Two months later
“You are not coming with me to buy the wedding dress, Roman.” I glare at him from the other side of the kitchen, my hands on my hips.
“I will be outside the changing room. I won’t look, but I will be there.”
“No,” I say.
“Yes.”
“This is ridiculous.”
“There is nothing ridiculous about my fear for your safety. I still can’t forget the day when the bastard that Leonid hired tried to kill you. You have no idea what that one hour of not knowing if you were hurt or dead did to me. I will not go through that again.”
He comes in front of me, scoops me up with his arm around my waist, and deposits me on the counter. It has become my favorite spot.
“Show off.” I reach out and squeeze his rock-hard biceps.
“You love when I do that,” he says and stands between my legs. “And it saves me from straining my neck.”
I feel his hand at the back of my knee, then traveling up along my thigh to my panties. He places his cane onto the counter, and then his other hand slides under my skirt.
“I will be late for the fitting.”
“They will wait,” he whispers in my ear, and suddenly I hear the fabric of my panties tear.
“I will have to find the architect who calculated the height of this counter . . .” He reaches for his belt, unclasps it, and starts unbuttoning his pants. “And I will tip them well.”
“How well?” I smile, hook my legs around his waist, and take a hold of the counter edge.
“Extremely.” He grabs my butt cheeks and buries himself in me with one thrust.
* * *
“Roman,” I say an hour later. “I want to try again.”
His hand stills in my back. “No.”
We’ve been trying to get over my fears and, it seems we were getting somewhere. Having him hold my wrists doesn’t trigger me anymore. We tried that first. However, when we tried having me lying on my back, we hit a dead-end. Whenever Roman tried to lay above me, even without actually pinning me with his body, I would freak out. It was tearing me apart from inside. I wanted to feel his body covering mine so much, but my mind always processed the situation the wrong way. I don’t know what to do to make my fucked-up brain “un-fuck” itself.
I raise my head and look him in the eyes. “Please.”
Roman’s hand cups my face, his gaze burning into mine, and I see it in his eyes. It’s bothering him, too.
“Do you have any idea what it does to me, feeling you go still with fear beneath me, watching the panic in your eyes? It guts me every time. Please don’t ask me to keep hurting you. I can’t bear it.”
“Just one more try,” I beg, working to keep the tears from falling. I love him so much, why can’t my stupid brain understand that he’d never do me harm.
Roman sighs and kisses my forehead. “Okay.”
I turn on my back, take his hand and place it on my stomach where he starts caressing my skin. Carefully, Roman moves his right leg over mine, and gets closer until his chest and stomach are plastered to my side.
“All good?” he whispers, and I nod.
Slowly, he rises on his elbow and places his other hand on my other side. I take a deep breath and watch him as he moves to a position above me, supporting his weight on his elbows. My breathing quickens and I see him go still. He will pull away. I see it on his face. No. I will not let this absurd fear rule me anymore.
I reach with my hand, noting the way my fingers are trembling, and place it on his cheek. “I need you to talk to me, baby.” I have to make my brain understand it’s Roman.
“I love you, milaya. So, so much,” he whispers without breaking our eye contact. “I think I fell in love with you that first time we met. You were so badass, in that black emo outfit and nose ring, standing in front of me so composed and oh so angry.”
My breathing is still faster than normal, and my hand is still trembling, and I feel this need to run away, but I grind my teeth and focus on Roman’s voice.
“You bewitched me, my little flower. That night, at the party where we supposedly met, I wanted to kiss you the moment you told me you are not a poodle.”
I place my other hand on his chest, feeling his heartbeat under my palm. My labored breathing slows a little bit.
“Do you believe in love at first sight, malysh?” he says and his head lowers a few inches. “I always thought it utter nonsense. I was wrong, milaya. So wrong.”
His head dips even lower until his nose is almost touching mine, those devious eyes staring into my own.
“I love you so much, I would burn the fucking world for you.” Our lips almost touch. “You created a monster, Nina, because there is nothing I wouldn’t do. You only need to ask.”
My hands almost stop shaking, and my breathing is settling back to normal. Slowly, I wrap my arms around his neck and pull him closer those last few inches, until his mouth finally touches mine.
“Please, don’t burn anything today, baby,” I say into his lips.
I feel his mouth widen and see the corners of his eyes crinkle. “I’ll think about it,” he whispers and kisses me.
There is a slight weight, pressing on my chest. Roman is still supporting himself on his elbows but his front is plastered to mine. I have a moment of panic when I register his body’s position, but then my brain focuses on his lips, and my muscles relax. God, this man can kiss.
“More, baby,” I mumble into his lips, and he lets a bit more of his weight on me.
“Good?”
Not just good. Perfect. And now the hardest part. “Hand on my neck, Roman.”
“Nina.”
“Please.”
His right hand slowly moves over my chest, then higher, until his palm reaches my neck. My breath catches. My hands go still on his shoulders and I shut my eyes.
“It’s just me, milaya.” I hear his voice whispering in my ear as his fingers caress the skin on my neck. “I will never do you harm. I would rather chop off my own hand. Please come back to me. You know what a wreck I am without you, malysh.”
A tear escapes when I open my eyes and look at him—my big bad husband, who is watching me with concern.
“I love you so fucking much, it’s unhealthy,” I say, then slam my mouth onto his and wrap my legs around his waist.
Roman enters me slowly, he is still afraid that I might flip out, but I know I won’t. I was never afraid that he would hurt me, and it looks like my fucked up brain finally got the memo. I move my lips to his ear.
“I want you to fuck me senseless, Roman,” I utter. “And if I can walk afterwards, you will face consequences.”
He growls, slowly slides out of me, then buries himself again, making me moan. I never thought I would enjoy the feel of a huge male body weighing me down so much. Roman’s hand trails over my breast and stomach until he reaches the place where our bodies are joined. Pressing my clit, his masterful fingers circle, tease. I grab onto his shoulders, panting, as he continues to destroy my pussy and me, sliding in and out as my heartbeat skyrockets.
“Harder,” I choke out and arch my back.
Roman’s hand leaves my pussy and travels down my thigh, then wrapping his fingers around my knee, he pulls my leg up and over his shoulder. When he thrusts into me again, I gasp. The sensation of his cock fills me so completely it scrambles my brain. He bends his head to place a kiss on my lips, then pounds into me so hard I have to use the headboard to brace myself. The bed under me rocks to the tempo of his thrusts, and a whimper leaves my lips. My muscles spasm, but he keeps pushing my body harder and harder until I come with a scream.
Roman
I love when she plays with my hair. Of course, I would never admit it. It’s not something that would be considered pakhan-ish, as Nina likes to say.
“I think I’ll have to reschedule the fitting,” she says and continues running her fingers through my hair. “We are three hours late, and I’m sure they are fully booked up. There is no way they’ll be able to squeeze me in.”
“Of course, they will.” I crack one eyelid open and look at her. “No one says no to my wife.”
“Well, technically, I’m not your wife, yet. Or should I say anymore-yet?” Her hand stills and I growl with displeasure. “I guess we are between marriages. This situation is bizarre.”
“We will correct it soon enough.” I shrug and close my eyes again.
“Roman?”
“Mhm?”
“I have some news to share. I don’t know how you’ll react, but please don’t freak out. Do you promise not to freak out?”
“Nina, milaya, I never freak out. I am an extremely composed person. You know that. What is it?”
I feel her hair tingling my shoulder as she bends and whispers in my ear. “I’m pregnant.”
My eyes snap open. It feels like I’ve been hit with a train, and there is this weight pressing on my chest, making it difficult to breathe. I grab her around her back and plaster her body to mine, tucking her head under my chin. “Are you sure? Please tell me you are sure.”
“I’m sure. I did a test this morning because I’ve been vomiting up breakfast for a week or so. And my boobs are killing me, as well. I haven’t been on the pill since I came back.”
I shut my eyes and hold her for a few moments, processing.
“I’m not letting you out of my sight,” I whisper in her ear. “You are not to leave the house without me. I’m telling the maids to transfer my stuff from the office. I’ll be working from the living room from now on.”
“Roman! Are you fucking insane?”
“I might be. I am crazy with happiness and scared shitless at the same time. And you do not want to agitate a crazy person, Nina. Believe that.”
“What the hell happened to that extremely composed man you claimed to be?”
“Gone, malysh.” I kiss the crown of her head . “We’re canceling the fitting and going to a doctor for a check-up right away.”
“I knew you’d freak out,” she sighs into my neck. “God, I hope it will be a boy.”
“Why?” I ask. “I would love to have a girl.”
“She’ll never have a boyfriend with your crazy self around, Roman.”
“Of course, she will. When she is fifty.” I move my hand behind our bodies to place my palm over Nina’s stomach. “I love you so much.”
“I love you too, my dangerous kotik.”
