In my dreams, Roman didn’t stop.
Even when I begged and pleaded. Even when I told him how much I hated him.
He didn’t stop. He fucked me over and over again, made me come in wild, horrible, back-arching screams.
I woke drenched in sweat with a hand shoved between my legs.
God, what was wrong with me?
I sat up and ran through my body scan technique again. Top of head, tips of toes. When that didn’t work, I thought back to my panic attack in the car and closed my eyes. I fell into the breathing rhythm Roman walked me through, deep in and deep out, thinking about his muscular chest rising and falling, his hand on my thigh.
His mouth between my legs.
His teeth biting my earlobe.
That bastard. My husband.
The breathing worked. It calmed me down enough to get up and shower without melting into a puddle of desire and shoving two fingers deep inside of myself over and over until I got off with some tiny, unsatisfying orgasm.
Better to be in control than succumbing to ever filthy thought.
After all, that was the game. Roman wanted to control me, or at least he wanted me to play along.
I saw the cracks in his facade.
He pretended like it was no big deal, like he could follow through with whatever sick plan he had in mind without my help, but I could tell that wasn’t entirely true.
He said as much. I’d make his life a lot easier.
He needed me enough to trick me into signing a marriage certificate and a pre-nup. He needed me enough to drag me into his bunker and to keep me locked away.
And to offer me anything.
All of that meant he needed me more than I needed him.
It would be so easy to stay hidden away and let things happen without me. I didn’t think he’d hurt me, but maybe that was naive.
He was a monster, after all.
Willing to force me into a marriage, then to get me off like it was no big deal.
Violent, brutal thug.
He pretended like he was cold and unfeeling.
But I felt it when he kissed me. Tasted it when he slid it tongue into my mouth.
He was all fire and passion and need.
Just like me.
I opened the door and looked out into the hallway. On the floor was a pile of fresh towels with a single iPhone resting on top with a note folding on top of it. My name was scrawled in a tight handwriting.
Cassie— Remember what we discussed. Make smart choices. Thinking of you. Passcode is 0011. Love, Roman.
Love.
I had a feeling that word meant less than nothing to him.
I slammed the door shut and curled up in bed. The phone booted up and connected to a WiFi network. I unlocked it with the passcode and stared at the home screen.
There were only six apps: phone, text, Instagram, Facebook, TikTok, and Netflix.
Nothing else.
I tried to open the preferences, but it gave me an error message.
He wasn’t kidding when he said they’d watch everything I did. I was sure the room was bugged and the phone was probably recording every move I made.
But god, at least I had it.
Immediately I called Winter. Her number was already programmed into the address book—another creepy but impressive detail. It rang and rang and I was so afraid ti would go to voicemail until she picked up.
“If you’re a robot about to tell me that my social security number’s been canceled you can go ahead and suck my fat—“
“Winter, it’s me.”
A short pause. “Cassie?”
“Hey. Missed me?”
“Holy dick eating SHIT!” She practically screamed into the phone. I had to hold it away from my ear or else risk going deaf. “I’ve been freaking OUT about you girl! Where the hell have you been? This guy came to my house and said you were safe but he wouldn’t tell me where you were only that you’d contact me when it was safe and I’ve been so freaking terrified and on the verge of calling the FBI and like the freaking nuclear response team and—“
“Slow down, slow down,” I said as she took a deep breath. “What the hell is a nuclear response team?”
“I don’t know. The people that shoot the nukes. Whatever, you know what I mean.”
“I don’t think anyone knows what you mean.”
“Quit joking are you. Seriously, are you okay?”
“I’m okay,” I said softly. “It’s been a crazy couple of days. Or maybe few days. I kind of lost count.”
“You’ve been gone three days.” She let out a massive sigh. “I feel like I’m able to breathe for the first time since you disappeared.”
“You said someone visited you? Who was that?”
“I don’t know, some tall delicious guy with dark eyes and dark hair and the jawline of a demigod. Bit of a beard too. You know I love a good beard.”
“That’s Erick, Roman’s bodyguard.”
“He can guard my body all night long.”
“Cute.”
“He said you were being protected. What happened?”
I hesitated, looked up at the ceiling. “I’m not sure how much I can say.”
“Say the words ‘pineapple pizza’ if they’re listening to you.”
“I’m pretty sure they can hear this call.”
“Holy shit. Should I call someone?”
“No, absolutely not. I’m serious, I know this is weird.” I got out of bed and started pacing. “Look, here’s the basics. You remember the girl that got killed? And how some guy helped me out and let me stay with him? Well I’m with that guy again now. I’m safe, but the people that killed the girl are after me. I don’t think I can tell you more.”
“Fuck.” Her voice was hushed, like she wanted to hide from Roman’s men. “You’re in some deep stuff now, huh.”
“You’re taking this better than I expected.”
“Oh no, I’m freaking out, but I’m hiding it really well.”
“I appreciate that. Seriously Winter, I’m fine. Roman let me have a phone so we can talk now.”
“He let you, huh? Roman sounds like an asshole.”
“It’s complicated.”
“So he’s not an asshole?”
“He’s definitely something. Asshole probably doesn’t do it justice.”
“Sounds like you like him.”
I stopped pacing. “Absolutely not.”
“I bet you’re at least a six right now. Which means you’re lying.”
I clenched my jaw. She was right. Even through the phone she could see past my bullshit. “It’s not that simple, okay? Like and dislike are very much intertwined right now.”
“That’s incredibly fucking hot.”
“You’re insane. Seriously, when we don’t talk for a little while I forget how certifiable you are.”
“I’m just taking you at your word. If you say you’re safe, then I’m going to trust you. And if you’re not safe, I assume you’ll find a way to tell me.”
“I will, but right now it’s okay.”
“Good. So you’re in some secret location with a mystery man you want to both fuck and kill. Tell me again how it’s not hot?”
I closed my eyes. If only she knew the half of it. She’d probably storm down here herself and kick Roman in the crotch for tricking me into some crappy fake marriage for his own political gains.
But I couldn’t tell her that much without breaking the rules.
And if I broke the rules—
I pushed that thought away. I couldn’t go there. Not without my cheeks burning a perfect ten and Winter would definitely hear it in my voice.
“It’s a little bit hot. Are you happy? I sort of hate myself for admitting that.”
“I bet you do. He’s gonna hear it, isn’t it?”
“Probably. I really miss you.”
“I really miss you too. Sea Isle is so dull. Tourists are starting to show up, which is kind of nice. There was this big, strapping young blond lad at the Lobster last night that was eye-fucking me all night. I considered letting him take me home, but he was much too drunk to perform. Still, you know how I hate sleeping alone.”
“And yet you sleep alone most nights.”
“So true. The tragedy of my life.” She laughed and I heard a cork pop from a wine bottle. It was barely nine in the morning. Good for her. “Want to hear all the gossip?”
“I’ve only been gone for a little bit.”
“True, but girl, this is Sea Isle. Buckle up because Jack’s being creepy to the new girl and I heard rumors of an oceanside blowjob gone wrong.”
“Start with the blowjob gone wrong.”
I could practically hear her grinning as she dove into the tragic tale of two young horny teens that snuck down to the beach for a little late-night oral only to be chased by a pack of angry midnight old man metal detectors.
For a few minutes, I forgot about Roman. I let myself drift into her story and get lost in the stupid small-town gossip. Winter thrived on gossip, which was probably why people loved her as a bartender—she listened ravenously and always had a good story to tell. Sometimes I was jealous of the way she made people feel comfortable, and the one time I actually told her that, she only laughed and said she was jealous of my hips and my boobs.
Winter was easy to love. Warm and kind and outgoing. Adored me, though I didn’t know why I deserved it.
The opposite of Roman.
We talked for an hour until my stomach rumbled loud enough that she heard it and ordered me to get something to eat.
“We’ll talk again later. You got that phone now, right? I can text you?”
“Text away, but remember, they’re listening and reading everything.”
“Well in that case, hey you creepy dickholes, leave my girl alone.”
“You really got them.”
“I know. Nailed it.”
Hanging up felt like tearing off a band aid. I stared down at the quiet phone afterward for almost a minute and wished I could go back to Sea Isle, back to my comfortable apartment above Winter, to my comfortable, quiet life.
But then I never would’ve met Roman, and he never would’ve made that offer.
My comfortable quiet life would lead to noting. That was what I wanted, the whole reason I disappeared into a beach town. I desperately needed to get away from my dad and the MacKenna family after what happened.
The car, that knife, the blood.
That smirking asshole. The pain as he sliced my stomach open. Go ahead and scream. I like it when a pretty bitch screams. Makes you clench down while I fuck you.
My hands shook as I forced myself to breathe.
Just like Roman taught me.
The panic subsided before it got too bad.
My comfortable life. The world I left behind when he shot that Italian guy in the head and whisked me away.
I could be angry. I could fight him. Rage against him. Make things hard.
But a man like Roman rarely offered something as precious and opened-ended as anything.
That was worth so much more than I could ever imagine.
My comfortable life was a dead end. It was nowhere, and as I so recently and violently found out, I wasn’t safe even hidden away.
Roman was my chance.
I couldn’t protect Winter, let alone protect myself. Erick found her, which meant any of the men that wanted me dead could find her, too.
And they would, sooner or later.
Even if I hated Roman so much it burned my skin. Even if I wanted him in equal measure.
Even if I was so confused I could scream.
He was my shot at true safety.
Anything.
From a man like him, that meant the world.
I had to do it.
I had to.
It might break me, but I had to do it.
