The days turned…strange, quiet almost. If quiet was a loaded gun aimed at each of our heads. The guys hovered around the house, which weirded Guild out. There were more than a few altercations with the sons as they got in his way, until the assassin/butler started barking .‘“Out of the kitchen…out!”
I found myself hanging around downstairs, taking over the unused living room and making myself at home on the plush sofa. The massive flat screen TV still had the plastic wrap attached to the front. The plastic was the first to go. Popcorn, thick socks, and an oversized hoodie I stole from Colt, and I settled into a sense of familiarity.
Being inside, staying quiet.
Living my life through movies and TV shows.
That’s all I’d had before I was dragged to The Order and fuck, if I wasn’t more than happy to have it once again. Anything, as long as I didn’t have to go back to that Hell.
It still didn’t mean I didn’t long for a normal life. One like others lived. I watched with more than a little envy as London and the sons argued with each other and left, leaving me alone with Guild for short stretches at a time.
Carven pushed London for action, snapping at him like a tethered predator. He didn’t like all this waiting around. But the last thing London wanted to do was to react without thinking, without planning.
While I…stayed inside. I stood at the window of the living room while Holidate played on the screen behind me one afternoon and watched as the icy wind howled outside and whipped bare branches in its fury. Until the heady smell of popcorn wafted from the kitchen.
“What are you watching?” Colt asked as he carried in a massive bowl that was so full it almost overflowed.
I tore my gaze from outside to see the son striding into the living room. His deep blue eyes met mine as he sank down on the other side of the sofa.
“Holidate,” I answered.
“A Christmas movie?” He glanced at the TV, his brow rising.
“Yeah,” I answered with a scowl. “I kinda…love them.”
That made him smile. “That’s…cute.”
“Cute, huh?” I crossed my arms and met his stare.
He was still awkward with me, staying away even though I could feel the weight of his stare haunt me every second we were close.
“What’s fucking cute?” Carven snarled as he strode in to lean over the back of the sofa and grab a fistful of popcorn.
“Viv loves Christmas movies,” Colt answered, his gaze fixed on me.
“Christ, I hate them.” Carven rounded the arm to plonk down in the middle of the sofa. “I hate everything about this time of year. I hate this fucking waiting more.”
The move earned him a glare from his brother. “Viv was sitting there.”
His brother gave a shrug, muttering. “There’s more than enough room.”
I scowled. It wasn’t the first time he’d pushed in between us. I didn’t know if it was territorial about his brother, or if he actually wanted to be close.
“I wouldn’t know,” I muttered as London’s snarl grew louder when he strode from the study.
He was pissed off about some IP address. I sat next to Carven and turned to press my back against the armrest. As soon as I did, Carven reached down, grasped my feet, and dragged them up to his lap. Colt watched his brother from the corner of his eye, frozen mid-handful of popcorn to his mouth.
“Wouldn’t know what?” London snapped, in a foul goddamn mood.
That only pissed me off. I jerked my gaze to his. “Christmas, that’s what.” The man could be pissy as hell when he wanted to be.
He stilled, glanced at the sons, then at the movie playing on the TV. The air turned charged. Truths unspoken sparked and hummed in the air. “But you knew that, right?” I looked carefully. “They didn’t beat me, but they sure as hell may as well have. I never had a normal life, never had anything.”
The sons looked at me.
London stepped closer, gripped the back of the sofa with one hand, and leaned in to glare at me. “You’re alive, aren’t you?”
“That’s one way to put it.” I glared back.
“Believe me, it’s safer for you to be inside.”
I looked away, ignoring him. “So you keep saying. I guess I’ll just live my entire fucking life strapped to the goddamn machine in your basement, shall I?”
“Keep her inside,” Carven snarled under his breath. “Keep us all in-fucking-side.”
London’s jaw clenched, but he didn’t look at Carven. He kept that seething glare fixed on me. Still, I stared at the screen, not watching a goddamn thing until, under his breath, he muttered. “Fine. You want Christmas, then I’ll give you fucking Christmas.”
Hope surged inside me. I almost snapped my neck in two as I jerked my gaze to his. “You will?”
Those dark eyes simmered with cold, chilling fury as he gave a slow, careful nod and lifted his gaze to the TV, where Sloane was making her way through an overcrowded mall. “The South Diamond Mall is having their first late night sales leading up to Christmas.” He turned to me. “And you’re going.”
I dragged my feet from Carven’s lap and slowly rose from the sofa. “Don’t fucking play me, London. This isn’t funny.”
He slowly straightened. There wasn’t anything remotely amusing in his stare. “I wasn’t trying to be funny. I forget how…cruel your life was.” He nodded toward the TV. “So, if going to a goddamn mall is going to make you happy, then we’ll take you.”
“Fuck no, count me the hell out,” Carven muttered, which earned him a glare from London. “Unless that’s code for taking Hale out, then I’m all in. Hell, I’ll even take Viv here, get the daughter’s hands a little bloody.”
London cut him a seething stare. “If one goes to the mall, then we all go.”
While the son growled and glowered, I grinned and clenched my fists and forced my happiness through clenched teeth. “Holy shit…holy shit, a real fucking mall.” I stumbled backwards as the three of them stared at me. “I have to get ready…I have to find something to wear.”
“It’s a mall,” Carven snapped.
“You have all afternoon,” London added.
“I don’t care,” I barked as I laughed and spun, then rushed for the stairs. “I’M GOING TO THE MALL!”
“Jesus…” London muttered behind me. “What the hell have we gotten ourselves into?”
“You mean, you,” Carven corrected. “What have you gotten yourself into? Because there is no way in hell—”
Someone snarled.
Another cursed.
I left them all behind as I hurried to my room, my mind spinning. But the moment I stepped inside my room, I froze. A mall…like a real, damn mall. Fear gripped me. The kind of fear that grew talons in my mind. Maybe this was all too much. Yeah, I licked my lips…I think it was way too soon. I spun around, ready to head back down and tell London I’d changed my mind.
But I didn’t get the chance…because Colt was there, standing in the doorway with a tortured look in his eyes.
“Colt,” I took a step closer. “You okay?”
He strode in like a silent predator, grasped the back of my neck, and kissed me. I closed my eyes and gave in to him. His body trembled. I didn’t know if it was in fear or hunger.
I pressed my hand against his chest, then broke away to stare into his eyes. “Hey, what is it?” He scowled, then shook his head. But he wasn’t getting away from me so easily. “Talk to me.”
He went still, then lifted his gaze. “There’s a storm coming,” he said, those blue eyes like the deepest depths of the ocean. “I can feel it.”
I shook my head. “It’s just winter.”
“It’s more than that.” He searched my gaze. “It’s…I can’t put my finger on it.”
I licked my lips as I watched the muscles of his jaw flare with the tension. “I’m glad you’re here. I kinda need your help.” I took a step backwards and reached for the belt around my waist. “I have no idea what to wear.”
I grabbed Colt’s hoodie around my hips and removed it in one smooth move.
His gaze widened, then fixed on the black lace bra and matching panties. I realized he hadn’t ever actually seen me. Even when we’d fucked, it had been hurried and we were mostly clothed. I dropped the dress on the foot of the bed and took a step closer. “You can touch me if you want?”
He shook his head quickly.
“No?”
“No,” he muttered as he stared at my breasts, and the vein running up his neck fluttered and beat faster than a rabbit fleeing for its life.
He lifted his hand and for a second, I thought he was going to touch me. But then he stilled, clenched his fist, and pulled away. So I helped him, gently grabbed his big hand and lifted it to my breast. “You won’t hurt me.”
He swallowed hard, his voice husky. “How do you know?”
“Because I know.” I ground his hand against me, then reached up to slide down the strap of my bra. “Tell me to stop and I will.”
“I don’t…I don’t know how to touch something so perfect.”
I froze, and my heart thundered as I met those beautiful blue eyes.
“These hands are made for violence, not…this.”
My breast bounced free from the cup as I let his hand go and reached around, unhooked the clasps, and let the garment fall. “You think you don’t deserve this?”
“Not think,” he answered as he still stared at my body. “I know I don’t.”
I slid my fingers under the elastic of my panties and dragged them down until I stood naked in front of him. “If you don’t deserve to touch, then I don’t deserve to be touched. Is that what you want?”
His throat worked as he swallowed hard and shook his head.
“So, touch me,” I whispered. “Touch whatever you want.”
He met my stare. “Anything?”
I gave a slow nod. “Anything.”
So he did the one thing I didn’t expect, he lifted his hand and brushed his thumb along my cheek. My breath caught with the contact. Something so tender, so careful and yet this feeling grew between us until it swept me away. He took a step closer, towering over me. His thumb grazed my cheek so gently it was barely there.
Slowly, he lowered his head.
This man who’d hardly known affection.
Was so utterly tender with me.
I closed my eyes as he kissed me. His fingers ran along my jaw as he tilted my chin higher. Slow, gentle, the kiss deepened until my heart pounded and my thoughts vanished. There was just this…just us, until finally he broke away.
It took me a moment to come back down. I floated with the feel of his mouth and slowly opened my eyes. “Holy shit.”
There was a flicker of satisfaction in the deep depths of his stare. The kiss only made him bolder, as he lowered his focus and dropped his hand from my jaw to brush the outside of my breast. A shiver raced in the wake of his touch.
“You sure you haven’t done this before,” I whispered.
But he didn’t answer. His focus was fixed on his hand as he gently cupped the swell, ran his thumb across my nipple, then lowered his head. I caught the tremble of his fingers a second before the warmth of his mouth took my mind away. It’d been days since the study. Even though I was getting used to living with these three men, I still felt awkward.
They came to me when they wanted me, yet there was still a disconnect.
One I didn’t know how to navigate.
But this…this didn’t feel awkward or strained. I lifted my hand to cup the back of his head as he gently sucked my nipple, then kissed the sensitive flesh, and moved to my other breast.
“God, you’re so soft,” he murmured. “Like satin.”
“And you’re so beautiful,” I whispered.
He lifted his head. “I just…want to be near you, like all the time. I don’t know how to do that without…”
Something in my chest fluttered. “Without feeling vulnerable?”
He gave a slow nod.
“Then that makes two of us.”
He arched his brow. “Really?”
I gave him a slow smile. “Really. This is definitely not the kind of feelings I imagined myself having.”
“With London?”
“Yes, with London, and with you.” A dull pang filled my chest as I looked at the door.
“Carven isn’t like me. He’s…”
“Different,” I nodded. “I get it.”
“But he’s changing. I don’t understand how. If it was anyone else, he probably would’ve—”
“Killed them in their sleep?” I offered.
He gave a smile, and nodded. “Probably.”
“Yay for still being alive.” I smiled, then gave a sigh. “So, are you going to help me figure out an outfit for shopping, or what?”
He grinned, turned, and sat on the end of my bed. “Absolutely.”
I laughed, lowered my head, and without thinking, kissed him. A surge of adrenaline coursed through my veins, and I lifted my head and met his gaze. That happiness lingered and for the first time in my life, I dared to hope.
I stepped back and headed for my closet. “I always dreamed of one of those moments in the movies where they dance under the falling snow dressed in something white and red.” Then I froze, realizing what I’d said.
White.
I wanted to wear white.
My breaths came faster and a sense of panic rushed in.
“I think white is beautiful,” Colt murmured, breaking my trance. “But I like you in black more. It makes you look…”
I closed my eyes. White. Red. Black. White. Red. Black. White…red…
“Stunning,” he finished in the doorway of my closet.
I opened my eyes to find him right there. Those damn blue eyes saw too much. He knew. I don’t know how, but he just…knew.
“So maybe it doesn’t matter what color you wear underneath?” He shifted his gaze to the glass topped drawers of my lingerie. “Like the pink. I like pink.”
My breaths were still too fast as I whispered, “You do?”
“Yeah.” He angled his big frame around me to move deeper into the closet and pulled out the soft, pastel pink set. “This one.”
I swallowed and forced myself to move and took the panties with a trembling hand when he held them out. He saw it and kept going. “So, it’s going to be cold. You’ll want warmth.”
I strode closer as he stared at the rack of expensive clothes and wrapped my arms around him, hugging him from behind. He slid his hands over mine pressed against the middle of his chest. We stayed like that for a while, until the shudders eased and I felt more like myself again.
Then I slowly pulled my pink underwear on and reached for a pair of black designer jeans.
“Wise choice,” he approved.
I slid them on, selected a V-neck sweater, and pulled it on. “Hair up or down?”
He turned. “Down. Always down, wildcat.”
I smiled. “Down it is.” I grabbed tall black boots and cushioned socks, then strode back to sit on the bed as he stopped at the doorway and leaned against the frame with his arms crossed.
“Is that what you’re wearing?” I nodded at his black cargos and t-shirt.
He gave a grin. “I was, but I guess I’d better at least change my shirt.”
For me. That’s why. Not for any other reason.
He straightened and strode across the room, headed for the door. I watched him leave, then laced up my boots before I stood. Clear lip gloss and a little bronzer, then I dragged my fingers through my hair and headed for the doorway, but stopped short in the middle of my room.
“How’s this?” he murmured.
For a second, I couldn’t breathe. Colt had not only changed his shirt, but he’d traded the black cargos for gorgeous black jeans that fit him perfectly. A black turtleneck made the deep blue of his eyes mesmerizing.
“Holy shit,” I whispered.
But Colt was the one who bit his lip and lowered his gaze to take in the deep V of my sweater and the high boots.
His sly smile told me all there was to know.
As much as he affected me, it seemed I affected him just the same.
“I’M LETTING you know this is under protest,” Carven snarled as he pulled open the passenger side door of the Mercedes.
“Noted.” London held open the back door for me as his phone gave a chime.
There was a pinched expression on his face as he reached into his jacket, pulled out his phone, swiped the screen, and answered. “This better be good news.” The moment his eyes narrowed I knew it wasn’t. He turned away and strode across the garage. “You told me it was done, now there’s a problem?” There was a second of silence. “What do you mean you can’t hack their system? Now?”
He glanced my way and my heart sank. We weren’t going…
I tried to keep the look of disappointment from my face.
But London saw every twitch.
“Can’t this wait? Yeah…yeah, I need this done. Okay, I’ll be right there. But I need this done as fast as possible.”
He ended the call and I stepped away from the open door. “It’s fine.”
“What’s fine, Vivienne?”
I shook my head. “We don’t have to go tonight.”
“Oh, you’re going, I made a commitment.” He looked at Carven. “Stay with her. I’ll be there as soon as I can.”
There was a hard sigh before the son jerked his head toward the Explorer. “Looks like it’s just us, wildcat. But I swear to God, I’m not carrying your damn bags.”
“I will.” Colt gave me a wink.
His brother shot him a glare and took in the black turtleneck and jeans. “I don’t even know who you are anymore.”
I gave a shrug, closed the door, and strode toward London, then rose up on my toes to kiss him on the cheek. “It’s fine.”
He gripped my shoulders and stared into my eyes, the act sudden and awkward. Obviously, we could fuck, but this level of intimacy felt strange. “Just stay close to your brothers and whatever you do, don’t take Carven’s pissy attitude to heart.”
“I don’t plan on it,” I murmured as I slowly stepped away, until I rounded the back of the Mercedes, then turned and lunged for the Explorer. “I call shotgun!”
“What?” Colt barked. “FUCK!”
