. I do. I appreciate the sentiment. But Stacey is right. Max is very guarded with his personal life. He’s very protective over his privacy. I don’t even feel comfortable talking about us. It’s ours. He makes me feel like this thing is just ours. I like it that way. You should just-‘
Her mouth opens. “Is that what this is about? Protection?”
I squint at her, finding her revelation expression annoying. ‘What?”
“This is about Konnor. You were so young and he was so broken. You two were inseparable. We’d always thought he was looking after you, but sometimes I’d felt like you were looking after him. After everything that had happened to him at such a young age, it makes me think about how those things had affected you. You want someone who can look after you. You like Max so much because you want someone who can protect you.”
I fumble around for words. “This is such a bizarre path you’ve taken! This has nothing to do with Konnor. I like Max because he’s gorgeous and for all the other reasons I’ve already mentioned. This is about Max. Max and me. And it just doesn’t have anything to do with you or anyone else.”
My phone vibrates in my bag as the alarm goes off. Ignoring Flick’s concerned face, I open the door to my room and shut it behind me.
My room for one night only.
I sit down on the edge of the mattress and pull out my phone. Blinking at the display, I read the notification: It’s time for Plan B.
