I AM in love with a man who doesn’t know I exist.
Wait a second, scratch that. He knows I exist. He just chooses to ignore me. Which hurts even more.
Oh, and by “in love with him,” I mean I think he’s superhot and sweet. A phenomenal athlete with strong, silent type-vibes, and I want to have sex with him.
I don’t admit that to anyone though. Not a single soul. Camden Fields, hotshot quarterback at Colorado University, best friend to my overprotective big brother Knox, fuel for my filthiest sexual fantasies and dreams, is my secret.
I first met Cam before I was a senior in high school. Knox brought him home with him in the middle of summer one weekend. They were already at college, preparing for the upcoming football season, and Cam wanted to meet our dad. Or Knox wanted to show off that our father is a retired NFL player.
Whatever the reason, Camden walked into our house and my jaw literally dropped. He was the most gorgeous guy I had ever seen, and I still stand by that statement.
Worse? He was nice. Funny. My parents loved him. He was kind to Ruby, our little sister, who can be a total shit. And when he appeared in a pair of swim trunks to go swimming in our pool? Forget it.
I was drooling.
Kind of like how I’m currently salivating as I lurk on the second floor of the library on campus, spying on Cam sitting at one of the tables nearby. It feels wrong, watching him when he’s unaware, but I need a few seconds to gather myself before I approach him, so why not spend that time unabashedly ogling him?
The man is ridiculously good-looking. Dark brown hair that’s longer on top, which he keeps raking his fingers through as he reads whatever extremely thick and intimidating textbook is in front of him, and I wish it were my fingers in his hair.
I stare at him with longing, grateful he hasn’t noticed me yet as I continue to mentally catalogue his features. Those dark brown eyes and a big smile with the straightest teeth. Strong jaw and chin, with cheekbones that could cut glass. He’s tall because, of course he is, as well as broad and built. Big hands that know exactly how to throw a football. Bet they know how to do other things too.
My entire body flushes at the thought.
“Excuse me,” a guy murmurs from behind me, and I step aside when I realize I’m in his way, offering an apology before my gaze returns to Cam.
To find him looking straight at me, surprise etched on his handsome features.
Oh shit.
Smiling faintly, I offer him a lame wave and slowly make my way toward his table, telling myself it would be rude to ignore him. I stop on the other side of it, reaching out to grip the empty chair directly in front of me, so I have something to hold on to. “Hey, Camden.”
“Blair.” His deep voice washes over me, making me tingle all over. “Surprised I haven’t seen you sooner.”
I’ve only been here for about a month—after two years at community college back home, I transferred to Colorado University.
And what, did he expect me to chase after him?
“I thought you’d stop by our place by now to see Knox,” he continues, probably because he notices my confusion.
“Oh. Yeah, no. Knox and I have met a couple times for dinner, but I haven’t stopped by your guys’ apartment yet.” I was always secretly disappointed Knox didn’t bring Cam with him to dinner too. “I’ve been busy.”
“I bet.” His slow, sexy smile makes my panties feel like they’re made of dissolvable fabric. “How are you liking it here?”
“I like it a lot! It’s great!” I am chirping. I sound like an idiot and need to tone it down a notch or ten. “My class load is kind of tough, but I’m getting used to it.”
“Oh yeah?” He frowns, inclining his head toward the chair I’m currently holding on to for dear life. “You should join me. Unless you need to be somewhere?”
“No, no. I don’t need to be anywhere.” Now I sound like a loser. This man turns me into an absolute fool, just being in his presence. “My next class is in like…forty-five minutes.”
I let go of the back of the chair and he kicks at it, making the chair skid across the floor, nearly bumping into me. I grab it, settle in and drop my backpack at my feet, inhaling discreetly.
His spicy cologne hits me like a drug, slipping through my veins and making me want to sway in drunken pleasure. No one should be allowed to smell this delicious. To look this delicious. Everything about this man just lights me up. It’s criminal, how much I want him.
How much he doesn’t realize it.
“What are you reading?” I ask, needing to distract myself.
Cam holds up the book, so I can see the cover with the title, American Political Thought, on the front of it.
“Sounds boring.” I wrinkle my nose.
“It’s not so bad.” He shrugs. “I’m a poly sci major so…”
Great. I just insulted his choice of major. “Oh right. Sorry. I forgot.”
Actually, I didn’t even know. Not like Knox and I discuss Cam beyond him mentioning Cam’s name here and there. Mostly in reference to football and the team and stats and all the bullshit that comes with it.
I shouldn’t describe it like that. Football is our family’s life. Dad always says, it’s a part of our legacy. He fully expects Knox to get drafted into the NFL, predicting he’ll get picked by the fifth round, and I don’t doubt it’ll happen. I’m related to a bunch of guys who are currently playing in the NFL, both by blood and through marriage. We are just that family.
“It’s okay. You shouldn’t care what my major is.” He slams the book shut and pushes it aside, before he rests his arms on top of the table, contemplating me. “So, how’s it going?”
“How’s what going?” I stare into his eyes for a beat too long, trying to calm my breathing. My rapidly beating heart. Pretty sure this is the closest I’ve ever been to Cam, beyond that one moment when I got to hug him after a football game last season.
That experience about did me in. My emotions went into a chaotic spiral the moment I felt his arms close around me.
Or maybe that was just my hormones kicking in, reminding me that I’m extremely attracted to this man.
“School. Life.” He shrugs, leaning back in his seat, sprawling his legs out. He’s dressed in a Golden Eagles Football T-shirt that stretches tight across his wide chest and a pair of black basketball shorts. The outfit is nothing special, but heaven help me, he looks amazing. “Knox mentioned you’re doing well since you got here.”
“I am.” I nod—a little too enthusiastically. “I just—I don’t have a lot of friends yet.”
He frowns, seemingly concerned. “Oh? Well, you did just start here.”
While the campus is crowded and my classes are full, I haven’t really been able to fully connect with anyone.
Yet.
“Right. Well, I have my roommates.” Rita and Cheyenne are perfectly nice, but I don’t really know them, and they are already super close since they’ve roomed together since freshman year. Which means, most of the time, I feel like a third wheel when I’m hanging out with them. “And they’re nice. But I haven’t really talked to anyone in my classes yet.”
“Ah.” Cam nods. “Well, at least you have your brother.”
I roll my eyes. “He doesn’t count.”
That smile is back, closed-lipped and absolutely adorable. “You have me.”
My heart drops, landing between my legs. You have me.
He can’t say things like that unless he means them.
“I’ll be your friend,” he continues. “Knox did mention to me recently that he needs my help.”
Be my friend. Would he freak out if he knew what I truly wanted from him? It’s definitely not friendship.
“Help with what?” I ask warily.
“Watching over you. He says I’m the only one he can trust on the team not to make a move on you.” Cam shakes his head.
And just like that, my heart returns to its normal spot in my chest, all tingly feelings occurring between my thighs disappearing. Great. Cam views me as the little sister he never had, thanks to my completely over-the-top brother.
“Wow, can’t wait to have two overprotective brothers on campus watching out for me,” I say, heavy on the sarcasm.
Cam scratches the back of his neck, seeming a little uncomfortable. “Is Knox too much sometimes?”
His question opens up a dam of opinions. “Too much? If he could put me in a cage and keep me under lock and key for the rest of my time here on this campus, he totally would. It’s ridiculous. He’s ridiculous. I don’t know why he thinks I’m incapable of making rational decisions, but for whatever reason, he believes I’m going to put myself at risk on a daily basis, like I’m stupid.”
“Knox doesn’t think you’re stupid,” Cam says, ready to defend his friend, which is a little annoying. Though not annoying enough to make me think he’s awful. I could never think Cam is awful. “More like he doesn’t trust anyone else.”
I raise my brows. “Meaning?”
“Like all the guys. Everyone we know. The team, mostly.” He crosses his arms, making his biceps bulge. Good lord. It’s hard not to blatantly stare at them. “He knows what we’re all up to when we’re not playing football, and doesn’t want his little sister exposed to our terrible ways.”
“Are you all just a bunch of dirty dogs deep down?” Dirty dogs? What in the world am I saying?
Cam chuckles. “I would say the majority of us think with our dick first, can’t lie.”
Okay. The tingle is back between my legs because hearing Cam talk about his dick is just a bit exciting, which makes me feel a tad pathetic, but whatever.
“Oh, come on. You’re deeper than that, right?”
“Not really.” He shrugs again.
“Says the man who’s reading about American politics.”
“I have to for an assignment in the class,” he explains, that smile still on his face.
I’m getting the sense he’s enjoying this conversation as much as I am, though maybe that’s just wishful thinking on my part.
“You’re telling me then, that when you first meet a woman, you can’t help but think about having sex with her?”
“Well, yeah.” He looks sheepish. But not enough to hold back being honest. “Most of the time.”
“Every woman?”
“If I find her attractive, definitely.” He shrugs, seemingly uncomfortable.
Huh.
The words leave me before I can even think about them, which isn’t normal.
“What about me?”
