P.S. I’m Still Yours: Chapter 5

By the time next Friday rolls around, I’m wondering if Kane and I even live on the same planet.

Less than week ago, I was doing everything in my power to avoid him, and now?

He’s the one treating me like I have cholera.

My birthday’s tomorrow, and he hasn’t deigned say a word to me since our fight in the bathroom. He doesn’t even know that I ended up canceling my date with Sebastian because I didn’t feel like going.

I know that I overstepped, but I figured he’d be over it by now. Of course, there’s always the possibility that he’s mad about something else…

Something that’s been watched over two hundred thousand times on YouTube.

I wish I could say that I was surprised. That the video of Kane going semi-viral in a week came as a shock to me, but truth be told, I didn’t expect anything less.

That’s how talented Kane is.

I woke up the day after our fight with a heart full of remorse and a clear plan of action. I remember grabbing my phone, intending to take the video down before Kane found it.

But then… I saw the view count.

Seven thousand people had already watched it.

In one night.

And the comments were worshipping the ground Kane walks on.

A voice in my head kept telling me that I was wrong for breaking my promise. That I was betraying Kane’s trust in the worst way, but as my guilt grew, so did the views.

Seeing so many people agree with me made me feel a little less awful. It made me think that maybe Kane would be able to forgive me if he saw how many strangers were in awe of his voice.

Maybe he’d finally stop feeling like an imposter.

So, I left the video up.

He didn’t have to find out. At least not right away. Before I knew it, the video had fifty thousand views.

Then a hundred thousand views.

And then… two hundred thousand.

All in one week.

I step off the bus and go straight home. I can’t keep lying to him anymore. I know he’s going to hate me either way, but I would prefer if he didn’t find out from somebody else.

I have to tell him about the video.

Tonight.

I snatch my house keys out of my bag and unlock the door. I check Kane and Gray’s room but find it empty. I know Gray caught a ride with his friends since there’s a party tonight. I figure Kane’s in the shed, working on another masterpiece.

I slow down as I approach the shed, listening in to make sure Kane isn’t in the middle of a song, but I don’t hear anything. I don’t think he’s in there.

He had the shed to himself yesterday. Maybe he decided to take the night off.

The inside of the shed is pitch-black. And there’s a strong smell of paint in the air.

Normally I wouldn’t think twice about it, but I haven’t used the shed to paint since Monday, and the smell shouldn’t be this overwhelming.

I activate the flashlight on my phone to see where I’m going as I amble to the Christmas lights and plug them in.

The lights come on…

And my jaw drops.

In the corner of the shed is the painting I’ve been working on for weeks.

The one of Kane playing the guitar with his head hanging low. The one I kept covered so that he wouldn’t find out that I was painting him.

It’s completely ruined.

Covered in holes.

It also looks like a bucket of black paint was dropped on top of it. And that’s not even the worst part.

There are two words, written in red paint in the center of the canvas…

You Promised.

HADLEY

Kane, I’m so sorry.

HADLEY

I don’t know what I was thinking.

HADLEY

I should’ve never posted the video.

HADLEY

Please talk to me.

He hasn’t answered any of my messages.

It’s been hours.

He didn’t eat dinner with us tonight. Nor did Evie. Mom just said they’d gone out to grab a bite because they had important things to discuss. I tried to pry more information out of her, but she wouldn’t tell me a thing, vague as can be.

I retreated to my bedroom a half hour later and spent the rest of the evening impatiently waiting for Evie and Kane to pull into the driveway.

There’s a pit in my stomach—a big one—but I still manage to drift off to sleep at around 10:30 p.m., only to be woken up an hour later by my phone buzzing.

I half expect it to be a wrong number or Lacey drunk-texting me about a boy but the sender is none of the above.

The sender is Kane.

I can’t believe he texted me.

I was sure he’d never want to talk to me again.

KANE

Meet me in the shed in five.

My heart drops.

He sent me that message over ten minutes ago.

But that’s not the only message he sent.

KANE

Please don’t be asleep.

KANE

I really need to see you.

KANE

Fuck, Hadley. You have to wake up.

I climb out of bed so fast I nearly fall.

I don’t waste a second, throwing on a large hoodie and slipping out of my shorts. I stuff my legs into a pair of leggings before checking myself in the mirror.

My hair is a mess from sleeping like the dead, and I pull it up into one of my signature ponytails, leaving out two strands to frame my face.

Then I tiptoe out of my bedroom and down the stairs, texting Kane as I do.

HADLEY

I just saw your texts. I’m on my way.

I can hear my pulse racing in my ears as I step out of the house through the back door and book it to the shed.

The air seems to be thinning with each step I take, and I give myself a solid pep talk before swinging the shed door open.

I notice the Christmas lights on the wall are turned off from the moment I walk inside.

That’s when I see him.

And tears immediately flood my eyes.

I blink a few times to restore my vision and drink in every inch of him.

He’s standing there, in the middle of the dark shed, with his black guitar in his hands and his guitar strap looped around his shoulder.

There’s an old projector placed on a table on his right and a white sheet hanging on the wall behind him.

“What’s all this?” I close the door.

Kane’s mouth curves into a smile, his hair covering part of his green eyes. “I owe you a song, don’t I?”

The conversation we had in text messages returns to my mind. I told him his new song wouldn’t be finished before my birthday, and he said it could be my present.

Kane presses a button on the projector and begins to strum his guitar.

I have no idea how he managed it, but as soon as he starts singing, the lyrics are projected onto the wall behind him.

They say only kids believe in magic.

But I’ve never been more convinced of magic’s existence than I am when I hear the chorus.

Not only are the lyrics emotional, but he looks at me like he wrote this song for me, and it shatters what’s left of my walls.

I know he didn’t write this song about me. Kane wouldn’t write a song like that about his friend. But I still let myself dream.

I let myself believe that Kane Wilder could care about me the way I care about him.

The next thing I know, I’m bawling my eyes out.

By the time the song comes to an end, I’m a complete mess, choking on a sob. Kane exhales a sharp breath as he removes his guitar strap from his shoulder and tucks the guitar inside its case.

The projector illuminating the white sheet in the background is the only reason I’m able to see the torn expression on his face as he makes his way over to me.

I can’t help word-vomiting. “I’m so sorry I shared the video. I should’ve never broken your trust like that. What I did was wrong and you have every right to be upset.”

Kane doesn’t reply, his mouth twitching into a grin. I continue to ramble until he shuts me up with one move.

He grabs my face with both hands.

Slowly, he swabs my tears away with his thumbs, and I can’t help leaning into his palms. He has this look in his eyes. A look I’m not sure I’ve ever seen before.

“I forgive you,” he says quietly.

He does?

But what I did is unforgivable.

I broke his trust.

He was mad enough to destroy my painting just yesterday, but now everything’s peachy?

What could’ve possibly happened between yesterday and now to change his mind?

His thumb travels downward and lands on my mouth before I can argue. He draws the curve of my bottom lip with his finger, his green eyes shadowing the movement.

His touch is gone the next second, and I’m left with nothing but this insatiable need to feel it again. We stare at each other for a moment, and I can no longer deny the tension pervading the air.

“Thank you for everything you’ve done for me, Hadley. I’ll never forget it.” There’s a hint of sadness in his voice, maybe even a drop of remorse, but I don’t know how to translate the true meaning of his words.

I flush. “You don’t need to thank me. It was just an old guitar.”

His jaw muscles flex. “Trust me, it was more than that.”

I open my mouth to ask him to elaborate, but an alarm goes off on his phone the next second.

Kane flashes a gorgeous smile, pulling his phone out of his pocket.

Then he flips it over to show me the screen.

It’s midnight.

I’m officially fourteen.

What he says next makes my heart swell with joy.

“Happy birthday, Hads.”

I gesture to the projector and the sheet he anchored to the wall. “All this… getting to hear your song…” I get choked up midsentence. “This is the best birthday present anyone’s ever given me.”

“That wasn’t your birthday present.”

I blink at him. “It wasn’t?”

“No.”

He pauses.

“This is.”

Then he does the one thing that ensures I’ll never be able to look at another guy.

He cups my face, tips my chin forward, and crashes his mouth against mine so hard my knees nearly give out. It takes me a solid second to realize what’s happening.

Kane is kissing me.

Not some girl from New York who smells like fish.

Me.

I’ve imagined this moment before. Obsessed over it. But I never thought it would actually happen.

His mouth is soft.

Soft and warm and addictive. It’s moving against mine with the perfect amount of pressure and urgency. You’d think we’re on the clock and he’s trying to make the most of the little time we have.

My focus shifts to his hands clutching my face until one of them abandons my cheek and cups the back of my neck to jerk me closer.

His grip on me is so firm it’s as though he’s afraid I’m going to slip through his fingers. As though he thinks I’m going to put an end to our kiss.

I startle myself by gripping the fabric of his shirt and pushing to the tip of my toes. I have no idea what I’m doing, but I try not to overthink it. I return his kiss with twice as much ardor and then move away from him just long enough to inhale a shaky breath.

And it’s not just my breathing that’s shaky. My entire body is trembling—at least that’s what it feels like on the inside. I don’t think he can tell because his mouth is back on mine before I know it.

A noise I’ve never heard before rips from his throat, and it ignites something in me. Something unfamiliar. It starts in my chest before skittering down to my lower stomach.

“Hads,” Kane breathes against my mouth.

I part my lips without even realizing it, and the next thing I know, his tongue is slipping past my teeth. He takes his time at first. Then he goes all the way, his tongue tasting mine, and I swallow a gasp.

I have no clue how to do this, so I surrender all control to him. We’re both clumsy in the way we explore each other, and I love that we’re figuring it out together. I kiss him until I can’t anymore, and it takes all of my willpower to separate from him.

Only, as soon as I do, fear grips my insides.

What if he regrets it?

My shoulders drop with relief when I catch a glimpse of his face. For what it’s worth, he doesn’t seem horrified.

He even smiles at me.

But… his smile is tarnished by guilt.

Probably because he made out with his best friend’s sister, but I couldn’t care less about my brother’s rules right now. This is the happiest day of my life.

“Thank you,” I croak.

After all, I asked him to kiss me as a favor.

That’s probably all this is.

A favor.

He catches on right away. “Wait… you think I…”

I lower my gaze to the floor.

My admission makes him cringe, and he shakes his head, grabbing my face to force our eyes to meet. “Don’t thank me. That’s not why I did it.”

A tear rolls down my cheek.

Kane notices and draws me into his arms for a hug. The kind you lose yourself in. I return his embrace without hesitation. He whispers something when he buries his face in the crook of my neck, and it gives me pause.

Call me crazy, but it sounded like…

Goodbye?

I pull away. “Did you say something?”

“No.” I think I hear his voice crack before he jerks me back into his arms.

I wish I had known then…

That I wouldn’t see him again until the day we buried my brother.